Happy Atheist Forum

Here's the place to put the "who would win in a fight" conversations/debates.

Rules: Two combatants fight to the death, no matter how unlikely, and in the event of immortal contestants they fight until one or both give up or cannot fight any longer.

Try not to have curbstomp battles, like Harry Potter vs. Dr. Manhatten.

To start things off I propose:

Uatu the Watcher vs. Zeus.

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.interzone.com%2F%7Echeung%2FHeroclix%2FP%2FUatu.jpg&hash=76c5cce0e8417160da71cbafa5b1ec8802be60d5)

VS.

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffc06.deviantart.com%2Ffs21%2Ff%2F2007%2F271%2F7%2Ff%2FGran_Zeus_by_el_grimlock.jpg&hash=b4042ff0f63b21600400a162d482911a55fcc317)

Link to Uatu's bio: http://marvel.wikia.com/Uatu_%28Earth-616%29

Zeus of course can shoot lightning, transform, and is REALLY big and strong.

I've forgotten the obligatory Superman vs. Goku post! You can't have one of these kind of things without that.

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Black hole vs. white hole

ah crap, I went and made it racial.

...You might as well have said ass vs. mouth.

That being said white hole would win, because I don't trust the other one. It just takes, and takes... The white hole actually GIVES.

In simple terms a black hole is the grinch, and a white hole is santa...

Which means that eventually a black hole turns good, and eventually a white hole snaps and becomes an evil robot from neptune.

Quote from: "Byronazriel"...You might as well have said ass vs. mouth.

That being said white hole would win, because I don't trust the other one. It just takes, and takes... The white hole actually GIVES.

In simple terms a black hole is the grinch, and a white hole is santa...

Which means that eventually a black hole turns good, and eventually a white hole snaps and becomes an evil robot from neptune.

For many people, especially in the media and political arenas, I can't tell the difference between their asses and mouths.  

Batman vs Spiderman

Now, as for the Goku vs. Superman thing. It really depends on WHICH Goku and WHICH Superman... But nine times out of ten Superman wins.

The most powerful Goku vs. the weakest Superman is a little different. Superman's original powers were JUST that he's "Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound."

I'd think that he'd put up a good fight, but Goku could win if he took him seriously and fought as best he could.

That being said, Goku COULD beat DCAU Superman, the one I'm most familiar with, but only if they fought several times and Goku trained specifically with beating him in mind. I admit it's been a while, but I don't think that Saiyans have a glass celing upper limit.

Superman's defualt, everyone should now this power set is: Flight, super strength, invulnerability, super speed, super senses, and heating and cooling things with his breath and eyes.

His weaknesses include: Kryptonite, magic, psionics, and sufficient trauma... But so far the only case of anyone beating Superman using good ol' fashioned fisticuffs I can think of off the top of my head is when Darkseid did so.

Kryptonite and psionics can be safely disregarded, thus Goku would have to rely on the other two. Does anyone know if chi counts as magic?

If it does then Goku has a decent advantage, if not then the ONLY way that Goku could win is to become at least as strong/powerful as Darkseid.

Which I believe he can accomplish given sufficient time, so my conclusion is that Superman would win the first time, and maybe a few times after that, but eventually Goku would surpass him.

Quote from: "DropLogic"Batman vs Spiderman

Given enough prep time Batman can, and will beat ANYTHING!

But if the two of them met for the first time, and neither were aware of the other's powers or reputation then Spidey wins... But then Bats wins every other time they fight afterward.

Spiderman 1, Batman infinity.  

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.funbumperstickers.com%2Fimages%2FStar_Wars_Yoda2.jpg&hash=7786549c0e624009c609c0be2ccf2af907968dde)

Vs.

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.infamouskidd.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F07%2Fgandalf.jpg&hash=fa27c0d684586902fa43ffe13c8d6de665fb526c)

My inner nerd weeped with both joy and sorrow as I typed this, my outer nerd very nearly had a nerdgasm.  

Anyway, Yoda versus Gandalf.

Yoda like 99.9% of the time.
Doesn't Gandalf need his staff to focus his power?
Yoda just uses the force mang.

I'll admit I'm not an expert on either, but isn't Gandalf like a god or something?  

I watched the movies, but I only ever read The Hobbit... and then only because I was in juvvie at the time.

Edit: For truancy, I'm not a hardened criminal... Honest!

Jesus vs God..err..the holy ghost...err himself...
fuck.

Pfft, Jesus rides the short bus. His dad would whip his ass with a divine belt.

The way I understand the Christian Holy Trinity is that God is Stan Lee, the Holy Ghost is Jack Kirby, and Jesus is Steve Ditko.

Or alternatively: God is Superman, the Holy Ghost is the Martian Manhunter(Or the Green Lantern/Wonder Woman), and Jesus is Batman or Aquaman.

Which would make Lex Luthor Satan... Where was I going with this metaphor?

My only question is who is Goku?  

He's an anime character, from Dragon Ball.

I've been thinking about it, and it might make even more sense if Alan Moore was god, Steve Ditko was the Holy Ghost, and of course Neil Gaiman is Jesus.

Snorlax

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.testriffic.com%2Fresultfiles%2F11008snorlax.jpg&hash=10d1addd455ec78f97cf0dceed3e56c8940b67f1)

VS.

Captain America

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.eatsleepgeek.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F04%2Fcaptain-america-card.jpg&hash=989f61bea44a0d5d786f9a7211abdf8bc1b0df9b)

Snorlax knows Hyper Beam, Rollout, Rest, and Yawn. He is holding a Sitrus Berry.

Quote from: "Byronazriel"He's an anime character, from Dragon Ball.

...And what's Dragon Ball..? And is it well animated, unlike pokemon and that BS..?  

(Sorry, Pokemon-fans, but it IS poorly made)

The Goku I was talking about earlier is from Dragon Ball Z, and DB GT. Dragon Ball took place when he was much younger.

Here's a clip from youtube, it has a song played over it.

It was well animated... For it's time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yu-g83G-JB8

 

Quote from: "Asmodean"

Quote from: "Byronazriel"He's an anime character, from Dragon Ball.

...And what's Dragon Ball..? And is it well animated, unlike pokemon and that BS..?  

(Sorry, Pokemon-fans, but it IS poorly made)

They're all garbage--western animation, too.

...There have been quite a few anime that are far from garbage!

Elfen Lied, Monster, Paranoia Agent, Black Lagoon, Hellsing, Lupin The Third, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rurouni Kenshin, Cowboy Bebop, Azumanga Daioh, Grave Of The Fireflies, Ghost In The Shell, Akira, Nausicaa Of The Valley Of The Wind, Serial Eperiments Lain...

Western animation is just starting to be excepted as an actual storytelling medium that can do far better than it is doing currently, I wouldn't be surprised to see more serious/artsy things from it in the coming years.

Quote from: "Heretical Rants"They're all garbage--western animation, too.

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (CGI), Pincess Mononoke and Resident Evil: Degeneration(CG) are among those I wouldn't count as bad.

To me, it boils down to the level of detail (Not discussing the storylines here - just how pretty it is to look at)

EDIT: Yup. What I thought. That YT vid is my very definition of bad.

The best mix of visual appeal, and all around awesomeness I can think of is Black Lagoon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44hiDGZ2ZrI

Though visually speaking Elfen Lied can't be beat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTqThoDgOc4

Though I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the show in general, it is visually stunning.

Quote from: "Byronazriel"Though visually speaking Elfen Lied can't be beat.

The first one I mentioned does it easily.

Elfen Lied is better than most though, even if motion is often poorly rendered.

EDIT: I AM sorrt of comparing a Jaguar to a Hyndai, I admit, since the productions I've mentioned are full-length movies with full-length budgets. Cool graphics, they cost money. Still, cool is cool and everything else is everything else.

Wasn't FF:TSW the one that was REALLY creepy looking?  

Quote from: "Byronazriel"Wasn't FF:TSW the one that was REALLY creepy looking?  :pop:

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.moviesteak.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2007%2F09%2Ffinalfantasythespiritswithin.jpg&hash=def76b65ae908862d61a69c1be83d8bc74e4d0ab)

How is that in any way NOT creepy.

Cartoons should be cartoony, and people should be peopley... Cartoons shouldn't ever be peopley.

There's a certain point when live action is just the better option, and it is several steps behind that thing.

Quote from: "Byronazriel"Cartoons should be cartoony, and people should be peopley... Cartoons shouldn't ever be peopley.

There's a certain point when live action is just the better option, and it is several steps behind that thing.

What gives you that idea and where exactly is that point?

Opinion, and here's a handy chart.

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahangliss.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F07%2Funcanny_valley_chart.jpg&hash=69baf4bf16b4b791927f265574f837a50a8e2eb8)

Quote from: "Byronazriel"Opinion,

An opinion you present as the absolute truth.  

And your graph says nothing about where the line (or the point) goes (is)

At what point does art stop being art, and begin being only paint on paper?

At what point does noise become music?

My point is that things should be what they are, the line is crossed when a cartoons pretend to be people.

The opposite, people pretending to be cartoons, is no less creepy.

[youtube:28zmqk0v]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8rGdUT_IH8[/youtube:28zmqk0v]

Quote from: "Byronazriel"At what point does art stop being art, and begin being only paint on paper?

At the point where it does not express emotions or provoke emotional response from at least a large minority of the viewers (And that's just one defining factor)

QuoteAt what point does noise become music?

Replace viewers with listeners, then reverse the above.

QuoteMy point is that things should be what they are, the line is crossed when a cartoons pretend to be people.

In The Spirits Within, they did not. In fact, they advertised it as a fully animated movie.

QuoteThe opposite, people pretending to be cartoons, is no less creepy.

While I find most superhero movies to be utter crap, I can see nothing creepy in them at all.

Superhero movies aren't about people being cartoons, they're about people having powers and being heroes.

When Edward Norton pretends to be banner it is not creepy, and even when he's replaced by a cgi thingie it's still not particularly creepy.

Because it's not pretending to be a person, it is the Hulk.

Though that most recent Superman was kind of creepy...

They may have advertised it as an animated movie, but they MADE it trying to imitate live action.

Now, to get back on topic I propose Zorro vs. Han Solo.

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fpaul.renaud75.free.fr%2FZorro1.jpg&hash=d8d46ce0af22ef9e26ec2b23a832a02952f151d9)

Versus

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F_EzjGcmWh7KA%2FS94GUHTus9I%2FAAAAAAAABFc%2FXTIpapB6vGY%2Fs1600%2F20100503%2BHan%2BSolo.jpg&hash=f1dc4aa5b44fda8672146e1eb3b28f60e3a00f8d)

Quote from: "Byronazriel"but they MADE it trying to imitate live action.

Of course. Just like cartoons tend to - only poorly. People still tend to walk, talk, fall and do many other things live people do - it only looks drawn on paper.

Quote from: "Byronazriel"Now, to get back on topic I propose Zorro vs. Han Solo.

Easy. Guy with a gun and the experience to use it slaughters the other guy. That, my friend, is why guns replaced swords on the battlefield.

Zorro's delt with guns, and have you seen any Star Wars movies? Blasters are slow, and easily deflectable.

I say Zorro wins, but if Han shoots first...  

Archangel Michael vs. Hellboy.

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fpetawilkinson.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F11%2F1Archangel_Michael.jpg&hash=ab2d34d7a87b5220ef991924f122bd6cdeb9e00d)

Versus

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcache.kotaku.com%2Fassets%2Fresources%2F2006%2F10%2FHellboy-thumb.jpg&hash=c5d7d5a1998928c2c9155d60e281bbcc17229988)

Quote from: "Byronazriel"Blasters are slow, and easily deflectable.

Try deflecting a ball of burning plasma with a regular sword, and you may be in for a surprise  

For the next one, again, the guy with a gun if he knows how to use it. Unless of course you can't kill an angel with a gun, which would be cheating.

Hmm, that's a good point. Is there any chance he could get his hands on a light saber?

One of Michael's domains is healing, so I assume that means he can heal from it... But then again, so can hellboy.

Edit: Wait... I might be thinking of Raphael, I'll look it up.

Quote from: "Byronazriel"Hmm, that's a good point. Is there any chance he could get his hands on a light saber?

In 1700s or whatever..? I highly doubt it...  

Star Wars took place WAAAAY before that.

Quote from: "Byronazriel"Star Wars took place WAAAAY before that.

Precisely. And in a FAAAR away galaxy besides.

Okay. If Han Solo remained incased in carbonite, and was freed somehow in colonial california he'd have an advantage... If he was frozen with his gun.

If Zorro somehow went back in time, and across the universe where he somehow found a light saber he'd have the advantage.

As for the kill an angel with a gun thing, I couldn't find much but I found this:

Luke 20:36 ...And they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God's children, since they are children of the resurrection.

And I would assume that he'd get the whole little Nicky thing where if he dies he just goes back to heaven, and he can just pop back down.

Quote from: "Byronazriel"And I would assume that he'd get the whole little Nicky thing where if he dies he just goes back to heaven, and he can just pop back down.

Which, as stated, makes the vs. proposition a cheat  

Quote from: "Byronazriel"In the event of immortal contestants they fight until one or both give up or cannot fight any longer

Ladd Russo vs. Hei-BK201  

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi48.tinypic.com%2Fj14p6a.jpg&hash=f2e89b94729aca2044dd314b8a27a82c4682656c)

Versus

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.youtube.com%2Fvi%2F9OaMSw4w9fg%2F0.jpg&hash=8986931d7ee7cebaf9510400f8709c4be85ab4d0)

Ladd is a psychopath with normal human stats, but Captain America level feats. Ladd fought a fighter of Hei's level to a near stadstill before.

Hei is an assasin who has electricity powers that have to be channelled through a conductive material, he is very fast and agile. Batman level feats. Hei has proven able to dodge, and parry bullets.

What the hell, man, is it crazy season in this forum?

Byronazriel, just start posting pornography and get it over with.

Too much gore?

I'll switch from youtube tags, to straight links.

Everything seemed pretty tame to me, I've seen worse from dropped bottles of ketchup... I'd rate them PG 13.

Quote from: "Byronazriel"Too much gore?

I'll switch from youtube tags, to straight links.

Everything seemed pretty tame to me, I've seen worse from dropped bottles of ketchup... I'd rate them PG 13.

That kind of perception will serve you very well indeed in your career as a writer.

Oh, I never rate my own work. I'm biased, I have an objective party review everything I write before posting/publishing.

Quote from: "Byronazriel"Oh, I never rate my own work. I'm biased, I have an objective party review everything I write before posting/publishing.

Well then get that objective party to review these posts of yours before you hit the submit button.

Okay fine. No blood, no sex, no nudity, and no cursing.

Man, you're unbelievable, you know that? You're just too good to be true.

Thanks, I guess?  

The Incredible Hulk vs the Horseman of War.

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fgeekoutonline.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F303px_Hulk_003.jpg&hash=1846a564b9e6e530b81b8c74b0deaa43d64f461c)

Versus

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Okay, I'll play.

Thor:

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F_-6GpLZf8QBo%2FTInbsqOosvI%2FAAAAAAAAAE0%2FK2W0KzEMxLQ%2Fs1600%2FThor-Viking-gods.jpg&hash=01e09ec7f57ea7d7f747a26f5f0f10aa0253024e)

Vs.

A ninja:

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ninjaonline.co.uk%2Fmedia%2Fgbu0%2Fprodsm%2Fninjasuit.jpg&hash=76360c9e63950d3dac1f820e9840f53b860e5458)

I predict Thor will win. He has a magic hammer (Mjolnir).



Chuck Norris:

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fintrawebnet.com%2Fchucknorris%2Fimages%2Fchuck_norris_2.jpg&hash=6ae3fa57e950939aa6a4e9012be26d43539b64b7)

Vs.

Anyone.

Why, Chuck Norris of course.


Bruce Lee:

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.myclassiclyrics.com%2Fartist_biographies%2Fimages%2FBruce_Lee_Biography.jpg&hash=9da423eed7cc2a96cbf968150143a7e78c3ef271)

Vs.

Rickson Gracie:

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn2.ioffer.com%2Fimg%2Fitem%2F449%2F048%2F96%2FricksonGracie.jpg&hash=2dd9c23b9a61e45229aa1363424391d4bbf3cf01)

I predict Rickson by arm bar, :45 into the first round.  

Well, it really depends on the ninja. Are you saying any ninja, or a just a random ninja?

Wolverine or Deadpool should be able to beat him.

Batman could beat Chuck, given enough prep time.

Predator:
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.avatarist.com%2Favatars%2FMovies%2FPredator%2FPredator2.jpg&hash=c86307e92fdd122023552931061f1f7fc7dcb1f5)

versus

Dracula:
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.avatarsdb.com%2Favatars%2Fdracula.jpg&hash=be680ca5682c4d91470409841e1c28edd3275bd3)

Zombies, which we will define as ambulatory and infectous dead people with the urge to kill and/or eat living stuff. They may or may not be under the thrall of a necromancer.

Vs.

Robots, which we will define as metallic, artificial orginisms capable of coming in any shape or size with certain limitations, may or may not be under the control of a mad engineer or AI hive mind.

I give the advantage to the robots, because they are immune to the infection.

Quote from: "Byronazriel"Zombies, which we will define as ambulatory and infectous dead people with the urge to kill and/or eat living stuff. They may or may not be under the thrall of a necromancer.

Vs.

Robots, which we will define as metallic, artificial orginisms capable of coming in any shape or size with certain limitations, may or may not be under the control of a mad engineer or AI hive mind.

I give the advantage to the robots, because they are immune to the infection.

What's going on with you Byron, that's no competition at all.
To be fair the zombies would have to have a huge numerical advantage, or cricket bats.
Zombies with angle grinders could be a worthy opponent.

Hmm, good point. Would robots vs. ghosts be better?

You might end up with a ghost in the machine, then you'll be in trouble.

Astromech droids VS Dwarves. The Dwarves have hammers and axes.

Quote from: "Byronazriel"Astromech droids VS Dwarves. The Dwarves have hammers and axes.

Why can't dwarves have machine guns..? I'm sure if I was a dwarf in the right US state, I could buy one... The law does not prohibit dwarves from being gun owners, does it..?

folklorish LoTR dwarves, not dwarfs the diminutive humans.

Dwarves haven't been brought so low that they buy their arms at shops have they?
What do they do all day in their caverns now, watch Doctor Phil?
Tell me it isn't so.

Quote from: "The Magic Pudding"Dwarves haven't been brought so low that they buy their arms at shops have they?
What do they do all day in their caverns now, watch Doctor Phil?
Tell me it isn't so.

Midget shows  :P

Awesome!  I finally found a thread where I can post this image!  Who would win - Santa or the Easter Bunny?

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.tinypic.com%2F1zgqr04.jpg&hash=b007429b0db981b7fd8bbdb5af0372182b662143)

Quote from: "Inevitable Droid"Awesome!  I finally found a thread where I can post this image!  Who would win - Santa or the Easter Bunny?

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.tinypic.com%2F1zgqr04.jpg&hash=b007429b0db981b7fd8bbdb5af0372182b662143)

It doesn't matter, cause whoever ends up winning will end up getting punked by baby jeezus sitting there. Sure, it looks like he's innocently nibbling on a chocolate easter bunny ear, but he's just waiting for them to weaken each other so that he can fuck them up.
In the battle of fantasy holiday characters, baby jeebuz is king!  

Quote from: "Ihateyoumike"It doesn't matter, cause whoever ends up winning will end up getting punked by baby jeezus sitting there. Sure, it looks like he's innocently nibbling on a chocolate easter bunny ear, but he's just waiting for them to weaken each other so that he can fuck them up.
In the battle of fantasy holiday characters, baby jeebuz is king!  

I don't disagree that this has been the case, but that faun looks like it's up to something.
It's plainly planning evil whilst staring straight at Jesus's back.
And Jesus look rightly worried.