The Enemy: My dad, armed with two fully automatic water guns, plus 2 clips of extra "ammo" like this:
http://www.walmart.com/ip/Monster-High-Gloom-Beach-Dolls-2-for-20-Value-Bundle/15935347 (http://www.walmart.com/ip/Monster-High-Gloom-Beach-Dolls-2-for-20-Value-Bundle/15935347)
The scene: My parent's backyard. I would prefer an ambush, but that's the hard part. Assuming I can somehow lure my dad out into the back yard (perhaps by making use of a supposedly neutral party that is actually in my pocket - like hubby) there is still the problem of how to spring a surprise attack. There are two entrances to the back yard. I can come in through the side gate (which involves trying to creep down a steeply sloped gravel walkway) or through the back door. The back door is still probably about 10 feet away from where he would be sitting, if he were sitting on his patio. The door is a sliding glass door, and given the position of the patio furniture, he would be most likely to be sitting with his side to the door, or facing the door.
The other options involve jumping a 5 ft privacy fence (might be able to do, but don't know how I would get T over safely) or rappeling off of the second story deck that sits over the patio (mostly kidding.)
My allies:
T - Strengths: Totally unafraid of getting wet, total lack of regard for propriety or the fact that my mom has forbidden water guns in her house or within 20 feet of her person.
Weaknesses: Not a great shot, loud, unlikely to be able to hop a 5 foot privacy fence
Hubby - Strengths - Has not been a party to the trash talking between myself, T, and my dad, may be seen (by my dad) as a neutral party
Weaknesses - Can almost be counted on to be a double agent for the enemy if he gets a chance to soak either me or T
So. How do you think I should attack, and what weapons should I bring with me? I was thinking a backpack full of water balloons, and arming both myself and T with big water guns.
Hmmm. Can you pre-position some loaded weapons?
Could T act as a decoy?
How about a booby trap. eg bucket over door?
Quote from: Tank on March 26, 2012, 08:18:03 PM
Hmmm. Can you pre-position some loaded weapons?
Could T act as a decoy?
How about a booby trap. eg bucket over door?
OOoooooh, I like the way you think! I could hide some weapons under their tree or in their bushes and then appear to be unarmed when I enter the backyard, thus putting him at ease.......yes, I like that a lot..... ;D ;D ;D
Don't know how I would rig a bucket over the door, but I do like the suggestion. I'll have to think more on that.....
You could simply walk into the garden with two large glasses of iced water and pour them in his lap, or over his head, or both?
Quote from: Tank on March 26, 2012, 08:26:57 PM
You could simply walk into the garden with two large glasses of iced water and pour them in his lap, or over his head, or both?
*Snort*
This whole thing started because T told my dad that he was going to "squirt (him) in (his) big boy underpants with a water gun." Much trash talking between the 3 of us ensued, and yesterday my dad lured us over to his house on the pretext of seeing their new kitchen cabinets and then shot us up with his new water guns. Dumping a glass of water on his big boy underpants might fit the bill, but I definitely want it to be a more elegant attack.
Well you need to get him to come to you then!
Or you could cling film his toilet?
Tactical Elements
Never expose yourself; keep your blindspots covered by walls or whatnot. Stay alert. Double time. Moving target. Attack from elevated position. Distract enemy with loud sounds and/or diversionary chaos. Guerrila warfare: Strike and then vanish into the brush. Appear again from another vantage point. Keep them guessing.
I should probably mention that I've shot someone in the head before. It's not a pleasant experience.
Oh wait...this is with water guns. You don't need to be so careful then. Have fun. :)
I was gonna say forget the waterguns and water balloons, they're too conspicuous, and use a bottle filled with water or something, but Tank beat me to it. ;D
It's not nearly as fun, but it's bound to work :P
Um...focus on choosing your dad's moves for him? If you pull that off, he'll be water sprayed by the end of the day ;D
If you have a balcony or are willing to position someone on the roof, perhaps, they can also dump a bucket of water from there. It's very effective and unexpected :)
Quote from: The Semaestro on March 26, 2012, 08:59:35 PM
I should probably mention that I've shot someone in the head before. It's not a pleasant experience.
Probably worse from his perspective!
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg710.imageshack.us%2Fimg710%2F9922%2Frimshot.gif&hash=77d5ac078a921ed7ff6be629eed7a4f2ac98bb10)
I would imagine so.
Quote from: The Semaestro on March 26, 2012, 09:29:01 PM
I would imagine so.
Presumably you must have been in a life threatening situation yourself which must have been extremely stressful.
Quote from: The Semaestro on March 26, 2012, 08:59:35 PM
I should probably mention that I've shot someone in the head before. It's not a pleasant experience.
Seriously? Why?
Quote from: Firebird on March 26, 2012, 09:21:31 PM
If you have a balcony or are willing to position someone on the roof, perhaps, they can also dump a bucket of water from there. It's very effective and unexpected :)
Excellent idea! There is a deck above where I could position hubby (or perhaps my brother) with a bucket of water. Of course, as mentioned before, that runs the risk that I would be the one that gets a bucket of water on her head, since neither my husband nor my brother would think nothing of switching sides if they had a good chance to dump a bucket of water on me. But those are the risks you run at war, I suppose.
A massive ranged strike.
Do the rain dance, and if The Asmo sees it and it pleases Him, there may be some heavy rain. ;D
Quote from: xSilverPhinx on March 26, 2012, 09:37:31 PM
Quote from: The Semaestro on March 26, 2012, 08:59:35 PM
I should probably mention that I've shot someone in the head before. It's not a pleasant experience.
Seriously? Why?
War Games in the desert, I'm afraid. He survived, but his face was pretty torn up.
Quote from: Asmodean on March 26, 2012, 10:12:48 PM
A massive ranged strike.
Do the rain dance, and if The Asmo sees it and it pleases Him, there may be some heavy rain. ;D
Does that mean I have to put my rain dance on Youtube and post a link? :D
Quote from: Ali on March 26, 2012, 10:19:20 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on March 26, 2012, 10:12:48 PM
A massive ranged strike.
Do the rain dance, and if The Asmo sees it and it pleases Him, there may be some heavy rain. ;D
Does that mean I have to put my rain dance on Youtube and post a link? :D
Pretty much, yes. (https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffiles.myopera.com%2Fdebplatt%2Fsmiley%2Fangel-wanna-be.gif&hash=324d2b3cdb42f52c0741cc830925bb21d3e579b8)
Rubber rain. Mmm.
Pre-position the garden hose (assuming one is available) with a sprinkler attachment in a strategically selected position and post T at the spigot. Lure your father into the kill box and have T activate the system. Complement this system with my special:
Take standard water balloons, and place them in the refrigerator for some time. The effect of a water balloon with 4 degrees (C) cold water is very shocking.
May also be used on hubby for kicks.
Quote from: Guardian85 on March 26, 2012, 11:10:12 PM
Pre-position the garden hose (assuming one is available) with a sprinkler attachment in a strategically selected position and post T at the spigot. Lure your father into the kill box and have T activate the system. Complement this system with my special:
Take standard water balloons, and place them in the refrigerator for some time. The effect of a water balloon with 4 degrees (C) cold water is very shocking.
May also be used on hubby for kicks.
Kill box! Extra cold water balloons! Big cartoon hearts shooting out of my eyes right about now! :D :D :D
So... No rain dance to appease His Grayness? >:(
Quote from: Asmodean on March 26, 2012, 11:36:25 PM
So... No rain dance to appease His Grayness? >:(
Sorry Asmo, all I could find was this:
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fassets0.ordienetworks.com%2Fimages%2FGifGuide%2Fdancing%2Fsunny2a.gif&hash=f8172a28d2e5165604b6201036ad35c41217d2ea)
Hmm... Yes, BUT His Grayness is not easily pleased today :-\ And nasty house trailer (or whatever that there is), it is kind of displeasing.
Only now did I realise just how much your Grayness looks like a water drop. The surface tension is just so apparent. ;D
Except the eyes, the eyes make you look like a considerably human drop. And a bit of an intact face as well.
Apologies, Your Grayness.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtBbinpK5XI&feature=watch_response (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtBbinpK5XI&feature=watch_response)
Pleased?
Quote from: Ali on March 26, 2012, 11:11:45 PM
Quote from: Guardian85 on March 26, 2012, 11:10:12 PM
Pre-position the garden hose (assuming one is available) with a sprinkler attachment in a strategically selected position and post T at the spigot. Lure your father into the kill box and have T activate the system. Complement this system with my special:
Take standard water balloons, and place them in the refrigerator for some time. The effect of a water balloon with 4 degrees (C) cold water is very shocking.
May also be used on hubby for kicks.
Kill box! Extra cold water balloons! Big cartoon hearts shooting out of my eyes right about now! :D :D :D
I know how to plan a freaking ambush. That much I can do!
Just have to remember to substitute high explosives and sniper rifles for water balloons. ;D
*pointup* Yes. he knows that there. The Asmo, he knows a good carpet bombing or missile barrage when he sees one, but sneaky shit is not how Asmos roll.
Ever seen an evil megalomaniacal genius do things in a sneaky sort of way?
Quote from: Ali on March 26, 2012, 11:11:45 PM
Big cartoon hearts shooting out of my eyes right about now! :D :D :D
Wish I had that effect on more women... ::)
Quote from: Ali on March 27, 2012, 01:08:33 AM
Apologies, Your Grayness.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtBbinpK5XI&feature=watch_response (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtBbinpK5XI&feature=watch_response)
Pleased?
Hmm... A well-enough refined song, but that faial hair is... Is... Well, an abomination. :D
Quote from: Asmodean on March 27, 2012, 08:07:01 AM
*pointup* Yes. he knows that there. The Asmo, he knows a good carpet bombing or missile barrage when he sees one, but sneaky shit is not how Asmos roll.
Ever seen an evil megalomaniacal genius do things in a sneaky sort of way?
Great point. Evil Meglomaniacal Geniuses probably prefer to televise their evil deeds for maximum exposure.
Okay, so here is my plan (glommed from my favorite suggestions)
Before hand, I will sneak over and hide water guns and balloons in the bushes. If I can figure out where their sprinkler timer is (has to be somewhere in the basement) I will also set the sprinklers to go off about 5 minutes after the planned ambush. My parents have inground sprinklers, so it's not as simple as positioning the sprinkler and turning on the hose, and when they go off they are going to get all of us wet, but what the heck, I think that makes a fine grand finale.
I will position Hubby (and/or my brother) on the upstairs desk with chilled water balloons. T and I will lure my dad into the back yard, and then the mayham will begin. I'll ask my mom to lock the back door from the inside, but she may or may not be willing to get involved in my evil plot.....
Make sure to set up a video camera in a safe location, so you can film it for years of embarrassment ( and because we want to see it).
The Asmo also recommends a rain dance before the showdown, just to be prudent. He Who Is The Color Of Storm Clouds may well be in an indulgent mood ;D
Quote from: Budhorse4 on March 27, 2012, 05:10:02 PM
Make sure to set up a video camera in a safe location, so you can film it for years of embarrassment ( and because we want to see it).
+1!
Quote from: Asmodean on March 27, 2012, 05:55:29 PM
The Asmo also recommends a rain dance before the showdown, just to be prudent. He Who Is The Color Of Storm Clouds may well be in an indulgent mood ;D
;D Okay, but I'm NOT posting it on Youtube. ;D
Quote from: Ali on March 27, 2012, 07:22:31 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on March 27, 2012, 05:55:29 PM
The Asmo also recommends a rain dance before the showdown, just to be prudent. He Who Is The Color Of Storm Clouds may well be in an indulgent mood ;D
;D Okay, but I'm NOT posting it on Youtube. ;D
How TYPICAL! >:( Makes an Asmo understand how YHWH must feel >:(
Quote from: Asmodean on March 27, 2012, 08:05:02 PM
Quote from: Ali on March 27, 2012, 07:22:31 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on March 27, 2012, 05:55:29 PM
The Asmo also recommends a rain dance before the showdown, just to be prudent. He Who Is The Color Of Storm Clouds may well be in an indulgent mood ;D
;D Okay, but I'm NOT posting it on Youtube. ;D
How TYPICAL! >:( Makes an Asmo understand how YHWH must feel >:(
*Snort* I love the mental picture of an Asmo and a YHWH commiserating over their disappointing followers.
Quote from: Ali on March 27, 2012, 11:12:11 PM
*Snort* I love the mental picture of an Asmo and a YHWH commiserating over their disappointing followers.
...While smoking pipe and watching the rain fall down in front of a fire place with sinners roasting on the spits.
Quote from: Asmodean on March 28, 2012, 04:13:41 AM
Quote from: Ali on March 27, 2012, 11:12:11 PM
*Snort* I love the mental picture of an Asmo and a YHWH commiserating over their disappointing followers.
...While smoking pipe and watching the rain fall down in front of a fire place with sinners roasting on the spits.
Didn't I actually give you a pipe for christmas one year?
Quote from: Asmodean on March 28, 2012, 04:13:41 AM
Quote from: Ali on March 27, 2012, 11:12:11 PM
*Snort* I love the mental picture of an Asmo and a YHWH commiserating over their disappointing followers.
...While smoking pipe and watching the rain fall down in front of a fire place with sinners roasting on the spits.
Nothing like the smell of sinners on a cold rainy evening. It's cozy; reminds me of my childhood home.