Happy Atheist Forum

What sort of experiences do you guys have on dating people who aren't agnostic/atheist?  
I've semi-recently become single, and the thought of dating someone who isn't secular isn't very appealing, but I don't know how much that hurts my chances of finding someone. XD

I know "religious" beliefs aren't the most important aspect of a relationship, but I shudder to think of marrying someone who will bother me about accepting Christ before I die, or having to debate how to raise kids.

Thoughts?  If you're with someone like you, where did you meet them?  Pretty much my only chance atm is University.

I have dated a theist for a short time. It was ok because we just agreed to disagree on the matter of the divine. However, I would not under any normal-ish circumstances date a fundamentalist or a preaching type. (Nor would they - at least the Abrahamic ones - date me. If they would, that would be epic hypocricy on their part)

Quote from: "Asmodean"I have dated a theist for a short time. It was ok because we just agreed to disagree on the matter of the divine. However, I would not under any normal-ish circumstances date a fundamentalist or a preaching type. (Nor would they - at least the Abrahamic ones - date me. If they would, that would be epic hypocricy on their part)

Haha, that reminds me of how my mom's atheist and my biological dad is mormon.  Not sure exactly how that worked, though they're not still married.

There was a girl i used to work with whom i liked very much and who i think also liked me. We went on a few dates before i found out she was devoutly religious. We debated at length on the subject. I really wanted to be neutral about it and i think she felt the same way too. Problem was, it kept causing large differences between us. I kept getting a little frustrated with her for sometimes judging my actions and her with me for not believing in god... Ultimately it didn't work out purely because of the religion thing. It really pissed me off and i still have quite a large chip on my shoulder about it.

I just wanted her, not her religion. She wanted me but with religion by my side. I may have posted something about it on this forum in the past but was probably quite hot-headed about it, for at the time i was super annoyed. Not with her, but with religion in general for fucking with my chance at happiness.

That isn't to say it cannot work out. Unfortunately for us though, it wasn't meant to be.

I secretly hold hope that one day i'll get a message from her on facebook saying "i was silly and deluded. I now see reality for what it is. Lets go for a drink!!"

I think that is wishful thinking though.

 

My man, Thomas, and i met by chance through a shared friend at the time. She was an atheist as well and randomly friended me on myspace. When we (Thomas and i)started talking we hit it off right away in the religion department. We're both thoughtful, rational, people who happen to share a common thread in atheism. I can really enjoy a conversation with him, he always has fantastic input to put forth. He's the most amazing man in my life right now.

I've dated people who were religious, my last real girlfriend was into the whole "my life is miserable because God is punishing me for some unknown thing i'm doing wrong." Ugh, i hated it. I really tried to convince her otherwise by to showing her how much better life is without dogma. Though that was merely a straw on her back, it made me feel horrible that there was nothing i could do about it. She's still waiting for redemption as if it will come. We still talk and i have undoubtedly warm feelings for her, but i get frustrated because she has so many problems that only she herself can cure but refuses to. She only relies on pills, self mutilation, and self pity to appeal to others.

meh, i'm still bitter about that it seems....  

My fiance is Catholic but, very "liberal" He just says a prayers. It's been at least 7 yrs since he's been to church. I couldn't be with someone who was very religious.

I dated a lapse Catholic for a while, but it never amounted to anything. I think I've said before that I went to a rather liberal university and, on the whole, religion was never a big part of any of my girlfriends' lives (as far as it affected me, anyway). They were all Christian in one way or another, don't misunderstand. It just never became an issue... unless we got drunk and started debating.  

Now the love of my life is Taiwanese, and thus has no belief system aside from what traditions have carried over from Chinese culture. She is glad we don't have any trees in our front yard because they attract ghosts. She thinks the Jesus story is silly. She had no idea that being an atheist (which I am, quite vocally) was such a despised thing here. She was also shocked to hear that she is considered an atheist, too, by many people here, as she doesn't believe in any "god", per se.

Guess I've been lucky.

The only experience I have with dating someone who was an involved Christian after I was no longer religious wasn't that great.  I wasn't really calling myself an atheist at the time but would do so with guys I was going to date (if they asked)...I was trying to scare off churchy people because I found them annoying.  Well, this guy thought atheist was code for puts out and I had to kick him out of my apartment (we were supposed to be watching a movie, at his suggestion).  Btw, he was also a self proclaimed virgin...so beware of that type.

Other than that...I didn't have any problems.  Apparently most of the type of people who I am attracted to end up being non-religous anyway...or at least didn't care.

Btw, I was in a college town so people might have been a bit more liberal thinking...but I was also in Okalahoma.

That said...there is absoltuely no way I could have married a religious person.  I like being able to talk about my views with my husband without having to feel like I'm steeping on his toes.  Sure there are some things we disagree on, but nothing huge (and for most people religion is a very big touchy subject).

My suggestion would be to date whomever you want and see how it goes.  If they don't bring up their religion then they probably won't care much about your being non-religious.  If things get serious or if it comes up in conversation then you can confront the religion issue on a case by case synario.

Quote from: "curiosityandthecat"I think I've said before that I went to a rather liberal university

What I've always found kind of odd, about both my community college and my university, is that the engineers and physics people I meet tend to be pretty devout.  To the point of tricking me into attending a Campus Crusade for Christ meeting.  Wtf.

I am in Kansas City, MO, though.  Which is right next to Kansas, blah.  I should move back to Seattle! =P

But yeah, so far I've only dated one guy. ^_^;  We did meet in college, another Comp Sci person, and he's agnostic.  This other guy I liked was also Comp Sci and agnostic or nonreligious, but that didn't work out. >.>

But on the other hand, I had another Comp Sci friend who's insanely conservative.  I went to his birthday party once and when I got to his (parents') house, he was playing Dance Factory (DDR knockoff that lets you play to your own CDs) to Christian Rock. D:!  And neither his dad or him had heard of Weird Al... o_o;;;;

So I guess maybe Comp Sci people tend to be more liberal than Engineers? o.o;

Quote from: "Moosader"What I've always found kind of odd, about both my community college and my university, is that the engineers and physics people I meet tend to be pretty devout.  To the point of tricking me into attending a Campus Crusade for Christ meeting.  Wtf.

I am in Kansas City, MO, though.  Which is right next to Kansas, blah.  I should move back to Seattle! =P

But yeah, so far I've only dated one guy. ^_^;  We did meet in college, another Comp Sci person, and he's agnostic.  This other guy I liked was also Comp Sci and agnostic or nonreligious, but that didn't work out. >.>

But on the other hand, I had another Comp Sci friend who's insanely conservative.  I went to his birthday party once and when I got to his (parents') house, he was playing Dance Factory (DDR knockoff that lets you play to your own CDs) to Christian Rock. D:!  And neither his dad or him had heard of Weird Al... o_o;;;;

So I guess maybe Comp Sci people tend to be more liberal than Engineers? o.o;

Christian Rock... ugh. Why must it be so terrible?

Maybe CS folk tend to be less religious exactly because they are drawn to CS. Maybe something with the languages, how they correlate to nature (but not in any divine way). Who knows. I often wonder if the xkcd (http://xkcd.com/) guys are like us.

Quote from: "curiosityandthecat"Christian Rock... ugh. Why must it be so terrible?

Maybe CS folk tend to be less religious exactly because they are drawn to CS. Maybe something with the languages, how they correlate to nature (but not in any divine way). Who knows. I often wonder if the xkcd (http://xkcd.com/) guys are like us.

actually alot of new  christian bands that i know of are pretty good. There's quite a few bands that i, for a long time, didn't know they were christian until i really looked into the lyrics. I'm always disappointed when i realize a really good band is Christian.

I married a Lutheran.  He's a great guy but parts of it were pure agony.  Every time we argued he'd declare I had no morals because I think we're all just sacks of meat.  He agonized at the idea of me going to Hell.  There were probably a thousand other issues that came up due to his religion combined with my absence of religion.  Some were small, some were large but all were horribly frustrating.

I would suggest avoiding anyone who is very religious.  People of low key (or no) religious beliefs are a better bet for an atheist to consider relationships with.  I'm currently with an agnostic/deist who was raised in Unity Church.  Instead of attacking me for being an Atheist, he stands up for my right to believe (or not believe) whatever I want.

Quote from: "Moosader"What sort of experiences do you guys have on dating people who aren't agnostic/atheist?  

I must admit it is a problem. I loose interest fast, simply because I cannot help myself looking a bit down on her. I simply find religious people (with very few exceptions) superficial in their thought processes. (Another way of writing "Unreflected" or "dumb" I guess).

QuoteI know "religious" beliefs aren't the most important aspect of a relationship, but I shudder to think of marrying someone who will bother me about accepting Christ before I die, or having to debate how to raise kids.

I have read a scientific investigation. (Performed in Denmark/Sweden.) The result was that the two main reasons for splitting up long term relationships are:
1) Difference in political view. (I too find that even more difficult to accept.)
2) Difference in religious view.

QuoteThoughts?  If you're with someone like you, where did you meet them?  Pretty much my only chance atm is University.

I'm from Denmark. Almost half the population is atheist, and when you limit yourself to the women with a higher education it's somewhere around 80-90%. So no trouble there... (get OUT of Kansas, Dorothy   )

Quote from: "Stoicheion"I'm always disappointed when i realize a really good band is Christian.

Oh! No kidding! That's a major downer.

However, when you discover that a singer you like is atheist, that does compensate for it.

Quote from: "Moosader"Thoughts?  If you're with someone like you, where did you meet them?  Pretty much my only chance atm is University.

I met my partner online.  I'm polyamorous so any partners must be as well.  Once someone passes the poly filter, it's pretty easy to find people in that grouping who are either atheist, agnostic, or simply very accepting and supportive of others' choices.

I would suggest checking out an online dating service.  People are generally required to fill out their religious preferences.  I've enjoyed using OKCupid.com, an international free dating service, for finding friends and casual partners.  While I haven't felt attracted to everyone I've met up with, I've made some great liberal friends in a very religious, conservative area.  It's also been heartening to see how many people in my area identify as atheist, agnostic, or non-religious.

Quote from: "Kylyssa"I'm polyamorous so any partners must be as well.  Once someone passes the poly filter, it's pretty easy to find people in that grouping who are either atheist, agnostic, or simply very accepting and supportive of others' choices.

;)

I have yet to meet someone. Ever. I don't mind, though it's annoying when people assume I've had sex before. Nope, I'm just minding my own business, and waiting for someone I really like to come along...yep.

What's wrong with me?!?

Quote from: "Wechtlein Uns"What's wrong with me?!? :D  On the other hand, experience is worth its weight in gold, and you'll never know what you like until you do some... erm... sampling.

Why haven't you met anyone? Don't get out much? Shy? Awkward? Sociopath?  

I am a bit past the dating thing - 32 year married - so I am not up with this, quite. However, if the question is about long term relationships then I suppose I might as well have my penny's worth.

I'd say if you are looking long term, that there needs to be a lot of common ground between the couple and I do really think religion is very significant. Over the years I have seen many couples marry and separate and, of course, the Catholics are quite happy to get an anulment which I think is quite easy if you spouse was not catholic. The thing is that a religion gives one a different mindset not to mention attendance commitments and so on. It could even involve a significant financial involvement too.

Those marriages I have seen to be most successful were ones where the question of religion was one in whoch the couple agreed. I think anything less is asking for trouble. Of course, I met my wife in church - I was an organist and Christian at the time and she joined my choir! As an atheist I am not sure what the equivalent of church is where one might meet potential spouses. Perhaps we need to start Sunday meetings and serve atheist beer at them!  

Quote from: "curiosityandthecat"

Quote from: "Wechtlein Uns"What's wrong with me?!? :D  On the other hand, experience is worth its weight in gold, and you'll never know what you like until you do some... erm... sampling.

Why haven't you met anyone? Don't get out much? Shy? Awkward? Sociopath?  :eek:
No. Let me rephrase that. There is one girl that at the time I really liked. But we didn't see each other too much, as we went to different schools across the city, she was a grade younger than me, and she was still deeply catholic. I let it go because I wasn't even 15 at the time, so I didn't think I had to rush or hurry. I still don't think I need to rush and hurry... a girlfriend might be nice... I think the reason I liked her though was because she had a good head on her shoulders and was as interested in books and learning as I was. I have yet to meet someone like that again...  :shock:  Scary. Not only that, but I don't think sex appeal could hold me for long. They're kind of... well... emptyheaded. No other way to say it.

Wow, I must sound really pathetic.  

Quote from: "Wechtlein Uns"I have yet to meet someone like that again...  :D ), hang out in coffee shops on a college campus and conspicuously read any Douglas Adams book.
Second, ....
Third, profit!

Quote from: "Wechtlein Uns"Wow. I've just realized how slutty the girls around me all dress. In san antonio, that's a bad thing. Cholas... their stomachs spill over their pants like a burst open can of buscuit mix :unsure:

Not at all. You sound like someone any self-respecting, intelligent woman in her mid-to-late 20s is looking for. Unless she's gay. Then you're kind of SOL.

Quote from: "curiosityandthecat"Not at all. You sound like someone any self-respecting, intelligent woman in her mid-to-late 20s is looking for. Unless she's gay. Then you're kind of SOL.

eheheh... there's not too many of those in San Antonio.
y'know what I like, sex appeal wise? Asian girls. I can't stop looking at their eyes. They have beautiful faces. And they're usually very clean, from what I hear. That's not like the girls here. lol.

Quote from: "Wechtlein Uns"y'know what I like, sex appeal wise? Asian girls. I can't stop looking at their eyes. They have beautiful faces. And they're usually very clean, from what I hear. That's not like the girls here. lol.

You and I are much more alike than you may have thought.  

(https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages39.fotki.com%2Fv1283%2Fphotos%2F8%2F892548%2F6538112%2Fcroppedcopy-vi.jpg&hash=c203487875eaa6c51436bd8cabfdbd31cb64da75)

Oh wow, she's beautiful. You're a lucky man, whitey.  :D

but you really are lucky.  

Quote from: "Wechtlein Uns"Oh wow, she's beautiful. You're a lucky man, whitey.  :D

but you really are lucky.  :) I'm like... neon white. I always tease my girlfriend about it, because Asian women tend to try everything under the sun (hah, get it?) to stay as pale as possible. The whiter, the better (at least in Chinese culture... Japanese, too, methinks). Whereas, here, the tanning industry is huge and the concept of a "healthy tan" (of which there is no such thing) rises above all else.

I'm real big on race issues, though. I've done a lot work and research of Whiteness studies and even more on racism. Hell, my graduate advisor's surrogate father was Wilfred Little, Malcolm X's older brother. I think it's unfair to judge people simply because of the level of melanin they have in their skin (or the make-up of their chromosomes or what they do with their genitals). At the same time, I think it's important that we stay aware of our differences and elevate them to a level at which we can poke fun at them. Through humor, we become one.

Still, yes; I am very lucky.  :D Even now, after over two years with my girlfriend, she just melts whenever I randomly speak Chinese.

I have dated religious people in the past, mostly because at the time I was in the Bible Belt and at that time I didn't know any atheists or I would have dated them, believe me.

Once I went out with a guy who took me to a revival (I thought we were going to a movie).  I was not thrilled, but because I was brought up to be polite, I didn't say anything.  I decided to get through the experience and never go out with him again.  Well, this was a real live, honest to goodness revival in a tent, no less.  The place was packed, and of course there were people getting faith healed, people screaming and fainting in the aisles, and all sorts of mob-hysteria religious nonsense.  I have never felt so uncomfortable and out of place in my life.  It was actually scary the way some people were behaving.

Well, my date had a grand old time singing and praying, but when he grabbed my hand to drag me up to the guy who was doing the laying on of hands, I refused to go, saying something along the lines of, "I can't believe you actually believe this bullshit."  Okay, so at 18 I wasn't really diplomatic.  So he got mad and told me I was going to hell if I didn't go up and get blessed.  I said that was fine with me.  Then he really got mad.  I took the one refuge open to me at that time:  I had to laugh.  It was just so insane!  People moaning and screaming all around us, fainting in the aisles, praising Jesus at the top of their lungs, waving their hands around in the air, dragging their horribly ill or deformed or otherwise not normal relatives up to be faith healed by some slick-haired charlatan with a deep, resounding voice.  It was nuts!

So I laughed and laughed.  Luckily the people around us were having a wonderful time being carried away with religious fervor, or I might have ended up being torn to pieces.  A tent revival is probably not the best place to make fun of religion.  So he took me home (without getting hands layed on) in a huff, and I couldn't stop laughing the whole way home.  Needless to say he never asked me out again.  Yay!

Anyway, yeah, that's why I avoid dating religious people.

Nice.

Wow, so much to say here.

I have been in a committed relationship for over two years now. She was raised what I would call baptolic, kind of like me. Baptist and catholic that is. She is very religious. She believes a god has a hand in everything, and she always tries to tell me that "it happened for a reason". Lol, and I always answer, yeah I'm sure that reason has something to do with the laws of science. Religion is a very touchy subject for us.

What makes it even more difficult is that I know this is the girl I'm going to marry, no question about it. She is great to me and loves me unconditionally (obviously) even though looks-wise she is waaayyy out of my league. I'm 6'4", 295 lbs of ugly (believe me, it doesn't bother me) and she is this gorgeous, petite little thing at 5'3", 130 lbs. Back to what is important, though. We have had serious arguments over the past couple of months over how to raise our children when we have them. At first I was staunchly against the idea of them going to church. She, of course, wants them to have god in their lives. I know it sounds retarded that we argue over hypothetical situations, but I think it's important to get out of the way now and so does she. Well, me being the level-headed one (again, obviously, since I don't believe in fairy tales) decided that, well, I was raised in a church (actually two) and I still found reason. I just have to hope that I raise my kids to question, question, question!

Aside from that, every other aspect of our relationship is great. She loves my sense of humor (which, quite honestly can be a bit dry and mean most of the time) and I love her laugh, so it's perfect. Well, nearly perfect.

And they all lived happily ever after...haha, couldn't resist...

Good luck Moosader, you will need it in this crazy world of love!