Happy Atheist Forum

Community => Life As An Atheist => Topic started by: kitty on May 13, 2012, 09:55:48 PM

Title: coming out
Post by: kitty on May 13, 2012, 09:55:48 PM
hi all.
while i was at my mums earlier, she asked me if i might like to try a new church, since i hadnt been in ages (you know how it is, you stop going, give excuses, then just stop giving excuse and enjoy yr sunday morning lie-in). she'd come across this great new one and maybe i'd feel really welcome there...?
i said, no, i dont really want to do that.
blank looks and a tilted head. why?
um....
i said, there's not a way to explain this without offending you, but i think its a waste of time. i said i dont think anyone is listening (up there as it were).
she was very surprised (i HAVE been dropping hints for months).
even as i was leaving, she was like, you'd like it, they started the service by making everyone turn to the person on their left and giving them a high five...
can everyone join me in a wtf??? how lame.
better than making everyone hug a stranger but how very cringe-worthy!
i wanted to scream at her 'i dont believe in god, why the frick would i spend my sundays dragging my ass out of bed just to try to keep the boys quiet in a church all morning???'
but no, one step at a time. maybe next time she'll listen.
i feel better tho.
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: Asmodean on May 13, 2012, 10:29:17 PM
I'd rather spontaneously hug a stranger than hi-5 some old lady on demand.

Reminds me of these Swedish kids who were hanging around Oslo's main street some years ago, giving away free hugs. Just beause they could. Had ad posters and everything.

Were kind of... Sweet. In a way that makes some people aww and some Asmos cringe, that is.
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: Tank on May 13, 2012, 11:09:38 PM
Well that went well. No emergency prayer meetings to save your soul!!!
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: Crow on May 13, 2012, 11:28:44 PM
Well that went well. No emergency prayer meetings to save your soul!!!

Don't speak too soon.
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: Guardian85 on May 14, 2012, 01:09:26 AM

even as i was leaving, she was like, you'd like it, they started the service by making everyone turn to the person on their left and giving them a high five...
can everyone join me in a wtf??? how lame.

What the -bleeeeep-!
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fserve.mysmiley.net%2Findifferent%2Findifferent0025.gif&hash=8aadf6b656170c1b7e75386eb1792c366838e490) (http://www.blueislandsdiving.com)
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: kitty on May 14, 2012, 09:17:01 AM
think she just completely ignored the bits she didnt want to hear. she's ok with me 'not finding the right church', but not the rest.
in her own time i guess.
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: Tank on May 14, 2012, 09:19:54 AM
think she just completely ignored the bits she didnt want to hear. she's ok with me 'not finding the right church', but not the rest.
in her own time i guess.

Undoubtedly!
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: Firebird on May 17, 2012, 06:51:24 AM
Something tells me the message got through, even though she doesn't want to admit it yet.
Bravo, and good luck. Hopefully she'll learn to accept and respect your views.
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: kitty on May 17, 2012, 07:52:59 AM
Something tells me the message got through, even though she doesn't want to admit it yet.
Bravo, and good luck. Hopefully she'll learn to accept and respect your views.

thanks firebird. she visited yesterday and i wondered if she wanted to ask, but she never did. i think she's just not ready at accept it so there's nothing i can do (that doesnt involve grabbing her by the shoulders & shaking her/shouting at her/swearing at her) but wait. and be ready to answer her questions and stand my own ground.
glad i found you guys, makes me feel stronger knowing i'm not alone.
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: Tank on May 17, 2012, 08:21:33 AM
Something tells me the message got through, even though she doesn't want to admit it yet.
Bravo, and good luck. Hopefully she'll learn to accept and respect your views.

thanks firebird. she visited yesterday and i wondered if she wanted to ask, but she never did. i think she's just not ready at accept it so there's nothing i can do (that doesnt involve grabbing her by the shoulders & shaking her/shouting at her/swearing at her) but wait. and be ready to answer her questions and stand my own ground.
glad i found you guys, makes me feel stronger knowing i'm not alone.
You could always leave a copy of The God Delusion where she will find it :)
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: OldGit on May 17, 2012, 10:52:31 AM
Often, people simply cannot / will not / do not understand propositions that would be unacceptable.  You can say a thing all day and they hear something else.
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: Amicale on May 18, 2012, 03:30:16 AM
Something tells me the message got through, even though she doesn't want to admit it yet.
Bravo, and good luck. Hopefully she'll learn to accept and respect your views.

thanks firebird. she visited yesterday and i wondered if she wanted to ask, but she never did. i think she's just not ready at accept it so there's nothing i can do (that doesnt involve grabbing her by the shoulders & shaking her/shouting at her/swearing at her) but wait. and be ready to answer her questions and stand my own ground.
glad i found you guys, makes me feel stronger knowing i'm not alone.

Hang in there. It DEFINITELY makes me feel stronger, knowing I'm not alone, either. These things take time. They aren't able to just accept it overnight, usually. Generally the biggest question they have is "what next?" as in - how will my child's life turn out? Will he/she still be the same person? Will they still want to talk to me? Will we still have enough in common? Will they go to hell if they give up their faith? Will their KIDS go there? And all those questions are either preceded or followed by them wondering why you left the faith, and if it was something they said/did to cause it, and if they can perhaps get you back.

Those are all issues parents need to sort out in their own mind and get settled. I've found personally that when they see you're the same person, and that you're generally happy, that you're doing your best and that you're willing to answer their questions and just keep on living your life... it helps them accept it over time.

People fear the unknown. They don't like change. They're always hoping that if you do change, you don't change too much. So I know that it'll help to just keep being you. And give mom lots of extra hugs, if you're the hugging sort of family. They appreciate those too.

Just as an aside (and I am not derailing your thread), but looking back at what I've just written... the parallels between coming out as gay and coming out as atheist in this culture really are astounding. For what it's worth, I wouldn't call myself any sort of expert, but I've come out as both and had my mom react to both, so I wanted to toss my 0.02 in here especially on the faith issue.
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: Sweetdeath on May 18, 2012, 03:42:23 AM
Something tells me the message got through, even though she doesn't want to admit it yet.
Bravo, and good luck. Hopefully she'll learn to accept and respect your views.

thanks firebird. she visited yesterday and i wondered if she wanted to ask, but she never did. i think she's just not ready at accept it so there's nothing i can do (that doesnt involve grabbing her by the shoulders & shaking her/shouting at her/swearing at her) but wait. and be ready to answer her questions and stand my own ground.
glad i found you guys, makes me feel stronger knowing i'm not alone.
You could always leave a copy of The God Delusion where she will find it :)


Use Tank's idea. Pleeease. :)
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: Hector Valdez on May 18, 2012, 04:07:27 AM
You could always go to work on Sundays. Just a...y'know--thought.
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: Sweetdeath on May 18, 2012, 04:40:31 AM
You could always go to work on Sundays. Just a...y'know--thought.


I just take long walks on Sundays, after sleping in of course.
I get ice cream, and laugh at the idiots dressed up for church. What a waste.
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: Amicale on May 18, 2012, 06:15:31 AM
You could always go to work on Sundays. Just a...y'know--thought.


I just take long walks on Sundays, after sleping in of course.
I get ice cream, and laugh at the idiots dressed up for church. What a waste.

Many of those "idiots" are elderly, and get dressed up and go to church because that's the one day of the week they get out of the house to see friends and the general community, and to take part in a social activity that has some meaning for them. I wouldn't personally be so quick to call them idiots for attending church. While I prefer to sleep in on a Sunday too, I understand that others prefer to sit/stand together in a building, talking to one another, sharing ideas and singing songs. To each their own. :) I just don't want to be expected to be one of them, that's all -- and for the record, my church-going family members gave up asking me years ago.  :D
Title: Re: coming out
Post by: kitty on May 18, 2012, 07:59:15 AM
i borrowed god delusion from the library, kept hiding it when she came round, thinking i just couldnt face it if she noticed it. now i'm reading 'confessions of a skeptic', and next its the humonguessness that is 'breaking the spell'. i'm not bothering to hide these, but she hasnt noticed lol.

sunday is the only day i get to have a lie in, my husband gets up with the boys and i get an extra 2 or 3 hours of sleep-bliss!
You could always go to work on Sundays. Just a...y'know--thought.


I just take long walks on Sundays, after sleping in of course.
I get ice cream, and laugh at the idiots dressed up for church. What a waste.

Many of those "idiots" are elderly, and get dressed up and go to church because that's the one day of the week they get out of the house to see friends and the general community, and to take part in a social activity that has some meaning for them. I wouldn't personally be so quick to call them idiots for attending church. While I prefer to sleep in on a Sunday too, I understand that others prefer to sit/stand together in a building, talking to one another, sharing ideas and singing songs. To each their own. :) I just don't want to be expected to be one of them, that's all --

i know a few older people, a whole church full in fact, who attend on sunday mornings, have social gatherings during the week (bowling, etc), but after running a few prayers meetings with them (to my horror at the time) i found that they do not buy into the whole jesus is the only way to heaven and stuff. they are really vague about their faith and are open about their church just being a social club lol. years ago it bothered me, coz i was a feisty christian, but now i totally get it, and i wish i hadnt been so judgemental.
Something tells me the message got through, even though she doesn't want to admit it yet.
Bravo, and good luck. Hopefully she'll learn to accept and respect your views.

thanks firebird. she visited yesterday and i wondered if she wanted to ask, but she never did. i think she's just not ready at accept it so there's nothing i can do (that doesnt involve grabbing her by the shoulders & shaking her/shouting at her/swearing at her) but wait. and be ready to answer her questions and stand my own ground.
glad i found you guys, makes me feel stronger knowing i'm not alone.

Just as an aside (and I am not derailing your thread), but looking back at what I've just written... the parallels between coming out as gay and coming out as atheist in this culture really are astounding. For what it's worth, I wouldn't call myself any sort of expert, but I've come out as both and had my mom react to both, so I wanted to toss my 0.02 in here especially on the faith issue.

i noticed that too. but yes, i hope she sees that i'm still the same person, but happier.