My parents broke up when I was 12. It still haunts me. I'm now 43.
Mine separated when I was 17.
Does it effect negatively?
For me it did. How could it not, unless its an abusive parent that leaves?
Quote from: xSilverPhinx on June 29, 2011, 11:50:23 PM
Mine separated when I was 17.
Mine too, but it wasn't the split that bothered me it was the reason why (mom got hooked on drugs and was impossible for any sane person to deal with; she seems to be off them now though)
I think the whole situation made me mature as a person even though it did create some negative experiences during the worst times. I don't think I have any residual trama from it and it has made me more understanding of others who come from messed up families and of those who are suffering from addiction. It has also taught me to learn when to quit trying to fix someone and when further contact is only enabling.
No sense worrying over past, or even present, events that you can't change.
Quote from: Whitney on June 30, 2011, 04:55:23 AM
Quote from: xSilverPhinx on June 29, 2011, 11:50:23 PM
Mine separated when I was 17.
Mine too, but it wasn't the split that bothered me it was the reason why (mom got hooked on drugs and was impossible for any sane person to deal with; she seems to be off them now though)
I think the whole situation made me mature as a person even though it did create some negative experiences during the worst times. I don't think I have any residual trama from it and it has made me more understanding of others who come from messed up families and of those who are suffering from addiction. It has also taught me to learn when to quit trying to fix someone and when further contact is only enabling.
No sense worrying over past, or even present, events that you can't change.
My story in comparison doesn't seem so bad when compared to yours, my father was cheating on my mother, she eventually found out and the rest is history. I assume it's the most common reason...
At this point I don't really know if it affected my life more negatively than positively, and there's also no point in speculating about what might've happened in an alternate universe where they never split up in the first place.
...Broken in oh, so many ways. Not the reason for my mess though. Did that on me own, with great success.
I've never understood why one would call it a "broken home." It seems more like a broken home when two people are "staying together for the kids" than being responsible and splitting up. I think there would be too much resentment for however many years parents find out they aren't a good couple or find out they don't love the other person as much as they used to and yet staying together. Would there not be even more damage caused if one cheats on another?
Not sure, but divorcing even with children seems more like a fix to a broken home than breaking a home that is already broken.
Quote from: Davin on June 30, 2011, 04:48:09 PM
I've never understood why one would call it a "broken home." It seems more like a broken home when two people are "staying together for the kids" than being responsible and splitting up.
There are many ways of effectively breaking a home, you know... Some do not involve divorse at all. Alcohol and drug abuse, for instance, can do it quite efficiently.
Quote from: Davin on June 30, 2011, 04:48:09 PM
Not sure, but divorcing even with children seems more like a fix to a broken home than breaking a home that is already broken.
I am unsure of this. I think at a young age children can't understand why mummy and daddy seperate. They certainly don't like mummy or daddy having a new relationship and most definately struggle with the new person trying to be authoratative and mummy or daddy like.
I have seen it in my friends, they become very rebelious, it causes many issues.
As a kid, my parents used to argue alot. They even threatened to split, i found it terrifying at the time. Now as an adult, I wonder why they didn't split, I feel they might have had happier lives if they had. As an adult I can see my parents as people now, I no longer have a dependancy on them, so can sympathise for them. I could never have acheived this level of understanding as a dependant child.
Quote from: Stevil on July 01, 2011, 11:00:42 AM
Quote from: Davin on June 30, 2011, 04:48:09 PM
Not sure, but divorcing even with children seems more like a fix to a broken home than breaking a home that is already broken.
I am unsure of this. I think at a young age children can't understand why mummy and daddy seperate. They certainly don't like mummy or daddy having a new relationship and most definately struggle with the new person trying to be authoratative and mummy or daddy like.
I have seen it in my friends, they become very rebelious, it causes many issues.
As a kid, my parents used to argue alot. They even threatened to split, i found it terrifying at the time. Now as an adult, I wonder why they didn't split, I feel they might have had happier lives if they had. As an adult I can see my parents as people now, I no longer have a dependancy on them, so can sympathise for them. I could never have acheived this level of understanding as a dependant child.
I am unsure of it as well. Perhaps the problems in bahavior could be corrected by being honest about the reasons behind the break up and/or by divorcing befoore things get really ugly. I've seen behavior problems due to a child witnessing intense arguments with parents as well as what you mentioned. I guess I'll just have to find a bunch of studies to read to get a better picture than my obviously biased anecdotal evidence.
I don't like the term broken home myself. No family is perfect or "normal." You sadly deal with the cards you're given.
My parents divorced when I was 6, but the thing that affected me was my mom somehow gaining full custody over me even though she was a terrible alcoholic. My dad (whom I am very close with) was always in the picture, but legally he couldn't do much for me.
I still have issues by being very uncomfortable around people who drink. I'm pretty social, but I don't go into bars or clubs. I feel a bit bitter over a lot of my childhood my mom took from me. It sounds like an annoying clique,but I was forced to grow up to care for her around 13.
I'm a lot better now at 25, but scars like that almost never fully heal.
-Sweetdeath
My parents left when I was 2... well 2 and a half but who cares. My Dad was a little abusive but he isn't anymore. Once beat my brother for peeing while sitting down on the toilet. Then didnt do anything while I was having a seizure... So yeah, my parents are great :-\
Quote from: YoungAtheist on July 10, 2011, 08:17:26 AM
My parents left when I was 2... well 2 and a half but who cares. My Dad was a little abusive but he isn't anymore. Once beat my brother for peeing while sitting down on the toilet. Then didnt do anything while I was having a seizure... So yeah, my parents are great :-\
So were you brought up by foster parents, adopted or relatives?
Quote from: Tank on July 10, 2011, 12:52:30 PM
Quote from: YoungAtheist on July 10, 2011, 08:17:26 AM
My parents left when I was 2... well 2 and a half but who cares. My Dad was a little abusive but he isn't anymore. Once beat my brother for peeing while sitting down on the toilet. Then didnt do anything while I was having a seizure... So yeah, my parents are great :-\
So were you brought up by foster parents, adopted or relatives?
What I meant to say was, my parents split up... Oops xD
Quote from: YoungAtheist on July 10, 2011, 04:59:59 PM
What I meant to say was, my parents split up... Oops xD
And you stopped with your mum?
My parents split up when I was 14.
They were not "in love" and my father was verbally abusive, so it was no real shock. I was bitter then, but no about the split. After the split, everyone seamed to go their separate ways and just left me. I had a roof, that was about it. As I got older and realize sh%t happens, I put on my big girl panties and moved on. I am the only one who communicates with everyone in my immediate family. The rest don't talk to one another.