Happy Atheist Forum

Had an encounter today that I really want to share with someone.
Got to render a mormon missionary completely speechless. :confused:
I left him standing there with his jaw on the pavement.

Quote from: "Guardian85"Had an encounter today that I really want to share with someone.
Got to render a mormon missionary completely speechless. :confused:
I left him standing there with his jaw on the pavement.

Sweet! It's moments like that that make life worth living  

Yes very nice, but if I am to rehearse such a quip, is it really accurate to claim evolution as the origin of all life?
Origin of species seems a safer claim.

Well, that is different.

Sweet!

I'll tell you how to get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses.  When I was in high school, they used to come to my parents' house all the time.  During the summer, when I was off school working night shift, I would be sleeping during the day.  My parents worked days, so I was the only one home.  I heard the doorbell (forgot to turn it off that day) and rolled out of bed barely opening my eyes on the way to the door.  I opened the door and saw a woman in her late 30s/ early 40s and a teenage girl (I assume it was probably her daughter).  

About two seconds after I opened the door they looked down, their eyes got really big and their jaws dropped to the floor, and the woman mumbled something to the girl and they left without saying a word to me.  I finally opened my eyes all the way and looked down.  Not only was I too tired to put on a shirt or pants, but I didn't check the flap on the front of my boxers, and mini fester was out getting some air, and he seemed excited about that.

In no way did I mean to do that, and I'm very glad they didn't call the police for something that was completely unintentional.  But they never came back as far as we know.

Quote from: "fester30"I'll tell you how to get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses.  When I was in high school, they used to come to my parents' house all the time.  During the summer, when I was off school working night shift, I would be sleeping during the day.  My parents worked days, so I was the only one home.  I heard the doorbell (forgot to turn it off that day) and rolled out of bed barely opening my eyes on the way to the door.  I opened the door and saw a woman in her late 30s/ early 40s and a teenage girl (I assume it was probably her daughter).  

About two seconds after I opened the door they looked down, their eyes got really big and their jaws dropped to the floor, and the woman mumbled something to the girl and they left without saying a word to me.  I finally opened my eyes all the way and looked down.  Not only was I too tired to put on a shirt or pants, but I didn't check the flap on the front of my boxers, and mini fester was out getting some air, and he seemed excited about that.

In no way did I mean to do that, and I'm very glad they didn't call the police for something that was completely unintentional.  But they never came back as far as we know.

Wow. I never thought of flashing the Jehovah's Witnesses to get rid of them. Pretty original strategy, there.  

Quote from: "fester30"I'll tell you how to get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses.  When I was in high school, they used to come to my parents' house all the time.  During the summer, when I was off school working night shift, I would be sleeping during the day.  My parents worked days, so I was the only one home.  I heard the doorbell (forgot to turn it off that day) and rolled out of bed barely opening my eyes on the way to the door.  I opened the door and saw a woman in her late 30s/ early 40s and a teenage girl (I assume it was probably her daughter).  

About two seconds after I opened the door they looked down, their eyes got really big and their jaws dropped to the floor, and the woman mumbled something to the girl and they left without saying a word to me.  I finally opened my eyes all the way and looked down.  Not only was I too tired to put on a shirt or pants, but I didn't check the flap on the front of my boxers, and mini fester was out getting some air, and he seemed excited about that.

In no way did I mean to do that, and I'm very glad they didn't call the police for something that was completely unintentional.  But they never came back as far as we know.

   EPIC!

A simple "no thanks, I'm an atheist" seems to work for me.

If I have nothing else going on, I'll have a conversation with them.  I've only been doing this for about a month so I have some pretty limited experience with it.  However, at the very least the few people I've talked to, as well as one military chaplain, left the conversation realizing they needed to study the Bible a bit more since the atheist was running a scriptural end-around on every argument they presented.  It's how I feel every time I debate someone on baseball.  Every time I try to prove the Cubs are the best ever, I walk away feeling the need to research more ways to make my point.

Quote from: "JoeBobSmith"Just  ask a Mormon why "Prophet Smith" was so insistent on fucking his own adopted daughter from one of his many wives

If I was a Mormon, that would be an easy one.  Helloooo, the key word is "adopted."  She's not really related if she's adopted, just ask Woody Allen.  He did it and people still see his movies.  Therefore there should be nothing wrong with people going to Smithy's church.

I think fester30 wins this one.

Ehh... just send them to my door.  90 pound hyper dane mix, black, prone to foaming at the mouth due to seizures when she gets too excited and my screen door latch is not the best at keeping her in.

Works every time.

Quote from: "Cecilie"I think fester30 wins this one.

 :)

*grumbl mumble* I posted a response to this thread earlier, but apperantly that "convinenet" disconnection made it disaper into the void....*sigh*

Oh well, I'll just write it again. It was something I read from Irc-quotes. Basicly a guy had answered a door and a Jehovan Witness gave him the usual Q&AWIW (Question & Answer What I Want) intorduction. Well, the guy said he wasn't interested, and the Witness just shoved one of his fliers in to his hands calling him "A child of (/from) Satan". Well, our guy decided to get even, took the flier and his lighter, went to his balcony (he lived in an appartment building), and as the Witness was leaving, set the flier on fire. Wish I could have seen the guys face...

But yeah I agree, fester wins this one.

Quote from: "history_geek"*grumbl mumble* I posted a response to this thread earlier, but apperantly that "convinenet" disconnection made it disaper into the void....*sigh*

Oh well, I'll just write it again. It was something I read from Irc-quotes. Basicly a guy had answered a door and a Jehovan Witness gave him the usual Q&AWIW (Question & Answer What I Want) intorduction. Well, the guy said he wasn't interested, and the Witness just shoved one of his fliers in to his hands calling him "A child of (/from) Satan". Well, our guy decided to get even, took the flier and his lighter, went to his balcony (he lived in an appartment building), and as the Witness was leaving, set the flier on fire. Wish I could have seen the guys face...

But yeah I agree, fester wins this one.

The story would be better if he had set a bible on fire.

Mormons? Aww, man!! Really? That's what this thread is about? And here I thought it was going to be about trying out a new type of sex position. Damn.  

I have a couple of second-hand stories about this.  A friend of my teen-aged daughter's reports that she had a couple of Mormons come to her door.  She saw them, screamed "STRANGER DANGER!" at them, flung the coffee from the cup she was holding at them, and then slammed the door.  I don't know their reaction, but apparently they weren't back.

A friend of mine reports having more fun with the Mormons who tried to convert him.  He told them all about his deep and serious worship of Thor.  Not only did they leave very quickly, but later when they were walking back up the street they saw his wife outside the house and crossed the street to avoid walking near her.

There's a video on YouTube of a couple messing with missionaries.  The husband stood at the door, and told them quite clearly "I don't speak English."  They tried to leave him some literature, to which he replied "Is it in English?  I'm sorry, I won't be able to read it, I don't speak English."  He apologized at length for not understanding them, then went and got his wife, who had been doubled over with laughter in the next room.  She also told them that "This is not an English-speaking household, sorry".  The missionaries never seemed to get the joke.

I'm ready for the next bunch in my neighborhood.  I have my Pirate Hat, my copies of the Gospel of the FSM and The Loose Canon, and several explanatory pamphlets.  Let's see how long they can take what they are dishing out!

Quote from: "terranus"Mormons? Aww, man!! Really? That's what this thread is about? And here I thought it was going to be about trying out a new type of sex position. Damn.  

Thread would be much better for it.  Wallsex FTW.

I just had a conversation with the Chaplain today.  When he saw me, he came over, shook my hand, and welcomed me back from my deployment.  He said "you popped into my head recently."  I told him I hoped it was a good thing, then asked why, what was I doing.  He said he doesn't know why or what it was about but that I had just popped into his head.  So I said that perhaps it's because he was doing some jogging and got bored because I wasn't leading PT (which I do sometimes and always make it fun, or at least funny).  He said no, that it was something spiritual (he doesn't know I'm atheist, nobody at work does yet, as I just got back from deployment).  

After I heard it was "something spiritual" I called him out on it.  I asked if he had ever called the psychic friends network.  He was perplexed.  I said that "popped into my head" or "thinking about you for some reason" or "felt like you had a rough time with something" is a classic psychic trick that I know they teach at the seminary.  Say something general like that, because most people have something in their somewhat recent future that was saddening, whether a dog died, a parent was in the hospital, a big screen TV was stolen, disagreements with God, etc.  So when the person tells you what vexes them, you say something like "yeah that's it, and it made you feel sad!  You need God/a palm reading/an encyclopedia set."  

He smiled sheepishly and said "got me."  Then I told him I'm an atheist.  He started to say something and I stopped him politely, and told him that I like him, I don't mind talking to him about anything, even religion, but that right now I'm sort of in a rush, because I just got home 2 weeks ago after being away from my wife for 6 months and now I want to get my stuff done so I can get back home to her.  I'm sure we'll talk, and it'll be a fun exercise of wits because he's not the type to get angry.  But today, I won, and Chaplain Sylvia Browne lost.

First off, welcome back to the States, and thanks for serving your country overseas. I'm supposed to go over sometime in September...but it's not finalized yet...and since they cancelled my last deployment that was supposed to happen in January, I don't know what to expect anymore.

Second off,

QuoteChaplain Sylvia Browne

You said "He". You sure that's a he? Never heard of a guy named "Sylvia" before. Hmm...

[youtube:3a2uq3y3]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMXD4iwklcI[/youtube:3a2uq3y3]

Quote from: "terranus"First off, welcome back to the States, and thanks for serving your country overseas. I'm supposed to go over sometime in September...but it's not finalized yet...and since they cancelled my last deployment that was supposed to happen in January, I don't know what to expect anymore.

Second off,

QuoteChaplain Sylvia Browne

You said "He". You sure that's a he? Never heard of a guy named "Sylvia" before. Hmm...

"Chaplain Sylvia Browne" was a little tongue-in-cheek.  Yes, it was a male Chaplain, and of course, I won't use his real name here.  Sylvia Browne is a very famous psychic.  Since I was comparing his tactics to those that psychics use, I thought it was rather clever to call him Chaplain Sylvia Browne.  I often think I'm more clever than I am.  As much as I hate to admit it, I suppose I'm rather Dennis Miller for that one.

Ah. Never heard of a Sylvia Brown before, so I guess that's why it all went straight over my head. Makes sense now though.

Pretty nice, if only I had the opportunity.

A little bit of backatcha to the mormons and how upset they get!

I don't mind their in-your-face stuff because I'm always armed and ready for them.

These people are already well prepared for an assault on your beliefs. 99% of the time the average householder is utterly vulnerable with defences in disarray. The LDS is at a huge advantage and they make cunning use of it.

I'm quite averse to unpleasant confrontations, preferring to take them on at their own game, and a modicum of erudition is all one needs. It's interesting to see their reaction when you grasp a point they seem to be making and you put the atheist POV on it. Always end with a question when you do because then they're on the back foot. Keep insisting if they hedge and then condescend to go on to another topic after asking pointedly why they won't answer.

Be polite and take the initiative from them every time you can.

Don't be abusive or angry, take them on and give them an intellectually tough time.

Extropian

Quote from: "Extropian"A little bit of backatcha to the mormons and how upset they get!

I don't mind their in-your-face stuff because I'm always armed and ready for them.

These people are already well prepared for an assault on your beliefs. 99% of the time the average householder is utterly vulnerable with defences in disarray. The LDS is at a huge advantage and they make cunning use of it.

I'm quite averse to unpleasant confrontations, preferring to take them on at their own game, and a modicum of erudition is all one needs. It's interesting to see their reaction when you grasp a point they seem to be making and you put the atheist POV on it. Always end with a question when you do because then they're on the back foot. Keep insisting if they hedge and then condescend to go on to another topic after asking pointedly why they won't answer.

Be polite and take the initiative from them every time you can.

Don't be abusive or angry, take them on and give them an intellectually tough time.

Extropian

Or meet them at the door in overalls holding a shotgun and tell one of them "I know you're the sumbich who put my daughter in her condition, so now I'm gonna take you to the hitchin' so's you can make her an honest woman."

I kind of have a soft spot for Mormon missionaries. A lot of them are really sheltered growing up, and then the church just slaps a tie on them, puts them on a bicycle, and thrusts them into some town halfway across the country. There was a pair of them a couple of doors down from my apartment last year, and they were so adorable. My dad's side of the family are all Mormons, and my uncle boards missionaries from all over. He usually brings them into the restaurant where I work, and they are just so innocent and naïve.

That being said, they believe some crazy, crazy shit.