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So I've been friends with this girl I like since high school. I didn't make a move on her in high school because I liked another girl (who completely stopped talking to me after graduation) and she had a boyfriend at the time. Now she's been single for over a year now and I find that I'm actually into her. Except the problem is that I'm pretty much in the "friend zone" with her since she seems to talk to me like any other friend and will occasionally ask me for advice. I actually went to a party with her, her cousin, and one of her friends and I really wanted to grind on her, but I wasn't sure if it would've made her feel awkward since we're just friends. We're both sophomores at two different universities, but I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I could really use some advice from you guys

The only way out of the friend zone is to ask her out...but do so knowing that if you go out and later break up that the friendship probably won't survive.  The worst she can do is say no and you might even be able to pretend you were joking depending on how the conversation progressed.

Youtube user "lacigreen" made a not bad video on this very subject this week.

Maybe helpful, maybe not (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAVRNA1l1wM). Either way, I wish you luck!

Quote from: "Whitney"The only way out of the friend zone is to ask her out...but do so knowing that if you go out and later break up that the friendship probably won't survive.  The worst she can do is say no and you might even be able to pretend you were joking depending on how the conversation progressed.

Yeah, but that's the thing, if it doesn't work out I'd at least want to remain friends with her...

Well, you could always delegate her to the rape zone, but the relationship gets complicated afterward if you do.

Quote from: "Godless"

Quote from: "Whitney"The only way out of the friend zone is to ask her out...but do so knowing that if you go out and later break up that the friendship probably won't survive.  The worst she can do is say no and you might even be able to pretend you were joking depending on how the conversation progressed.

Yeah, but that's the thing, if it doesn't work out I'd at least want to remain friends with her...

aaahhhhh, just go for it.

at your age, you have too much life to live to worry about making the friendship awkward or whatever.

and if you do date a little and it ends and the friendship is over, by then you'll have living more life and making more friends anyway.

most likely you'll outgrow each other in the long run, so why not try

Very difficult to get out of the friend zone.  The only way I know how to do it is to separate for a while and then, on the subsequent meeting, flirt outrageously.  Maybe take her in your arms and kiss her.  This works surprisingly well.

I've always found copious amounts of alcohol really help you get over that friend-zone fence. It usually goes something like this:

  :beer:  :sleep:  :hide:  

Quote from: "Godless"

Quote from: "Whitney"The only way out of the friend zone is to ask her out...but do so knowing that if you go out and later break up that the friendship probably won't survive.  The worst she can do is say no and you might even be able to pretend you were joking depending on how the conversation progressed.

Yeah, but that's the thing, if it doesn't work out I'd at least want to remain friends with her...

It's very rare for anyone to date seriously and then go back to friendship mode.  So, you just need to consider that a risk of pursuing more than friendship...I say go for it if you think you have a chance.

Not that it can't be done...it's just rare and requires that both sides agreed it was a mistake to date in the first place but still enjoy each other non-romantically.

You could go for friends with benefits...but sounds like that's probably not your kind of thing.

Keep in mind that the only real way a straight male and female can be friends without it naturally becoming romantic is if they are either both too shy to make a move or one of two doesn't find the other attractive romantically....I still say go for it it's worth the risk if you think she's a good match for you.

Do you guys think it would be worth it to try to ask her out now? We go to different schools and I won't be able to see her unless we're on break.

Quote from: "Godless"

Quote from: "Whitney"The only way out of the friend zone is to ask her out...but do so knowing that if you go out and later break up that the friendship probably won't survive.  The worst she can do is say no and you might even be able to pretend you were joking depending on how the conversation progressed.

Yeah, but that's the thing, if it doesn't work out I'd at least want to remain friends with her...

That's untenable unfortunately, unless she's made of really strong stuff. Take it from me, nipping it in the bud now is far FAR better than 10 years of wistful longing and ultimately, a very broken heart...

I've been there mate. Not pleasant. Ask her asap or prepare yourself for a very sad existence.

Quote from: "Godless"Do you guys think it would be worth it to try to ask her out now? We go to different schools and I won't be able to see her unless we're on break.

If you can maintain a long distance friendship I'm not sure how a long distance dating relationship would be much different (except that you get romance when you see each other instead of just talk) unless either of you has jealousy issues and would be likely to think the other is cheating (but that's for later, just dating doesn't require a monogamous commitment).

Quote from: "Godless"So I've been friends with this girl I like since high school. I didn't make a move on her in high school because I liked another girl (who completely stopped talking to me after graduation) and she had a boyfriend at the time. Now she's been single for over a year now and I find that I'm actually into her. Except the problem is that I'm pretty much in the "friend zone" with her since she seems to talk to me like any other friend and will occasionally ask me for advice. I actually went to a party with her, her cousin, and one of her friends and I really wanted to grind on her, but I wasn't sure if it would've made her feel awkward since we're just friends. We're both sophomores at two different universities, but I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I could really use some advice from you guys :bananacolor:

Jump in the game and score a touchdown, you only get to play the game once.

WAIT TILL BREAK!

Don't be desperate. Make sure you build a good relationship with her during break so when school comes around she won't be tempted.

Don't just ask her out, talk to her, get some good conversations in there, THEN (DURING BREAK) ask her out.

Quote from: "PoopShoot"Well, you could always delegate her to the rape zone, but the relationship gets complicated afterward if you do.

lol  roflol

I thought someone should acknowledge your contribution

Quote from: "Godless"

Quote from: "Whitney"The only way out of the friend zone is to ask her out...but do so knowing that if you go out and later break up that the friendship probably won't survive.  The worst she can do is say no and you might even be able to pretend you were joking depending on how the conversation progressed.

Yeah, but that's the thing, if it doesn't work out I'd at least want to remain friends with her...

If you really value what you have then don't risk it. Good friends are rarer than lovers.

godless, is this the friend from the prom story...not the one you went to prom with but the one that was your friend in high school?  Megan: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3257 (http://www.happyatheistforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3257)

Quote from: "Whitney"godless, is this the friend from the prom story...not the one you went to prom with but the one that was your friend in high school?  Megan: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3257 (http://www.happyatheistforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3257)

No, this is a different girl. The girl that I liked in high school and whom I went to prom with, Sydney (refer to my first post), stopped talking to me after graduation. Megan is Sydney's best friend and I do occasionally talk to her, but she isn't the girl that I like. The girl that I like now actually seems more interested in "talking" to me as compared to the girl I used to like, who didn't really show all that much interest. Sometimes she'll post on my Facebook wall first or text me first rather than me having to start a conversation with her first. The party that I went to with her was through an invitation from her. But like I said, that's probably because I'm just a friend to her.

Edit: Now that I look back at my old post, I just seemed so pathetic ...

I'm with 'Smurph.  You only live once.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  You know, all that sort of rahrah stuff, except ... its worked for me.

Quote from: "Godless"No, this is a different girl.

Just checking because that means you really haven't known her long enough to worry much about risking the friendship...just ask her out, make a move, or whatever you want to call it when you find an opportune moment.

Quote from: "Whitney"

Quote from: "Godless"No, this is a different girl.

Just checking because that means you really haven't known her long enough to worry much about risking the friendship...just ask her out, make a move, or whatever you want to call it when you find an opportune moment.

I've actually known her since my junior year of high school, so I'm not sure what you would consider "knowing someone long enough." I'll have either until Thanksgiving break or Winter break to think about this so hopefully I can make a decision by then.

Quote from: "Godless"I've actually known her since my junior year of high school, so I'm not sure what you would consider "knowing someone long enough." I'll have either until Thanksgiving break or Winter break to think about this so hopefully I can make a decision by then.

Ah, I figured it was someone you met in college since you didn't want to take her to prom and she wasn't your friend from the prom story.

Quote from: "Tank"If you really value what you have then don't risk it. Good friends are rarer than lovers.

Well said, my friend.

I could put on my professional hat and attempt to give you some really academic advice and end up sounding like a) a prick or b) a robot.  What I will do is tell you a story.

My wife, second wife, and I had been friends for a LONG time.  She and her first husband lived across the street from my Mother, and we used to talk almost every day.  She spent a lot of time at my Mom's house and was there often when I went by to see my parents.  She and I were definately "in the friend zone" and even though I thought she was a very pretty girl, I never saw myself as anything other than a friend.  I knew her father very well, we both flew vintage aircraft, and even flew in some airshows together, and she was often there.

Well, my first wife decided to end the marriage, something about needing to "find herself" and so I found myself single.  About a year later, my current wife and her husband divorced after she found him in bed with another woman.  I was there for her, I listened to her, gave her advice as a psychologist, and we even started hanging out as friends.  We went to air shows together, hung out, played with our children (she loved my boys and I her daughter) and being together never crossed our minds.  We even shared a hotel room sometimes, sleeping in separate beds.  One day, and I don't know why, but she looked different to me.  I saw a woman where I had seen just a friend, and her being a good bit younger than me might have accounted for my originally seeing her as a friend only.  Anyway, he father and I were working on his plane one weekend, and out of the blue he asked me when I was going to stop being a friend and start being more.  I kind of stumbled over an answer, and he just laughed and shook his head.

I kept being her friend, until one night when we were driving back from a LONG road trip to see her father fly in a show, we started talking about what we wanted our futures to look like.  After about an hour I think it hit both of us, what we wanted what we needed was sitting right beside us all along.  We got married three months later, and we have been married for eight years and I still see her as both my best friend and the sexiest girl I've ever known.

The bottom line is, we didn't push things.  I know at your age it's almost impossible to envision that life sometimes has to take some pretty weird twists and turns to get us back to where we need to be.  I'd recommed that you take it easy, be her friend, develop the really deep feelings that friendship brings, and see where it goes.  There are much worse things than marrying your best friend.  Hope that helps.

Quote from: "Martin TK"

Quote from: "Tank"If you really value what you have then don't risk it. Good friends are rarer than lovers.

Well said, my friend.

I could put on my professional hat and attempt to give you some really academic advice and end up sounding like a) a prick or b) a robot.  What I will do is tell you a story.

My wife, second wife, and I had been friends for a LONG time.  She and her first husband lived across the street from my Mother, and we used to talk almost every day.  She spent a lot of time at my Mom's house and was there often when I went by to see my parents.  She and I were definately "in the friend zone" and even though I thought she was a very pretty girl, I never saw myself as anything other than a friend.  I knew her father very well, we both flew vintage aircraft, and even flew in some airshows together, and she was often there.

Well, my first wife decided to end the marriage, something about needing to "find herself" and so I found myself single.  About a year later, my current wife and her husband divorced after she found him in bed with another woman.  I was there for her, I listened to her, gave her advice as a psychologist, and we even started hanging out as friends.  We went to air shows together, hung out, played with our children (she loved my boys and I her daughter) and being together never crossed our minds.  We even shared a hotel room sometimes, sleeping in separate beds.  One day, and I don't know why, but she looked different to me.  I saw a woman where I had seen just a friend, and her being a good bit younger than me might have accounted for my originally seeing her as a friend only.  Anyway, he father and I were working on his plane one weekend, and out of the blue he asked me when I was going to stop being a friend and start being more.  I kind of stumbled over an answer, and he just laughed and shook his head.

I kept being her friend, until one night when we were driving back from a LONG road trip to see her father fly in a show, we started talking about what we wanted our futures to look like.  After about an hour I think it hit both of us, what we wanted what we needed was sitting right beside us all along.  We got married three months later, and we have been married for eight years and I still see her as both my best friend and the sexiest girl I've ever known.

The bottom line is, we didn't push things.  I know at your age it's almost impossible to envision that life sometimes has to take some pretty weird twists and turns to get us back to where we need to be.  I'd recommed that you take it easy, be her friend, develop the really deep feelings that friendship brings, and see where it goes.  There are much worse things than marrying your best friend.  Hope that helps.

Interesting story, thanks!

I'm actually starting to think it's a bad idea to ask my friend out. I hung out with her on Saturday and she keeps saying how I'm such a good friend and all that, since I drove about an hour to her city and paid for her lunch. I feel like I'm entirely trapped in the friend zone, so I'm just stumped right now...

The key to escaping the "friend zone" is sex. Once you have sex with a girl, she will tend to feel invested and will do most of the work in maintaining the relationship. I've done it many times, always with disastrous results. Alcohol helps. And irony, always irony.

I've been here a few years ago.. My friend and I were very close from middle school on.. Well, one night I just said "I'm going for it".. Asked her, she said no, and we haven't talked since.

Do I kind of regret it? Sure.
Would I do it again? Damn right.

Quote from: "Godless"I'm actually starting to think it's a bad idea to ask my friend out. I hung out with her on Saturday and she keeps saying how I'm such a good friend and all that, since I drove about an hour to her city and paid for her lunch. I feel like I'm entirely trapped in the friend zone, so I'm just stumped right now...

If you haven't told her how you feel, you cannot expect her to read your mind.  That's not fair.

Risky?  Sure.  But you cannot jump a chasm in two leaps.  If you want to fly, you must risk crashing.

Quote from: "Godless"I'm actually starting to think it's a bad idea to ask my friend out. I hung out with her on Saturday and she keeps saying how I'm such a good friend and all that, since I drove about an hour to her city and paid for her lunch. I feel like I'm entirely trapped in the friend zone, so I'm just stumped right now...

Frankly is she turns out to be like the last woman to call me her 'best friend', I'd run for the hills shooting behind me as I went. [/cynic]

Set it up so she "accidentally" walks in on you fapping.  One way or the other, you're out of the friendzone.

Quote from: "PoopShoot"Set it up so she "accidentally" walks in on you fapping.  One way or the other, you're out of the friendzone.

No, being caught fapping would not have been a problem, more an encouragement!

Quote from: "Tank"

Quote from: "PoopShoot"Set it up so she "accidentally" walks in on you fapping.  One way or the other, you're out of the friendzone.

No, being caught fapping would not have been a problem, more an encouragement!

That's kind of the point.

Quote from: "PoopShoot"

Quote from: "Tank"

Quote from: "PoopShoot"Set it up so she "accidentally" walks in on you fapping.  One way or the other, you're out of the friendzone.

No, being caught fapping would not have been a problem, more an encouragement!

That's kind of the point.

Win.

Quote from: "PoopShoot"Set it up so she "accidentally" walks in on you fapping.  One way or the other, you're out of the friendzone.

I honestly have never heard a better piece of advice in my life.

Quote from: "Tank"

Quote from: "PoopShoot"Set it up so she "accidentally" walks in on you fapping.  One way or the other, you're out of the friendzone.

No, being caught fapping would not have been a problem, more an encouragement!

I think she'd just see me as a perv then...

Quote from: "Godless"

Quote from: "Tank"

Quote from: "PoopShoot"Set it up so she "accidentally" walks in on you fapping.  One way or the other, you're out of the friendzone.

No, being caught fapping would not have been a problem, more an encouragement!

I think she'd just see me as a perv then...

How well do you know her? You may be surprised  

Go out with her, man!
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.4chan.org%2Fadv%2Fsrc%2F1287209049222.png&hash=9cd218ccc5b4dcd84373672405d22e533f1e1c24)

Quote from: "Godless"

Quote from: "Tank"

Quote from: "PoopShoot"Set it up so she "accidentally" walks in on you fapping.  One way or the other, you're out of the friendzone.

No, being caught fapping would not have been a problem, more an encouragement!

I think she'd just see me as a perv then...

Congratulations, you successfully exited the friend zone.

Quote from: "PoopShoot"Congratulations, you successfully exited the friend zone.

Exactly.
Look at it this way, when she walks in, just stare at her shocked for a few seconds and wait for a reaction. If it's disgust, well.. Play it off.. "Whoops". If she gives the reaction you want.. "Bang bang".
There's no possible way this could go wrong.

Quite frankly, if she's a grown woman, chances are she will understand and the "play off" will just be a "dry spell" excuse with no harm and no foul.  If she's not shocked, disgusted or embarrassed you're on your way in.  Even if she's embarrassed, you can still work it.  It's a win-win.

Did you guys just seriously keep a page of discussion going to advise the OP to get caught jerking off by the girl who Friend Zoned him?

...

It's fucking brilliant, and the universe knows it!

Quote from: "KebertX"Did you guys just seriously keep a page of discussion going to advise the OP to get caught jerking off by the girl who Friend Zoned him?

...

It's fucking brilliant, and the universe knows it!

I know, I haven't laughed so hard in a LONG time.

This thread is so full of win!!  :headbang:

Having followed this stroke from its inception, I whole-heartedly endorse the above descriptions of this thread.

I personally can't wait until another girl puts me in the friend zone now.

Quote from: "Thumpalumpacus"Having followed this stroke from its inception, I whole-heartedly endorse the above descriptions of this thread.

Oh, that just gave me an even better idea! Hire a team of extractors to preform Inception on her!

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fdoyouwannaknowhowigotmyscars.files.wordpress.com%2F2010%2F08%2Finception-one.jpg&hash=251710a6862d9aa48cd8dbdb71b7774393bb654b)

Quote from: "TheChainSmoker"I personally can't wait until another girl puts me in the friend zone now.

You need not; practice makes perfect.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe by saying how much she appreciates your company and how good a friend you are, she's trying to drop hints that you should make a move?

Girls can be shy too.  Maybe she's aware that you're in the friend zone too and going through exactly the same thing?

Next time you see her, turn the conversation to ideal mates.  If she uses terms that could be applied to you (either seriously, or jokingly), call her on it:  "Movie star good looks... like me, and snappy dress sense, well that's me too, and the hair... are you flirting with me?" If she doesn't shoot you down flat, run with it.  Note here that denial is not the same as being shot down flat.  If she hesitates, giggles or blushes, you may still have a shot!  Poking and tickling are time-honoured techniques here, so make sure you stay within arms' reach.  Keep it light at least to start with, don't be creepy, and make sure she knows that you value her friendship above all and you should be able to walk away a winner even if she shoots you down.  And of course even if she says no on the day, the idea might grow on her.

That said, it's easier said than done.  The fact that you'll be charged with adrenaline and other hormones the moment you even think about making a move won't help.  Forewarned is forearmed.

Good luck.

Oh, and if you walk in on her having a fap... that's probably a good sign.

Quote from: "Explorer"Did it ever occur to you that maybe by saying how much she appreciates your company and how good a friend you are, she's trying to drop hints that you should make a move?

Girls can be shy too.  Maybe she's aware that you're in the friend zone too and going through exactly the same thing?

Next time you see her, turn the conversation to ideal mates.  If she uses terms that could be applied to you (either seriously, or jokingly), call her on it:  "Movie star good looks... like me, and snappy dress sense, well that's me too, and the hair... are you flirting with me?" If she doesn't shoot you down flat, run with it.  Note here that denial is not the same as being shot down flat.  If she hesitates, giggles or blushes, you may still have a shot!  Poking and tickling are time-honoured techniques here, so make sure you stay within arms' reach.  Keep it light at least to start with, don't be creepy, and make sure she knows that you value her friendship above all and you should be able to walk away a winner even if she shoots you down.  And of course even if she says no on the day, the idea might grow on her.

That said, it's easier said than done.  The fact that you'll be charged with adrenaline and other hormones the moment you even think about making a move won't help.  Forewarned is forearmed.

Good luck.

Oh, and if you walk in on her having a fap... that's probably a good sign.

Well walking in on each other fapping isn't really possible because we never go to each others' houses since we always go "out" to hangout. I don't really think I'm that great at reading girls so even if she is dropping some hints I don't seem to be picking them up. However, she did tell me that she likes white guys (we're both Asian) so I dunno if I should even try because of that. I went to a party with her this past summer and she was talking to this white guy and when he walked away she was like "he's so cute!"

Quote from: "Thumpalumpacus"

Quote from: "TheChainSmoker"I personally can't wait until another girl puts me in the friend zone now.

You need not; practice makes perfect.

So get this crap luck!
I attempted to befriend this one chick so I could go on with this plan.. And you know what? Now she's started to "like" me and wants to "hang out".. Stupid rotten luck.. The one time I actually want to be put into the friend zone, the girl decides she wants to just do it instead of making it over-complicated..*

* I understand, I shouldn't be complaining.. But you know.. I was really looking forward to the friend zone this time..

The best way to do this is to Test the water to see if it's Hot or Cold. Basically, there is this little innocent but very guilty trick I've used before. Play with her, or as in play wrestle or make playful contact that you can get away with as friend play. It's flirtatious and if she's interested she will definitely flirt with you. See how she responds when you look her in the eyes. She may even start to peruse you and become more flirtatious.

Another thing you can do when talking to her is to make more contact, like touching her arm or hand gently every once in a while during the conversation. If she starts touching back, and doing things like playing with her hair, or even laughing at your dumbest jokes. It's a good sign you are on your way out of the "Friend Zone"..

However, if she continues to treat you like her brother, or doesn't respond to your subtle hints, you can always back off and pretend you were never interested. You don't even have to say anything to her on the subject.  :P.

Quote from: "TheJackel"The best way to do this is to Test the water to see if it's Hot or Cold. Basically, there is this little innocent but very guilty trick I've used before. Play with her, or as in play wrestle or make playful contact that you can get away with as friend play. It's flirtatious and if she's interested she will definitely flirt with you. See how she responds when you look her in the eyes. She may even start to peruse you and become more flirtatious.

Another thing you can do when talking to her is to make more contact, like touching her arm or hand gently every once in a while during the conversation. If she starts touching back, and doing things like playing with her hair, or even laughing at your dumbest jokes. It's a good sign you are on your way out of the "Friend Zone"..

Yeah, why just have her walk in on you having fun when you could do all this?

Quote from: "TheChainSmoker"

Quote from: "TheJackel"The best way to do this is to Test the water to see if it's Hot or Cold. Basically, there is this little innocent but very guilty trick I've used before. Play with her, or as in play wrestle or make playful contact that you can get away with as friend play. It's flirtatious and if she's interested she will definitely flirt with you. See how she responds when you look her in the eyes. She may even start to peruse you and become more flirtatious.

Another thing you can do when talking to her is to make more contact, like touching her arm or hand gently every once in a while during the conversation. If she starts touching back, and doing things like playing with her hair, or even laughing at your dumbest jokes. It's a good sign you are on your way out of the "Friend Zone"..

Yeah, why just have her walk in on you having fun when you could do all this?

Because the latter is more likely to become a joke of disinterest. Or just sexual without interest in a relationship. It's actually a pretty bad way to begin a relationship on sexual grounds alone. It's never worked for me because the focus of relationship always strayed away from what I wanted. He's better off trying to get her to pursue  him to find out if she's into him relationship wise. So he should avoid getting put into the "Fuck Buddy Zone" (even thought that would be fun for a while).