Happy Atheist Forum

Hey all! My name is Chandra, I am 21, and I am currently located in Duluth, MN. I was raised in a pentecostal church (with all the flags, dancing, and speaking in tongues) and fully realized my lack of belief at 16 years old. I attend local Freethinker meetings every once in awhile, as well as a Unitarian Universalist church on occasion. I decided to join this site because I am going through marital hell right now; married at 19, now 20. He has "fallen out of love" and doesn't know what he wants out of life. Oh, and right now, he's at the "other woman's" house, explaining that he may have feelings for her. This is the first really huge, really complicated thing that I am facing as a non-believer and I am sick of having people offer to pray for me. You never notice how many religious friends you have until catastrophe hits. I need more atheist friends.

Quote from: "chryan218"Hey all! My name is Chandra, I am 21, and I am currently located in Duluth, MN. I was raised in a pentecostal church (with all the flags, dancing, and speaking in tongues) and fully realized my lack of belief at 16 years old. I attend local Freethinker meetings every once in awhile, as well as a Unitarian Universalist church on occasion. I decided to join this site because I am going through marital hell right now; married at 19, now 20. He has "fallen out of love" and doesn't know what he wants out of life. Oh, and right now, he's at the "other woman's" house, explaining that he may have feelings for her. This is the first really huge, really complicated thing that I am facing as a non-believer and I am sick of having people offer to pray for me. You never notice how many religious friends you have until catastrophe hits. I need more atheist friends.

Not a good place to be. Do you still have sufficient feelings for hubby to want to make a rescue bid? Are there any offspring to consider in the equation?

Man, I'm so sorry!  I hope you find a supportive social structure here - it sounds like you really could use some support.  Glad to have you here!

I'm new here, too, but I had to respond when I saw your intro.   As someone who went through a divorce in her 20's and who used to be a Christian as well, I hear everything you are saying.  

I hope you find the type of friendship here that will help you at this crossroad in your life.

Desperate and unfortunate times, you have all my sympathy.  Hopefully you'll find some consolation, however slight, among us folks.

Hi Chandra,

I hope you can work things out with your hubby, or find a new path to follow - whichever allows you to get back to some happiness...  Not sure what I can offer except for a friendly ear and virtual shoulder.

Do you have some support through the UU church or FreeThought group?  Maybe some family or friends that are more comfortable with your beliefs?

It's a good bunch of folks here - hang in there,
JoeActor

Quote from: "chryan218"Hey all! My name is Chandra, I am 21, and I am currently located in Duluth, MN. I was raised in a pentecostal church (with all the flags, dancing, and speaking in tongues) and fully realized my lack of belief at 16 years old. I attend local Freethinker meetings every once in awhile, as well as a Unitarian Universalist church on occasion. I decided to join this site because I am going through marital hell right now; married at 19, now 20. He has "fallen out of love" and doesn't know what he wants out of life. Oh, and right now, he's at the "other woman's" house, explaining that he may have feelings for her.

As I am only 15 and have never been in a relationship, I can't really understand what you're feeling. But my parents did divorce, I hope everything works out OK for you.

Quote from: "chryan218"This is the first really huge, really complicated thing that I am facing as a non-believer and I am sick of having people offer to pray for me. You never notice how many religious friends you have until catastrophe hits. I need more atheist friends.

This is one thing that really bugs me too. And everyone could use more atheist friends!

Hi Chandra! Welcome to the forum and I'm glad you escaped the pentecostal church.  

Chryan218

I hope you find valuable support to help get you through this...

Welcome, I hope you get happy.

hi Chandra, im new on the forum to, i dont know how it feels like to be 100% surrounded by Theists since i live in Sweden but it's important that you try not to build a to big wall between you and your other friends, based out of complete ignorance of the situation xD but, all friends are importand, try to find something els you can have incommon, hopefully their whole personality isnt based on religion, but i envy you for standing up for your beliefs, i envy you for making the decision to find persons like you instead of shutting down, or give in and pretend to believe like many muslims has to do..
i will never understand how hard what you did was, but real humans are important to Chandra, and you have the most beautiful name ive ever heard BTW xD.. ( You are my hero )

Hi Chandra while I don't know anything about you or yours I can see, base on you few lines, that you are truly a strong woman and possessing such a virtue would more than suffice to help you follow the road towards success.

I don't have much to add but since you are in such terrible turmoil I'll leave you with this little poem hopefully you can use it as a tool which will eventually take you out of said  mess in your life.

QuoteSmooth roads never make good drivers!
Smooth sea never makes good sailors!
Clear Skies never make good pilots!
Problem free life never makes a strong & good person!
Be strong enough to accept the challengers of life.
Don’t ask Life
“Why me?”
Instead say
“Try Me!”

Quote from: "JoElite"hi Chandra, im new on the forum to, i dont know how it feels like to be 100% surrounded by Theists since i live in Sweden but it's important that you try not to build a to big wall between you and your other friends, based out of complete ignorance of the situation xD but, all friends are importand, try to find something els you can have incommon, hopefully their whole personality isnt based on religion, but i envy you for standing up for your beliefs, i envy you for making the decision to find persons like you instead of shutting down, or give in and pretend to believe like many muslims has to do..
i will never understand how hard what you did was, but real humans are important to Chandra, and you have the most beautiful name ive ever heard BTW xD.. ( You are my hero :/

Quote from: "TheJackel"You need to chill with the massive letters :yay:

Welcome, Chandra.

You have my sympathies regarding your relationship woes.

I'm an atheist and divorced a few years ago.  Divorce is tough even if you've fallen out of love or if there's no good reason to be together anymore.  

I was in my late thirties when I got divorced.  I felt like I'd wasted my youth with someone who wasn't right for me.  But my life has gone on and I've found someone with whom I have much in common.  And the years spent with my ex-husband weren't really wasted.  Perhaps they weren't ideal but there was love and in my opinion, love is never a mistake.  Things went wrong but I picked myself up and moved on.  

I still love my ex-husband.  I probably always will.  But both of us are better off with other people.  He's homosexual and religious and I'm an atheist with a vagina.  I know it's not always so clear cut and obvious.  You'd be surprised how it wasn't clear cut or obvious for either of us, even with those glaring incompatibilities.

If your relationship gives you more grief, more stress, and more suffering than happiness, in my opinion, it's probably time to move on.  If he can't live without someone else and figures he's fallen out of love there's probably not much to salvage.

It is difficult dealing with religious friends and family during a divorce.  All I can say is that it's your life and you absolutely deserve happiness.  Happiness is not served by bowing to what people think you should do.

Quote from: "MetalFang"

Quote from: "TheJackel"You need to chill with the massive letters :yay:

NOOB FIGHT!  

Quote from: "MetalFang"

Quote from: "TheJackel"You need to chill with the massive letters :yay:

Pot = Kettle = Black  :yay:

Quote from: "chryan218"Hey all! My name is Chandra, I am 21, and I am currently located in Duluth, MN. I was raised in a pentecostal church (with all the flags, dancing, and speaking in tongues) and fully realized my lack of belief at 16 years old. I attend local Freethinker meetings every once in awhile, as well as a Unitarian Universalist church on occasion. I decided to join this site because I am going through marital hell right now; married at 19, now 20. He has "fallen out of love" and doesn't know what he wants out of life. Oh, and right now, he's at the "other woman's" house, explaining that he may have feelings for her. This is the first really huge, really complicated thing that I am facing as a non-believer and I am sick of having people offer to pray for me. You never notice how many religious friends you have until catastrophe hits. I need more atheist friends.

Dump the bastard. It'll be the best thing you ever did. Go to college if you haven't. Make better friends. I wish someone had said that to me at your age.