A fun Sunday.

[ClicheGuevara]

I figured I'd post the catalyst that brought me here, maybe some of you can help me understand why believers act the way they do.



This morning I was enjoying a fine, rainy winter day in Tucson,Az with my lovely girlfriend and my super cool dog in our new place. About 1pm the doorbell rang and I answered it to find two bicycle Mormons (Mormons are the ones that do missionary work right?) standing at my door.

Like most people, I was kinda pissed to see them. I didn't want to be rude though so I said hello.

Mormons " Hello I'm brother so and so and this is brother so and so."

Me  " Hello, how are you guys doing today?"

Mormons "We are great! We're just walking around the neighbor hood today to greet our neighbors and talk to them about the word of God!"

Me  " Oh.....That's nice of you."

Mormons "Do you believe in Jesus Christ sir?"

Me  " To be honest guys, I don't really feel like getting into a theological debate with you two standing on my doorstep."

Mormons "well, you could always invite us in or at least open the screen, it's hard to see you through the screen door." (sneaky mormons!)

(At this point my girlfriend joins me at the door)

Girlfriend  "Actually we are Atheists, we don't really believe in your god." (I love her directness sometimes!)

Mormons " Oh, well we just wanted to spread some happiness through the word of God!"

Me " We are very happy without God, thanks though."

Mormons  "Oh, would you like to learn how to find more joy in life through Jesus Christ?"

Girlfriend  "No, actually we are very happy..So, thanks anyways."

Mormons  "Ok, is there anything we can do for you?"

Girlfriend  " UM..you can move on to the next house please?"

Mormons  " Ok, GOD BLESS!" (wtf do they have to say that?)


It really pissed me off that these self righteous Mormons couldn't believe that we could be happy without some fairy tale giving us false hope. How come all believers assume that we just can't be happy because we don't believe in some deity?

The day I finally stopped lying to myself and trying to force myself to believe in something I felt in my heart was wrong, was the happiest day of my life. .

[LoneMateria]

I don't have a Mormon problem down here.  We really don't have door to door evangelism.  The reason they probably couldn't believe you two could be happy and good without their god is because they have been brought up to believe you can't be.  Perhaps next time something like that happens you can try to convert them to Pastafarism.  The first words out of your mouth when they show up is, "I'm glad you two stopped by today, I have some important news for you ..."  Or you can take some much simpler routes.  Such as saying you won't follow a religion created by a convicted con artist who fled New York to avoid prosecution.

But yeah, they pray on peoples emotions and generosity to get a quick convert who gets enrolled in a system that will bully and exploit you until your money dries up.  My GF and her family are ex-mormons and they used to get harassing phone calls from the church so they would attend again.  The calls stopped when they threatened to get a restraining order.

[ClicheGuevara]

That would be hilarious to see their reaction if I started talking about FSM or Russells teapot. .I'll do that next time. .Usually I don't even answer the door. .I was expecting my mom though, so they caught me off guard. .

[karadan]

Not exactly mormons, but just as annoying in my opinion. I love her reaction to when she asks what god he believes in.

[youtube:2taserql]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvYaOIlFMqw[/youtube:2taserql]

[ClicheGuevara]

"If you don't believe in the Flying spaghetti monster you're going to burn in a eternal lake of pasta!"

[theTwiz]

"If you don't believe in the Flying spaghetti monster you're going to burn in a eternal lake of pasta!"

 All hail His Noodliness.

[hismikeness]

I've been anxiously waiting for the MoMo's to come to my door. But, I realized that my housing development has a no soliciting sign posted at the lone entry, so I'm wondering if that is what is keeping them out. Either way, I am going to gladly invite them in. I picture it going like this:

Me: Well, yes, come on in, I would love to discuss some things with you. Would you like some coffee? I just started a pot.  
Them: No thanks. God blah blah, Jesus yada yada, Joseph Smith all hail.
Me: OK, so let's debate, but since this is my house, I will set the ground rules. I will listen to your viewpoints and take your fliers and throw them away once you leave, if you agree to listen to my viewpoints. Do I have to tear off 10% of these fliers and give them back to you? Just curious. Anyway, I won't say things like "I need definite proof" but you can't say things like "God works in mysterious ways" or "we can't understand God logic". Still want to debate?

By the time it is done, if Thomas S. Monson doesn't know where my house is and why it is red flagged, I don't think I would have done my job the right way.

Hismikeness

[Puddinhead]

I used to be very bugged by these people.  Especially the JWs, for some reason.  Maybe because my house is surrounded on 3 sides by JWs...  Anyway, a friend of mine (atheist) told me once that her mom had been a JW and converted to atheism because "the nicest people I met in my door-to-door experiences were the atheists."  

So I made it into a game and (for me) I now have a blast with them.  The game is that I have to give them something.  They have to walk away from my house with a physical thing.  Sadly, the game is so much fun for me that I now include any salesman that shows up (except for kids).  In the last few years I've given away Perrier, gloves, pizza, books, a beer once (!) and stationary.  

Yeah, it's kinda weird, but I find that I kinda feel happy when one of these schmucks lands on my door.  "What weird door prize will I give them this time?"

[ClicheGuevara]

I've been anxiously waiting for the MoMo's to come to my door. But, I realized that my housing development has a no soliciting sign posted at the lone entry, so I'm wondering if that is what is keeping them out. Either way, I am going to gladly invite them in. I picture it going like this:

Me: Well, yes, come on in, I would love to discuss some things with you. Would you like some coffee? I just started a pot.  
Them: No thanks. God blah blah, Jesus yada yada, Joseph Smith all hail.
Me: OK, so let's debate, but since this is my house, I will set the ground rules. I will listen to your viewpoints and take your fliers and throw them away once you leave, if you agree to listen to my viewpoints. Do I have to tear off 10% of these fliers and give them back to you? Just curious. Anyway, I won't say things like "I need definite proof" but you can't say things like "God works in mysterious ways" or "we can't understand God logic". Still want to debate?

By the time it is done, if Thomas S. Monson doesn't know where my house is and why it is red flagged, I don't think I would have done my job the right way.

Hismikeness

I'm always contemplating scenarios, but they always catch me off guard. .

I used to be very bugged by these people.  Especially the JWs, for some reason.  Maybe because my house is surrounded on 3 sides by JWs...  Anyway, a friend of mine (atheist) told me once that her mom had been a JW and converted to atheism because "the nicest people I met in my door-to-door experiences were the atheists."  

So I made it into a game and (for me) I now have a blast with them.  The game is that I have to give them something.  They have to walk away from my house with a physical thing.  Sadly, the game is so much fun for me that I now include any salesman that shows up (except for kids).  In the last few years I've given away Perrier, gloves, pizza, books, a beer once (!) and stationary.  

Yeah, it's kinda weird, but I find that I kinda feel happy when one of these schmucks lands on my door.  "What weird door prize will I give them this time?"

That's actually quite funny, I should try that.

[notself]

I had a sweet older woman come to my door to talk about the end times.  I invited her in but she declined so we just stood at the door.  The first thing I said when she brought up how this could be the end times was," Oh, please don't be afraid,  this time is not nearly as bad as the days of the black death."  I went on to give her a short course in the late Middle Ages, the black death, and the 100 Years War.

She left totally confused but somewhat convinced that this in fact is not the end times and with a smile on her face.  Her church will get her back in line.

Always be kind to the proselyting door knockers.  Smile and, as Puddinhead said, offer a door prize.