Title: Jesus was a Zombie
Post by: Martin TK on July 06, 2010, 03:15:18 AM
Post by: Martin TK on July 06, 2010, 03:15:18 AM
"Zombies are quite simply, the resurrected bodies of the not-yet-completely-decomposed dead. These lifeless bodies are animated by some supernatural force - witchcraft, alien science, a weird virus, etc. - and are free to walk the Earth once more. Technically, both Count Dracula and Jesus Christ are both zombies." Weird Encyclopedia
I was going through the Flatearth Society website, because my wife had never heard of them, and when I did a search I found this site, Weird Encyclopedia, and it is just plain funny. I couldn't help but laugh when I read the page on Zombies and the above statement hit me particularly funny mostly because I had never given the thought of Jesus as a zombie much, well thought.
Now, on to the Flatearthers, any discussion on this wonderfully, scientific group, who of course get their basis for the claim that they earth is flat from, where else, the bible. I read as much about it as I could stomach, before I lost my Taco Bell dinner, so I was wondering if anyone else has anything to say? Peace from Michigan
I was going through the Flatearth Society website, because my wife had never heard of them, and when I did a search I found this site, Weird Encyclopedia, and it is just plain funny. I couldn't help but laugh when I read the page on Zombies and the above statement hit me particularly funny mostly because I had never given the thought of Jesus as a zombie much, well thought.
Now, on to the Flatearthers, any discussion on this wonderfully, scientific group, who of course get their basis for the claim that they earth is flat from, where else, the bible. I read as much about it as I could stomach, before I lost my Taco Bell dinner, so I was wondering if anyone else has anything to say? Peace from Michigan
Title: Re: Jesus was a Zombie
Post by: pinkocommie on July 06, 2010, 03:26:38 AM
Post by: pinkocommie on July 06, 2010, 03:26:38 AM
Quote from: "Martin TK"I was going through the Flatearth Society website, because my wife had never heard of them, and when I did a search I found this site, Weird Encyclopedia, and it is just plain funny. I couldn't help but laugh when I read the page on Zombies and the above statement hit me particularly funny mostly because I had never given the thought of Jesus as a zombie much, well thought.
I had always thought of Jesus as a zombie, probably because my dad was a very vocal (and funny) atheist, so he made jokes like that all the time. I remember being a kid and accidentally royally pissing off one of my friends because I hadn't really given religion much thought back then and had no idea the concept of Jesus being a zombie might be offensive to some people. She was talking about some movie being evil because it had the living dead in it and that was an abomination - I think it was Army of Darkness or something silly like that - and I said, "Well, Jesus was a damn zombie and you freaking worship him, what's the difference?" I remember she got all red in the face and refused to talk to me and I had no idea what was up until another friend explained it to me.
Title: Re: Jesus was a Zombie
Post by: Thumpalumpacus on July 06, 2010, 04:22:48 AM
Post by: Thumpalumpacus on July 06, 2010, 04:22:48 AM
But of course the Earth is flat. A sphere would roll off a turtle's back.
Title: Re: Jesus was a Zombie
Post by: Caecilian on July 06, 2010, 03:33:07 PM
Post by: Caecilian on July 06, 2010, 03:33:07 PM
@Martin TK
You are a HEATHEN and surely you will BURN IN HELLFIRE for your BLASPHEMY.
Of course the Earth is flat!! The BIBLE says so, thus it must be true:
And of course JESUS was a zombie. At least you get that right. In fact, HE was a killer cannibal zombie. Why did JESUS rise on the third day? Because HE was hungry, thats why- He needed to gorge HIMSELF on human flesh. Which of course was, by definition, a perfectly moral thing for HIM to do.
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmikepohjola.files.wordpress.com%2F2010%2F04%2Fopt_zombie-jesus-10-copy.jpg&hash=0a57c5418cc36c4c1240859522eef0fca9b20622)
You are a HEATHEN and surely you will BURN IN HELLFIRE for your BLASPHEMY.
Of course the Earth is flat!! The BIBLE says so, thus it must be true:
QuoteIsaiah 11:12
12 And he shall set up an ensign for the nations, and shall assemble the outcasts of Israel, and gather together the dispersed of Judah from the FOUR CORNERS OF THE EARTH. (KJV)
Daniel 4:11
11 The tree grew, and was strong, and the height thereof reached unto heaven, and the sight thereof to the ENDS OF ALL THE EARTH: (KJV)
Matthew 4:8
8 Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; (KJV)
And of course JESUS was a zombie. At least you get that right. In fact, HE was a killer cannibal zombie. Why did JESUS rise on the third day? Because HE was hungry, thats why- He needed to gorge HIMSELF on human flesh. Which of course was, by definition, a perfectly moral thing for HIM to do.
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmikepohjola.files.wordpress.com%2F2010%2F04%2Fopt_zombie-jesus-10-copy.jpg&hash=0a57c5418cc36c4c1240859522eef0fca9b20622)
Title: Re: Jesus was a Zombie
Post by: Tank on July 06, 2010, 09:41:30 PM
Post by: Tank on July 06, 2010, 09:41:30 PM
Quote from: "Thumpalumpacus"But of course the Earth is flat. A sphere would roll off a turtle's back.That's why the elephants are there
(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Finfomavensdesktop.files.wordpress.com%2F2009%2F11%2Fdiscworld1.jpg&hash=2c0cd532822bd9d3f269c98e23c0fd0574cea7d7)
Title: Re: Jesus was a Zombie
Post by: Gawen on July 07, 2010, 03:57:58 AM
Post by: Gawen on July 07, 2010, 03:57:58 AM
People really don't like it when I tell them they believe in a cosmic Jewish Zombie.
Title: Re: Jesus was a Zombie
Post by: Tank on July 07, 2010, 08:29:34 AM
Post by: Tank on July 07, 2010, 08:29:34 AM
Quote from: "Gawen"People really don't like it when I tell them they believe in a cosmic Jewish Zombie.Until you tell them his name.
Title: Re: Jesus was a Zombie
Post by: GAYtheist on July 07, 2010, 09:53:30 AM
Post by: GAYtheist on July 07, 2010, 09:53:30 AM
So...does that mean that instead of brains...he goes after peoples faith?
"Faiiiiith...FAIIIIITH!"
Trip, falls, head rolls off, kids start kicking it like a soccer ball.
Had to, sorry.
John
"Faiiiiith...FAIIIIITH!"
Trip, falls, head rolls off, kids start kicking it like a soccer ball.
Had to, sorry.
John
Title: Re: Jesus was a Zombie
Post by: Caecilian on July 07, 2010, 02:59:36 PM
Post by: Caecilian on July 07, 2010, 02:59:36 PM
Quote from: "GAYtheist"So...does that mean that instead of brains...he goes after peoples faith?
"Faiiiiith...FAIIIIITH!"
Trip, falls, head rolls off, kids start kicking it like a soccer ball.
Had to, sorry.
John
Well, maybe.
Or maybe he goes after the brains and replaces them with faith.
The victims then become faithful zombie servants of the zombie god. Christians, in other words.
Title: Re: Jesus was a Zombie
Post by: philosoraptor on July 07, 2010, 05:58:26 PM
Post by: philosoraptor on July 07, 2010, 05:58:26 PM
I've thought of Jesus as a zombie for ages. Whenever Easter rolls around, I wish my friends a Happy Zombie Christ Day. Some of them think it's funny, and as for the rest...