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Parenting in a Pandemic

Firebird

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Parenting in a Pandemic
« on: May 29, 2020, 04:05:09 AM »
Hey gang, I know it's been a while. I still lurk here on occasion when I have time. Hope you're all doing ok and staying safe.
Me...I'm ok more or less. Still employed, as is my wife, and our kids are fine, but keeping the 3 year old happy and protecting her from the worst effects of this fucking pandemic has been stressful. I actually decided to post again because I came across this old one from Tank:

https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/index.php?topic=8203.msg135949#msg135949

This is exactly the kind of thing my wife and I are worried about, the psychological effect this isolation will have on my daughter who isn't allowed to see her friends much anymore or play outside easily. She does run around our yard with the neighbor kid (safely distanced) and sees her best friend on occasion when they ride around the nearby parking lot together, but she's out of school, not socializing as much, and clearly this is going to have an effect. Not to mention that this fucking country seems to be prioritizing churches over child care, which is infuriating.
Anyway, anyone else in the same position as us? I recall most of your kids are grown up now, but I could use a little encouragement. Or a place to stay in New Zealand if things really go south.
"Great, replace one book about an abusive, needy asshole with another." - Will (moderator) on replacing hotel Bibles with "Fifty Shades of Grey"

Dark Lightning

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Re: Parenting in a Pandemic
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2020, 04:57:25 AM »
I considered moving to NZ a bit less than 4 years ago, but the entry fee is high. At that time, if you weren't going to be a contributing member of society (i.e., like me, retired) it was a megabuck per person for entry to live there permanently. I can understand that, as I wouldn't have been paying into the system for 45 years like I did here in the US. I didn't/don't have, quelle surprise, 2 megabucks to pony up. If you are young enough and have an in-demand profession, the 2 megabucks would be negotiable, I expect.

As for your original question, it's going to be tough. I'm hoping that enough testing and knowledge about the virus is productive soon enough to avoid what you feel is happening to your daughter. Not to seem callous, but your daughter may surprise you with her resilience in this environment. My children didn't grow up thinking about how broke we were when they were growing up, because we didn't make a big fuss about the lack of money. Life was just what it was. They saw many people more or less fortunate than we were. It may have helped that I grew up in worse poverty than my children did, by an order of magnitude. My wife and I didn't discuss how bad things with our children. They needed a childhood, which is one lesson I learned from being exposed to how thin we were on the ground when I was a kid. It's close to bedtime, so I may be drifting a little, but I personally would advise not making her feel deprived because of the situation with wishful comments. I'll come back later, it's past bedtime for me.

Tank

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Re: Parenting in a Pandemic
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2020, 12:24:57 PM »
Hi Firebird.

I don't think your kids will suffer any lasting psychological effects from these circumstances. They are very resilient and adaptable in the long run.
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Recusant

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Re: Parenting in a Pandemic
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2020, 05:43:02 PM »
Good to see you here again, Firebird:wave hi:

I think providing an environment with sufficient mental stimulation (including reading to her and helping her learn things) will go a long way toward attenuating any detrimental effect a period of relative isolation might have. The social opportunities you describe must help a bit as well, minimal though they might be.
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Firebird

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Re: Parenting in a Pandemic
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2020, 07:40:06 PM »
Good to see you here again, Firebird:wave hi:

I think providing an environment with sufficient mental stimulation (including reading to her and helping her learn things) will go a long way toward attenuating any detrimental effect a period of relative isolation might have. The social opportunities you describe must help a bit as well, minimal though they might be.

Yeah, they do.
Honestly, I know you're all right, but the state of the world has lately been getting to me. And this was before cops killed another black guy in the US and set off more race riots that our traitor president is fanning the flames of. And here I am supposed to maintain a sunny disposition in front of these two young kids who rely on us to take care of and protect them. I'm not in a great state of mind right now.
Thanks for the reassurance, it is truly appreciated.
"Great, replace one book about an abusive, needy asshole with another." - Will (moderator) on replacing hotel Bibles with "Fifty Shades of Grey"

xSilverPhinx

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Re: Parenting in a Pandemic
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2020, 07:42:56 PM »
Hello again, Firebird!  :computerwave:

I have only come across one study which demonstrated the rat brain during social isolation will produce less neuron growth factors such as BNDF, which helps neurons form new connections. That was with adult rats, but like us, they are a very social species and suffer if isolated. In fact, one paradigm for studying stress in rats is to house them alone.

At 3 years old, your daughter's more or less at that age when important memory structures in her brain are maturing enough for her to form long-lasting declarative memories (such as autobiographical memories) so in that sense it's likely she won't retain original memories of what her life was like during this pandemic when she's older. However, stress-regulating structures in a young child's brain mature sooner than they should if stimulated with stress hormones, i.e. if she suffers from chronic stress. That can have long lasting effects on how she regulates her own stress response in the future.   

I agree with DL, Tank and Recusant. Personal opinion, but I think it's much more important that you continue to give your daughter some structure in her life so that she continues to feel safe even though things have changed drastically and she doesn't understand why she can't play with her friends like she used to. And, as a matter of fact, she isn't socially isolated, she has her immediate family there with her. ;)
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No one

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Re: Parenting in a Pandemic
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2020, 08:38:42 PM »
We're put to the salt mines as soon as we can crawl.

Firebird

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Re: Parenting in a Pandemic
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2020, 09:16:31 PM »
Hello again, Firebird!  :computerwave:

I have only come across one study which demonstrated the rat brain during social isolation will produce less neuron growth factors such as BNDF, which helps neurons form new connections. That was with adult rats, but like us, they are a very social species and suffer if isolated. In fact, one paradigm for studying stress in rats is to house them alone.

At 3 years old, your daughter's more or less at that age when important memory structures in her brain are maturing enough for her to form long-lasting declarative memories (such as autobiographical memories) so in that sense it's likely she won't retain original memories of what her life was like during this pandemic when she's older. However, stress-regulating structures in a young child's brain mature sooner than they should if stimulated with stress hormones, i.e. if she suffers from chronic stress. That can have long lasting effects on how she regulates her own stress response in the future.   

I agree with DL, Tank and Recusant. Personal opinion, but I think it's much more important that you continue to give your daughter some structure in her life so that she continues to feel safe even though things have changed drastically and she doesn't understand why she can't play with her friends like she used to. And, as a matter of fact, she isn't socially isolated, she has her immediate family there with her. ;)

That is certainly reassuring to hear. Thank you.
"Great, replace one book about an abusive, needy asshole with another." - Will (moderator) on replacing hotel Bibles with "Fifty Shades of Grey"

xSilverPhinx

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Re: Parenting in a Pandemic
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2020, 12:46:54 AM »
Hello again, Firebird!  :computerwave:

I have only come across one study which demonstrated the rat brain during social isolation will produce less neuron growth factors such as BNDF, which helps neurons form new connections. That was with adult rats, but like us, they are a very social species and suffer if isolated. In fact, one paradigm for studying stress in rats is to house them alone.

At 3 years old, your daughter's more or less at that age when important memory structures in her brain are maturing enough for her to form long-lasting declarative memories (such as autobiographical memories) so in that sense it's likely she won't retain original memories of what her life was like during this pandemic when she's older. However, stress-regulating structures in a young child's brain mature sooner than they should if stimulated with stress hormones, i.e. if she suffers from chronic stress. That can have long lasting effects on how she regulates her own stress response in the future.   

I agree with DL, Tank and Recusant. Personal opinion, but I think it's much more important that you continue to give your daughter some structure in her life so that she continues to feel safe even though things have changed drastically and she doesn't understand why she can't play with her friends like she used to. And, as a matter of fact, she isn't socially isolated, she has her immediate family there with her. ;)

That is certainly reassuring to hear. Thank you.

:thumbsup: All the best to you and your family.
I lose myself infused in something more than what they've seen
I'm not a slave to greed
I don't embrace your make believe
I've never been for sale no matter what they think I need