Happy Atheist Forum

So, yesterday I finally got up the balls to break it to my parents that I'm gonna have to have roommates in University. I thought we'd just have one of our usual fights and that'll be the end of it, but instead, my parents are trying their damnedest to get me reassigned, even to the point that I might have to miss my first year.

I personally have no opinion one way or the other about it, I just want access to the internet....

Can someone give me some advice?

If you are over 18, I don't think any one besides yourself CAN reassign you, or..?

Yeah, I'm 18, it's just that they're VERY pushy.

Umm... not knowing much of the specifics required to get "reassigned" you might try to do an end run around your parents attempts.  Get to the offices/officials/etc before your parents and try to convince them that you don't need to be reassigned.  If you can't preempt your parents' attempts then maybe you can ask the officials how much power you have over the reassignment process.  Maybe it'll turn out that you have some final say over things.  

It can't hurt to ask anyway.

Ah.... well it's just a BIT too late now. Apparently my dad just got off the phone with the folks down at student services, and they're gonna phone/email me information if they have a single available.

Thanks though.

Is there a specific reason why they don't want you to have roommates?

They claim religious reasons.

Quote from: "Shalo'zier"They claim religious reasons.

I don't mean to pry, but I'm curious. What kind of religious reasons? You've made clear they're Muslim, but I fail to see why that would be impetus for reassigning you to a single (or worse, not attending the first year).

Frankly I have no idea. But the school conceded and made accommodations for me. There are Islamic schools that forbid girls and guys to be in the same class, or if they MUST be in the same class, they must be on opposite sides.

It might also be that they don't want non-believers to mix with me..... I actually took this moment to come out of the closet, as it were.

Quote from: "Shalo'zier"It might also be that they don't want non-believers to mix with me..... I actually took this moment to come out of the closet, as it were.

That's something I never understood, really. Do people really think that simply being around those with differing opinions will somehow corrupt them? Do they believe their faith is that weak? It's just... bizarre.

Well, either way, welcome to the other side, and I hope you enjoy university. I loved it so much I never left!

Quote from: "curiosityandthecat"

Quote from: "Shalo'zier"It might also be that they don't want non-believers to mix with me..... I actually took this moment to come out of the closet, as it were.

That's something I never understood, really. Do people really think that simply being around those with differing opinions will somehow corrupt them? Do they believe their faith is that weak? It's just... bizarre.

Well, either way, welcome to the other side, and I hope you enjoy university. I loved it so much I never left!

Heheh... thanks.

Actually, I've been an atheist for most of my high school career. Lying about my beliefs for around 4 years. I just got tired of having to be lumped together with them, and if they feel so harsly towards non-believers as to bar them children from mixing, then what would they do if their own son was a non-believer.

My dad (who incidentally, is more visibly religious then my mother) seems to not care. My mom through a sort of hissy fit.

I'm not sure if this helps, but in my University, everyone in the dorms was DYING for a single room!! You get to sleep without hearing someone else snoring or having the light on. You don't have to act cool with it when they have their girlfriend (that you can't STAND!) over to sleep every night, or snooze through their loud and EARLY alarm for an hour every morning...

Be the cool guy on the floor with the single room. Make it really cozy. See if you can have a second bed in it anyway, or get an old couch - one that's comfortable enough for friends to crash on occasionally. Leave your door cracked open when you're in there hanging out, and have good snacks. Dorm-dwellers are suckers for good snacks.  

You'll get the social benefits from living in the dorms, without the stuff that makes you want to pull your hair out, then move off campus ASAP.


How far from home is your college?

Interesting situation. Maybe you should be taking this in a different direction. I've personally found that the best way to deal with a religious person who is persecuting you (and make no mistake, that is the case here) would be to use your own knowledge of the religion to defend yourself. While I am not as familiar with Islam as I am with Christianity, I might be able to dig up some convincing religious arguments this afternoon when I can crack open my Qur'an and look into Islamic Law. Are your parents Sunni or Shiite?

Quote from: "Willravel"Interesting situation. Maybe you should be taking this in a different direction. I've personally found that the best way to deal with a religious person who is persecuting you (and make no mistake, that is the case here) would be to use your own knowledge of the religion to defend yourself. While I am not as familiar with Islam as I am with Christianity, I might be able to dig up some convincing religious arguments this afternoon when I can crack open my Qur'an and look into Islamic Law. Are your parents Sunni or Shiite?

I wasn't really raised that religious. Only recently (in the past 6 or so years) did my dad become more religious, and even sooner (3 years) did I come in conflict with my parents' parenting style (mainly to smother, and shelter their children, not allowing them to become their own people.)

I guess they'd be non-denom Muslims, if such a thing exists.

It's fortunate that you've been able to become your own person.

I'm not sure I'd advise pushing his parents right now...please correct me if I'm wrong, anyone who knows better, but it was once told to me that to become an apostate (leave the religion) is considered a serious sin - punishable by death.  

I am in NO way suggesting his parents would think this way. I AM saying there's every possibility they'll take the news very hard. With this time of adjustment (leaving for college, etc)...I'm not sure if I wouldn't just leave off the subject with them for a while.

Jane, that's a good point.

Maybe when I come up with a religious argument you can just keep it on the back burner, as a contingency.

Maybe you could get them to spring the cash for an off-campus apartment?

Quote from: "Willravel"Jane, that's a good point.

Maybe when I come up with a religious argument you can just keep it on the back burner, as a contingency.

If you can manage to convinve them that you never have believed in their god, mebbe that would be... Oh wait, that's a deadly sin too, isn't it..?  

Quote from: "Asmodean"If you can manage to convinve them that you never have believed in their god, mebbe that would be... Oh wait, that's a deadly sin too, isn't it..?  

Yep:

Quote31:24 We give them comfort for a little, and then We drive them to a heavy doom.

Quote2:24 And if ye do it not - and ye can never do it - then guard yourselves against the Fire prepared for disbelievers, whose fuel is of men and stones.

Quote2:39 But they who disbelieve, and deny Our revelations, such are rightful Peoples of the Fire. They will abide therein.

Quote2:88 And they say: Our hearts are hardened. Nay, but Allah hath cursed them for their unbelief. Little is that which they believe.

Quote2:98 Who is an enemy to Allah, and His angels and His messengers, and Gabriel and Michael! Then lo! Allah (Himself) is an enemy to His disbelievers.

...and so on...

I'm not finding anything really decent in either direction, so I'm going to contact a good friend of mine that is a devout Muslim. His understanding of Islam is the best I know.

Unless it's a coed dorm, you're 100% in the clear Islam wise. I just got an email back from my friend (who's dad is a Muslim scholar of some note), and he confirmed that you're clear to live with other men. The only way it would be a problem is if you slept in the same room as young women, which isn't a common dorm policy.

One thing that might be of concern to your parents is diet. I don't know of a Quranic reference, but I was told that a Muslim cannot use cooking or eating utensils if they had ever touched pork. Your roommate might like to have some bacon for breakfast, but you would get in trouble with Allah if, later, you want to make some falafels with that same pan no matter how clean it was prior to your use.

Quote from: "Benoît Bôls"One thing that might be of concern to your parents is diet. I don't know of a Quranic reference, but I was told that a Muslim cannot use cooking or eating utensils if they had ever touched pork. Your roommate might like to have some bacon for breakfast, but you would get in trouble with Allah if, later, you want to make some falafels with that same pan no matter how clean it was prior to your use.

So, could someone maliciously--and unbeknownst to you--rub a pork chop on your chef's knife and Allah would still be mad?  

Quote from: "Benoît Bôls"One thing that might be of concern to your parents is diet. I don't know of a Quranic reference, but I was told that a Muslim cannot use cooking or eating utensils if they had ever touched pork. Your roommate might like to have some bacon for breakfast, but you would get in trouble with Allah if, later, you want to make some falafels with that same pan no matter how clean it was prior to your use.

You don't have to eat at the cafeteria and use your own utensils. Problem solved. Get one of those smaller-than-average fridges (if you don't already, and they're cheap on craigslist), and keep some food in there.

Quote from: "curiosityandthecat"So, could someone maliciously--and unbeknownst to you--rub a pork chop on your chef's knife and Allah would still be mad?  

Yep. Sucks.

Quote from: "Benoît Bôls"One thing that might be of concern to your parents is diet. I don't know of a Quranic reference, but I was told that a Muslim cannot use cooking or eating utensils if they had ever touched pork. Your roommate might like to have some bacon for breakfast, but you would get in trouble with Allah if, later, you want to make some falafels with that same pan no matter how clean it was prior to your use.

Quote from: "Willravel"You don't have to eat at the cafeteria and use your own utensils. Problem solved. Get one of those smaller-than-average fridges (if you don't already, and they're cheap on craigslist), and keep some food in there.

But I didn't mention the cafeteria; I was talking about him rooming with somebody else: his roommate using the frying pan, utensils, etc. Some sort of "contamination" is bound to happen in close quarters.

They don't trust you to keep your own utensils separate? The Muslim friend I contacted just graduated last year from college after having 4 years of non-Muslim roommates. Not once was there a utensil issue. As a matter of fact, he said it was easy. He thought that you were concerned about utensils used in the cafeteria, which makes more sense. Even that is a piece of cake, though.

If you keep your fork, knife, and spoon in your own drawer, I can't imagine someone accidentally going into your drawer and stealing your fork to maliciously eat a delicious pork dinner.

Really, it's not a strong argument, and as such you're presented with a choice: take their argument apart or go after the real reason they're doing this. Regardless, just remain calm, respectful, and direct.

Quote from: "Willravel"They don't trust you to keep your own utensils separate? The Muslim friend I contacted just graduated last year from college after having 4 years of non-Muslim roommates. Not once was there a utensil issue. As a matter of fact, he said it was easy. He thought that you were concerned about utensils used in the cafeteria, which makes more sense. Even that is a piece of cake, though.

If you keep your fork, knife, and spoon in your own drawer, I can't imagine someone accidentally going into your drawer and stealing your fork to maliciously eat a delicious pork dinner.

Really, it's not a strong argument, and as such you're presented with a choice: take their argument apart or go after the real reason they're doing this. Regardless, just remain calm, respectful, and direct.

I don't see a problem with any of that, but the OP's parents might. What I know is based on another Muslim's reason for living alone while at school.