Happy Atheist Forum

Hi,

I'm kind of dating this Christian girl on and off. She likes me and I like her. However, she has mentioned that our relationship cannot last for the long term because I'm not Christian and that I cannot support her spiritually--hence our on and off relationship. I want to be with her but I don't know how to support her spiritually. I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions or been though this situation.

Thanks

Well, she is not likely to change her mind on this, and unless you feel okay about faking it and not being yourself it doesn't sound like this relationship is going to be sustainable.  I know couples that have one religious person and one that is not that work, but that's only when the religious person does not need to have that as a part of the relationship and when they hold those parts of themselves as personal and not something they need support in.  Sorry, it sounds like she needs support and kind of needs religion as a part of relationship, don't know how yo can support her spiritually when you don't believe in it yourself.

She needs someone to "support her spiritually"? Like tell her that her doubts are bad and she should continue to believe? Yeah, that's probably not a job for an atheist.

I can tell you from experience my friend that if her religious view are that important to her, no matter how hard you try, it will most likely end because of it.  Yes, there is always that slim possibility that she may question her faith or at least side line it.  But the probability is usually very low of that.

"How do you support a Christian in a relationship?"

Three nails!

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages47.fotki.com%2Fv1399%2Fphotos%2F8%2F892548%2F6145789%2FRimShotJohnnyUtah-vi.jpg&hash=873ab7dd898a7d969d6d202a7d1fca33bda02d6f)

Oh, I'm bad.

If a girl told me that she cannot get into a long term relationship with me because I do not follow her religion, then I'd immediately discontinue the dating because she is pretty much then a bigot. Seriously, this whole "I can't be with you forever because you don't lurv jebus and pay tithe" is just like saying "I can't be with you because you are [insert ethnicity here]."

But that's just me!

You can't support her spiritually.  What she means is that she can't be with you long term because you are not a believer.  I don't know what kind of Christian she is.  But, the Bible clearly states that not only should the male be the spritual leader of the household but that a couple shouldn't be unequally yolked.  Some Christians aren't that concerned with this part of the teaching, but it sounds like she is.  She's going to have to decide if she loves you for who you are or if its not going to work out...you can't be something you are not just to make her happy; that would surely end the relationship.

Quote from: "hollow000"I'm kind of dating this Christian girl on and off. She likes me and I like her. However, she has mentioned that our relationship cannot last for the long term because I'm not Christian and that I cannot support her spiritually--hence our on and off relationship.

She's right, you cannot support her spiritually. How do I know this? Because she told you straight out. It doesn't get clearer than that.

You don't need that shit. There are plenty of girls who won't give you that kind of hassle.

Thank you all for the reply. A bit depressing but thanks.

Religion is no minor obstacle in a relationship like age, class, or race - it's HUGE.  

Religion is about the very reality in which a person thinks they live.  If you can't even come close to sharing a reality, it's unlikely that you'll find happiness together.

If you want to save both of you a lot of suffering - just be friends and no more.

Tell her you have converted to christianity, go with her to church, obey all christian rules like sabbath, grace and no sex before marriage. Study the bible for tips, agree with her father about all things spiritual.

After a few years, propose to her, plan the wedding of  her dreams, the most extravagent, oppulent occasion of your lives. Buy her the most amazing rings, look at houses to settle down in, prepare the ultimate honeymoon, romantic and classy.

Then, the day before the wedding, tell her " I'm sorry, I can't be with you, I can't marry you. No, its not nerves, its more important than that. Its becuase you don't like Led Zeppelin, I know you don't have any control over it, but if you can't support me musically, this relationship will never last."

Then walk away into the sunset, never to be seen again, when she arrives home, she can find a note on her pillow, with this on it

Thats what I would do anyway.

Quote from: "hollow000"Thank you all for the reply. A bit depressing but thanks.

There's nothing depressing about it. Women are like buses. Miss one and there's another one coming in 10 minutes.

Quote from: "Loffler"

Quote from: "hollow000"Thank you all for the reply. A bit depressing but thanks.

There's nothing depressing about it. Women are like buses. Miss one and there's another one coming in 10 minutes.

Oh Loffler, that's bad.  I am doubtful any buses want you as a passenger if that was serious.

Quote from: "VanReal"

Quote from: "Loffler"

Quote from: "hollow000"Thank you all for the reply. A bit depressing but thanks.

There's nothing depressing about it. Women are like buses. Miss one and there's another one coming in 10 minutes.

Oh Loffler, that's bad.  I am doubtful any buses want you as a passenger if that was serious.

You don't tell the bus that.

And I'm just saying women cuz he's a guy. The same advice applies to women about men, and gays about each other. There are thousands, maybe millions of people out there who can make you happy, and definitely millions who can make you short-term happy if you get my drift.

Quote from: "Loffler"

Quote from: "VanReal"

Quote from: "Loffler"There's nothing depressing about it. Women are like buses. Miss one and there's another one coming in 10 minutes.

Oh Loffler, that's bad.  I am doubtful any buses want you as a passenger if that was serious.

You don't tell the bus that.

And I'm just saying women cuz he's a guy. The same advice applies to women about men, and gays about each other. There are thousands, maybe millions of people out there who can make you happy, and definitely millions who can make you short-term happy if you get my drift.

Don't tell that to e-harmony, they are banking on the soul mate idea! Hehe    I know what you meant.

Quote from: "VanReal"

Quote from: "Loffler"

Quote from: "VanReal"Oh Loffler, that's bad.  I am doubtful any buses want you as a passenger if that was serious.

You don't tell the bus that.

And I'm just saying women cuz he's a guy. The same advice applies to women about men, and gays about each other. There are thousands, maybe millions of people out there who can make you happy, and definitely millions who can make you short-term happy if you get my drift.

Don't tell that to e-harmony, they are banking on the soul mate idea! Hehe    I know what you meant.

It's funny, but I not only approve of e-harmony's matching methods but in fact believe they fit the worldview I describe above quite nicely. Some people might think the site's matching methods are connecting kindred spirits, but really all it's doing is placing people together who will have the most in common and the least amount of friction.

Not to be too cynical, but I could probably produce similar results matching people based on their education,income, relationship with family, and number of sex partners.

I've been there, and it sucks.  Basically, I'll say this:  ask her to be with you because of the person that you are instead of basing it on what religious belief you hold.  If she can't get past the fact that you are an atheist and see all the other benefits that you hold, then move on.  It sucks, it really does, but it is in your best interest to find someone who dates you for more than your thoughts on god.