As some of you have become aware through my ceaseless public education initiatives, many of them featuring my scantily-clad female acolytes, the world was in fact created by an enormous armadillo called Wolfgang who immediately thereafter disappeared up his own scaly but transient fundament. As founder and supreme luminosity of the First Church of Wolfgang (Bahamas)Inc , I am now offering each member of this benighted collection of heathens a unique opportunity to get back in touch with their inner Armadillo at specially discounted subscription rates plus an opportunity to win a free signed technicoloured photograph of yours truly
In full rhinestone regalia. Terms and conditions apply.
Who do I write the cheque to?
:o
I don't know this for a fact, but I suspect that Asmo is a jealous god. I think you may be asking for 6-ish feet of leather clad Viking rage by trying to win converts.
Is Wolfgang edible? That's the only thing that could win my heart away from the FSM.
Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on May 11, 2012, 12:28:23 AM
Who do I write the cheque to?
Just sign it. I can fill in the rest of those mundane details.
Quote from: BooksCatsEtc on May 11, 2012, 02:58:03 AM
Is Wolfgang edible? That's the only thing that could win my heart away from the FSM.
We can be flexible about this. Each believer must find Wolfgang in his/her/its own heart. First however his/her/its heart must be purified by overcoming its materialistic proclivities and making the necessary banking arrangements in my favour. Act promptly and be saved while the special limited period offer is still available.
Quote from: Ali on May 11, 2012, 12:28:55 AM
:o
I don't know this for a fact, but I suspect that Asmo is a jealous god. I think you may be asking for 6-ish feet of leather clad Viking rage by trying to win converts.
Being Irish, I fear nothing apart from a brewery strike,
This sounds like a religion.
I hope you have properly registered, you don't want to waste any of your income on tax.
How much? The FSM is free and allows low moral standards.
Quote from: OldGit on May 11, 2012, 11:56:14 AM
How much? The FSM is free and allows low moral standards.
Pay peanuts and you get monkeys. Pay handsomely and you get Armadillos. As for morals we do turn a blind eye to self- abuse. Which figures.
Quote from: Stevil on May 11, 2012, 11:47:10 AM
This sounds like a religion.
I hope you have properly registered, you don't want to waste any of your income on tax.
Wolfgang forbid.
Pastafarian heaven has beer volcanoes and stripper factories. What does Wolfgang provide?
Quote from: OldGit on May 11, 2012, 08:39:16 PM
Pastafarian heaven has beer volcanoes and stripper factories. What does Wolfgang provide?
Those extravagant promises are easy to make and impossible to verify. Followers of Wolfgang are guaranteed immediate results in this life. Typically our converts report enhanced virility (even the female ones) , rocketing social popularity and an unsuspected flair for foreign languages and ballroom dancing.
Why should I believe you that armadillos are not Wolfgang's Chosen People and the human faithful are?
Can armadillos be eaten in the afterlife?
I'm not signing any checks until I see a holy book written in authentic religious Yoda-speak. Without scripture that I can blindly spout at infidels, it's just not worth it.
Quote from: xSilverPhinx on May 11, 2012, 10:18:51 PM
Why should I believe you that armadillos are not Wolfgang's Chosen People and the human faithful are?
Can armadillos be eaten in the afterlife?
You must have faith my daughter which you will find by searching the inmost recesses of your heart and finding the armadillo within, reinforced by sending me regular donations.
Quote from: En_Route on May 11, 2012, 10:39:44 PM
reinforced by sending me regular donations.
Hey! Hang on a second...!
Quote from: jumbojak on May 11, 2012, 10:30:11 PM
I'm not signing any checks until I see a holy book written in authentic religious Yoda-speak. Without scripture that I can blindly spout at infidels, it's just not worth it.
I have this eerie premonition that a text of this nature may mysteriously appear on my hard disk in the near future. Want to pre-order a copy at a preferential price?
Quote from: The Black Jester on May 11, 2012, 10:41:52 PM
Quote from: En_Route on May 11, 2012, 10:39:44 PM
reinforced by sending me regular donations.
Hey! Hang on a second...!
The spokesperson of the one true World religion is entitled to maintain a certain lifestyle you know.
Quote from: En_Route on May 11, 2012, 10:44:16 PM
Quote from: The Black Jester on May 11, 2012, 10:41:52 PM
Quote from: En_Route on May 11, 2012, 10:39:44 PM
reinforced by sending me regular donations.
Hey! Hang on a second...!
The spokesperson of the one true World religion is entitled to maintain a certain lifestyle you know.
Provided said 'lifestyle' is that of the crazed hermit, I have no issue...
Quote from: The Black Jester on May 11, 2012, 10:45:54 PM
Quote from: En_Route on May 11, 2012, 10:44:16 PM
Quote from: The Black Jester on May 11, 2012, 10:41:52 PM
Quote from: En_Route on May 11, 2012, 10:39:44 PM
reinforced by sending me regular donations.
Hey! Hang on a second...!
The spokesperson of the one true World religion is entitled to maintain a certain lifestyle you know.
Provided said 'lifestyle' is that of the crazed hermit, I have no issue...
You Incurable old romantic you! It's more Hermes than hermit as far as I'm concerned.
Quote from: En_Route on May 11, 2012, 10:54:33 PM
Quote from: The Black Jester on May 11, 2012, 10:45:54 PM
Quote from: En_Route on May 11, 2012, 10:44:16 PM
Quote from: The Black Jester on May 11, 2012, 10:41:52 PM
Quote from: En_Route on May 11, 2012, 10:39:44 PM
reinforced by sending me regular donations.
Hey! Hang on a second...!
The spokesperson of the one true World religion is entitled to maintain a certain lifestyle you know.
Provided said 'lifestyle' is that of the crazed hermit, I have no issue...
You Incurable old romantic you! It's more Hermes than hermit as far as I'm concerned.
Stylish, I grant you. But I prefer my prophets in hair-shirts and positively raving. The more froth-mouthed and spittle-flecked, the better. On second thought, perhaps it's 'profits' that I prefer, not prophets.