Title: Tell me a joke about religion/atheism whatever)
Post by: moosegoose on January 25, 2008, 12:08:02 PM
Post by: moosegoose on January 25, 2008, 12:08:02 PM
to get it started:
Jesus and pedestrians were on the top Mount of Olives when suddenly a bear attacked.
Disciples got panicked and started to run around.
And then Jesus said, "Don't be afraid-It is fullfilled"
(it's a Friday level joke)
Jesus and pedestrians were on the top Mount of Olives when suddenly a bear attacked.
Disciples got panicked and started to run around.
And then Jesus said, "Don't be afraid-It is fullfilled"
(it's a Friday level joke)
Title:
Post by: tacoma_kyle on January 26, 2008, 01:33:38 AM
Post by: tacoma_kyle on January 26, 2008, 01:33:38 AM
Haha.
This one pertains to off-roaders and the sierra club. Not anti god or anythin just amusing.
Before long the sierra club will kick adam and eve out of the garden of eden.
This one pertains to off-roaders and the sierra club. Not anti god or anythin just amusing.
Before long the sierra club will kick adam and eve out of the garden of eden.
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Post by: Smarmy Of One on January 27, 2008, 09:46:00 PM
Post by: Smarmy Of One on January 27, 2008, 09:46:00 PM
After the resurrection, Jesus and John the apostle are walking along the beach chatting about god and shit.
John notices a piece of driftwood floating on the surf.
John: Man, that is a nice piece of driftwood. It would look great on my mantle. Hey, Jesus, I don't suppose you could walk out there and get it for me?
Jesus: Sure, John.
Jesus starts to walk out onto the water to get the piece of driftwood. He gets half way out and - SPLOOSH! Jesus falls under the water.
Moments later he has battled his way back to shore through the surf and is soaked through.
John: Jesus! Why couldn't you walk on the water? You used to be so good at that.
Jesus: Yeah, but that was before I had these holes in my feet.
John notices a piece of driftwood floating on the surf.
John: Man, that is a nice piece of driftwood. It would look great on my mantle. Hey, Jesus, I don't suppose you could walk out there and get it for me?
Jesus: Sure, John.
Jesus starts to walk out onto the water to get the piece of driftwood. He gets half way out and - SPLOOSH! Jesus falls under the water.
Moments later he has battled his way back to shore through the surf and is soaked through.
John: Jesus! Why couldn't you walk on the water? You used to be so good at that.
Jesus: Yeah, but that was before I had these holes in my feet.
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Post by: Sophie on January 29, 2008, 12:09:16 AM
Post by: Sophie on January 29, 2008, 12:09:16 AM
Hey, I just ran across this website when I was searching for a good avatar. Enjoy!
http://www.atheistalliance.org/aaw/Humor_index.htm (http://www.atheistalliance.org/aaw/Humor_index.htm)
http://www.atheistalliance.org/aaw/Humor_index.htm (http://www.atheistalliance.org/aaw/Humor_index.htm)
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Post by: Bella on January 29, 2008, 09:16:50 AM
Post by: Bella on January 29, 2008, 09:16:50 AM
This isn't a short joke, but I thought this was funny:
http://www.ebonmusings.org/atheism/gues ... on101.html (http://www.ebonmusings.org/atheism/guestessays/religion101.html)
http://www.ebonmusings.org/atheism/gues ... on101.html (http://www.ebonmusings.org/atheism/guestessays/religion101.html)
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Post by: Smarmy Of One on January 29, 2008, 02:02:34 PM
Post by: Smarmy Of One on January 29, 2008, 02:02:34 PM
"3. You are a product tester and frequently bring your work home. Yesterday, while dressed in a flame resistant suit (up to 3,000 degrees) and carrying the latest model fire extinguisher, you discover your neighbor's house is on fire. As the flames quickly spread, you stand and watch your neighbor's new baby burn to death. Which of the following best describes your behavior?
A. All-powerful
B. All-knowing
C. All-loving
D. Mysterious"
I really got a kick outta that one!
A. All-powerful
B. All-knowing
C. All-loving
D. Mysterious"
I really got a kick outta that one!
Title:
Post by: Chris Johnston on January 30, 2008, 06:02:19 PM
Post by: Chris Johnston on January 30, 2008, 06:02:19 PM
Jesus is on the cross. A few of his apostles are at the base of the hill. Jesus murmers, "John...John..."
John leaps to his feet, "My Lord needs me! I'm coming, Lord!" But he cannot pass the Centurion who threatens to kill him. John sidesteps, and the Roman hacks off his left leg.
Lying there in brain-burning pain, John hears again, "John...John..." With that he begins crawling up the hill, whereupon the Roman takes off his right arm. Near death, he hears that plaintive call, "John...John..." With a herculean effort, John hauls himself to the base of the cross, and says, "Here am I, Lord. What is it?"
Jesus raises his head and says, brightly, "I can see your house from here!"
John leaps to his feet, "My Lord needs me! I'm coming, Lord!" But he cannot pass the Centurion who threatens to kill him. John sidesteps, and the Roman hacks off his left leg.
Lying there in brain-burning pain, John hears again, "John...John..." With that he begins crawling up the hill, whereupon the Roman takes off his right arm. Near death, he hears that plaintive call, "John...John..." With a herculean effort, John hauls himself to the base of the cross, and says, "Here am I, Lord. What is it?"
Jesus raises his head and says, brightly, "I can see your house from here!"
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Post by: rlrose328 on January 31, 2008, 03:19:53 AM
Post by: rlrose328 on January 31, 2008, 03:19:53 AM
Subject: FOUR RELIGIOUS TRUTHS
During these serious times people of all faiths should remember these 4 religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.
During these serious times people of all faiths should remember these 4 religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.
Title:
Post by: Sophie on January 31, 2008, 05:43:13 PM
Post by: Sophie on January 31, 2008, 05:43:13 PM
Kerri, that's hilarious! :)
Title:
Post by: Smarmy Of One on January 31, 2008, 07:02:56 PM
Post by: Smarmy Of One on January 31, 2008, 07:02:56 PM
A christian is rock climbing alone and as he gets to the top of a vertical cliff face he loses his footing and is left hanging by his hands. Unable to regain his foothold, he cries out to God.
Christian: Oh, Lord, hear my prayer and save your righteous servant!
There is a thunder clap and a voice booms down from the heavens.
God: Christian, if you truely believe, you will let go with your thumbs.
Christian: But, Lord, I'll fall.
God: Do you believe?
Christian: Yes, my lord.
The Christian lets go.
The voice again booms down from heaven.
God: Christian, if you believe, you will let go with your left hand.
Christian: But, Lord, I'll fall.
God: Do you believe?
Christian: Yes, my lord.
The christian lets go with his left hand and is now breathing hard as he struggles to maintain his grip.
Christian: I have done what you asked of me, Lord. Will you save me now?
God: Christian, if you want to be saved, you must let go with all your fingers except you index finger.
Christian: But, Lord, I'll fall.
God: Do you believe?
Christian: Yes, my lord.
So the christian does as he is commanded. His whole body shakes as sweat pours down his face. He lets out a guttural scream as his finger slips and he plummets to a bone crushing death on the jagged rocks below.
Once again the voice booms down from heaven.
God: Stupid christians, they'll believe anything.
Christian: Oh, Lord, hear my prayer and save your righteous servant!
There is a thunder clap and a voice booms down from the heavens.
God: Christian, if you truely believe, you will let go with your thumbs.
Christian: But, Lord, I'll fall.
God: Do you believe?
Christian: Yes, my lord.
The Christian lets go.
The voice again booms down from heaven.
God: Christian, if you believe, you will let go with your left hand.
Christian: But, Lord, I'll fall.
God: Do you believe?
Christian: Yes, my lord.
The christian lets go with his left hand and is now breathing hard as he struggles to maintain his grip.
Christian: I have done what you asked of me, Lord. Will you save me now?
God: Christian, if you want to be saved, you must let go with all your fingers except you index finger.
Christian: But, Lord, I'll fall.
God: Do you believe?
Christian: Yes, my lord.
So the christian does as he is commanded. His whole body shakes as sweat pours down his face. He lets out a guttural scream as his finger slips and he plummets to a bone crushing death on the jagged rocks below.
Once again the voice booms down from heaven.
God: Stupid christians, they'll believe anything.
Title: Tell me a joke about religion/atheism whatever
Post by: yellowcab643 on February 09, 2008, 03:17:41 AM
Post by: yellowcab643 on February 09, 2008, 03:17:41 AM
QuoteE stands for Emergency
What is a good name for Emergency Room at the hospital? An E gyp, because everyone knows that the billing from the ER is a rip off. Besides, "your physician is Jesus " - quote of the Holy Bible.