Happy Atheist Forum

coming out

kitty

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coming out
« on: May 13, 2012, 09:55:48 PM »
hi all.
while i was at my mums earlier, she asked me if i might like to try a new church, since i hadnt been in ages (you know how it is, you stop going, give excuses, then just stop giving excuse and enjoy yr sunday morning lie-in). she'd come across this great new one and maybe i'd feel really welcome there...?
i said, no, i dont really want to do that.
blank looks and a tilted head. why?
um....
i said, there's not a way to explain this without offending you, but i think its a waste of time. i said i dont think anyone is listening (up there as it were).
she was very surprised (i HAVE been dropping hints for months).
even as i was leaving, she was like, you'd like it, they started the service by making everyone turn to the person on their left and giving them a high five...
can everyone join me in a wtf??? how lame.
better than making everyone hug a stranger but how very cringe-worthy!
i wanted to scream at her 'i dont believe in god, why the frick would i spend my sundays dragging my ass out of bed just to try to keep the boys quiet in a church all morning???'
but no, one step at a time. maybe next time she'll listen.
i feel better tho.
Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? (Douglas Adams)

Asmodean

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Re: coming out
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2012, 10:29:17 PM »
I'd rather spontaneously hug a stranger than hi-5 some old lady on demand.

Reminds me of these Swedish kids who were hanging around Oslo's main street some years ago, giving away free hugs. Just beause they could. Had ad posters and everything.

Were kind of... Sweet. In a way that makes some people aww and some Asmos cringe, that is.
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

Tank

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Re: coming out
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2012, 11:09:38 PM »
Well that went well. No emergency prayer meetings to save your soul!!!
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
“Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt.” ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Crow

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Re: coming out
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2012, 11:28:44 PM »
Well that went well. No emergency prayer meetings to save your soul!!!

Don't speak too soon.
Retired member.

Guardian85

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Re: coming out
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2012, 01:09:26 AM »

even as i was leaving, she was like, you'd like it, they started the service by making everyone turn to the person on their left and giving them a high five...
can everyone join me in a wtf??? how lame.

What the -bleeeeep-!


"If scientist means 'not the dumbest motherfucker in the room,' I guess I'm a scientist, then."
-Unknown Smartass-

kitty

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Re: coming out
« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2012, 09:17:01 AM »
think she just completely ignored the bits she didnt want to hear. she's ok with me 'not finding the right church', but not the rest.
in her own time i guess.
Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? (Douglas Adams)

Tank

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Re: coming out
« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2012, 09:19:54 AM »
think she just completely ignored the bits she didnt want to hear. she's ok with me 'not finding the right church', but not the rest.
in her own time i guess.

Undoubtedly!
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
“Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt.” ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Firebird

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Re: coming out
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2012, 06:51:24 AM »
Something tells me the message got through, even though she doesn't want to admit it yet.
Bravo, and good luck. Hopefully she'll learn to accept and respect your views.
"Great, replace one book about an abusive, needy asshole with another." - Will (moderator) on replacing hotel Bibles with "Fifty Shades of Grey"

kitty

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Re: coming out
« Reply #8 on: May 17, 2012, 07:52:59 AM »
Something tells me the message got through, even though she doesn't want to admit it yet.
Bravo, and good luck. Hopefully she'll learn to accept and respect your views.

thanks firebird. she visited yesterday and i wondered if she wanted to ask, but she never did. i think she's just not ready at accept it so there's nothing i can do (that doesnt involve grabbing her by the shoulders & shaking her/shouting at her/swearing at her) but wait. and be ready to answer her questions and stand my own ground.
glad i found you guys, makes me feel stronger knowing i'm not alone.
Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? (Douglas Adams)

Tank

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Re: coming out
« Reply #9 on: May 17, 2012, 08:21:33 AM »
Something tells me the message got through, even though she doesn't want to admit it yet.
Bravo, and good luck. Hopefully she'll learn to accept and respect your views.

thanks firebird. she visited yesterday and i wondered if she wanted to ask, but she never did. i think she's just not ready at accept it so there's nothing i can do (that doesnt involve grabbing her by the shoulders & shaking her/shouting at her/swearing at her) but wait. and be ready to answer her questions and stand my own ground.
glad i found you guys, makes me feel stronger knowing i'm not alone.
You could always leave a copy of The God Delusion where she will find it :)
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
“Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt.” ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

OldGit

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Re: coming out
« Reply #10 on: May 17, 2012, 10:52:31 AM »
Often, people simply cannot / will not / do not understand propositions that would be unacceptable.  You can say a thing all day and they hear something else.

Amicale

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Re: coming out
« Reply #11 on: May 18, 2012, 03:30:16 AM »
Something tells me the message got through, even though she doesn't want to admit it yet.
Bravo, and good luck. Hopefully she'll learn to accept and respect your views.

thanks firebird. she visited yesterday and i wondered if she wanted to ask, but she never did. i think she's just not ready at accept it so there's nothing i can do (that doesnt involve grabbing her by the shoulders & shaking her/shouting at her/swearing at her) but wait. and be ready to answer her questions and stand my own ground.
glad i found you guys, makes me feel stronger knowing i'm not alone.

Hang in there. It DEFINITELY makes me feel stronger, knowing I'm not alone, either. These things take time. They aren't able to just accept it overnight, usually. Generally the biggest question they have is "what next?" as in - how will my child's life turn out? Will he/she still be the same person? Will they still want to talk to me? Will we still have enough in common? Will they go to hell if they give up their faith? Will their KIDS go there? And all those questions are either preceded or followed by them wondering why you left the faith, and if it was something they said/did to cause it, and if they can perhaps get you back.

Those are all issues parents need to sort out in their own mind and get settled. I've found personally that when they see you're the same person, and that you're generally happy, that you're doing your best and that you're willing to answer their questions and just keep on living your life... it helps them accept it over time.

People fear the unknown. They don't like change. They're always hoping that if you do change, you don't change too much. So I know that it'll help to just keep being you. And give mom lots of extra hugs, if you're the hugging sort of family. They appreciate those too.

Just as an aside (and I am not derailing your thread), but looking back at what I've just written... the parallels between coming out as gay and coming out as atheist in this culture really are astounding. For what it's worth, I wouldn't call myself any sort of expert, but I've come out as both and had my mom react to both, so I wanted to toss my 0.02 in here especially on the faith issue.


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

Sweetdeath

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Re: coming out
« Reply #12 on: May 18, 2012, 03:42:23 AM »
Something tells me the message got through, even though she doesn't want to admit it yet.
Bravo, and good luck. Hopefully she'll learn to accept and respect your views.

thanks firebird. she visited yesterday and i wondered if she wanted to ask, but she never did. i think she's just not ready at accept it so there's nothing i can do (that doesnt involve grabbing her by the shoulders & shaking her/shouting at her/swearing at her) but wait. and be ready to answer her questions and stand my own ground.
glad i found you guys, makes me feel stronger knowing i'm not alone.
You could always leave a copy of The God Delusion where she will find it :)


Use Tank's idea. Pleeease. :)
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Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

“I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn’t mend our wounds.

Hector Valdez

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Re: coming out
« Reply #13 on: May 18, 2012, 04:07:27 AM »
You could always go to work on Sundays. Just a...y'know--thought.

Sweetdeath

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Re: coming out
« Reply #14 on: May 18, 2012, 04:40:31 AM »
You could always go to work on Sundays. Just a...y'know--thought.


I just take long walks on Sundays, after sleping in of course.
I get ice cream, and laugh at the idiots dressed up for church. What a waste.
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

“I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn’t mend our wounds.