Re: Reasons To Be Grumpy thread

[Dave]

I know I am just an old cumudgeon about xmas but . . . it got it's own back!

A gout attack started yesterday and I should avoid certain foods. Amongst these prawns and oily fish, like trout, figure highly. Chicken - only in small measures, avoid alcohol, mushrooms . . .

Guess what my main xmas nenu consists of?

[Asmodean]

Guess what my main xmas nenu consists of?

Um... Nothing, is what it sounds like. 

[Dave]

Guess what my main xmas nenu consists of?

Um... Nothing, is what it sounds like. 

Yup, correction needed, ". . . consisted of?"

Bugger it, I am still going for the garlic laced chicken and some vino at least.

Then I will be a good boy..

Until NYE.

[Velma]

2016 has claimed another one. RIP George Michael.

[xSilverPhinx]

The grim reaper's been really busy this year.

[Firebird]

So I have this friend, he lives far away but I see him a couple of times a year. He keeps posting cryptic, scary stuff on Facebook like "So alone", "I wish I could just disappear", and then deleting it. He's dealt with some bad depression in the past, so naturally I would get worried and try emailing him, calling him, asking if he's OK.  And he would refuse to respond. Once or twice I got him to eventually apologize for worrying me, weeks later. I've had some scary stuff happen with my family when it comes to depression, so I don't take these things lightly.
Last night he posted something about being alone and wondering why everyone hates him, and I responded telling him to stop being ridiculous, that no one hates him, and why does he post this stuff and then refuse to respond when I reach out of him. He snapped back at me saying how dare I call him "ridiculous" and how it wasn't helping. Then he deleted the post, of course.
I care about the guy and I'm legitimately worried about him, but I'm considering not following his feed because at this point it feels like he's just being emotionally manipulative. But then I worry he might actually hurt himself and then I'll wonder if I could have done more. But seriously, wtf. He refuses to go to therapy or listen to anyone, so it seems like he's doing this just to get sympathy.

[Arturo]

So I have this friend, he lives far away but I see him a couple of times a year. He keeps posting cryptic, scary stuff on Facebook like "So alone", "I wish I could just disappear", and then deleting it. He's dealt with some bad depression in the past, so naturally I would get worried and try emailing him, calling him, asking if he's OK.  And he would refuse to respond. Once or twice I got him to eventually apologize for worrying me, weeks later. I've had some scary stuff happen with my family when it comes to depression, so I don't take these things lightly.
Last night he posted something about being alone and wondering why everyone hates him, and I responded telling him to stop being ridiculous, that no one hates him, and why does he post this stuff and then refuse to respond when I reach out of him. He snapped back at me saying how dare I call him "ridiculous" and how it wasn't helping. Then he deleted the post, of course.
I care about the guy and I'm legitimately worried about him, but I'm considering not following his feed because at this point it feels like he's just being emotionally manipulative. But then I worry he might actually hurt himself and then I'll wonder if I could have done more. But seriously, wtf. He refuses to go to therapy or listen to anyone, so it seems like he's doing this just to get sympathy.

Yes, he may just be using his problems to get attention. If which is the case then he needs more help than what he's getting and if he is seeing someone for mental problems, they need to know that he is doing this to people.

Or it could be that he legitimately wants help but he's so depressed that he sees one thing (like the word ridiculous) as a total failure and sweeps the whole thing away but gets upset and tries again. I've been there and I've seen people do that.

There are active listening classes on 7cupsoftea.com that are really helpful for situations like these. Or if you think they need professional help, you can always call a doctor?

[Magdalena]

So I have this friend, he lives far away but I see him a couple of times a year. He keeps posting cryptic, scary stuff on Facebook like "So alone", "I wish I could just disappear", and then deleting it. He's dealt with some bad depression in the past, so naturally I would get worried and try emailing him, calling him, asking if he's OK.  And he would refuse to respond. Once or twice I got him to eventually apologize for worrying me, weeks later. I've had some scary stuff happen with my family when it comes to depression, so I don't take these things lightly.
Last night he posted something about being alone and wondering why everyone hates him, and I responded telling him to stop being ridiculous, that no one hates him, and why does he post this stuff and then refuse to respond when I reach out of him. He snapped back at me saying how dare I call him "ridiculous" and how it wasn't helping. Then he deleted the post, of course.
I care about the guy and I'm legitimately worried about him, but I'm considering not following his feed because at this point it feels like he's just being emotionally manipulative. But then I worry he might actually hurt himself and then I'll wonder if I could have done more. But seriously, wtf. He refuses to go to therapy or listen to anyone, so it seems like he's doing this just to get sympathy.

This sounds like a difficult situation. 

You're legitimately worried about him--that he might actually hurt himself. You want to help, but you don't know how, and the few things you've tried haven't worked because he has even said, "It's not helping."

You said, "I would get worried..."
What did you do? "...and try emailing him, calling him, asking if he's OK."
What did he do? "... And he would refuse to respond."

Another time:
You said, "I responded telling him to stop being ridiculous, that no one hates him..."
What did you do, or ask? "...and why does he post this stuff and then refuse to respond when I reach out of him."
What did he do? "He snapped back at me saying how dare I call him "ridiculous" and how it wasn't helping."

If you see him a couple of times a year, try emailing him, calling him, he refuses to respond, says you're not helping...and refuses to go to therapy or listen to anyone, what more can you do?
Have you ever asked him directly, "What can I do to help you?"
Are you ready for the answer you're gonna get?
Would you leave him alone if his answer is, 'Nothing'?

To tell you the truth, I don't know what I would do in your situation, either. I don't think I'm strong enough to help anyone who's "drowning" I would probably end up drowning with them. 

[Firebird]

There are active listening classes on 7cupsoftea.com that are really helpful for situations like these. Or if you think they need professional help, you can always call a doctor?

Not really in a position to call a doctor since I don't know any in his area. But I'll look into that website.

Have you ever asked him directly, "What can I do to help you?"
Are you ready for the answer you're gonna get?
Would you leave him alone if his answer is, 'Nothing'?

Three of us did talk to him directly about our concerns one night and why we thought he should go back to therapy, since he's refused to do so for years. But I'm not sure we asked him directly what we can do to help. It's a good idea, actually.
If he said "nothing", then I think I can live with that as long as I leave the door open for him to talk later. There's only so much one can do if the other person doesn't want help. But then I'd have to do something about his damn facebook posts. I guess unfollow at that point.
Blargh, it's 2:30 am and my mind is racing in general. I just changed firechicklet and she's still half awake. Looks like this will be a long night.

[Magdalena]

There are active listening classes on 7cupsoftea.com that are really helpful for situations like these. Or if you think they need professional help, you can always call a doctor?

Not really in a position to call a doctor since I don't know any in his area. But I'll look into that website.

Have you ever asked him directly, "What can I do to help you?"
Are you ready for the answer you're gonna get?
Would you leave him alone if his answer is, 'Nothing'?

Three of us did talk to him directly about our concerns one night and why we thought he should go back to therapy, since he's refused to do so for years. But I'm not sure we asked him directly what we can do to help. It's a good idea, actually.
If he said "nothing", then I think I can live with that as long as I leave the door open for him to talk later. There's only so much one can do if the other person doesn't want help. But then I'd have to do something about his damn facebook posts. I guess unfollow at that point.
Blargh, it's 2:30 am and my mind is racing in general. I just changed firechicklet and she's still half awake. Looks like this will be a long night.

I hope you got a chance to rest.  I've had three kids, I know what the nights are like.

I've been thinking about this all day long. I've been depressed before, and you said something that made me want to share this. I hope it helps you.

You said, "There's only so much one can do if the other person doesn't want help." When we are depressed we want help, maybe not your help, but we do want help.  I'm not talking about you, personally, I'm talking in general. 

People who had more problems than I did wanted to help me. People were "offended" by my depression, it sort of "annoyed" them, it "inconvenienced" them, and it made them angry that I simply "couldn't snap out of it." I paid for therapy, but I stopped going the day the therapist told me that my stories were giving her nightmares. I thought, "If she can't help herself, how can she help me! And I'm barely telling her stories of when I was 10 years old!?" 

There are some people who just seem to approach us in a way that makes us want to take action. In my case, I listened to the advice of people who in one way or another, let me know that were strong enough to handle "my hurricane." I'm sorry to say this to you, but if I were depressed, I wouldn't want the help from someone who once or twice has gotten me to eventually apologize for worrying him/her.  Maybe some people would appreciate that, I personally, wouldn't. Think about it, you call someone crying one day, and the next day they want you to apologize for having to go through your pain with you and making them worry!

I can tell that deep down you want to help your friend, but you don't seem to know how. You've tried many things and nothing has worked, and that can be frustrating. I had people insist on helping me, and I just had to tell them directly, "I want help, and I know I need help, I just don't want your help--Thank you, but no thank you."

I'm not saying this is your friend's case, I'm just saying, listen to what he's telling you.

[Firebird]

Think about it, you call someone crying one day, and the next day they want you to apologize for having to go through your pain with you and making them worry!

In my defense, I would have been fine with him calling me crying. It was the silence immediately after that worried me. But I get what you're saying. However, if that's the case then why post on Facebook over and over about how much your life sucks if you're not looking for help from someone?

[Magdalena]

Think about it, you call someone crying one day, and the next day they want you to apologize for having to go through your pain with you and making them worry!

In my defense, I would have been fine with him calling me crying. It was the silence immediately after that worried me. But I get what you're saying. However, if that's the case then why post on Facebook over and over about how much your life sucks if you're not looking for help from someone?

I don't know why people do that. But something deep inside of you is telling you to consider:
1. "not following his feed because at this point it feels like he's just being emotionally manipulative."
2. "it seems like he's doing this just to get sympathy."
3. "[You] have to do something about his damn facebook posts."
4. "I guess unfollow."

If he really wants your help, when he's ready, he knows where to find you. You've made it very clear to him. You're even willing to, "leave the door open for him to talk later." You're a good friend to him, we just need to find out what that means to him.
Yes?

[Firebird]

If he really wants your help, when he's ready, he knows where to find you. You've made it very clear to him. You're even willing to, "leave the door open for him to talk later." You're a good friend to him, we just need to find out what that means to him.
Yes?

Yes. But probably means I'll have to unfollow him so I don't respond or get stressed out.

[Guardian85]

First time we celebrated Christmas at my grandparents place since my grandfather died. Weird feeling, him not being there. 

[Magdalena]

If he really wants your help, when he's ready, he knows where to find you. You've made it very clear to him. You're even willing to, "leave the door open for him to talk later." You're a good friend to him, we just need to find out what that means to him.
Yes?

Yes. But probably means I'll have to unfollow him so I don't respond or get stressed out.

Yes, and your beautiful firechicklet will be thrilled to have a happy, not stressed out father.  --which is what really matters, right now. Your friend will find the help he needs, you'll see.