Anyone here have a theist significant other?

[sleep_in_on_sunday]

I remember when I told her I was vegan, and that if we were to ever have a child, I would be unacceptable to raise my kid in a meat eating environment. She seemed opposed to it, but I'm really not flexible.  Luckily, she eventually came around and became vegan herself. I would like to note that it was never my intention to convert her into a vegan, but when she did, I became open to pursuing this relationship on a more serious level.

If someone must meet some kind of criteria in order to become a serious partner for you, then why not use that as a screen and make sure that you don't even attempt to have a relationship with those that you know won't become serious?

I don't like extremely religious people, but instead of dating an extremely religious person until she's thinking about getting serious, then telling her that I won't get serious unless she becomes an atheist is not only a waste of time, but potentially damaging to her. Even if she says she'll become an atheist in order to get serious with me, this kind of bribery/threat conversion is never a good way for a person to accept anything, especially a way of life and/or thinking.

So the objections to your OP is that you knew before hand that your potential partner must be a vegan in order to even have a chance at a serious relationship with you and that the person you're dating decided to become a vegan after you gave her that threat/bribe.

Also, plants are living things too. They get plucked from their environment and left to slowly die on trucks and then in stores until they're cooked, eaten alive or tossed in the garbage.

My gf has beed vegan for more than 2 years now...its not an issue with us at this point, why is it an issue with you guys?  I never pressured her to become vegan.  

This thread has been hijacked by peoples inability to get past the vegan issue.

[sleep_in_on_sunday]

I remember when I told her I was vegan, and that if we were to ever have a child, I would be unacceptable to raise my kid in a meat eating environment. She seemed opposed to it, but I'm really not flexible.  Luckily, she eventually came around and became vegan herself. I would like to note that it was never my intention to convert her into a vegan, but when she did, I became open to pursuing this relationship on a more serious level.

If someone must meet some kind of criteria in order to become a serious partner for you, then why not use that as a screen and make sure that you don't even attempt to have a relationship with those that you know won't become serious?

I don't like extremely religious people, but instead of dating an extremely religious person until she's thinking about getting serious, then telling her that I won't get serious unless she becomes an atheist is not only a waste of time, but potentially damaging to her. Even if she says she'll become an atheist in order to get serious with me, this kind of bribery/threat conversion is never a good way for a person to accept anything, especially a way of life and/or thinking.

So the objections to your OP is that you knew before hand that your potential partner must be a vegan in order to even have a chance at a serious relationship with you and that the person you're dating decided to become a vegan after you gave her that threat/bribe.

Also, plants are living things too. They get plucked from their environment and left to slowly die on trucks and then in stores until they're cooked, eaten alive or tossed in the garbage.

My gf has beed vegan for more than 2 years now...its not an issue with us at this point, why is it an issue with you guys?  I never pressured her to become vegan.  

This thread has been hijacked by peoples inability to get past the vegan issue.

[Davin]

My gf has beed vegan for more than 2 years now...its not an issue with us at this point, why is it an issue with you guys?  I never pressured her to become vegan.  

This thread has been hijacked by peoples inability to get past the vegan issue.

My problem isn't the vegan part, it's that you have an absolute standard that you won't waver on, but instead of letting this person know about your requirement from near the beginning, you waited until the serious topic of raising children came up which implies that she already had a significant emotional and time investment in the relationship. Saying that you can't get serious with someone after this kind of emotional attachment means that it is essentially a threat/bribe; "I won't get more serious with you unless you become a <insert whatever here>." Things you can insert are, but not limited to: Christian, vegetarian, vegan, clown, short, brunette... etc.

So to clarify: it's not the vegan part I have a problem with, it's the persuasive method used.

[McQ]

This topic got way off track, and it needs to get back on. I am going to point out that there is no need for anyone, and no excuse for anyone to simply call anyone else in this forum an asshole, just because you disagree with a position. To Philosoraptor AND to anyone else who then followed up Philo's completely-against-forum-rules post: Stop right now. You were wrong to assume so much and to call sleep-in an asshole, and then continue to attack him for his stance on veganism.

I don't want to hear one word of bitching about this one this time. What happened was against forum rules, and the simple rules of human civility which we try to adhere to. Try to appreciate that this isn't even an official warning and get back on track, and be civil. Too many people have been pushing the limits of what this forum's civility rules lately, and it stops now.

[sleep_in_on_sunday]

My gf has beed vegan for more than 2 years now...its not an issue with us at this point, why is it an issue with you guys?  I never pressured her to become vegan.  

This thread has been hijacked by peoples inability to get past the vegan issue.

My problem isn't the vegan part, it's that you have an absolute standard that you won't waver on, but instead of letting this person know about your requirement from near the beginning, you waited until the serious topic of raising children came up which implies that she already had a significant emotional and time investment in the relationship. Saying that you can't get serious with someone after this kind of emotional attachment means that it is essentially a threat/bribe; "I won't get more serious with you unless you become a <insert whatever here>." Things you can insert are, but not limited to: Christian, vegetarian, vegan, clown, short, brunette... etc.

So to clarify: it's not the vegan part I have a problem with, it's the persuasive method used.

First of all, I appreciate your tone in your post .... I do have an absolute standard when it comes to raising my children.  I did not force her to adhere to my standard, yet she adopted it at a later point on her own. It was at this point that I considered taking the relationship to another level.  I never persuaded her or pressured her.  Maybe I didn't clarify that in my op.

At this point, I'd either like the thread closed or kept back onto the topic I was originally going for as far as a relationship with someone who is a theist.

[McQ]

My gf has beed vegan for more than 2 years now...its not an issue with us at this point, why is it an issue with you guys?  I never pressured her to become vegan.  

This thread has been hijacked by peoples inability to get past the vegan issue.

My problem isn't the vegan part, it's that you have an absolute standard that you won't waver on, but instead of letting this person know about your requirement from near the beginning, you waited until the serious topic of raising children came up which implies that she already had a significant emotional and time investment in the relationship. Saying that you can't get serious with someone after this kind of emotional attachment means that it is essentially a threat/bribe; "I won't get more serious with you unless you become a <insert whatever here>." Things you can insert are, but not limited to: Christian, vegetarian, vegan, clown, short, brunette... etc.

So to clarify: it's not the vegan part I have a problem with, it's the persuasive method used.

First of all, I appreciate your tone in your post .... I do have an absolute standard when it comes to raising my children.  I did not force her to adhere to my standard, yet she adopted it at a later point on her own. It was at this point that I considered taking the relationship to another level.  I never persuaded her or pressured her.  Maybe I didn't clarify that in my op.

At this point, I'd either like the thread closed or kept back onto the topic I was originally going for as far as a relationship with someone who is a theist.

It's a great topic, and one that many of us have to deal with. If it can stay on topic and civil, it should really continue on. We can learn a lot from each others' lives and how we deal with the reality of our relationships.

P.S. I'm happily married for 27 years to a roman catholic woman.

[Davin]

First of all, I appreciate your tone in your post .... I do have an absolute standard when it comes to raising my children.  I did not force her to adhere to my standard, yet she adopted it at a later point on her own. It was at this point that I considered taking the relationship to another level.  I never persuaded her or pressured her.  Maybe I didn't clarify that in my op.

If that's the case then I have less of a problem with it.

At this point, I'd either like the thread closed or kept back onto the topic I was originally going for as far as a relationship with someone who is a theist.

My last significant other is a Wiccan so technically a theist. I didn't have a problem with it because most the things that are important to me were things that we agree on. I think the best thing to do is to bring it up as soon as reasonably possible and/or whenever you first get the feeling that it may be a problem. This prevents things from building up inside until they explode, makes sure you both are working together and/or to save both of you some time by ending the relationship as soon as you know that you're not a going to work out.

[KDbeads]

For what it's worth Sleep-in... if you can't bring this up with her now, get it out in the open and deal with it, then it will be a sticky point later on in the marriage that could ultimately lead down a rough road.  It's better to know now than to be plagued with it later.
Hubby and I are both atheist but we've had our share of issues like all other married persons.  It helps though to be able to be open about the issues, even though we disagree.  Keeps the marriage alive.  Communication is the key.

[Martin TK]

If anything I posted offended anyone, I want to be the first to say I am truly sorry.  While I do not go out of my way to offend, or to call anyone names, if in this case I did, then it was in poor judgement and wrong.  Having said that, I guess my input remains that being inflexible is putting oneself on the path to a world of hurt and probably on the path to eating the proverbial crow.  

Like I said, if going in you put those absolutes in the relationship, I think you are fine.  Like I said, smoking, drugs, and abusive or dangerous habits were a deal breaker for me when I was looking to remarry; thankfully, I found the perfect woman for me in an atheist, who loves nature, is intellectually my superior, and is a hottie.  What more could you ask for, eh?  PEACE.

[sleep_in_on_sunday]

For what it's worth Sleep-in... if you can't bring this up with her now, get it out in the open and deal with it, then it will be a sticky point later on in the marriage that could ultimately lead down a rough road.  It's better to know now than to be plagued with it later.
Hubby and I are both atheist but we've had our share of issues like all other married persons.  It helps though to be able to be open about the issues, even though we disagree.  Keeps the marriage alive.  Communication is the key.

We have great communication.  The more I think about it, the roadblock is more about settling down than theology. I think if it would make her, and our families happy....I'd have in in a church. But if I had my druthers, I'd rather just go see a judge and get it over with.  But I think that would cut down on the gift cards and my buddies would be pissed at the lack of an open bar.

For those of you married to a theist, do you have kids? What do you tell them?

[Whitney]

For anyone that wants to continue the vegan topic in another thread either start a new one or find the old vegan thread...and make sure to strive to be civil.  That goes for both sides, I don't want to hear anyone telling others that they are evil for eating meat either.  There are various civil ways to convey that you find an action to be immoral without attacking people.

Also, if those of you who can't seem to play nice don't shape up I'm going to start enforcing the rules with almost zero tolerance and I really don't care if that means giving even long term posters a week time out ban or more (I've had to do it before).  This is the Happy Atheist forum..try to act like it.

[karadan]

2) Second of all, Phila.....sorry, you just do not get it.  Not flexing on veganism is NOT like forcing religion on them.  When they are of age, I will let them make their own decision.  I do not want them to participate in the torturing and unethical treatment of animals while they are at a age when they do not understand. Seeing as you probably eat hamburgers and pork rinds, you are not in a position to judge me.  You are the one being like the judgemental asshole here.  I'm sorry if you are single and bitter.

I have to disagree with this. You are denying your children essential nutrients which are especially needed for a growing child. You should feed them meat when young and let them make the choice to become vegan as they grow older. There's a reason humans have incisor and canine teeth.

You can get dairy and meat from humane sources. It isn't difficult to find. If you're the sort of vegan who thinks milking a cow is inhumane, then your mind will not be swayed.

[karadan]

Damn straight I'm judging you.  Because you're an absolutist.  See other posts as to why this is a bad thing.

I do love how you've singled only me out, after other male posters have agreed with me.  Maybe what you really hate is women who dare to think for themselves.  Which would explain why you're girlfriend wanting to have a religious wedding and be Christian bothers you so much.

Please accept my apologies! I must have missed the memo about you being a lady.  

(Just in case i've referred to you in a masculine tense before now).

[karadan]

For anyone that wants to continue the vegan topic in another thread either start a new one or find the old vegan thread...and make sure to strive to be civil.  That goes for both sides, I don't want to hear anyone telling others that they are evil for eating meat either.  There are various civil ways to convey that you find an action to be immoral without attacking people.

Also, if those of you who can't seem to play nice don't shape up I'm going to start enforcing the rules with almost zero tolerance and I really don't care if that means giving even long term posters a week time out ban or more (I've had to do it before).  This is the Happy Atheist forum..try to act like it.

Oops, sorry for my above vegan post. I was posted as i was trawling through the thread.

[NothingSacred]

For what it's worth Sleep-in... if you can't bring this up with her now, get it out in the open and deal with it, then it will be a sticky point later on in the marriage that could ultimately lead down a rough road.  It's better to know now than to be plagued with it later.
Hubby and I are both atheist but we've had our share of issues like all other married persons.  It helps though to be able to be open about the issues, even though we disagree.  Keeps the marriage alive.  Communication is the key.

We have great communication.  The more I think about it, the roadblock is more about settling down than theology. I think if it would make her, and our families happy....I'd have in in a church. But if I had my druthers, I'd rather just go see a judge and get it over with.  But I think that would cut down on the gift cards and my buddies would be pissed at the lack of an open bar.

For those of you married to a theist, do you have kids? What do you tell them?

My husband is a catholic and we have decided that the kids (when they come) will have all of the things that are important due to tradition like "christening" but they will not be indoctrinated with any ideology. If our future kids come to us with any questions about origins we will simply say mommy believes this and daddy believes this and there are millions of other philosophies and ideologies you can explore. I'd say give your partner the traditional things like weddings etc. because they hold sentimental value but when it comes to teaching your children and molding them into who they will eventually become it's best to expose them to as many ideologies as possible. Most importantly you should teach them HOW to think not WHAT to think. I wish my parents had done that for me. Sort of the Atticus finch approach.