Hey everyone,
Recently, I got to know my boyfriend's family. At some point, his father asked me whether I was Catholic (he guessed so because of my Italian background). I was really surprised about the question in the first place and didn't really know how to respond. I knew that my boyfriend's from a Protestant family but has been an atheist for some years now. What I didn't know, though, was whether his parents know and what they think about non-belief. So, since I didn't want to make 'a bad impression' I decided to say yes (what wasn't even a lie since I'm officially still a member of the church) and add that I wasn't that close to the church, though.
Now, I wonder whether you also already had this kind of conversation and how you would respond then/would have responded in my place.
Well that was a slightly sticky moment. Never had to deal with it myself thank goodness. So I can't really offer any direct advice. However in general honesty without aggression is the best tactic.
Depending on the crowd, I just say that I'm an atheist. But if the people are particularly religious, I often just word it a different way like, "don't believe in any god or gods." Or sometimes longer statements. In my experience, the more religious the person is, the longer a statement is required to keep the peace. Saying, "I'm an atheist" is too short and carries far too much baggage in their minds. But, "I've never been convinced of the existence of a god or gods," carries a lot less baggage and breaks me passed their preconceived mischaracterizations of atheists.
I think in your place (esp. not knowing if the boyfriend was "out" religiously to his parents) I'd go with something vague like "I'm not religious", which I've found most people equate with spiritual-not-religious rather than out-and-out atheism. At least that way when they do find out the truth there's no "he lied to us! what can we expect, he's an atheist" nonsense. Tho there'll probably be plenty of other nonsense.
Since this awkward moment, have you and your boyfriend had a chance to talk about how you want to handle it in the future? Because you can be sure it's not going away.
Just say what I am. If they have a problem with that then that is their problem not mine. Deep down I'm probably more judgemental of them for being religious than they are of me for being atheist. If they asked me my opinion on religion I'd be honest about that as well.
Hmm...if I were you I would go about trying to figure out just how tolerant of atheists they are, before coming out with your opinions and views, especially if they are antagonising to more conservative believers. Fighting with your SO's family just isn't healthy if you mean to keep a long-term relationship.
That was a minefield moment for you BP. Let us hope that you will not be assigned to the legion of the damned by the interrogator. Sounds like you handled it about as well as you could.
I am angry that any distinction of ones religious or non religious preferences can be the subject of pleasant inquiry. Religious types are famously ignorant of the social graces that avoid such potentially damaging responses. (sigh) ..........May the lord bless and keep them.
In a way, I've had "that" conversation twice. Both times, I defined myself as an atheist. Atheists are not exactly a discriminated-against minority here in Norway though.
Still, I think I can recognize the potential for disaster as I openly and frankly talk about things a lot of people consider taboo and where certain views are expected at certain times. ("Is my loved one in a better place"-question at the funeral type of situations)
I'd usually also say something like "I'm an atheist" or "I'm not religious" but mostly around people I know somewhat better or aquaintances who may like me or not.
Quote from: BooksCatsEtc on May 19, 2016, 09:28:31 PM
Since this awkward moment, have you and your boyfriend had a chance to talk about how you want to handle it in the future? Because you can be sure it's not going away.
Well, we didn't really discuss it like that, but I actually think it isn't necessary anymore, since my belief wasn't the actual point really as I thought first. It was more about what my family thought about me being together with a Protestant in the end, what made the whole thing less awkward because it gave me the opportunity clarify that my family wasn't that close to the church after all and no one would mind and it actually made me get that they seemingly don't care too much either. :)
My boyfriend later also explained me that his dad was wondering because he once had a Catholic girlfriend and her parents were quite intolerant.
Quote from: Asmodean on May 21, 2016, 07:49:33 AM
Atheists are not exactly a discriminated-against minority here in Norway though.
Here either, I think. Although it may really differ between regions, generations etc.
This is an older thread, but I thought I'd share my method. It works, feel free to use it!
When asked, I give them my most deranged look and hold their gaze intently while saying "I'm a Satanist. Hail Satan!"
After about 30 seconds of maintaining eye contact and and an evil deranged expression, I let my face relax into a smile and say "Just kidding! I'm only an atheist!"
They're generally so relieved that all is well.
Cheers!