Title: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: myleviathan on July 12, 2008, 12:38:18 AM
Post by: myleviathan on July 12, 2008, 12:38:18 AM
You guys seriously need to read this crap. It's from this website: http://www.pulc.com/minister.php (http://www.pulc.com/minister.php) , which I had posted in another thread, but it's so great I had to post the full text for everyone's enjoyment. It feels like a new low to me.
QuoteBecome an ordained minister and enjoy a new outlook on life! As a P.U.L.C. Minister (with the legal right to use the title "Reverend") you will be free to preach and teach according to the dictates of your heart. WE AUTHORIZE YOU TO PERFORM ALL FUNCTIONS OF THE MINISTRY including marriages, baptisms, funerals, services, etc. As a point of passing, thousands of Ministers have become enormously wealthy performing simple religious ceremonies.
Our church is one of the largest with members throughout the world. You will enjoy the respect and prestige, rights and privileges customarily given to Ministers of the Progressive Universal Life Church. Our Ministers get many DISCOUNTS, suc as fares on airplanes, buses, ships and trains. Many hotels and clothing stores also offer us substantial savings. Another privilege is special hospital visitation hours.
When you become a P.U.L.C. Minister, our Executive Director, Pastor Jack J. Stahl, GUARANTEES you will never be the same. Your life will have more meaning and happiness than you ever dreamed possible. Your ORDINATION IS FOR LIFE. As a Minister ordained by us, you are considered a lifetime member of the founding Church. We possess the secret that makes all things possible--RELIGIOUS FREEDOM--the freedom for each and every person to believe as they choose and the right to express that belief--so long as it harms no other. We believe in "THAT WHICH IS RIGHT and every man and woman has the right to determine what is right for themselves." That is the doctrine of this Church.
For a small love offering of only $19.50, you will receive Ordination and a beautiful MINISTERIAL CERTIFICATE. Order Now and we will also rush you FREE our finest quality MINISTERIAL WALLET LICENSE! Both will have your name imprinted and bear the official Church "Gold Seal". Our Credentials are legally recognized by all Government agencies.
Please visit our online store to order this prestigious license.
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: afreethinker30 on July 12, 2008, 02:45:56 AM
Post by: afreethinker30 on July 12, 2008, 02:45:56 AM
I wonder if you get tax breaks with being ordained?If so count me in!
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: myleviathan on July 12, 2008, 04:20:24 AM
Post by: myleviathan on July 12, 2008, 04:20:24 AM
Yeah, I think you do get tax breaks.
Here are my favorite quotes from this thing:
OOOH, TELL ME MORE!!
SWEET! I was hoping for a handsome leatherbound case!
Wow! That's a great deal for a small love offering of $19.50. I'll bet that even includes shipping and handling!
Here are my favorite quotes from this thing:
QuoteAs a point of passing, thousands of Ministers have become enormously wealthy performing simple religious ceremonies.
QuoteYou will enjoy the respect and prestige, rights and privileges customarily given to Ministers of the Progressive Universal Life Church. Our Ministers get many DISCOUNTS, suc as fares on airplanes, buses, ships and trains. Many hotels and clothing stores also offer us substantial savings. Another privilege is special hospital visitation hours
OOOH, TELL ME MORE!!
QuoteWhen you become a P.U.L.C. Minister, our Executive Director, Pastor Jack J. Stahl, GUARANTEES you will never be the same. Your life will have more meaning and happiness than you ever dreamed possible.
QuoteWe possess the secret that makes all things possible--RELIGIOUS FREEDOM
QuoteFor a small love offering of only $19.50, you will receive Ordination and a beautiful MINISTERIAL CERTIFICATE. Order Now and we will also rush you FREE our finest quality MINISTERIAL WALLET LICENSE!
SWEET! I was hoping for a handsome leatherbound case!
QuotePlease visit our online store to order this prestigious license.
Wow! That's a great deal for a small love offering of $19.50. I'll bet that even includes shipping and handling!
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: rlrose328 on July 12, 2008, 04:56:37 AM
Post by: rlrose328 on July 12, 2008, 04:56:37 AM
QuoteOur Ministers get many DISCOUNTS, suc as fares on airplanes, buses, ships and trains. Many hotels and clothing stores also offer us substantial savings. Another privilege is special hospital visitation hours.
So Joey Tribiani WAS right... ministers DO get to ride the subway for free???
This ALONE would be worth the price of the ordination.
My husband was ordained through one of these online churches... can't remember which one. I'll have to tell him this... he'll be thrilled!
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: susangail on July 12, 2008, 06:12:15 AM
Post by: susangail on July 12, 2008, 06:12:15 AM
"But wait! Order in the next ten minutes and we'll throw a medical license in ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!(just pay shipping and handling) Never practiced medicine? No problem!! We give licenses out to anyone! We don't care! All we want is your money! Order now!!!"
I can't believe I'm surprised.
I can't believe I'm surprised.
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: Atheist Mother on July 12, 2008, 07:44:07 AM
Post by: Atheist Mother on July 12, 2008, 07:44:07 AM
I have a friend who is an agnostic who is an Ordained Minister. He did it to preform another friend's wedding. Seriously.
I have to ask him if he gets any perks. Maybe he gets some like Jesse Jackson. Pun completely intended.
I have to ask him if he gets any perks. Maybe he gets some like Jesse Jackson. Pun completely intended.
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: susangail on July 12, 2008, 07:56:30 PM
Post by: susangail on July 12, 2008, 07:56:30 PM
Quote from: "Atheist Mother"I have a friend who is an agnostic who is an Ordained Minister. He did it to preform another friend's wedding. Seriously.Oh, I've totally heard of people doing that. Seriously, why not? If they're practically just going to giving them away...
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: afreethinker30 on July 12, 2008, 10:19:58 PM
Post by: afreethinker30 on July 12, 2008, 10:19:58 PM
Quote from: "susangail""But wait! Order in the next ten minutes and we'll throw a medical license in ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!(just pay shipping and handling) Never practiced medicine? No problem!! We give licenses out to anyone! We don't care! All we want is your money! Order now!!!"
I can't believe I'm surprised.
Count me in.
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: Whitney on July 13, 2008, 01:25:57 AM
Post by: Whitney on July 13, 2008, 01:25:57 AM
They charge to get ordained now? It use to be free with the option to purchase a certificate stating you are ordained. I did it a few years ago when it was free, just for kicks.
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: rlrose328 on July 13, 2008, 06:56:37 AM
Post by: rlrose328 on July 13, 2008, 06:56:37 AM
Quote from: "laetusatheos"They charge to get ordained now? It use to be free with the option to purchase a certificate stating you are ordained. I did it a few years ago when it was free, just for kicks.
YES! That's what Joe did about 5 years ago... just so he can say he's an ordained Atheist.
It was all free but they had a section with "tools of the trade" that people could buy... a book with wedding and funeral services, specially printed certificates, cards and IDs, etc.
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: afreethinker30 on July 13, 2008, 07:06:56 AM
Post by: afreethinker30 on July 13, 2008, 07:06:56 AM
Quote from: "rlrose328"Quote from: "laetusatheos"They charge to get ordained now? It use to be free with the option to purchase a certificate stating you are ordained. I did it a few years ago when it was free, just for kicks.
YES! That's what Joe did about 5 years ago... just so he can say he's an ordained Atheist.
Thats so cool.I'm really thinking about it.Oh I had a idea a funeral home for atheist/freethinkers and other godless peoples.But not sure it would do to well.
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: susangail on July 15, 2008, 01:20:32 AM
Post by: susangail on July 15, 2008, 01:20:32 AM
Quote from: "afreethinker30"Thats so cool.I'm really thinking about it.Oh I had a idea a funeral home for atheist/freethinkers and other godless peoples.But not sure it would do to well.Wow, that's an interesting idea. I'm not sure how well it would fly though because funeral homes are supposed to be open to all kinds of faiths (and non-faiths). They teach a course on respecting the believes and wishes of those of different faiths and whatnot in the mortuary science program. I'm sure there are Christian funeral homes though. But great idea. I actually want to open my own funeral home someday... Oohh now you got me thinking....
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: Jolly Sapper on July 15, 2008, 03:39:39 AM
Post by: Jolly Sapper on July 15, 2008, 03:39:39 AM
Quote from: "afreethinker30"Thats so cool.I'm really thinking about it.Oh I had a idea a funeral home for atheist/freethinkers and other godless peoples.But not sure it would do to well.
hehe... You could call it, "Once was Here, Now You're Gone. Funeral and Composting Services"
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: susangail on July 15, 2008, 04:45:23 AM
Post by: susangail on July 15, 2008, 04:45:23 AM
Quote from: "Jolly Sapper"Quote from: "afreethinker30"Thats so cool.I'm really thinking about it.Oh I had a idea a funeral home for atheist/freethinkers and other godless peoples.But not sure it would do to well.
hehe... You could call it, "Once was Here, Now You're Gone. Funeral and Composting Services"
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: EvolutionCalling on July 18, 2008, 01:32:10 AM
Post by: EvolutionCalling on July 18, 2008, 01:32:10 AM
I'm so in. Can I marry zoo animals too? I want a biraffabear in the worst way, but would hate for it's parents to be living in sin.
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: afreethinker30 on July 18, 2008, 01:43:33 AM
Post by: afreethinker30 on July 18, 2008, 01:43:33 AM
Quote from: "Jolly Sapper"Quote from: "afreethinker30"Thats so cool.I'm really thinking about it.Oh I had a idea a funeral home for atheist/freethinkers and other godless peoples.But not sure it would do to well.
hehe... You could call it, "Once was Here, Now You're Gone. Funeral and Composting Services"
I would have to have you do the commerical for it.
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: Dickson on July 26, 2008, 03:53:02 AM
Post by: Dickson on July 26, 2008, 03:53:02 AM
Quote from: "Jolly Sapper"Quote from: "afreethinker30"Thats so cool.I'm really thinking about it.Oh I had a idea a funeral home for atheist/freethinkers and other godless peoples.But not sure it would do to well.
hehe... You could call it, "Once was Here, Now You're Gone. Funeral and Composting Services"
ha! shortest funerals ever!
officiant walks up to the podium
"Well, he's dead."
awkward silence
audience shuffles, someone coughs
"Okay, uhh, later."
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: afreethinker30 on July 26, 2008, 04:39:30 AM
Post by: afreethinker30 on July 26, 2008, 04:39:30 AM
Quote from: "Dickson"Quote from: "Jolly Sapper"Quote from: "afreethinker30"Thats so cool.I'm really thinking about it.Oh I had a idea a funeral home for atheist/freethinkers and other godless peoples.But not sure it would do to well.
hehe... You could call it, "Once was Here, Now You're Gone. Funeral and Composting Services"
ha! shortest funerals ever!
officiant walks up to the podium
"Well, he's dead."
awkward silence
audience shuffles, someone coughs
"Okay, uhh, later."
Dickson you're hired!And Billy Corgan is so freakin cool. :beer:
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: weedoch on July 27, 2008, 10:31:21 PM
Post by: weedoch on July 27, 2008, 10:31:21 PM
Does anyone know if this would be valid in the UK - my dress-up times with my hubbie could get sooo interesting!
Title: Re: That's right, I'm getting Ordained
Post by: Dickson on July 29, 2008, 12:29:29 AM
Post by: Dickson on July 29, 2008, 12:29:29 AM
Quote from: "weedoch"Does anyone know if this would be valid in the UK - my dress-up times with my hubbie could get sooo interesting!
I don't see why not.