Happy Atheist Forum

I recently released my first book. Please consider checking it out and reading it yourself.

amazon.com/Transience-Ms-Christine-E-Schulze/dp/1449505589/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254409530&sr=1-12

He is twenty-two, an atheistic, homeless rogue wandering the highways of Transience, Illinois, a genius on the verge of spiraling into a deep and irrevocable depression. Then he meets a girl who, if he yet believed in such things, must surely be an angel. She is eighteen, yet still a child. She leads a sheltered life beneath the thumb of her abusive, bipolar mother. She still believes in fairy tales-and God-and is filled with a joy and hope which draws him in helplessly, like a firefly to a beautiful though dangerous light. Yet as they delve into a forbidden romance, they will each learn all is not as it appears about their seemingly perfect lover, especially as struggles over faith, love, and sexual intimacy arise. What will become of the insignificant highway man and the beloved angel maiden?

Yes, I did self-publish, though I did edit before publishing the book. I have been working with an ebook editor to publish some ebooks, so while my posts may not be editted, my books are.

Hullo, my name is Christine, and I'll be honest I'm here for two reasons. First, though a Christian, discussing other religions interests me, especially considering my boyfriend is an atheist. Secondly, I'm trying to find readers for my new Christian/atheist romance book based on the early stages of our relationship. Check it out and thanks!

amazon.com/Transience-Ms-Christine-E-Schulze/dp/1449505589/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254409530&sr=1-12  
He is twenty-two, an atheistic, homeless rogue wandering the highways of Transience, Illinois, a genius on the verge of spiraling into a deep and irrevocable depression. Then he meets a girl who, if he yet believed in such things, must surely be an angel. She is eighteen, yet still a child. She leads a sheltered life beneath the thumb of her abusive, bipolar mother. She still believes in fairy tales-and God-and is filled with a joy and hope which draws him in helplessly, like a firefly to a beautiful though dangerous light. Yet as they delve into a forbidden romance, they will each learn all is not as it appears about their seemingly perfect lover, especially as struggles over faith, love, and sexual intimacy arise. What will become of the insignificant highway man and the beloved angel maiden?

I'm sure if you actively participate in the forum, the people here would be happy to take a look at the book.
But a quick question: Did you self-publish? Print on demand or vanity press? I'm wondering because your use of diction and style of prose doesn't exactly paint a promising picture of how well written your book is. If it was accepted for publication by a printing house, on the other hand, that would go a long way toward convincing me to buy.

But anyways, welcome to the forums, Dristann's Girl. I assume your boyfriend's name is Dristann?

The poor composition and grammar are not compelling.  Also, why is he insignificant?  Did you mean to say "his beloved angel maiden?"

If the blurb is an example of the writing inside the novel, I would gladly read it over and provide editing services.  My rate for substantive (heavy) editing is $15 per thousand words.  This includes removing redundancies, ensuring strong sentence style, strengthening focus, and repairing organizational weaknesses as well as gross editing for grammatical errors.

Welcome to the forum!

Edit: I read the samples of your novels on Amazon.  I noticed a tendency to switch tenses, use run-on sentences, and misuse homonyms.

So is the romance forbidden because he's homeless, brilliant, or an atheist?  Let me guess...  :sigh:

Quote from: "rlrose328"So is the romance forbidden because he's homeless, brilliant, or an atheist?  Let me guess...  :sigh:

It's obviously because he is brilliant...no one every dislikes people who are homeless or atheist  

Quote from: "Renegnicat"I'm sure if you actively participate in the forum, the people here would be happy to take a look at the book.

I have learned not to bother reading anything long that is written by a new theist; they tend to post then run.  I doubt she wants a constructive critique of the book anyway....I can already tell by the plot that I will think it doesn't make much sense.

Quote from: "Whitney"

Quote from: "Renegnicat"I'm sure if you actively participate in the forum, the people here would be happy to take a look at the book.

I have learned not to bother reading anything long that is written by a new theist; they tend to post then run.  I doubt she wants a constructive critique of the book anyway....I can already tell by the plot that I will think it doesn't make much sense.

I can't handle that kind of reading. I can't do it. I read Twilight and about killed myself, I can't allow myself to read anymore crap. Sorry I'm sticking to non-fiction for a little while. Non-fiction that's educational.

I can't handle any more brain melting.

Quote from: "TheOGMamaBear"I'm sticking to non-fiction for a little while. Non-fiction that's educational.

I can't handle any more brain melting.

It's much more fulfilling when you're done reading.  Hmmm...read a book about teen vampires who are questioning their sexuality in an unforgiving urban terrain like the suburbs or read Carl Sagan's deeply informative Demon Haunted World....

Looks like she was a hit and run poster just trying to promote her new book for sale.

Quote from: "Kylyssa"Looks like she was a hit and run poster just trying to promote her new book for sale.

I suspected as much...I'm removing her links.  If someone really wants to see her book they can copy paste it into the browser.

Quote from: "TheOGMamaBear"I can't handle that kind of reading. I can't do it. I read Twilight and about killed myself, I can't allow myself to read anymore crap. Sorry I'm sticking to non-fiction for a little while. Non-fiction that's educational.

I can't handle any more brain melting.

I admit that that second "X" chromosome got the better of me and I read the Twilight series.  I had to stop intermittently to bitch aloud about how bad the writing was but, yes, I read it.

Forbidden love stories can be interesting. Though I'm really happy that my girlfriend and I are both atheists, it makes everything a lot easier.

Wow, so, I might post here more if you all weren't so harsh. Didn't know my posts had to be perfect for you to be interested in my book. I know how to write and have recently learned alot about editting. It takes alot of time, and with all the writing I do, I don't have time to sit here and read every single line and edit it to publishers' standards. Gee, and I call my bf critical, at least he's nice. Thanks to those who offered CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, as some weren't so harsh. On this note, I'd be happy to send anyone a free Ebook version of the book if they feel like it. And to the person who said the book wouldn't even make sense, please don't judge before you read. Thanks, have a great day!

Quote from: "Dristann's Girl"...so harsh.

I think that you're being a bit too sensitive here.  If you expect to move forward as an author, you'll soon learn that one thing you can expect is criticism.  Get used to it, and listen to it, even if you end up discounting it.

It seems that you're promoting yourself as a writer in a forum read by members of the public; your potential audience.  I think it's well worth while to spend a little time to write that self-promotion in an exemplary prose style worthy of an author people would want to read.  Thank you for at least returning to check in, proving to HAF that you aren't a mere hit-and-run advertiser.  That's worth something.

Why in the world would you think atheists would want to read about some hitchhiking atheist who's life was saved from spiraling out of control by an angelic christian girl?  The plot doesn't make any sense if your target audience is simply atheists....it would make a lot of sense if this book is an evangelical novel.

Maybe people would want to read your story if you had bothered to involve yourself in the community before trying to sell your wares....but just using the forum as an advertising billboard doesn't tend to win over the membership.

Whitney, you just earned yourself a vodka.  

Quote from: "Dristann's Girl"Hullo, my name is Christine

Hello Christine. Welcome to the forum.

Quote from: "Dristann's Girl"First, though a Christian, discussing other religions interests me,

I apologize if I'm wrong here, but this says to me that you think atheism is a religion. That throws up a big red flag to me, as I'm sure it does other atheists. Atheism is not a religion. I hope you understand that.

Quote from: "Dristann's Girl"Secondly, I'm trying to find readers for my new Christian/atheist romance book based on the early stages of our relationship.

I appreciate you honesty in stating that you are here to attempt to make money and sell us something. However, as others here have stated, it would certainly endear you more to the board if you were to spend some time getting involved here before you try to sell us something. As it stands, I took your post to be merely spam. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings, but it is the truth.

Quote from: "Dristann's Girl"Wow, so, I might post here more if you all weren't so harsh.

As a person who has frequented this board for close to a year now, I have already seen all types of theists attempting to come here and change our minds in multiple (often disguised and dishonest) ways. Forgive the members of this board for being skeptical, but firstly it's in our natures, and secondly it's very much not helped by your theist cohorts.

I can't imagine how annoying this must be for my fellow members who have been here for much longer than I.

 

Quote from: "Dristann's Girl"Didn't know my posts had to be perfect for you to be interested in my book.

They don't. However, as has been pointed out, why would someone want to read a book by someone who doesn't have a very readable method of writing. I'll take your word that the book is edited well, but your style of writing on the board is not something that makes me think I would like to read your book.

Also, your plot summary simply does not intrigue me. I'm sorry, but this is constructive criticism. Please take it for what it is.

Quote from: "Dristann's Girl"Gee, and I call my bf critical, at least he's nice. Thanks to those who offered CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, as some weren't so harsh.

I'm attempting to not come across as harsh, however if that's the way you choose to take it, that's fine by me. If you choose to stay active on this forum you will find that most of the members will be honest with their viewpoints. Please avoid taking the wounded dog approach and seeing constructive criticism as something that it is not. Yes, you are a theist on an atheist board. But remember, it is you who have chosen to "expose" yourself to us and not the other way around.

Quote from: "Dristann's Girl"On this note, I'd be happy to send anyone a free Ebook version of the book if they feel like it.

No thank you. Nothing personal, it does not seem to be something I would be interested in.

That being said, I again welcome you to the board. Should you choose to stick around, I look forward to having you be a part of this community.  

Quote from: "Dristann's Girl"On this note, I'd be happy to send anyone a free Ebook version of the book if they feel like it. And to the person who said the book wouldn't even make sense, please don't judge before you read. Thanks, have a great day!

I am actually interested in this offer. I promise to post an Amazon review when I am finished. I have a thing for angels and angelic imagery.

Quote from: "Ellainix"

Quote from: "Dristann's Girl"On this note, I'd be happy to send anyone a free Ebook version of the book if they feel like it. And to the person who said the book wouldn't even make sense, please don't judge before you read. Thanks, have a great day!

I am actually interested in this offer. I promise to post an Amazon review when I am finished. I have a thing for angels and angelic imagery.

I have a feeling I probably scared the author away since she doesn't like "harsh" and I felt justified being harsh in this case...you probably will have to try to email her for the ebook.

Quote from: "Dristann's Girl"Wow, so, I might post here more if you all weren't so harsh. Didn't know my posts had to be perfect for you to be interested in my book. I know how to write and have recently learned alot about editting. It takes alot of time, and with all the writing I do, I don't have time to sit here and read every single line and edit it to publishers' standards. Gee, and I call my bf critical, at least he's nice. Thanks to those who offered CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, as some weren't so harsh. On this note, I'd be happy to send anyone a free Ebook version of the book if they feel like it. And to the person who said the book wouldn't even make sense, please don't judge before you read. Thanks, have a great day!

I'd strongly suggest that you post edited versions of the sample pages provided on Amazon.  If you have an edited version of each of your novels, why not provide the samples from them instead of from the drafts?  While most readers aren't too hung up on grammar, a sample full of grammatical errors really isn't going to help sales.  If you hired an editor, get your money's worth by posting the edited versions as samples on Amazon.

Critiquing you IS being nice.  Would you rather have people pretend that what you are presenting is up to par or would you rather get the feedback you need to put out a quality product that more people will buy?

I'd suggest writing different advertisements, each suited to the bulletin boards you post your links on.  For instance, try to take a different tone to suit the audience.  Also, as others have mentioned, when your first posts are advertisements, it's a turnoff.

When people critique my writing, I am thankful.  They are saving me from further embarrassment.

To help keep spelling errors to a minimum when you post to forums, you can use your browser to auto-check your spelling as you type, costing you no additional effort.  On FireFox, go to the 'Tools' button on the top of the tool bar.  Click on it, then scroll down to 'Options' and click on it.  A box will pop up with multiple tabs in it.  Click on the tab that says 'General' and click on the check box beside 'Check my spelling as I type' then click on the 'OK' button at the bottom of the pop-up box.  Now your browser is set to check your spelling almost anywhere you type online!

It won't help your grammar but at least it's one step toward a more professional presentation.

Hi Christine,

Welcome.

You might try to look at your entrance to the forum here in a different light.

Let's say you're at a party with some friends.  It's been going on for a little while when a new person comes in and says "Hi.  I'm selling something - anyone want to buy?".  Think about how you might react to that.

Forums are little communities.  It's best to come in, introduce yourself, post a bit - you know... meet the neighbors.

Although the advice may or may not be harsh, it was constructive.  There are things you can do to improve the points mentioned...

In any case, if you read this, you are welcome to contribute here.

Nice to meet you,
JoeActor

p.s. like writers, actors need a thick skin.  criticism and rejection are part of the buisness...