Happy Atheist Forum

My boyfriend whom I have loved very much is messing with some nasty slut. I was really mad at him about it, and now he blocked me on AIM facebook and somehow his phone. This is the worst Christmas/New Years of my life.  :(  :(  :verysad:  :verysad:  :mad:  :hissyfit:  :verysad:  

Quote from: "Ellainix"My boyfriend whom I have loved very much is messing with some nasty slut. I was really mad at him about it, and now he blocked me on AIM facebook and somehow his phone. This is the worst Christmas/New Years of my life.  :(  :(  :verysad:  :verysad:  :mad:  :hissyfit:  :verysad:  

I'm sorry, I can give you a back rub and some other stuff if you like. Angry sex is the best.

Sorry about that Ellainix. Relationships suck sometimes =(.

Quote from: "AlP"Sorry about that Ellainix. Relationships suck sometimes =(.

Sam can give ladies back rubs and other things for free......

That really hurts, I bet.  Sympathy and best wishes.

He doesn't like a nice guy.

That sucks...nothing much you can do to fix it as it seems he is showing his true colors now.  All you can do is consider him a life experience and move on when you are ready.

You deserve a lot better, Ellainix. He was weak and foolish, and he ruined a good thing with a person that's truly better than he is.

I've been cheated on before and while it's going to sting for a while, a way down the road you'll be able to look back on this and know that you came out the other side. For now, surround yourself with friends.

@Ellainix: Why would you share that with people on a forum dedicated to an unrelated topic?

@Everyone else: On the other hand, most of the replies so far seem to me to be just the politically correct thing to say. It's obviously a nasty thing, but why do you pass judments without knowing the guy/the story/his reasons/and so on. Weren't atheists the group that needed proof before reaching a conclusion?

Quote from: "onlinej"ut why do you pass judments without knowing the guy/the story/his reasons/and so on. Weren't atheists the group that needed proof before reaching a conclusion?

There is no story that can defend cheating....if he wanted to date someone else he should have ended his relationship with Ellainix.  If she is making up that her boyfriend cheated on her...who cares?  But she has given us no reason to think she makes a habit of fabricating stories just to get attention so we grant her the benefit of our trust just like we would any friend irl.

Quote from: "onlinej"Why would you share that with people on a forum dedicated to an unrelated topic?

In case you didn't notice...this forum can be for virtually any topic (other than preaching) and that this is the laid back lounge where ppl can post whatever is on their mind.  Leave the moderating to the moderators.

Quote from: "onlinej"@Everyone else: On the other hand, most of the replies so far seem to me to be just the politically correct thing to say. It's obviously a nasty thing, but why do you pass judments without knowing the guy/the story/his reasons/and so on. Weren't atheists the group that needed proof before reaching a conclusion?

We are friends, here. Friends have each others' backs. That's what they do. Nobody here hates her boyfriend personally, only as an archetype. Sometimes you just need to console your friends instead of going down the road of scientific method.  :hmm: Politically correct would be Maybe it's not what it looks like; there could be some deeper issues here that he's working through. But that's not what Ellainix needs or wants right now.

Thanks for the kind words guys... even the criticism made me feel a little better, somehow. It's so weird that he did that, it's like he stabbed me in the back and then dropped off the face of the earth. Feels like three years of my life lost. I won't be getting over this anytime soon.  

The thing that always got to the most about cheating, is when the cheating partner puts their own gratification a long way ahead of their consideration for your feelings, it makes you feel like you never really meant anything to them (at least for me). What makes this even more depressing is the fact that evolution rewards cheating, through various mechanisms for both sexes, while I take some consolation in the fact that cheating was driven by a base animal urge, it further saddens me that humans will in all likelihood find it difficult overcoming these desires, ensuring cheating is here to stay.

Still though, at least you didn't marry him/have kids with him and then find out once you were even more exposed.

@Whitney

Quotethis is the laid back lounge where ppl can post whatever is on their mind.

Granted, forgot about that. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, and if it's any help, I already did (forgive myself :) 'Nobodysgot' my back.

@Ellainix: I've heard of a study that said that guys actually are more attached and it takes them longer to get over a relationship than it does the women. Even if it appears the other way around.
And if everything else fails, I see your worldview is 'buddhist', so you've experienced first hand the first noble truth... and the second. But given the fact that you knew attachment creates suffering, maybe you should acknowledge that this occasional hurt is the price we pay for relationships. My advice would be to start tae-bo or something that gets your blood pumping, guaranteed to take you out of any depression.

Quote from: "onlinej"I guess that would make sense, but since I'm new here, I haven't had the time to feel the love :)  We are a bunch of big, fuzzy teddy bears, after all.  

Quote from: "onlinej"@Ellainix: I've heard of a study that said that guys actually are more attached and it takes them longer to get over a relationship than it does the women. Even if it appears the other way around.
And if everything else fails, I see your worldview is 'buddhist', so you've experienced first hand the first noble truth... and the second. But given the fact that you knew attachment creates suffering, maybe you should acknowledge that this occasional hurt is the price we pay for relationships. My advice would be to start tae-bo or something that gets your blood pumping, guaranteed to take you out of any depression.

I see we are both enlightened of my own stupidity

He talked to me last night and said he was sorry. That's cool, but he's still with her.  

When my cousin's husband cheated on her and she filed for divorce, he started pulling some ultra-shady stuff like hanging around her apartment parking lot late at night; her car got broken into once and we were pretty sure it was him or one of his buddies.

So, to send a message my brother and I went to the Vietnamese fish market, found this crazy evil-looking fish with buck-teeth and let it sit outside for a few days in the summer (we Live in Texas).  Then we boxed it up, and shipped it to his parents' house (where he was living) via the slowest UPS method available.

To this day we have not heard from him or any of his friends.

Not that you should do this, just thought it was funny.

I am psycho, do not temp me.

Quote from: "Ellainix"I am psycho

And this is why we love you.  :exphug:

Quote from: "Ellainix"I am psycho, do not temp me.

You are our psycho.  Have you ever considered super gluing his member to his leg?  I'm full of funny/evil temptation ideas.

In all seriousness its a suckie situation for you.  Don't take him back and burn any shit he has at your place.  If he asks for it back tell him cheaters get their property ritualistically burned.

Quote from: "onlinej"@Everyone else: On the other hand, most of the replies so far seem to me to be just the politically correct thing to say. It's obviously a nasty thing, but why do you pass judments without knowing the guy/the story/his reasons/and so on. Weren't atheists the group that needed proof before reaching a conclusion?

There's no acceptable reason to cheat, end of story. Have you ever been cheated on? I have.

Quote from: "Will"You deserve a lot better, Ellainix. He was weak and foolish, and he ruined a good thing with a person that's truly better than he is.

I've been cheated on before and while it's going to sting for a while, a way down the road you'll be able to look back on this and know that you came out the other side. For now, surround yourself with friends.

Figured my first post would just be to 2nd this reply "surround yourself with friends."

Quote from: "onlinej"@Ellainix: Why would you share that with people on a forum dedicated to an unrelated topic?

@Everyone else: On the other hand, most of the replies so far seem to me to be just the politically correct thing to say. It's obviously a nasty thing, but why do you pass judments without knowing the guy/the story/his reasons/and so on. Weren't atheists the group that needed proof before reaching a conclusion?

I agree with Will on this. I'll put it differently though. When you enter a relationship you (implicitly or explicitly) make some obligations. It is true that they are simply the prevailing norms of western society but nevertheless you make some obligations. If, like me, you object to the obligations then, I think, don't enter a relationship. It's dishonest and disrespectful. Or in other words, don't cause harm to have sex.

Quote from: "Will"There's no acceptable reason to cheat, end of story. Have you ever been cheated on? I have.

I haven't been cheated on to the best of my knowledge, and I didn't mean to imply that it's somehow ok to cheat. I still care for you Will, maybe one day you'll forgive me. On the other hand, with all the love I have for you I think you should take some responsibility for being cheated on and move on. Forgive her, forgive yourself, improve yourself and let the chips fall where they may. I agree more with AIP rephrasing and I actually broke up with a girl not because it was something wrong but because I found myself wanting something more/new and I didn't want to cheat on her.

Bottom line: cheating is wrong, but if you've been cheated on you carry some responsibility.

"But you don't hear me not complaining" - Bender

Quote from: "Ellainix"I see we are both enlightened of my own stupidity ;)

Quote from: "onlinej"Bottom line: cheating is wrong, but if you've been cheated on you carry some responsibility.

Yeah when I cheated on my girlfriend in college she definitely carried some of the responsibility.  I mean honestly, if she would've just taken those blowjob classes like I asked her to, I wouldn't have had to go out and find other girls to have sex with.

edit: I can't seem to find the sarcasm tag, did we remove it?

Quote from: "onlinej"[I haven't been cheated on to the best of my knowledge, and I didn't mean to imply that it's somehow ok to cheat. I still care for you Will, maybe one day you'll forgive me. On the other hand, with all the love I have for you I think you should take some responsibility for being cheated on and move on. Forgive her, forgive yourself, improve yourself and let the chips fall where they may. I agree more with AIP rephrasing and I actually broke up with a girl not because it was something wrong but because I found myself wanting something more/new and I didn't want to cheat on her.

Bottom line: cheating is wrong, but if you've been cheated on you carry some responsibility.

"But you don't hear me not complaining" - Bender

I forgave her a very, very long time ago, but forgiveness does not necessarily come with trust. Forgiveness comes from within, but earning back trust comes from without.

As for cheating somehow being the responsibility of both parties, that's hogwash. If you're in an exclusive relationship with one person, having the mutual understanding of exclusivity, and then you have a romantic and/or sexual encounter with another person, you yourself are responsible. Your partner is a victim and you are the perpetrator.

Quote from: "Will"As for cheating somehow being the responsibility of both parties, that's hogwash. If you're in an exclusive relationship with one person, having the mutual understanding of exclusivity, and then you have a romantic and/or sexual encounter with another person, you yourself are responsible. Your partner is a victim and you are the perpetrator.

I'd have to agree since both parties usually agree that it's exclusive until one of the parties says they no longer want that.  Cheating IMO is NOT equal to saying I want out.  But then again I might be jaded....that's just my view until someone can change it.