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Getting To Know You => Laid Back Lounge => Topic started by: JuggernautJon on March 12, 2011, 12:20:20 AM

Title: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: JuggernautJon on March 12, 2011, 12:20:20 AM
My friend and I have this discussion quite frequently. Usually occurring during a session of killing zombies on my xbox...or watchin zombie movies, new or old. We always get to the "what if this really happened" topic. So, I want to know some varying opinions.  In the totally awesome, yet seriously unfortunate event of a zombie apocalypse what would you do? Where would you go? Would you give into the multitude of mindless monsters (nice alliteration, eh?), or fight with everything in you to save the most precious thing you possess, your brain? I'll present some parameters for this scenario. These zombies are vicious! Not "Shawn of the Dead" zombies...but some "28 Weeks Later" zombies. Chasing furiously after you once they find you. And yes, if you are bitten, you will become one of them.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Extropian on March 12, 2011, 01:23:07 AM
Quote from: "JuggernautJon"My friend and I have this discussion quite frequently. Usually occurring during a session of killing zombies on my xbox...or watchin zombie movies, new or old. We always get to the "what if this really happened" topic. So, I want to know some varying opinions.  In the totally awesome, yet seriously unfortunate event of a zombie apocalypse what would you do? Where would you go? Would you give into the multitude of mindless monsters (nice alliteration, eh?), or fight with everything in you to save the most precious thing you possess, your brain? I'll present some parameters for this scenario. These zombies are vicious! Not "Shawn of the Dead" zombies...but some "28 Weeks Later" zombies. Chasing furiously after you once they find you. And yes, if you are bitten, you will become one of them.

In my younger years I confess I was a devotee of similar horrors and fantasies.

But there were zombies that could be killed and others that couldn't be. If you can't kill one, how can you defend yourself?

The monkey reference might be somewhat subtle for some if they are unaware that Chimps regularly supplement their diet with monkey meat.

Extropian
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Whitney on March 12, 2011, 01:36:03 AM
My husband has already established that he will trip me to distract the zombies...but not if I trip him first!
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: The Magic Pudding on March 12, 2011, 01:39:33 AM
butane in my veins so I'm out to get the junkie

A ship would be good, but no doubt someone would leave the ship to check on their grandma, get bitten, return to the ship, hide their wound, turn zombie and I'd have to get to work with my cricket bat.

Has anyone done a survey to see whether Pascal's Wager or zombie threads are more common?
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: JuggernautJon on March 12, 2011, 01:56:04 AM
Haha! Oops, forgive my noobness on the topic at hand. Wasn't aware that its a dead horse......zombie horse?
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: JuggernautJon on March 12, 2011, 02:03:18 AM
Quote from: "Whitney"My husband has already established that he will trip me to distract the zombies...but not if I trip him first!

And then suddenly you both trip and succumb to the zombie horde! But hey, being a zombie isn't all that bad...I'd think of it as a second chance.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: The Magic Pudding on March 12, 2011, 03:09:02 AM
Quote from: "JuggernautJon"Haha! Oops, forgive my noobness on the topic at hand. Wasn't aware that its a dead horse......zombie horse?
That's OK, zombies are always good.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Will on March 12, 2011, 04:19:43 AM
Quote from: "JuggernautJon"In the totally awesome, yet seriously unfortunate event of a zombie apocalypse what would you do? Where would you go? Would you give into the multitude of mindless monsters (nice alliteration, eh?), or fight with everything in you to save the most precious thing you possess, your brain?
Immediately, I would want to get some basic protections in place. I'd grab my gas mask from the garage, along with my 8 lb. axe. I'd grab either my work jeans or my cargo pants, work boots, and leather jacket. I'd probably also grab my tool belt because you never know. Once I was in a position to confront the undead, I'd go about securing my family and my dog. I'd save my little brother and beagle first because they live with me and I'd be stronger with them than without them, then I'd find my grandmother and my parents. If possible, I'd try to save as many people as possible along the way. Once I have everyone, I'd head over to the Chevy dealership and steal a Silverado diesel with two diesel tanks and fill it up there at the dealership. Before skipping town, I'd need to hit a Home Depot or Orchard Supply for gardening plants, tools, a generator, and long-term survival gear. The ultimate plan would be to abandon all the most populated areas and head North East into Montana to start a farm out in the middle of nowhere. I'd use G00gle Earth on my phone to locate the absolute farthest location from anything.

After 6 months to a year, I'd venture back into civilization in order to determine how bad the infection really is. Hopefully the undead would have died off from starvation by this point, but it's obviously important to be totally sure. If the undead are gone, it's time to locate other survivors and repopulate, create civilization again. With any luck, the bedrock foundation of the new human civilization will be one of brotherhood, altruism, peace, and the pursuit of knowledge.

If I can find no one, then the responsibility becomes creating a safe, permanent record of Earth's history up until Z-Day for any future intelligence, so that all we have done is not lost. A solid state drive can theoretically last for thousands and thousands of years if kept in a place shielded from electromagnetics and the elements. I'd probably put together a server farm and go around the world collecting computers and servers in order to put together all of the encyclopedias, literary works, news stories, art, music, and such I can. The idea would be to have as complete a record of human history and accomplishment as I can in a lifetime.

If the undead show no signs of naturally dying off, a different strategy will have to be employed. It would be nice if a city could be retaken and fenced off, but that would take a great deal of time, effort, and manpower, none of which would be available in a time of dwindling ammunition and scattered out survivors. I think the best thing would be to retake an island, somewhere big enough to support significant agriculture but that's remote enough so that swimming undead are unlikely to come across it. If N can get my family and some supplies to a boat and get to an island, we can make a refuge. Maybe a beacon can be set up with instructions on how to get to the island.

With a little luck, our species could survive.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: JuggernautJon on March 12, 2011, 06:08:49 AM
That is probably the best zombie survival strategy I've ever read. Mine usually never get off the roof of Wal-Mart, lol. Lock the doors...get some grub, shoot some zombies. ...now that I've read your idea, I'm not so sure what would happen to me once the food goes bad, or the ammunition runs out. I guess I'd head up to Montana and try to find you haha.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Will on March 12, 2011, 07:34:21 AM
Zombie apocalypse? Party at Will's house!  :headbang:
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Asmodean on March 12, 2011, 07:40:00 AM
Quote from: "Will"Zombie apocalypse? Party at Will's house!  :D
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: hismikeness on March 12, 2011, 01:30:46 PM
I would collect sun and seed packets and plant all manners of plants to protect my brains from the zombie onslaught.
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Flaughingsquid.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2Fplants-vs-zombies-20090526-184913.jpg&hash=c83f9a34daddbfc87b23de810c8fd43fd6ec42ce)
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Cecilie on March 12, 2011, 01:37:21 PM
I don't have a plan. I'm pretty sure I'd become a zombie pretty early and I'm fine with that.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: The Magic Pudding on March 12, 2011, 01:58:18 PM
I have an image of shock jocks pointing out brainy offenders and their audiences, not quite in chorus saying braiaiains and setting out to consume the socially progressive under-miners of society.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Asmodean on March 12, 2011, 02:10:36 PM
Hmm... Let me see... *thought bubble* Asmodean's perfect world. It's a warm and overcast summer day. Asmodean is smoking a cigarette out of his own personal infinite smokes pack. Suddenly, ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!

What does Asmodean do?!  :crazy:
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: The Magic Pudding on March 12, 2011, 02:23:12 PM
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FkT32G.png&hash=d9a8bd4abc8c7b0d56ac825c4db2025622e35a91)
It seems you have to have a nose to smoke, just be thankful it's too late for a white goat with round glasses.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Asmodean on March 12, 2011, 02:31:00 PM
Quote from: "The Magic Pudding"(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FkT32G.png&hash=d9a8bd4abc8c7b0d56ac825c4db2025622e35a91)
It seems you have to have a nose to smoke, just be thankful it's too late for a white goat with round glasses.
Ah! But you seem to have forgotten that the events take place in Asmodean's perfect world thoughtbubble  :D
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: The Magic Pudding on March 12, 2011, 02:46:25 PM
Quote from: "Asmodean"Ah! But you seem to have forgotten that the events take place in Asmodean's perfect world thoughtbubble  :D
But how can I possibly conceive of this Asmodean thougtbubble without first turning into insentient clay?
Anyway there are probably lots of people that want you dead in however a fictional a reality you create, so some body doubles are worth an internet or two.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Asmodean on March 12, 2011, 03:03:29 PM
Quote from: "The Magic Pudding"Anyway there are probably lots of people that want you dead in however a fictional a reality you create, so some body doubles are worth an internet or two.
Oh, there are a lot of murderous survivors hellbent on not letting Asmodean the Thoughtbubbly get his world domination, but... The plans are in motion  :D
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Jolly Sapper on March 14, 2011, 04:44:20 AM
hehe.. working on a farm as we speak.  

The missus has a fairly large supply of seed stock and her older brother is a bit of a gun nut.  So me and the wifey do what we can to evac her older brother his wife and their six kids (She's catholic).  Fortify the house and the yard where we currently have 150 chickens and 25 ducks and 8 dogs and a fairly sizable garden.  Maybe if the threat level was low enough we'd barricade the horses and the goats into their barn.  When the threat level in the immediate vicinity (probably somewhere between line of site and half a mile) is low we'd make contact with the neighbors and work out the logistical supply side of things, clean potable water, bathing water, reloading supplies, watch towers, generators/recharging supplies for portable electrical devices like walkie talkies, organize a QRF (probably mounted on horses to conserve on fuel), work on getting fuel and motor vehicles secured so as to be used for the heaviest of lifting or a mass evac if/when needed.  I guess I'd have more time to relearn all the stuff in my Combat Engineer bible and finally put to use all of the really old "How to do damn near anything" books that my wife and I have the nasty habit of collecting and never reading.

If we survived, cool beans, if not, oh well.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Extropian on March 25, 2011, 12:52:07 AM
Asmodean,
                 Step 2: killing spree, with the zombified people who are high on my deathlist going first.

                 Can't help wondering who's at the top of your deathlist and who else is listed besides zombies.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: xSilverPhinx on March 25, 2011, 02:50:43 AM
Difficult to say, other than I would first focus on fortification, strategy and then attack.  :|
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: The Magic Pudding on March 25, 2011, 03:02:45 AM
Quote from: "Extropian"Asmodean,
                 Step 2: killing spree, with the zombified people who are high on my deathlist going first.

                 Can't help wondering who's at the top of your deathlist and who else is listed besides zombies.

If I was you I wouldn't worry too much about that.  
Not when people who ask disrespectful questions go on to the list for prolonged exquisitely tuned torture.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: proudfootz on March 25, 2011, 10:58:23 PM
I suppose I'd probably fight for my life at first, but I live in a heavily populated area - things could get real sticky between panicky living and hordes of the undead.

But being busy would make the time pass quickly...
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: februarystars on April 07, 2011, 07:24:13 AM
Offer them cookies.

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fa2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ak-ash2%2F149173_648049985899_42812394_35654449_1338582_n.jpg&hash=4b88a9bbfd226775159fff5fa5096640cc0a9827)
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Twentythree on April 07, 2011, 09:43:27 PM
Clearly long term strategy would entirely depend on the natural decay rate of the undead, and whether or not they can sustain themselves on anything other than human flesh or brains. If zombies starve to death or decay quickly then employing a mobile strategy would work best, not allowing the hoards to zero in on your location. I’ve always thought this to be a more desirable strategy, yet in most Zombie stories survivors have this uncanny knack to get trapped inside someplace. Often it’s a place loaded with supplies, like a shopping mall, other times it’s just a small house out in the country. On the other hand if the zombies are long lasting or can feed on various other living things, then a counter offensive would be necessary. I’ve often thought that the best counter offensive to a zombie invasion would be fire. Fire is often an underutilized resource in combating the undead, flammable materials of all types are in abundance to us, so much more so than guns and bullets that I can’t see how fire, i.e. Molotov cocktails, Styrofoam napalm, torches, burning tires, would not be a more desirable weapon than guns.

The way I see it any survivors you collect you can use as bait, including yourself. In many zombie stories the undead seem to have trouble with the basics of opening doors so getting a large confounded crowd of them to surround a structure seems to be fairly simple. After you’ve amassed your crowd, get to the roof and see to it that generous amounts of flammable fluids are poured down on the onslaught. To make this more efficient you could soak toilet paper or paper towel rolls in the flammable fluids, you could also use towels blankets and any other type of porous materials to add to the fuel. The fuel could be a simple as cologne or rubbing alcohol, oven cleaner, or anything else with a flammable warning on it. Then just light the bastards up. As a matter of fact by that point many of them may be leaking their own flammable materials in  the form of methane or other gasses associated with decomposition. Starting fires is easy, shooting a charging bloodthirsty undead freak precisely in the head while running away…frighteningly more difficult.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: xSilverPhinx on April 09, 2011, 09:34:31 AM
Fire is a good one actually, cheap stuff.

Quote from: "Twentythree"...shooting a charging bloodthirsty undead freak precisely in the head while running away…frighteningly more difficult.

lol

Though using movies as a reference, zombies hardly ever move very fast. You could run circles around them and shoot them many times over.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: Asmodean on April 09, 2011, 09:46:11 AM
Quote from: "The Magic Pudding"
Quote from: "Extropian"Asmodean,
                 Step 2: killing spree, with the zombified people who are high on my deathlist going first.

                 Can't help wondering who's at the top of your deathlist and who else is listed besides zombies.

If I was you I wouldn't worry too much about that.  
Not when people who ask disrespectful questions go on to the list for prolonged exquisitely tuned torture.
When I rule the world, Pudding will be my minister of evil deeds  :headbang:
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: JuggernautJon on April 09, 2011, 07:22:19 PM
Quote from: "xSilverPhinx"Difficult to say, other than I would first focus on fortification, strategy and then attack.  :|

Boring, yes. But textbook, nonetheless.
Title: Re: in the time of chimpanzees, i was a monkey
Post by: JuggernautJon on April 09, 2011, 07:27:03 PM
Those cookies look spectacular, by the way.