Happy Atheist Forum

i'm sorry if this kind of thread already exists, and i'm also sorry if this isn't the right section for it, i wasn't sure where to put it.

but i am interested in how all of you came to believe what you believe in now. (whether you're an atheist or a theist). i am just interested in how people come to their conclusions over what thought path to follow. partly because i myself have had my atheism written off, all too often, as merely the result of being brought up in an atheist household, rather than a conclusion i came to by myself. so i would just be interested to hear your story...

my story:
Well as i said i was raised by convinced atheists parents but in a catholic country. even my grandfathers and one of my grandmother's were atheists. (it was highly unusual for my grandfather living in austria during the time of WW2 in a very rural, conservative and catholic area to be an atheist and a socialist, but he was, his whole life. and i admire him for that courage).
as a child i knew practically nothing about religion. from an early i age i said "God doesn't exist because when you go up in a plane you can't see anyone in the sky" (  :D, in their version "There was just a big flood and a nice old man decided to save the animals". from the moment i started school where you are only ever given the choice between protestant lessons or catholic lessons, i was taken out of religion lessons. my parents got a lot of flack for this. "Your poor children don't get to join in with the other children. they are being left out. you are depriving them of the priveledge of church services and first communion etc" with my brother's teacher even going as far as claiming that my brother had confided in her that he was very upset that his parents wouldn't allow him to take part in religion. NOT TRUE my brother and i always loved having a free period whilst everyone else sat around reading the bible.

from the age of 15 i was allowed to sign the paper myself every year that said i didn't want to be part of the catholic religion lessons that were offered in my secondary school. i still had to justify it ever year. which i resented. i felt i shouldn't have to justify it. but hey, it's a small price to pay.
up until that age (around 15) i had never given religion much thought. and admittedly, i probably was an atheist (or religionless - because atheism wasn't really a word i used much) mainly because of my parents influence.

however in that year i had probably one of the most influential experiences of my life to date. my best friend, also my neighbour, whom i had grown up with and seen virtually every day of my life and who, together with her twin sister were the closest thing i ever had to sisters. developed cancer. she had had cancer when she was 4, shortly after that we met and became friends. by the time she was 14, everyone believed she had a pretty certain all clear. she had made amazing progress despite major surgery and was one of the most determined people i have ever known. her cancer came back, out of the blue, when she was 14 and developed fast. her parents exhausted every option but within the space of a year it became clear she wouldn't survive.
i don't remember what was the ultimate thing that sparked it off, in hindsight perhaps desperation. but i became religious. i guess it was some form of Christianity though i never gave it a name. and i never told anyone. i prayed every night and convinced myself to believe in God. i made myself believe that if i believed enough and prayed often enough she would survive. a couple of weeks after my 16th birthday, her 15th. she died. after battling since the age of four with cancer and the consequences of brain surgery. i would never presume to know what it feels like to actually lose a sister, but it's the closest i have ever come to feeling what imagine it might feels like (although i know, from seeing her twin sister that to claim my pain amounted to the same would be disrespectful and untrue)

perhaps it was an immidiate reaction or a delayed one, i don't know. all i know is until the day she died, i believed that if there was any kind of God, there was no way he would let an innocent teenager die, and i also know that from the day she died, i knew i never again would want to believe in nor trust a God. i thought that even if a God did exist, i wouldn't want to believe in such a cruel and heartless being. and my faith ended there.
i lost my grandmother, one of the people i had always loved most in world only a few weeks before my friend. my grandmother lost her faith in her twenties after her sister died in childbirth for the same reasons i lost my faith. i have always found this facts sadly poignant.

in that year, the 16th year of my life my interest in atheism itself grew. i started to become more interested in the rational reasons for atheism rather than just the emotional ones. i have always loved my dad but in my early teens we didn't have much in common. but in that year we became very close. he is a scientist, an atheist, a student protester against all sorts of oppressive things during the 60s and 70s, a fierce defender or rationale and democracy and nowadays probably the person i admire most in life. partly through conversations with him in that year, regarding subjects i had never approached before, i came to understand issues regarding atheism more.
in that year i saw Richard Dawkins' "Religion - The Root of all Evil" for the first time and it had a profound effect on me and i proceeded to find out more about RD and his work. through RD i became fascinated with many many issues regarding atheism and humanism. after having a humanist funeral for my grandmother i quickly realised it was the life stance i could most identify with and still do.

nowadays i get called a fundamentalist atheist, a no-God botherer, intolerant because i don't like religion (note, religion, not religious PEOPLE), and all kinds of things that completely miss the point. but ultimately i find it to be one of the most life-affirming, enlightening, strengthening and uplifting aspects of my life and i can't imagine ever going back.

i'm really sorry if that was ridiculously long, i can really go on sometimes. but i am very interested in hearing all of your stories.

I truly feel for your friend. My buddy Jon died last month of a heart attack. He was 16. I miss him.
The day he died, I made this for him: http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c155/ ... an/jon.jpg (http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c155/CarrereMan/jon.jpg)

ANYWAY

As for my story, well, its not that epic.

My mother raised my not to trust churches, but to trust the bible. She had a very bad experience with a church she devoted her life to once, but the pastor threw a curve ball and broke my mom's trust for churches. I was always taught lessons from the bible, constantly reminded that jesus and god and moses and blah blah blah.

I then began to immerse myself in science. I thought about the happenings of the bible, and opted to think it was all fantasy. Well, ALMOST all of it.

I couldn't bring myself to renounce my belief in a higher power. I had become a deist, or an agnostic. I would still pray and stuff, but nothing got better.

(in comes the 21st century) Then I discovered Thunderf00t  I watched all of the "Why do people laugh at creationists" videos, and they boggled my mind. Then I read the God Delusion. It was like a huge god-sized weight was lifted off me. I felt emancipated. Now, I can call myself an atheist, and be proud of it.

thank you.
i am sorry too about your friend Jon, there's no reason for someone to die that young. what a lovely tribute you've created!

i very much understand your sentiment in the last paragraph, i love that feeling (and your expression) of having a god sized weight lifted off your shoulders.

thanks for sharing!

Wow, you've come a long way Dreamer, kudos! I think having some taste of religion is a good thing (if you make it out alive that is...) Thanks for sharing!

Quote from: "leftyguitarjoe"(in comes the 21st century) Then I discovered Thunderf00t :D

ok heres my story (ill read your guys later on)
I was babtised as an orthodox, like all greeks do, but as I grew up, I started questioning my religion. I dont remember when it happened exactely, sometime between my 13-14  or even 15 yr old? I started going through a what I now know is an agnostic phase. In teh meantime, I was fascinated with science and I watched as many documentaries as I could. I always knew about evolution and accepted it (even when I considered myself a christian-odd no?) Anyway, I have been a 100% atheist for a couple of years, but I just recently started showing my believs (not going to church etc). I told my dad, and even though he is not a theist himself, he says that there is no such thing as atheist-there is something out there. My mom died before I could tell her, but I know she would have said "dont be stupid its just a phase"... etc
I dont feel oblicated to tell the rest of my family. Religion is a personal issue. If they ask I will tell them though.

I am so sorry for your loss, Dreamer. I lost my mother, the closest person to me and -even thopugh that is not the eraosn i lost faith- i can say I kinda know how you felt. It is sad to see young people die when they ahve so much potential in thir life.

I couldn't tell you exactly when I became an atheist. It's been a long, drawn-out process of questioning, reasoning, researching, and self-discovery.

I was born into a conservative Christian family, baptised at 2 months old, went to church every Sunday with Mom and Dad, did the Sunday school thing, and went to kindergarten at a private Christian school. My dad says he remembers vividly my going up to complete strangers and asking them, "Do you know my Jesus?" For a long time, religion was just a part of my life. It was something I did because it was "normal" and accepted. Of course there was a God, the Bible said so, my pastor said so, and my parents said so; I had no reason to doubt it. But it wasn't really that big a deal to me. At 13, I had my "conversion" experience. My youth group drove down to a big Christian music festival and I accepted Christ as my personal Savior during those three days and came back changed. I got involved in church events and became one of the most respected members of my church even though I was just a teenager.

Just before I turned 21, at the urging of a friend, I moved across the country to Jacksonville, Florida, to take part in a Discipleship Training School with the missionary organization Youth With A Mission. It consisted of an intensive 3-month course of Bible teaching and, for lack of a better word, indoctrination, and finished with a 2-month missionary experience in a country in the "10/40 Window" (those countries in the eastern hemisphere, between 10 and 40 degrees latitude, that are predominately non-Christian). My missionary group went to India and traveled the country in those two months, spreading the Gospel and preaching in churches and homes. I spoke in front of a group of roughly 1000 people. It was a wonderful time in my life, probably the best I've ever had.

After I came back, I held onto my faith for months. I spoke at my church and my family reunion about the trip, showed slides, answered all their questions. But, in the back of my mind, questions were arising, or had arisen, that I'd been able to suppress before, but that I was unable to ignore now...about my faith, about God, and about the world. I'd seen things in India that really challenged my faith, like people having to crawl on all fours because they didn't have the means to get their diseases or physical problems treated. I was discovering compelling scientific evidence for things beyond biblical explanation: homosexuality, intersexuality, evolution. I couldn't find the answers to my questions at church or in the Bible, but I could find them in research and science. When Hurricane Katrina hit, I found it much more reasonable to call it an act of nature rather than an act of God. Why would God allow so much suffering? That disaster was probably one of the greatest catalysts to my becoming agnostic.

The questioning continued. A girl I'd known at my church, a friend from the youth group, had become pregnant accidentally. Her family, one of the pillars of the church, had her marry the boy who impregnated her and she carried the pregnancy to term. She missed going to college to become a nurse because she had to do "the right thing." Was it really "right" for her to bring a child into the world before she, or her husband, were really ready? Was it right to bring a child into a life of poverty? Was it right to say God had a purpose, instead of just saying it was a mistake?

On Easter Sunday of 2006, I went to the service at my church. I hadn't been there in a month or more. As we sang the hymns and listened to the pastor's sermon, one thought kept railing through my mind: "I don't believe this anymore." Perhaps that's the moment I knew I was an atheist, but couldn't admit it. A couple of months later, though, I knew I couldn't deny it any longer. I knew there was no God. Religion was a lie, and probably the greatest evil in the world. I have never looked back, and I don't see how I could. The evidence for God is simply not there.

Wow Chimera. Isn't is amazing to think back to how devoted you once were? It blows my mind sometimes. Thanks for sharing.

Well to be honest we never took "our" catholic faith very seriously at home. As a young child I always thought that stories in the Bible were nothing more than fairy tales (especially the ones about Adam and Eve, Noach's Arc, and Jonah and the whale). When I was told that Sinterklaas didn't exist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinterklaas (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinterklaas)) I automatically assumed that all other catholic saints were not real either. When I was 12 (or 13) I seriously started to doubt whether anything written in the Bible could be based on facts and the "truth". The more I studied it, the more I realized that the Bible was just a big book full of silly lies, misconceptions, inconsistent storytelling and very boring stuff. When I also learned what evil acts were commited in the name of deities (whether you call him God, Jesus, Allah or whatever), I basically came to the conclusion that the world would be better of without them.

Growing up I had to go to church,only because my mom didn't have someone to keep an eye on me.Every sunday morning I would go sit,listen and try to not nod off.Of course Sunday school,Bible "class" and the Christmas plays.They made me play Mary every year only because my name is Mary.My mom was Methodist so I guess I lucked out,she was more lax on the Bible with me.When I was 12 I had spent a Saturday night with a friend of mine,so the next morning I went to church with her.It was the most profound thing for me.At first the service seems to be pretty normal.Then the preacher starts in yelling about a demon in a tree,and how it tricked a young girl into doing the devils deeds.After that I blocked out alot of what he said,I just stood there watching the people.Raising up their hands yelling for God,one woman started shaking and crying.I can't remember how long it went on but I clearly remember after service them passing around the plate for money.At that moment I realized it was all this hoax,scare people,take their money and do it all again the next Sunday.There have been alot of things since that have only pushed me more into denying religion.Just alot of the claims of the Bible,tv evangelists,history of religions and people to claim to know what their God wants.I lost my mom six years (almost 7) to cancer.This woman who spent every Sunday at church,watched services on TV when she couldn't get out of bed.Her home was full of angels,Jesus pictures and Bibles.Spoke of how she was not afraid to die.But when the end came she held on as long as she could.She was in the end afraid and the last person she asked for wasn't God but her mother.My hubsand lost faith after he lost his nephew to SIDS.He was 17.

Mom and me. (https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi245.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fgg63%2Fcook125%2FMary%2Fscan0061-1.jpg&hash=28483da64f90b76934283e823a0dde91078723c8)

I know what you feel.

It was not my mother that died, but my best friend's mother. I could comfortably call her "mom" too. She died suddenly on December 22 2006. It was the first day of winter vacation. Needless to say, it was a BAD vacation.

She died suddenly. None of us saw it coming.

Quote from: "leftyguitarjoe"I know what you feel.

It was not my mother that died, but my best friend's mother. I could comfortably call her "mom" too. She died suddenly on December 22 2006. It was the first day of winter vacation. Needless to say, it was a BAD vacation.

She died suddenly. None of us saw it coming.

I wish at times my mom would have gone like that.She had to go thru Chemo,radation and surgery and it did nothing.She was sick for about a year before and it was hard to watch her suffer because of it.Damnest thing it was lung cancer and it wasn't caused from smoking or second hand smoke.

Fascinating stories.

Dreamer and Leftyguitarjoe: I'm very sorry to hear about your losses. A friend of mine, David, died of leukaemia a couple of years ago. No matter how much foreknowledge you're given that they probably wont survive, nothing can ever prepare you for that kind of loss.

My story:

I'm a third generation atheist. My sister and I were raised by our mother, who was a student for the first 7 or 8 years of my life (she's now an artist by profession, a qualified teacher with a Phd in mathematics and a masters in fine art) which was arduous but I do miss those years.

It was my grandfather that first broke the religious mould & his story is probably more interesting than mine. His family, the Christiansens, migrated to the UK in the late 20s, shortly before he was born. These Christiansens were, and still are, extremely 'Christian' (in a strict but unconventional way - they have some very quirky ideas) and equally wealthy. Think the freemasons - they're not as powerful but they have a similarly esoteric attitude about themselves. When WWII broke out, my granddad was a child so he was sent off as a refugee. Adults were mostly either fighting or working in the cities and factories to make munitions etc. - targets for enemy bombs - so kids were usually sent packing into the country side because it was safer. He ended up living with some very unsavoury Welsh farmers throughout the war and - now outside the manipulative powers of his family - he had ample time in isolation to think about what they had been teaching him and conclude that their religious dogma was a corrupting influence & nothing more.

When WWII ended, he returned to his family and attended funerals for those relatives that had died. It wasn't long before he outed himself. He's very vague about the reaction he got but the gist is that they semi-disowned him. His parents and siblings all excluded him in their wills, which separated him further from the rest of his family by a huge divide in class. He was defiant about this though and from that point he began to isolate himself further from the others, even going as far as changing his surname to the Scottish alternative, 'Christie', which is the name I've inherited, and to this day he and his descendants have been frowned upon as the 'black sheep' by his many siblings and theirs. The fact that my mother was the single parent of two illegitimate children and my uncle married a black woman (GASP! Oh the controversy!) didn't help either. We do still have connections with them though, unfortunately.

My grandfather is a man for whom I have immense respect: he went against the pressure and sacrificed great wealth in simply being honest about what he did and didn't believe in. And he still remains relentlessly good humoured and jovial about the whole thing.

Anyhoo, as for me, I was raised without any mention of religion, for or against, except in school which I didn't much think about. I suppose you'd say I was raised an "apatheist". I got much more interested in the theism/atheism debate when I lived in America because of what a deeply religious country it is and dubbed myself an 'agnostic' because even though what I'd inadvertently learned of religion all struck me as rather far-fetched and silly, I knew very little about the subject or the arguments for and against. So committing myself to atheism at that stage of naivety, I reasoned, would be unwise.

I now consider myself to be an atheist because - having spent a few years looking into these things and discussing beliefs with theists and atheists both face to face and on the internet - I've concluded that religion is pretty far fetched and silly after all.

Quote from: "susangail"Wow Chimera. Isn't is amazing to think back to how devoted you once were? It blows my mind sometimes. Thanks for sharing.

I think the term is "deluded," LOL. But yeah, it's amazing to think of how strongly I believed it all just a few years ago, and how far I've come now.

Quote from: "Chimera"

Quote from: "susangail"Wow Chimera. Isn't is amazing to think back to how devoted you once were? It blows my mind sometimes. Thanks for sharing.

I think the term is "deluded," LOL. But yeah, it's amazing to think of how strongly I believed it all just a few years ago, and how far I've come now.

When I think of it, I think of myself as in a daze, a very long daze. Yup, deluded works.

First, I am a person of extremes. When I am into something it's all or nothing.

I was raised in a Baptist Christian home and Kindergarten through 2nd Grade I went to a private Christian School. Also went to a private Christian School for 6th grade because my parents were worried about what I was learning in public school. Throughout my childhood I never questioned the existence of a God or Jesus. I was also kept in a pretty nice bubble by my parents from the rest of the world.
Around the age of 12-13 my parents stopped going to church regularly although they never "lost" their faith. At the age of 15 I decided I needed church. I started going to an evangelical church on my own with some friends. One year later I became a youth group leader teaching other teenagers to accept Jesus as their savior and to abstain from drugs, drinking, pre-marital sex, and all that. We would go on camping trips where I and others would convince others they needed more Jesus. While at one of these camping trips I decided I didn't know enough about the bible.
I began reading the bible cover to cover. I also took notes on what I read. At the age of 17 I started writing essays about the bible. These essays were usually about how the old testament tied in with the new testament and how they applied to our modern world. I finished the entire bible and had over 50 pages of notes. I was not convinced I fully understood "God's plan" through this book and proceeded to read most of the bible again.
I began to preach to my parents that they weren't taking their faith seriously. I mean lets face it, if the alternative was Hell, shouldn't you put your faith before everything else? I took the bible and what Jesus said very seriously. I became a pacifist from Jesus' teachings and proceeded to argue with my family over what being a Christian is all about.
It was at this point I realized modern Christianity had nothing to do with the bible. If you take what Jesus said and apply it to modern times you get a huge disparity over what modern day Christians believe. How can "turn the other cheek" be interpreted as "defend Kuwait against Iraq" or the entire judicial system that requires you to "swear to tell the truth" while putting your hand on a bible and in that bible Jesus says "Do not swear, let your yes be yes and your nay be nay" ? or when Jesus said "Do not Judge" when I'm standing in front of A JUDGE?!
At the age of 18 I was completely disillusioned. I did a complete reversal and started doing drugs, sleeping with women, etc. I then got caught stealing a video game from a Target store. When I was brought home by my father he tied me to a chair and beat the crap out of me, literally. That night I ran away from home and slept on a friend's couch. I went couch hopping for a couple years after that, various friend's houses. I ended up dropping out of school and didn't speak to either of my parents again for almost 4 years. My mother was convinced I was dead.
At the age of 20, still not speaking with my parents I decided all the bad things happened to me because of my lack of faith. I tried going to church and praying, etc, but it all felt hollow. I had come to the realization that God is only as real as you make him in your mind.
At 22 I decided to reconcile with my parents, mainly for my mother's sake. I lied to them for years to keep my mother happy, telling them I was still Christian, etc. I stopped couch hopping and moved back in with my parents. I worked to pay off the debts I had built up and moved out 6 months later.
I then made a revelation - it wasn't my loss of faith that caused my life to go downhill, it was my personal decision making. I had to take responsibility for myself and not place it on any God or religion. Morality is not created or nurtured by religion but by personal accountability and deciding for myself what kind of life I wanted to lead.
I am now about to turn 28. I'm happily married and plan on having children within the next few years. I taught myself computers and now work in the IT field. I can feel proud of myself for what I have accomplished and don't need to somehow give the credit to a higher power because I made the decisions that have put me here today.

Wow, what a great story. You've really gone through a lot to get to where you are now. I applaud your willingness to seek the truth instead of blindly consuming whatever you were spoon-fed.

Quote from: "mrwynd"I then made a revelation - it wasn't my loss of faith that caused my life to go downhill, it was my personal decision making. I had to take responsibility for myself and not place it on any God or religion. Morality is not created or nurtured by religion but by personal accountability and deciding for myself what kind of life I wanted to lead.
I am now about to turn 28. I'm happily married and plan on having children within the next few years. I taught myself computers and now work in the IT field. I can feel proud of myself for what I have accomplished and don't need to somehow give the credit to a higher power because I made the decisions that have put me here today.

Sounds like you've done well for yourself.Congrats on everything.

Quoteit wasn't my loss of faith that caused my life to go downhill, it was my personal decision making.

We are all in charge of our own life.No matter what anyone says.At times we get kicked in the teeth but in the end we make our own choices.

I love this thread! It's great to hear everyone's stories. Mine is intently boring by comparision. My family have never been particularly religious - my grandparents went to chapel for the social scene and were probably always atheist, same for my parents. By the time I came along my mother had had my older sister christened and found that when she listened to the words they were pretty horrific with all the original sin claims and whatnot, so never practised religion again.

None of  my family are politically motivated or interested in shouting for change particularly, but they have a strong moral sense. We've all always quietly been involved in volunteer work and done our bit. I'm probably the most political out of all of us, but nothing major, just the odd rally here and there, letters for Amnesty etc. We've never suffered for our beliefs or felt defined by them and I have a hard time following how parents can be so unforgiving of their offspring who've found a different path.

I'm fascinated in religion, but in a more anthropological way, and consider it in the same vein as any aspect of psychology or history. I beleive that morals are just consensus opinion and that our laws reflect that. I get a bit irate when religious types assume they have moral superiority and the right to stand in judgement. I don't believe religion is evil, it can provide support and solace, but I do think that any philosophical viewpoint which feels the need to convert others by force if necessary is entirely suspect (plenty of secularists have commited heinous atrocities).

I think it's entirely possible to live a happy, fulfilled and morally secure life without ever giving religion a second thought. :lol:

Quote from: "weedoch"I'm fascinated in religion, but in a more anthropological way, and consider it in the same vein as any aspect of psychology or history. I beleive that morals are just consensus opinion and that our laws reflect that. I get a bit irate when religious types assume they have moral superiority and the right to stand in judgement. I don't believe religion is evil, it can provide support and solace, but I do think that any philosophical viewpoint which feels the need to convert others by force if necessary is entirely suspect (plenty of secularists have commited heinous atrocities).

I think it's entirely possible to live a happy, fulfilled and morally secure life without ever giving religion a second thought. :lol:

Put perfectly.I don't need a book to tell me what is right and wrong.  

I posted my story on my MySpace blog so people would kind of get an idea of where I'm coming from. Now, the two people who I trusted to understand my beliefs, my sister and my atheist friend, are all but accusing me of being closed-minded and too "militant" toward religion.

Quote from: "Chimera"I posted my story on my MySpace blog so people would kind of get an idea of where I'm coming from. Now, the two people who I trusted to understand my beliefs, my sister and my atheist friend, are all but accusing me of being closed-minded and too "militant" toward religion.

That's a shame, I'm sorry. I don't see it as militant at all. They were fine with your views before you posted the blog?

Yeah. But now, I'm apparently in danger of falling to the "dark side" of atheism.

I was baptised, probably at the insistence of my paternal grandparents, at age 3ish.  Either as a Lutheran or Methodist, not sure which.  That was basically it until age 6 when my father married the Catholic Woman From Hell.  She was (is?) a mall addicted, dolt who most likely married my father in hopes that he would die of the cancer he was fighting then and she could get the money.  But I can't say for sure.  Anyhow, she introduced mass, priests, etc to me at age 6, CCD, First Communion and fear of God.  All that fun stuff.  

Luckily for me they separated at least in location, right before I was to turn 13 and the Catholic brainwashing discontinued.  I haven't returned to that particular venue since.  

However, I had the Christian bug and would continue to sporatically look into religion and churches.  

As a 17-18 year old I went to a nondenominational church, named for a place rather a saint, and was shocked by it.  I enjoyed it, the live music, etc.  At the time it was a humble one room place, in an old Witness church from the 70's.  Now it is a very large, metal building and they are fighting the county to get larger even though that would mean destroying a creek, taking over someone else's property, etc.  

When I was in the military, in boot camp, I went to services (Generic Protestant type) on Sundays to get the hell out of the barracks for an hour.  I remember ash Wednesday being somewhat profound for me, but that may have been the lack of caffiene and overdosing of camaderie rather than the mark on my forehead.

After the military, I was in a rotten marriage.  When it was at it's rockiest, right before I left, I began joining a church down the street from me, mostly because I needed support from somewhere, and having no near relatives (other coast) I reached for Jesus.  It was a standard non-denominational place, mostly friendly old people, small congregation, and physical church was in need of updating.  Perfect for me, as I wanted to be anonymous, and I despise huge churches where everyone waves their hands and the preacher drives a Mercedes.

I moved back to where I am now, where I was before military service.  I went back to the nondenom church that I stated above.  I was at that point apathetic to church, but my now husband and I decided, in error now I see, that the kids needed it.  I would often sit up stairs in the media rooms to nurse and read while the pastor babbled and the sheep nodded.  The humble place had changed and were money hungry in ways I never noticed before.  The nail through that coffin, was when the pastor told us to vote for Bush and told (bullshit) facts about Kerry that he received via email.

One day about two years later I was googling.  I wanted to attend a liberal church.  This town is quite small, but at last count there were no less than 32 churches (13,000 people here in non-tourist season).  Every single one in the area is conservative and/or fundamentalist except United Methodist Church.  So I begged and convinced my husband to go, and fell in love with church.  They were everything I wanted.  Open, allowed LBGT*, against the death penalty, allowed abortion**, etc.

It was great, and lasted a year.  In that year I made such great friends with terrific loving people.  I was a Sunday school teacher.  I was ready to be baptised into the church.

And then I started second guessing the bible.  I started to read.  I watched documentaries.  I read more.  I researched.  I read Sagan, Dawkins, Darwin, Dennett, Hitchens, Harris, and more.  I read CS Lewis, and I read the Bible, I found things that bothered me.  I began to understand the bible is good for literature, not so much for religion.  That it is full of terrible things, and contradictions I couldn't forget.  That it was against the things I believed it was.  I had been a Christian who hadn't read the Bible.  I knew the mushy good feeling Jesus things, to be sure.  But the genocide, infantcide, unforgiving god, I had no idea.  We were told it was OT, no worries there mate, but yet the churches I attended had said that gays were sinners, look there in Leviticus.  I was having a difficult time

I was lost.  Completely disillusioned.  

I didn't say good bye.  I didn't explain why.  I took the UMC sticker off my car.  I gave back the books about Methodism, Wesley.  I just walked away.  

My husband was sort of glad as he was raised a Church of Christer, and then converted to Pentacostal.  Now he too is biblically disillusioned, but insists there is a god.  

I am trying to live with that, as he grapples to live with me losing faith.

Now I see people from UMC, and I miss them, sometimes I wish it were possible for me to fake it and go back to the knitting group... I loved that group.


*Only if non practicing, I chose to ignore that part though
**Only for the life of the mother, incest/rape which is better than South Dakota I rationalised

Quote from: "Chimera"Yeah. But now, I'm apparently in danger of falling to the "dark side" of atheism.

Personally, I'd rather be on the "dark side" of atheism than that of Christianity (or religion for that matter).

Quote from: "Atheist Mother"Now I see people from UMC, and I miss them, sometimes I wish it were possible for me to fake it and go back to the knitting group... I loved that group.

I can completely understand what you mean here (though I wasn't in a knitting group   ) I didn't have many friends at my church (outcast even then) but it was a social thing and I miss it, my Impact leaders especially. Sometimes I wish I could just put on my clown face and be like "Just kidding!!"

Quote from: "Atheist Mother"Now I see people from UMC, and I miss them, sometimes I wish it were possible for me to fake it and go back to the knitting group... I loved that group.

My wife joined her mother's church bell choir (it's a United Methodist Church). She "fakes it", telling the others in her group that we're both Christian. I have gone to the church on occasion to hear them play. I've told her choir group that I travel at lot for work so that's why I'm not there very often (bold faced lie). It's the only place I "fake" religion and I do it for my wife. Everywhere else I'm open about my Atheism, which can cause an occasional problem at work.

I love this thread!

My story is quite simple. I've always been an Atheist. I went to Catholic School until my first year in high school. I remember my 10 yr old self thinking "this is BS"
My SO finds that a bit offensive, he's convinced I had to believe at one point. I throw the usual "God made me at Atheist" at him.

Not being in a religious family I never went through all of the indoctrination that it seems most of you all went through.  Though I lived in the South my parents were antisocial enough to not really care about what other people may have thought about not being seen at church.

I've never read the bible cover to cover, I tried once when I was much younger but didn't get much farther than the "...begets..." but never really had anything against the idea of a higher power/diety/force/energy/being/rock/etc.  As I got older and older I kept seeing people who would talk about church and Christianity and the bible and how great and wonderful they (including themselves) were, then I'd see then in the back of the school bus on a field trip giving handjobs or making out with several other people over the course of the bus ride (one of many examples.)  This hypocrisy helped to instil a healthy fear of the "religious."  

About this time I started equating the Bible with an Aesop's Fables based slasher flick, good morality stories but with some hard core smut thrown in to keep the older audiences reading.  

As I've seen more and more of the world I stopped keeping the warm and fuzzy idea that there was something greater out in the cosmos that somehow brought everything together in the end.  My being sent to invade Iraq back in the day probably was a final, silent nail in that coffin.

I was hesitant to think of myself as an atheist outright for a long time.  Then I gave up the waiting game for my own personal invisible super friend to come down and wipe away the woes of the world and save the day. I decided it really didn't matter if humanity was created for any particular purpose by anything.  I exist because I'm here, that's it.

So until somebody can convince me that their "God" is as advertised, I'll sit here watching the world burn around me.

Nothing terribly dramatic I'm afraid.  

My parents were brought up Catholic.  When my father was 13 he and his 11 year old brother were late to the Irish Catholic (really everyone but the French-Canadians) church.  Since the French Catholic church was much closer, my father and his  brother went in there. They were told they had to sit in the front row.  The kid with the collection basket dropped it and all the coins spewed out.  The priest stopped the sermon and said, "Ey, you two Irish boys.  You pick up all the money, and don't steal any of it because I'm watching you."  The congregation watched while these two kids got on their hands and knees and picked all the coins.  My father decided he wasn't going to go to church from then on.

The first Sunday after they got married, my mother got up and dressed.  She said, "Get up.  We've got to go to church."

My father said, "You go.  I'll be waiting here for you."  So she got undressed and hopped back into bed.  Three years later,  when I was born, I was baptised, but that was my only relationship with Catholocism.

My mother would check out mythology from the library, sit me on her lap and read the stories to me starting when I was three, so I learned to read early.  When I was seven, my aunt (a snooty, snotty woman) criticized my father for a) letting me read trash (comic books), and b) not giving me proper religious education.  My father said, "I don't care what he reads as long as he reads."

A month later, for my birthday, she gave me a child's Bible.  I loved it because it was one more great set of mythological fairytales.  I knew the other Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc. stories were fiction so I figured this was the same.

When I was ten, I heard the word "atheist" and decided that's what I was.  Then when I was twelve, I checked a book on the scientific method for kids out of the library.  I realized that, since I couldn't prove that god didn't exist I couldn't be an atheist so I became an agnostic.

When I was in college, my girlfriend (much brighter than I) asked, "Do you believe in the Tooth Fairy?"  "No."

"How about the Easter Bunny?"   "Of course not."

"But you do believe in Santa Claus, right?"   "No, I don't.  What are talking about?"

"Do you believe in god?"  "You know I'm an agnostic."

"Well, if you're an agnostic about god, why aren't you an agnostic about the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus?"

I didn't speak to her for a week, but I've been an atheist ever since (60 years).

However, I later realized that while one can't disprove the existence of god, the very question is meaningless because of Popper's Principle of Falsifiability.  Any statement which cannot be proved false or true under any conditions is meaningless.  Second, by Occam's Razor, any concept which doesn't affect the situation is unnecessary and should not be added.  The putative existence of god has absolutely no demonstrable effect on anything in our physical world, so it is unnecessary.

Occam

I dont really have a story. At the time I was in high school and despised the social ladders. I was always confused on the topic but never really thought about it. Nor cared. Around Soph. time I was at the 'I believe there may have been a god' stage. Then it went downhill from there. Listening to TOOL and conversing with a particular friend of mine in a similar position helped speed up the process for some reason. Still took a year or so.

Drinking and BBQ'ing on Sundays is more fun anyway.

Quote from: "tacoma_kyle"I dont really have a story. At the time I was in high school and despised the social ladders. I was always confused on the topic but never really thought about it. Nor cared. Around Soph. time I was at the 'I believe there may have been a god' stage. Then it went downhill from there. Listening to TOOL and conversing with a particular friend of mine in a similar position helped speed up the process for some reason. Still took a year or so.

Drinking and BBQ'ing on Sundays is more fun anyway.

:D

man, my story sucks compared to that. my parents baptized me prespaterian(however you spell it) and then we moved and joined the baptist community, we wer there for about 7 years and then became methodist. my family was extremely gung-ho about being active and i really led the pace i quickly became known by everybody in my church, i did voulenteer work with mission trips and participated in events. i actually participated in an anti-abortion rally at my city hall carrying a sign that read " what if jesus had been aborted" i also was enrolled in catholic private school all my life. until i flunked out on purpose. my parents sent me to a much better public school. i discovered that i was questioning my beliefs when i was about 11. I was at catholic school back then and they told me that everybody goes through a doubting phase. i was as brainwashed as you could be. i was extremely conservative, hate fillet, half bigot, christian. all because my parents are brainwashed by these stupid religions. i am currently working up the nerve to tell them. yall will be the first to know when i do. if i'm still alive.

when i was a small child, my mother got into an accident and i went to live with my aunts in the bible-baptist south. ok, it was Florida, but it still counts. i spent about a year and a half there and in that time, the only religion i was introduced to was the dinner prayers and such. when my mom finally was able to get out of the hospital, we moved back up north to PA. we moved into these little shit apartments that we could barely afford and we had these neighbors who lived across the street from us (and for the sake of protecting the innocent and guilty, i'm gonna use pseudonyms.) it was a small family, consisting of a grandmother and grandfather and their three grandchildren, sarah, kate and john, who were taken away from their real parents because they were drunk assholes or something like that. anyways, they became my second family and helped my mom, who was still really sick, and i out a lot, with food and watching me and money every now and then. they brought my mother and i to the church they went to, and i assimilated quite quickly and made friends. the girls went to my elementary school and they became my sisters. i went to church every wednesday and sunday and we went on mission trips to baltimore and i went to camp and had a bible. i accepted jesus h. christ as my lord and savior more times than i can remember. soon enough, the smiths moved into a bigger house, and it was still normal. we still spent a lot of time at their place and i was well on my way to becoming an upstanding christian young woman. then, one year, i went to church camp with another one of my friends and they stayed behind for whatever reason. i learned about a week later that the girls had accused their grandfather of sexual molestation and they had been taken away from their grandparents and put into foster care. at first, my mother was very, very steadfast about defending him and the church had his back as well. that is, of course, until they found DNA evidence to convict the son of a bitch and threw him in jail. as the years grew on, i found that my supposed "faith" was dwindling at the same time that my new found curiosity for answers was growing. i wanted to know how a man of god could do such a thing, and how a supposedly forgiving religion could turn their back on someone so quickly. the church wont talk about it, his wife moved away and i havent seen my friends in six years. i wanted to know why the ever lving father in heaven had just up and abandoned mere children. how can you let something like that happen? if god is so damn powerful, why didnt he stop a young girl's life from being ruined? if you have the power and don't use it, you are a coward and worthless. eventually, i realized that god was just a pretty story. it can let you get away with anything, saying you're religious. i can imagine that if they could, evangelists in the south would still lynch blacks. religion is a farce and one with such deep roots that people are afraid to question it, however they can use it as a reason to violate a child. it's disgusting, it's hypocritical and i couldn't imagine allowing myself to be affiliated with something that goes against a basic moral code i have for myself. religion is a crutch. it's a way of taking hopeless and lost people and turning them into tools for your power trip.

i had the greatest way of coming out, however. there's a church nearby where my mom and i used to live and every christmas, they displayed a nativity scene. one day, i said to my mom "mary looks awfully thin for someone who just gave birth. or did he spring from her forehead?" and my mom yelled at me and told me that i was a christian and such blasphemy was wrong. i corrected her by saying "no, i'm actually agnostic (i was at the time) and i would appreciate it if you stopped trying to tell me what i am and what i am not. also, the light is green." honestly, i thought i had just killed my mother. she mocks me endlessly, then gets offended when i do the same, but besides that she pretty much leaves me be.