how come when everyone else is just themselves it's easy for them to not start conflict? it's like you don't even have to try and no one gets pissed off at you. for me when I try to engage with others I have to force myself to act in a way that is suitable for them. usually when I do that it makes me really up tight and often angry. I don't know why everyone else has such an easy time with it when I don't.
I'm genuinely curious, how old are you? When I was younger it was harder for me to learn how to have a conversation without putting my foot in my mouth.
I think that it is less of an issue of being yourself and more like learning how to phrase things and not getting worked up as easily. Basically it's learning how to handle conflict like an adult and not resorting to insults.
Quote from: Budhorse4 on December 22, 2014, 01:41:58 PM
I'm genuinely curious, how old are you? When I was younger it was harder for me to learn how to have a conversation without putting my foot in my mouth.
I think that it is less of an issue of being yourself and more like learning how to phrase things and not getting worked up as easily. Basically it's learning how to handle conflict like an adult and not resorting to insults.
20
It doesn't come naturally to me, really, but I'm good at faking it.
...No, not really. I neither seek nor shy away from conflict, and I do not expect others to have a fuse as long as my own. The rest of my ability in carrying on at least a semi-constructive conversation on difficult and/or provocative topics is probably down to me being relatively well-spoken and decently knowledgeable.
Quote from: MusicLovingAtheist on December 22, 2014, 01:52:55 PM
Quote from: Budhorse4 on December 22, 2014, 01:41:58 PM
I'm genuinely curious, how old are you? When I was younger it was harder for me to learn how to have a conversation without putting my foot in my mouth.
I think that it is less of an issue of being yourself and more like learning how to phrase things and not getting worked up as easily. Basically it's learning how to handle conflict like an adult and not resorting to insults.
20
That old really? Here I was thinking you were only about 12, maybe 13 tops. Do you get out of your parents basement much?
Quote from: Bruno on December 23, 2014, 01:28:20 PM
Quote from: MusicLovingAtheist on December 22, 2014, 01:52:55 PM
Quote from: Budhorse4 on December 22, 2014, 01:41:58 PM
I'm genuinely curious, how old are you? When I was younger it was harder for me to learn how to have a conversation without putting my foot in my mouth.
I think that it is less of an issue of being yourself and more like learning how to phrase things and not getting worked up as easily. Basically it's learning how to handle conflict like an adult and not resorting to insults.
20
That old really? Here I was thinking you were only about 12, maybe 13 tops. Do you get out of your parents basement much?
You are insufferable. I don't know why you people have to be so horrible. Please, get a life yourself.
I'll try this just once.
I think you're someone who's going through some sort of horrible pain. No idea what, but I do see some occasional glimpses of humanity amongst some of the stuff you've posted. Seems like immediately after that, you get scared and retreat into your bunker mentality and throw bombs just to piss us off and insult us. Calling a mod "sweetheart". Praising school shooters, etc.
I'm guessing you "sympathize" with school shooters because you think only they know what you're going through. Bullshit. Yes, no one is one dimensional, but plenty of people deal with being bullied, abused, sick, mad at the world, etc without killing innocent people. Many people are given a raw deal. Almost everyone deals with some kind of pain. But they deal with it, without hurting others in they process. Nothing can excuse doing that.
You really want to feel better and interact? Don't vomit your pain all over us. This is a sympathetic and good group of people. Open up a bit. Be honest and respectful, and you'll get the same in return. Or you can continue to act like an asshole and you'll get the same back. Your choice.
Quote from: Bruno on December 23, 2014, 01:28:20 PM
Quote from: MusicLovingAtheist on December 22, 2014, 01:52:55 PM
Quote from: Budhorse4 on December 22, 2014, 01:41:58 PM
I'm genuinely curious, how old are you? When I was younger it was harder for me to learn how to have a conversation without putting my foot in my mouth.
I think that it is less of an issue of being yourself and more like learning how to phrase things and not getting worked up as easily. Basically it's learning how to handle conflict like an adult and not resorting to insults.
20
That old really? Here I was thinking you were only about 12, maybe 13 tops. Do you get out of your parents basement much?
Quote from: MusicLovingAtheist on December 23, 2014, 01:36:07 PM
Quote from: Bruno on December 23, 2014, 01:28:20 PM
Quote from: MusicLovingAtheist on December 22, 2014, 01:52:55 PM
Quote from: Budhorse4 on December 22, 2014, 01:41:58 PM
I'm genuinely curious, how old are you? When I was younger it was harder for me to learn how to have a conversation without putting my foot in my mouth.
I think that it is less of an issue of being yourself and more like learning how to phrase things and not getting worked up as easily. Basically it's learning how to handle conflict like an adult and not resorting to insults.
20
That old really? Here I was thinking you were only about 12, maybe 13 tops. Do you get out of your parents basement much?
You are insufferable. I don't know why you people have to be so horrible. Please, get a life yourself.
Let's please try to be civil here. While MLA's opinions might be very unpopular he is still a member of this forum. I think this thread might actually help him learn how to interact better with the people here. It would be a pity to have to lock it.
Quote from: Firebird on December 23, 2014, 01:56:00 PM
I'll try this just once.
I think you're someone who's going through some sort of horrible pain. No idea what, but I do see some occasional glimpses of humanity amongst some of the stuff you've posted. Seems like immediately after that, you get scared and retreat into your bunker mentality and throw bombs just to piss us off and insult us. Calling a mod "sweetheart". Praising school shooters, etc.
It isn't your place to judge my pain. Everyone's pain is different. Come on though, that sweetheart thing was gold comedy. It seems very condescending how you say I only show "glimpses" of humanity. Your notion of humanity is a destructive one. You would rather strip me of my individuality and divide things up into human and inhuman. I am sorry, but I see everything a human does as human, and the truly inhuman (or inhumane) humans are the ones who don't.
Quote from: Firebird on December 23, 2014, 01:56:00 PM
I'm guessing you "sympathize" with school shooters because you think only they know what you're going through. Bullshit. Yes, no one is one dimensional, but plenty of people deal with being bullied, abused, sick, mad at the world, etc without killing innocent people. Many people are given a raw deal. Almost everyone deals with some kind of pain. But they deal with it, without hurting others in they process. Nothing can excuse doing that.
Erase this notion that I think school shooters are relateable. I just said that because I thought maybe I could convince some people of that. I realize that people are not that stupid. In reality I just like serial killers because some of them seem like interesting people. Not all of them, some of them seem like idiots (just like any normal person). So yeah, I probably shouldn't have said that, but I wanted to see if I could convince some people to think that way.
Quote from: Firebird on December 23, 2014, 01:56:00 PM
You really want to feel better and interact? Don't vomit your pain all over us. This is a sympathetic and good group of people. Open up a bit. Be honest and respectful, and you'll get the same in return. Or you can continue to act like an asshole and you'll get the same back. Your choice.
Stop making me feel like a cat in a bag.
Quote from: MusicLovingAtheist on December 23, 2014, 02:57:39 PMCome on though, that sweetheart thing was gold comedy.
You thought so?! ??? What's funny about that?
Quote from: MusicLovingAtheist on December 22, 2014, 01:27:09 PM
how come when everyone else is just themselves it's easy for them to not start conflict? it's like you don't even have to try and no one gets pissed off at you. for me when I try to engage with others I have to force myself to act in a way that is suitable for them. usually when I do that it makes me really up tight and often angry. I don't know why everyone else has such an easy time with it when I don't.
For myself, a big part is feeling comfortable in my own skin. Confident about my opinions, yet open to hear and respond to others.
It's a kind of Zen state of mind. Being.
When I am uncomfortable speaking my mind, it's usually because I'm choosing not to cause conflict in what I perceive to be a loaded scenario.
When I feel anger, I try to stop and consider: Am I being an A-hole, or is it the other person? If it's me, I'll apologize and try to get the conversation back on track. If it's them, just understanding that they're being an A-hole is enough. I can choose to stay, or walk away.
Of course, these are all the ideals... I still have plenty of times when I think "WTF!?!".
It's a process... I'm not who I was 10 or 20 years ago, and I certainly have changed both myself and my world view.
Settle in - it's a long road ;-)
Quote from: MusicLovingAtheist on December 23, 2014, 02:57:39 PM
It isn't your place to judge my pain. Everyone's pain is different. Come on though, that sweetheart thing was gold comedy. It seems very condescending how you say I only show "glimpses" of humanity. Your notion of humanity is a destructive one. You would rather strip me of my individuality and divide things up into human and inhuman. I am sorry, but I see everything a human does as human, and the truly inhuman (or inhumane) humans are the ones who don't.
Funny how you claim I'm being condescending at the same time as you claim your misogyny is "comedy gold". I am not judging, I am simply making observations, and attempting to treat you as a human being, despite everything you have posted here.
Quote from: MusicLovingAtheist on December 23, 2014, 02:57:39 PM
Quote from: Firebird on December 23, 2014, 01:56:00 PM
You really want to feel better and interact? Don't vomit your pain all over us. This is a sympathetic and good group of people. Open up a bit. Be honest and respectful, and you'll get the same in return. Or you can continue to act like an asshole and you'll get the same back. Your choice.
Stop making me feel like a cat in a bag.
I'm not sure you what you mean by this, but I'll assume it's some variant of being "put upon", or disclosing some secret of yours. If that's how you feel, then that's entirely of your doing. I'm just trying to help.
Quote from: Firebird on December 23, 2014, 03:30:37 PM
Quote from: MusicLovingAtheist on December 23, 2014, 02:57:39 PM
It isn't your place to judge my pain. Everyone's pain is different. Come on though, that sweetheart thing was gold comedy. It seems very condescending how you say I only show "glimpses" of humanity. Your notion of humanity is a destructive one. You would rather strip me of my individuality and divide things up into human and inhuman. I am sorry, but I see everything a human does as human, and the truly inhuman (or inhumane) humans are the ones who don't.
Funny how you claim I'm being condescending at the same time as you claim your misogyny is "comedy gold". I am not judging, I am simply making observations, and attempting to treat you as a human being, despite everything you have posted here.
Quote from: MusicLovingAtheist on December 23, 2014, 02:57:39 PM
Quote from: Firebird on December 23, 2014, 01:56:00 PM
You really want to feel better and interact? Don't vomit your pain all over us. This is a sympathetic and good group of people. Open up a bit. Be honest and respectful, and you'll get the same in return. Or you can continue to act like an asshole and you'll get the same back. Your choice.
Stop making me feel like a cat in a bag.
I'm not sure you what you mean by this, but I'll assume it's some variant of being "put upon", or disclosing some secret of yours. If that's how you feel, then that's entirely of your doing. I'm just trying to help.
no and no. and that wasn't misogyny.
Yeah, it was.
Anyway, I tried.
QuoteErase this notion that I think school shooters are relateable. I just said that because I thought maybe I could convince some people of that. I realize that people are not that stupid. In reality I just like serial killers because some of them seem like interesting people. Not all of them, some of them seem like idiots (just like any normal person). So yeah, I probably shouldn't have said that, but I wanted to see if I could convince some people to think that way.
First off, this is pretty much the definition of trolling. If you can't figure out why people don't like being trolled, I can't help you.
Everything you post seems to be compety arbitrary, and most of it contradicts itself. There's really no way to work with that, especially since you blame us when we point out that it's contradictory. Lately you seem to be under the impression that being online means no one knows who you are or will learn anything about you. That's complete bullshit. What you present is who you are. That's true in any aspect of life. People on HAF easily know more about me than people I see on a regular basis. It's because I enjoy written communication and I'm not terribly good at socializing one on one or in large groups.
If you want to post a thought experiment, that's cool. Fucking
tell us it's a thought experiment.
For instance, "I would like to step outside the moral standard of simply "school shootings = bad". Perpetrators are often victims of severe bullying themselves. Is there a case for sympathy and support for them? Cases in which the shooting victims deserved it?" And so on.
I garauntee a much different conversation will ensue than after posting "Society has it all wrong. Shooters are the real victims here. Also serial killers are amazing people. How can everyone be so obtuse as to judge these poor people?" Which is more or less what you did.
I think about how I word things all the time. It's a skill. It comes easier to some people than others. Just like anything else.
Quote from: MusicLovingAtheist on December 23, 2014, 02:57:39 PMCome on though, that sweetheart thing was gold comedy.
I didn't think that was funny. I'm trying to understand you and why you're such an angry individual MLA but I've given up on trying to understand your sense of humour.
Well done PC.
Quote from: Pasta Chick on December 23, 2014, 05:13:11 PM
QuoteErase this notion that I think school shooters are relateable. I just said that because I thought maybe I could convince some people of that. I realize that people are not that stupid. In reality I just like serial killers because some of them seem like interesting people. Not all of them, some of them seem like idiots (just like any normal person). So yeah, I probably shouldn't have said that, but I wanted to see if I could convince some people to think that way.
First off, this is pretty much the definition of trolling. If you can't figure out why people don't like being trolled, I can't help you.
Everything you post seems to be compety arbitrary, and most of it contradicts itself. There's really no way to work with that, especially since you blame us when we point out that it's contradictory. Lately you seem to be under the impression that being online means no one knows who you are or will learn anything about you. That's complete bullshit. What you present is who you are. That's true in any aspect of life. People on HAF easily know more about me than people I see on a regular basis. It's because I enjoy written communication and I'm not terribly good at socializing one on one or in large groups.
If you want to post a thought experiment, that's cool. Fucking tell us it's a thought experiment.
For instance, "I would like to step outside the moral standard of simply "school shootings = bad". Perpetrators are often victims of severe bullying themselves. Is there a case for sympathy and support for them? Cases in which the shooting victims deserved it?" And so on.
I garauntee a much different conversation will ensue than after posting "Society has it all wrong. Shooters are the real victims here. Also serial killers are amazing people. How can everyone be so obtuse as to judge these poor people?" Which is more or less what you did.
I think about how I word things all the time. It's a skill. It comes easier to some people than others. Just like anything else.
I can jive with this.