God's used to hand out commandments but these are different times.
Many god like beings/things vie for our attention, we as consumers have the right to demand certain things, if established providers of divine services can't compete, we'll just move on. I advise the old gods to move on too, there are opportunities out there if they just get with the times, join the clear and transparent tender process.
I haven't got my requirements in point form yet but I'd like some consistency, when is it OK to kill? That sort of stuff.
Human laws are messy, I want my god law to shine so brightly that twisting it would shame even a priest.
A good teacher who knows his subject should be able to explain it simply, these are democratic days, truth shouldn't be owned by an elite.
If god wants to communicate can he do it directly, paint it on the moon maybe, no more priestly intermediaries.
Of course I want the everlasting unimaginably, wonderfully wonderful afterlife, I pass on the virgins though, that's creepy.
If I'm spending time in a body that feels pain and suffering, do you think you can lay off condemning me for enjoying the good bits that follow from having skin?
Mosquitoes and the other biting bastards, I want them smited immediately as an expression of good will, they are an abomination.
Maybe the candidate gods could submit resumes and appear for interviews?
I would require safe, pleasant, instantaneous teleportation to and from anywhere in the galaxy, free of charge forever, available to anyone who shows up. Think Stargate.
I would also require invulnerability to all harm for all humans forever.
Also an Earth-like planet orbiting every star in the galaxy, with each of these planets having unique flora and fauna found nowhere else.
Also telepathic communication between any two humans, with distance not at all a factor.
Quote from: Pharaoh Cat on December 21, 2011, 01:41:32 PM
I would also require invulnerability to all harm for all humans forever.
I would dispute this, the ability to feel pain is one of our best defense mechanisms.
My biggest requirement would be that they show that they exist without the need of people to transmit any message. Indisputable proof.
Maybe if it could remove all of the really tragic elements of human suffering - painful degenerative diseases, starvation, exploitation, genocide. I think some conflict is necessary, because without it I don't think we'd really be human, but maybe if a god could remove some of the truly horrible stuff, it'd be worth having around.
Oh, and if there was an actual infallible god, it would make the legal system so much easier. There'd be no "reasonable doubt this" and "burden of proof" that. An actual god would know who was guilty. That'd be helpful, in a pragmatic sense. Though, I don't see how we could get a God involved in any element of our day to day lives with it becoming a total dictator over all of our lives.
In short, I'm not convinced I want one.
It must free the human tracheal design from choking.
Quote from: wildfire_emissary on December 21, 2011, 04:43:13 PM
It must free the human tracheal design from choking.
Thanks wildfire, you do know we don't see enough of you?
This God should also redesign the human body so that the disposal system is no where near the reproductive system.
I can't remember which comedian I heard this from or if it even was a comedian...I liked the thinking, but then thought to myself..."Is he really complaining about the human body we all love and cannot get enough of through tight leggings, high heels, thong bikinis, crotchless panties, all kinds of porn...and so on. (thinking as a guy here)
I'd really like to see what some person's idea of a better body design/evolution is for a woman (and man for that matter) if there is one. Apparently these people with complaints don't like sex? I don't really understand the point.
Maybe a loving and intelligent god could answer why he specifically designed deadly viruses that only infect human cells?
Quote from: xSilverPhinx on December 21, 2011, 05:01:43 PM
Maybe a loving and intelligent god could answer why he specifically designed deadly viruses that only infect human cells?
I don't quite see it that way, but I do understand the point/question. What helps me in understanding, not fully, but partially at least, is the question; Does light create dark or is dark a natural by-product of light?
Quote from: AnimatedDirt on December 21, 2011, 05:37:18 PM
Quote from: xSilverPhinx on December 21, 2011, 05:01:43 PM
Maybe a loving and intelligent god could answer why he specifically designed deadly viruses that only infect human cells?
I don't quite see it that way, but I do understand the point/question. What helps me in understanding, not fully, but partially at least, is the question; Does light create dark or is dark a natural by-product of light?
I don't get it. So you're saying that god didn't create human viruses?
Quote from: AnimatedDirt on December 21, 2011, 04:57:13 PM
I'd really like to see what some person's idea of a better body design/evolution is for a woman (and man for that matter) if there is one. Apparently these people with complaints don't like sex? I don't really understand the point.
Too many, so may woman died giving birth a century back, if I was then I'd have known what to want.
Quote from: xSilverPhinx on December 21, 2011, 02:46:16 PM
Quote from: Pharaoh Cat on December 21, 2011, 01:41:32 PM
I would also require invulnerability to all harm for all humans forever.
I would dispute this, the ability to feel pain is one of our best defense mechanisms.
But if we're invulnerable to all harm, we wouldn't need defense mechanisms.
Quote from: Pharaoh Cat on December 21, 2011, 11:33:14 PM
Quote from: xSilverPhinx on December 21, 2011, 02:46:16 PM
Quote from: Pharaoh Cat on December 21, 2011, 01:41:32 PM
I would also require invulnerability to all harm for all humans forever.
I would dispute this, the ability to feel pain is one of our best defense mechanisms.
But if we're invulnerable to all harm, we wouldn't need defense mechanisms.
I had interpreted it to mean that we didn't
feel harm, but still could be harmed. The alternative, that nothing would be capable of harming us didn't even cross my mind :P
You mean to say that even if a person were to leap from a considerable height and plummet to the ground at high speed they would still get up and walk...intact? If so that could be an interesting world indeed.
Quote from: The Magic Pudding on December 21, 2011, 06:01:11 PM
Quote from: AnimatedDirt on December 21, 2011, 04:57:13 PM
I'd really like to see what some person's idea of a better body design/evolution is for a woman (and man for that matter) if there is one. Apparently these people with complaints don't like sex? I don't really understand the point.
Too many, so may woman died giving birth a century back, if I was then I'd have known what to want.
The kangaroo reproductive system is way superior to that of a human. Given the right environment a kangeroo can out reproduce a human any day.
Ever-growing teeth would be nice, like a rodent's. Or layers of teeth, such as a shark's, though that would make our mouths look a bit funny.
Dentists would all be out of a job. ;D
Quote from: Tank on December 22, 2011, 10:04:37 AM
Quote from: The Magic Pudding on December 21, 2011, 06:01:11 PM
Quote from: AnimatedDirt on December 21, 2011, 04:57:13 PM
I'd really like to see what some person's idea of a better body design/evolution is for a woman (and man for that matter) if there is one. Apparently these people with complaints don't like sex? I don't really understand the point.
Too many, so may woman died giving birth a century back, if I was then I'd have known what to want.
The kangaroo reproductive system is way superior to that of a human. Given the right environment a kangeroo can out reproduce a human any day.
I'd agree, human reproduction isn't that great. Especially now that there seems to be an unexplained infertility epidemic going on. There are many, many creatures that are far more efficient/effective at it.
The process of ageing isn't ideal, I tend to save good things for last, only flibbertigibbets and scoundrels do otherwise. The Benjamin Button model isn't great either. I wouldn't mind metamorphosing every thirty years, say into a seal, or an otter, a pelican, wombat, turtle or bandicoot.
Quote from: Tank on December 22, 2011, 10:04:37 AM
The kangaroo reproductive system is way superior to that of a human. Given the right environment a kangeroo can out reproduce a human any day.
Since you included my point/question, are you saying you're more attracted to the body of a kangaroo than that of the human female simply on the point that a kangaroo can out reproduce a human any day?
Quote from: xSilverPhinx on December 22, 2011, 12:17:10 AM
You mean to say that even if a person were to leap from a considerable height and plummet to the ground at high speed they would still get up and walk...intact? If so that could be an interesting world indeed.
Hey, if some dude or dudette wants the God job, I say put up or shut up! ;)
Hell, I figure I should add a few more requirements. Having already proposed invulnerability from Superman's bag of tricks, I'll toss in the others. Let every human be strong enough to lift a skyscraper, fast enough to reach the sun in a matter of minutes, able to fly there by an act of will, and able to see what's going on there from Earth without a telescope!
If we were to have a soul it should be on the outside like in the "his dark materials trilogy" books.
Quote from: The Magic Pudding on December 21, 2011, 04:48:04 PM
Quote from: wildfire_emissary on December 21, 2011, 04:43:13 PM
It must free the human tracheal design from choking.
Thanks wildfire, you do know we don't see enough of you?
Welcome. Now I know that you noticed I've been absent. Well, I'm finishing my dissertation in educational management. It's a rough ride getting data from my respondents. Thanks for asking. Have a happy christmas! Btw, why aren't you wearing a santa hat?
1) All graven images will be shown on grilled cheese (not Velvetta) sandwiches.
2) I will respond to all whom ask openly as a booming voice from the sky. Don't worry, I can multi-task.
3) I am tired of dealing with people I run into in the hallways and have to stop and chat with to be polite. I will remain visible but will avoid you nonetheless...of course, this is remanded by requirement #2.
4) Every Wednesday, I will change the computers that Amazon does their auto-replies to a human that can really answer the question's that many of us are asking right now.
5) For entirely selfish reasons: Saturday will be 6 hours longer. at the moment my partner and I are working in different places and Saturday is the only full day we get to spend together. Of course, those that don't have the luxury of working regular hours Monday to Friday probably wouldn't thank me.
6) During the summer months for one day each month, everyone will celebrate me by throwing a party. Barbecue grills would be de rigeur. There will be contests in grilling grilled cheese sandwiches (not Velvetta) and chili and home brew. The grilled cheese winner will have the honour of having my likeness sitting on a dais on the winners porch. There will be beer brewing contests, and every house will present a sample of its home brew or spirits before the graven grilled cheese sandwich.
7) At a theatre, the arm rest on the left is yours.
8 ) The disclaimer on Allstate Auto Insurance advertisements that say "Not available in all states" will be rectified.
9) If a person dies and then springs back to life *wink wink* will get their money back for the coffin.
10) Those of you who bowl, swaying your arms hither and thither thinking the action will change the direction of the ball are idiots unless invoking #2 or by chance you catch me in a really good mood in #3.
11) Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron? This is not a requirement, I'm just trying to understand you puny humans.
12) From this moment henceforth it will be considered rude for a deaf person to sign to me with their mouth full of food.
There is no 13 because it scares me.
14) Transvesites and sex changers that have not yet gone through the operation goes missing, you will put their face on a carton of Half and Half.
15) It is legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as you are following the direction of the traffic.
16) Indeed and verily, say I, when you "skate on thin ice", you may "get in hot water".
17) When it becomes time, woodpeckers will not be allowed on the ark.
18) Yes little Johnny, if a bee is allergic to pollen it would get the hives.
19) There is an exception to every rule, including this one.
20) To be announced...
Nice list Gawen, I probably shouldn't tell but your tender is prefered at the moment.
I should warn you though, presentation is important. If you are going to use stone use decent stone that doesn't break if the old delivery guy trips.
Quote from: The Magic Pudding on December 22, 2011, 02:17:11 PM
I wouldn't mind metamorphosing every thirty years, say into a seal, or an otter, a pelican, wombat, turtle or bandicoot.
Ooh! I like it! I'm ready for my cat years! :)
Quote from: Gawen on December 24, 2011, 04:10:08 PM
7) At a theatre, the arm rest on the left is yours.
Hey righties! Vote for me and be comfortable! I'll send the lefties to Hell. >:(
Quote from: Gawen on December 24, 2011, 04:10:08 PM
9) If a person dies and then springs back to life *wink wink* will get their money back for the coffin.
Money? Ha! I'll give them brain pudding! Hey zombies! Vote for me!
Quote from: Gawen on December 24, 2011, 04:10:08 PM
12) From this moment henceforth it will be considered rude for a deaf person to sign to me with their mouth full of food.
Hey deaf people! Vote for me and munch out!
Quote from: Gawen on December 24, 2011, 04:10:08 PM
There is no 13 because it scares me.
Hey Lumen from season five of Dexter - and all her fans! Vote for me!
Quote from: Gawen on December 24, 2011, 04:10:08 PM
17) When it becomes time, woodpeckers will not be allowed on the ark.
Hey woodpeckers! Vote for me!
*laffin*...
And if you're a bandicoot, we can call you Flash.