Happy Atheist Forum

Hello. I recently have deconverted, recently as in like two months ago. My doubts started arising 3 years ago in church when I heard sermons on how to talk to god. When I would sit down and pray like I was told to, I felt like I was just talking to myself. This past year is when I really started questioning my faith. My girlfriend (who is a Christian) and I started having sex and I started wondering how she could be OK with having sex when her religion directly spoke out against pre-marital sex. I started observing at alot of Christians doing the same type of thing and wondered if they had God in their heart, how could they being doing the crap that they are doing. Do they not feel convicted. Then it hit me. Of course they don't. God is most likely imaginary and therefore there is no conviction from him. I began researching Atheism and realized that the God of the bible simply doesn't fit. If he was God and his word is truth, then he would have made his word less ambiguous and contain 0 contradictions. Why would god kill people one day (aka the people of Jerricho) and then the next day claim it to be a sin. This is because God was made up by barbaric tribes and then was reformed as humanity started to better understand philosophy, law, and morals. Atheism just makes since to me. I have just now told both my family and girlfriend about my deconversion. My family is OK with it and my girlfriend wants to still date me, but she wants to stop having sex to get closer to god. I didn't even tell her that us having sex caused me to look around and notice the reality of religion. So anyways, I'm having a rough time with handling the loss of sex that I was accustomed to. I love her very much and am willing to stay with her regardless of sex, its just that every time I touch her, I want to get intimate and its hurting me to hold back. I feel like I have to hold myself back completely and not even touch her at all. Despite this negative downside to my deconversion I still believe it was the right choice. So I just want to say Hey, I'm an atheist like most of you. How are you guys?

Hi, welcome! I'm new here too.

I've been an atheist for a little over 10 years, and throughout most of that time I never really talked about it. I still don't talk about it to anyone I know in person. I really admire you for being able to confront the people you are close to. I haven't been confident enough to do that. I think it's really helpful to have like-minded people to talk to about how you feel, especially when you are so surrounded by people who carry on believing what you can't allow yourself to believe anymore.

Welcome!

Hi UTKid

Welcome to HAF.

Regards
Chris

Perhaps this wise quote from the great Ryan Reynolds will help you to sort out your feelings:

QuoteWith women, there are really only two options. Either she doesn't sleep with you and there's really no reason to ever call her again. Or she does sleep with you... and there's really no reason to ever call her again.

At any rate,

Bonvenon al la Forumo!
[spoiler:3fiylwwo]Welcome to the Forum![/spoiler:3fiylwwo]

Nice to see another who De-converted himself. I think we will both benefit from this.

Welcome!

Hello UTKid,

First of all welcome. I am happy for you that you found a path to Atheism. As for the situation with your girlfriend, I think it might be a good thing to ask her how she intends to get closer to God (I am assuming that no longer having sex is not the end the the mean). Then try to see if the end cannot be achieved through some other mean. For instance, she wants to feel closer to God, maybe she could volunteer at a shelter, or at her church etc… Helping other people is often a way for us to give a meaning to our lives (which is what I'm assuming she means when she says she wants to get closer to God). By the way, on a different note, I do not know how long it is going to take her to feel close enough to God, but one thing is clear (for us), since there is no such entity, this is a potentially infinite endeavor   . Nevertheless, it is important for you to respect other people's spiritual journey, so do try to help her. As far as sex goes, you both have feeling for each other, as well as physical attraction, so it would not be far fetched to assume that given enough time, and thinking on your girlfriend's part, she will realize that sex is perfectly natural in a healthy couple.

Quote from: "UTKid"I'm an atheist like most of you. How are you guys?

In many key aspects, just like regular human beings...

So kindof an update. My girlfriend broke up with me like 3 weeks ago due to my deconversion. I am heartbroken that she chose a man she cant even see or touch or hear over me, but owell. It was expected and it is probably for the better.

Hello UTKid.

Welcome to HAF. I haven't come across a deconvertion story like yours before. I'm a bit confused. Are you saying that your girlfriend didn't mind having pre-marital sex with another Christian, but not with an atheist?

Maria.

Hi UTKid,

Sad to hear but most likely for the best (probably doesn't feel like it now). There are many atheists and theists that have lasting relationships, if her intolerance to your lack of faith was the cause for the split there was probably a high likelihood that if you hadn't "deconverted" the relationship would have gone the same direction due to another difference of opinion.

On another note there is nothing in the bible against foreplay so if you ever find yourself in a similar situation (as described in your first post) there are many fun intimate things to do without penetration.

Quote from: UTKid on May 11, 2011, 09:45:37 AM
So kindof an update. My girlfriend broke up with me like 3 weeks ago due to my deconversion. I am heartbroken that she chose a man she cant even see or touch or hear over me, but owell. It was expected and it is probably for the better.

Bummer! But better now than later.

Welcome!

Researching the Bible & it's other teachings tends to turn a man to atheism or agnosticism. I f only everyone read it and used some common sense.

Welcome!

Wow!

Your "deconversion" story sounds a bit similar to mine, though I think yours happened much faster than mine did. Good for you, thinking for yourself despite what you've been told to believe!

I hope things go well with you and your girlfriend. It sounds like you two still care for each other, and things may be able to work out. However, I would warn you that - later on - she may not be comfortable dating a non-Christian, especially if she feels that you two should stop having sex to get closer to god (because obviously, in her mind, that premarital sex stuff is a sin).

Hi UTKid, welcom to HAF!

I have a few things to say about your story and the wole situation that you wrote about. But I wont say them here for fear of being to confrontational.

And ah, FYI, I'm a Catholic.  ;D

So again, Welcome!!

Welcome, shitty about the girlfreind. I have just recently gone through a divorce, long story, my ex and I are still on good terms though which helps. Now I am having a really hard time finding someone of the oppisite sex that undrstands my turning to atheism. I dated a couple of girls that said they were ok with it, then kept trying to convert me back christianity. When they realized It was not some sort of phase I was going through they dropped me like a hot potatoe. I am not even overly choosey, I just want a partner who respects my beleifs and has some similance of intelagence. The search goes on!