Title: Reach 98% of your future customers! Get MEASURABLE results!
Post by: curiosityandthecat on June 02, 2009, 07:21:15 PM
Post by: curiosityandthecat on June 02, 2009, 07:21:15 PM
Got this in the mail today:
Front:
QuoteFor God so loved the world...
...in spite of man's sinfulness...
...that He gave His only begotten son...
...a Gift which was God coming to live with us...
...that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish...
...though we will all die in this life - God promises those who believe will be with Him in Heaven...
...but have everlasting life.
-John 3:16
And then, on the back:
QuoteHow do you reach
the households in
your target market?
Try PREFERRED MAIL ADVERTISING to
reach 98% of your potential customers! Call us
today to get measurable results from our
direct mail advertising program.
God loves junk mail. There's not even any contact information for the advertiser. Just Preferred Mail Advertising. Not the patron.
Wtf. The church has a shitty business model.
Title: Re: Reach 98% of your future customers! Get MEASURABLE results!
Post by: Whitney on June 02, 2009, 07:29:00 PM
Post by: Whitney on June 02, 2009, 07:29:00 PM
...they forgot to include their number. Is there some way to make that into a fail image and have it still make sense on why it is a fail?Maybe they want you to pray that you reach 98% of your customers yet not actually do anything?
Title: Re: Reach 98% of your future customers! Get MEASURABLE results!
Post by: Kylyssa on June 02, 2009, 09:48:03 PM
Post by: Kylyssa on June 02, 2009, 09:48:03 PM
Will it increase my penis size, too?
Title: Re: Reach 98% of your future customers! Get MEASURABLE results!
Post by: Jolly Sapper on June 02, 2009, 09:55:53 PM
Post by: Jolly Sapper on June 02, 2009, 09:55:53 PM
Quote from: "Kylyssa"Will it increase my penis size, too?
That would be quite a feat.
Title: Re: Reach 98% of your future customers! Get MEASURABLE results!
Post by: curiosityandthecat on June 02, 2009, 10:02:34 PM
Post by: curiosityandthecat on June 02, 2009, 10:02:34 PM
Quote from: "Kylyssa"Will it increase my penis size, too?Absolutely. And make you last twice as long.
And you'll get a great variable APR on a home loan.
Title: Re: Reach 98% of your future customers! Get MEASURABLE results!
Post by: JillSwift on June 02, 2009, 10:21:46 PM
Post by: JillSwift on June 02, 2009, 10:21:46 PM
I love ad-speak. "Measurable results!"
Jack-all is both measurable, and a result!
Jack-all is both measurable, and a result!
Title: Re: Reach 98% of your future customers! Get MEASURABLE results!
Post by: karadan on June 03, 2009, 10:04:54 AM
Post by: karadan on June 03, 2009, 10:04:54 AM
I just checked the Oxford English dictionary and it turns out that believeth isn't even a real word! 