Loss of a loved one

[Magdalena]

I've been grieving the death of a loved one (happened a long time ago) but I've been thinking about him a lot and how much I miss him. It kills me that I will never see or talk to him ever again, does anyone have any suggestions for how I should deal with this thought? How do you deal with loss? Thanks

Well...
Would you like to share with us the things that made him so unforgettable?

[Randy]

My father died more than twenty-five years ago. I'd calculate the exact amount but a quarter of a century is enough.

He died of cancer. I watched him in agony for over two months despite the morphine. He slept a lot too. I think they kept him sedated but I'm not sure.

Anyway, one thing he wanted from his kids (my brother and I) was to go on with our lives. Grieving is inevitable but go on. I've lived to that to the fullest that I was able and have no regrets. I think about him because it was on Thanksgiving day that he went to the hospital for the last time. The doctor said he wouldn't be leaving. He died New Year's day.

The holidays used to make me grieve all over again. The lights, the music, the chill of the night air... They don't do that to me anymore. I'll always think of him but I try to think of the times he spent with me as a child. I have some fond memories.

[Bluenose]

TheSadnessWillLastForever,  I have found that the sadness of the loss of a loved one doesn't really go way, but in time you get to learn how to deal with it and it becomes less overwhelming.  What I try to do is to recall the happy times, the great memories and be thankful that I got the opportunity to share in those happy times.  It becomes easier with practice and eventually you find that when you think of that person you automatically think of all the good things rather than concentrating on your loss.  At least that has been my experience in my 63 orbits around the sun.

[Bad Penny II]

I am here at the suggestion of my therapist and honestly I just wanted to see if other atheists could help me or give me advice. I do wish I could see my loved one again but I do not want an afterlife, not even a little bit.

I wouldn't mind an afterlife, if it was nice.
Does "my loved one" have a name?
We could just call him Mylov, or... Jeff.
I'd still suggest sad music, peoples point at youngens listening to sad music, saying it makes 'em sad, but it doesn't, they're already there, it helps.

[Sandra Craft]

He was my best friend for years then my boyfriend for a little while then he killed himself, but this was years ago as I mentioned. I thought I had moved on but the grief has come back in waves and is overwhelming me. I used to be a Christian but I haven't been for a long time.

I've been told that grief's often like that, coming in waves rather than ever being resolved completely, and that has been my own experience with intense grief.  And I can't imagine a grief more intense than a loved one committing suicide.

The only thing I can see that's an "up" to hold onto here is that it does come and go in cycles -- it was better once before and eventually it'll get better again, for every time it gets worse it will always get better as well.

[Ecurb Noselrub]

Dear Sad, you are among sympathetic ears and hearts. Tell us anything you want to about your loved one - we will consider it sacred. 

[Icarus]

Here is a read that may be of use to you. https://getpocket.com/explore/item/elizabeth-gilbert-on-love-loss-and-how-to-move-through-grief-as-grief-moves-through-you?utm_source=pocket-newtab

[TheSadnessWillLastForever]

Here is a read that may be of use to you. https://getpocket.com/explore/item/elizabeth-gilbert-on-love-loss-and-how-to-move-through-grief-as-grief-moves-through-you?utm_source=pocket-newtab

That was beautiful, thank you.

[TheSadnessWillLastForever]

Dear Sad, you are among sympathetic ears and hearts. Tell us anything you want to about your loved one - we will consider it sacred.

He was beautiful. Black hair and blue eyes, tall as fuck lol. It was his words I fell in love with, and his smile. We stayed up texting each other all night. He was a great storyteller, his best stories were the ones he made up of what our future together would hold. He was very funny, often trying his best to make me smile or laugh because he loved to see it, despite how crooked my teeth are. He was a great poet too, the kind that doesn't rhyme but would make you think. Make you cry. Make you appreciate life and your loved ones. He was a big fan of Edgar Allan Poe, his favorite poem being the one about Annabelle Lee. I still read it when I miss him. We loved with a love that was more than love. He was my soulmate. But his home life was really bad, he was suffering a great deal. I am glad he's not suffering anymore, I just miss him and I wish he would've reached out for help before doing what he did. Thank you for letting me talk about him

[xSilverPhinx]

Dear Sad, you are among sympathetic ears and hearts. Tell us anything you want to about your loved one - we will consider it sacred.

He was beautiful. Black hair and blue eyes, tall as fuck lol. It was his words I fell in love with, and his smile. We stayed up texting each other all night. He was a great storyteller, his best stories were the ones he made up of what our future together would hold. He was very funny, often trying his best to make me smile or laugh because he loved to see it, despite how crooked my teeth are. He was a great poet too, the kind that doesn't rhyme but would make you think. Make you cry. Make you appreciate life and your loved ones. He was a big fan of Edgar Allan Poe, his favorite poem being the one about Annabelle Lee. I still read it when I miss him. We loved with a love that was more than love. He was my soulmate. But his home life was really bad, he was suffering a great deal. I am glad he's not suffering anymore, I just miss him and I wish he would've reached out for help before doing what he did. Thank you for letting me talk about him

Sounds like he was a great person.

[Ecurb Noselrub]

Dear Sad, you are among sympathetic ears and hearts. Tell us anything you want to about your loved one - we will consider it sacred.

He was beautiful. Black hair and blue eyes, tall as fuck lol. It was his words I fell in love with, and his smile. We stayed up texting each other all night. He was a great storyteller, his best stories were the ones he made up of what our future together would hold. He was very funny, often trying his best to make me smile or laugh because he loved to see it, despite how crooked my teeth are. He was a great poet too, the kind that doesn't rhyme but would make you think. Make you cry. Make you appreciate life and your loved ones. He was a big fan of Edgar Allan Poe, his favorite poem being the one about Annabelle Lee. I still read it when I miss him. We loved with a love that was more than love. He was my soulmate. But his home life was really bad, he was suffering a great deal. I am glad he's not suffering anymore, I just miss him and I wish he would've reached out for help before doing what he did. Thank you for letting me talk about him

I also like Edgar Allan Poe.  Thanks for telling us about your loved one.