The game thread (The Next Person....) got me thinking about something that happened a lifetime ago but still makes me giggle. (Thanks Asmo, for making me picture hot wax being poured on a person's nether regions.)
Years ago when I was in college, I lived in a house with several roommates. One fine summer afternoon, I was sitting out on the back porch smoking and talking on my cell, when one of my female roommates came waddling out in a bathrobe with a rather panicky look on her face. I'll attempt to recreate our convo for dramatic effect, but I'm sure it's not word for word.
Roomie: I need your help.
Ali: I'm talking to J (my now husband, then "just friends" friend), can it wait a sec?
R: Uuuhhhh.....
A: Okay, hang on (says goodbyes to J) What's up?
R: I bought one of those home waxing kits.....and I tried it....and the paper pulled away, leaving the wax stuck to my hair, and now I can't get it off....and I've, uh, sealed myself shut.
A: *Blank uncomprehending stare*
R: MY GIRL PARTS ARE GLUED SHUT!!!
A: (laughs and laughs and laughs)
R: It's not funny, what do I do?
A: Have you tried showering?
R: Yes, of course, and sitting in a hot bath. I was stuck to the tub for a minute too.
A: (laughs and laughs and laughs) Okay, well....we could try melting it off with a blow dryer....
(It's okay if you pause for a moment here to picture Ali pointing a blow dryer at her roommates private parts, brow furrowed in concentration. I always do.)
R: No! Anyway, I don't think it would be hot enough to melt it, and if it was, it would hurt.
A: Ice? Peanut butter?
R: What?!? Why?!?
A: Well that's what is supposed to work if you get gum stuck in your hair. Tomato juice? No wait, that's skunks.
R: I should have asked N (male roommate)
A: Doesn't your cousin do hair? Call her, I bet she knows.
Turns out, Roomie's Cousin did know. Baby oil. So, if you ever seal bits of yourself shut with hot wax, baby oil takes it right off. You're welcome.
So, tell me a funny from your past now!
Bahahaha! I don't know if I have any that can top that, but I'll do something thinking and get back to ya ;)
Shoulda' called The Asmo. He's good at organic solvents. ;D
NO FLIPPING WAY! hahahahahaha.
Quote from: Crow on May 26, 2012, 06:16:24 PM
NO FLIPPING WAY! hahahahahaha.
Swear to Asmo, it happened! LOL!!! I can still picture her standing there in that white bathrobe, all red faced and sweaty. LMAO
Ah yes, "I'd really love to, but unfortunately my girl parts are glued shut" . How often did I hear that line in response to my soulful entreaties!
I once had to buy a hacksaw because I lost the keys to a set of handcuffs. I then discovered you can't saw chain so had buy a set of bolt cutters and find a lock smith. He didn't ask any questions but he really really wanted to!!!
It's obvious enough though... Clothes on probably means on the run from law enforcement. Clothes off probably means was spanked recently.
Quote from: Asmodean on May 26, 2012, 07:51:26 PM
It's obvious enough though... Clothes on probably means on the run from law enforcement. Clothes off probably means was spanked recently.
Nope. :D
Quote from: Tank on May 26, 2012, 07:53:18 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on May 26, 2012, 07:51:26 PM
It's obvious enough though... Clothes on probably means on the run from law enforcement. Clothes off probably means was spanked recently.
Nope. :D
So you were the spanker instead of the spankee?
Quote from: Ali on May 26, 2012, 08:33:23 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 26, 2012, 07:53:18 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on May 26, 2012, 07:51:26 PM
It's obvious enough though... Clothes on probably means on the run from law enforcement. Clothes off probably means was spanked recently.
Nope. :D
So you were the spanker instead of the spankee?
Long story ;D
Hmm... that's an interesting scenario. Hold on, lemme visualize it for a bit...mmm...uh-huh...hmm...yeah.
Well, I don't have a particular story to top that, but there was that one time when I openly admitted to not understanding how the sexual odor smells like fish, thus cementing my reputation as a virgin amongst my classmates. I have, however, held abreast.
Quote from: RenegeReversi on May 26, 2012, 09:50:32 PM
Hmm... that's an interesting scenario. Hold on, lemme visualize it for a bit...mmm...uh-huh...hmm...yeah.
Well, I don't have a particular story to top that, but there was that one time when I openly admitted to not understanding how the sexual odor smells like fish, thus cementing my reputation as a virgin amongst my classmates. I have, however, held abreast.
Uhhhhh, not in my experience, it doesn't.
It does with certain yeast infections, I suppose. Then again, we were discussing shakespeare in the park. O.O But I really don't know. I am, alas, a virgin. :'(
Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on May 26, 2012, 10:28:46 PM
Quote from: RenegeReversi on May 26, 2012, 09:50:32 PM
Hmm... that's an interesting scenario. Hold on, lemme visualize it for a bit...mmm...uh-huh...hmm...yeah.
Well, I don't have a particular story to top that, but there was that one time when I openly admitted to not understanding how the sexual odor smells like fish, thus cementing my reputation as a virgin amongst my classmates. I have, however, held abreast.
Uhhhhh, not in my experience, it doesn't.
Reminds me of the 40 Year Old Virgin where he compares the breast to a bag of sand....
Ouch.
It's not your fault - I was definitely older than average when I lost my virginity and a lot of my friends were well into their 20s before they lost theirs. I'm just a little, um, concerned if your friends are teasing you about this. They should probably get checked out medically if they think it's normal. :P
There are people who lose their virginity in their twenties? :o
Oh man, I have lots of stories of things that I have done as a child. I guess one could say that I was not the brightest of children. But here is one that explains my fear of cows.
I was at a friend's house who raised beef cattle. She had just gotten an adorable little calf that she called Baby Moo Moo. I had already had a distrust of cows at that point, but hey, a cow with a name like that has to be harmless. So, I am standing and petting this cow who only reachesmy waist in height and the cow is being adorable as the name suggests. All of a sudden though, this calf goes ballistic! She's charging both my friend and me, friend ditches me and jumps on a nearby tractor while calf from hell keeps coming after me. The worst part is that at that point, my only escape route is to jump the fence into the pasture of a particularly hateful pony and risk getting bitten. I decided to compromise and just sit on the fence out of reach of both animals, but now we have another problem. We're both stuck in the barn with no means of getting out. My friend had to call her dad and get him to come down and rescue us from the evil calf.
Quote from: Asmodean on May 26, 2012, 11:33:56 PM
There are people who lose their virginity in their twenties? :o
I was 19 and I know at least a half dozen people who were in their 20s. It does happen. :P
Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on May 27, 2012, 12:10:01 AM
Quote from: Asmodean on May 26, 2012, 11:33:56 PM
There are people who lose their virginity in their twenties? :o
I was 19 and I know at least a half dozen people who were in their 20s. It does happen. :P
Most of my friends (and myself, in fact) were in their 20's as well. It's not uncommon at all.
Really..? It's just that I don't know any one in real life who wasn't in early to mid teens when they made their debut. Well, there are one or two exceptions and those were in their late teens.
Of course, I also know a whole mess of people whos sex life I know nothing about, but in general, the pattern seems to hold.
Speaking of sex, and getting back on topic, I once called someone the wrong name during sex. (https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fforum.susan-boyle.com%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fwhistling.gif&hash=9bec17896dbf7625532fbae05eeabdd57982b879) Funny now. Slightly less than funny at the time. :D
Bah. It's easier to be a virgin if you're a girl. On the other hand, that was a long time ago, and there's not too many people where I live. I guess I could always fuck a coto or something, but I don't think It'd be that pleasant. That's me: Virgin by birth, hermit by choice. 8)
Quote from: RenegeReversi on May 26, 2012, 09:50:32 PM
Hmm... that's an interesting scenario. Hold on, lemme visualize it for a bit...mmm...uh-huh...hmm...yeah.
Well, I don't have a particular story to top that, but there was that one time when I openly admitted to not understanding how the sexual odor smells like fish, thus cementing my reputation as a virgin amongst my classmates. I have, however, held abreast.
You could always tell everyone that Tim Tebow is your hero...
Quote from: Budhorse4 on May 26, 2012, 11:35:40 PM
My friend had to call her dad and get him to come down and rescue us from the evil calf.
As a child I was chased down the street by a goose once -- people just don't understand how not-innocent farm animals can be.
That bloody goose. Want me to sic my gallo on'im? I'll learn him good.
Quote from: RenegeReversi on May 27, 2012, 04:13:04 AM
That bloody goose. Want me to sic my gallo on'im? I'll learn him good.
That'd be nice, if I knew what a gallo was and if that goose wasn't approximately 50 years dead already. The human life span, as well as our being near the top of the food chain, has been my revenge.
Well, you can always celebrate with some nice duck meat.
Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on May 27, 2012, 01:12:43 AM
Speaking of sex, and getting back on topic, I once called someone the wrong name during sex. (https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fforum.susan-boyle.com%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fwhistling.gif&hash=9bec17896dbf7625532fbae05eeabdd57982b879) Funny now. Slightly less than funny at the time. :D
Heeheeeheee, me too!
Quote from: Ali on May 27, 2012, 04:58:26 PM
Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on May 27, 2012, 01:12:43 AM
Speaking of sex, and getting back on topic, I once called someone the wrong name during sex. (https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fforum.susan-boyle.com%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fwhistling.gif&hash=9bec17896dbf7625532fbae05eeabdd57982b879) Funny now. Slightly less than funny at the time. :D
Heeheeeheee, me too!
Bahaha! Awesome. Here I was thinking that it only happened to me and people in movies.
Eh... I've done that on occasion myself. It goes both ways with me though... I've been mixed up with someone else a time or two and yes, alcohol was involved.
Quote from: Asmodean on May 27, 2012, 05:49:41 PM
Eh... I've done that on occasion myself. It goes both ways with me though... I've been mixed up with someone else a time or two and yes, alcohol was involved.
Wait, I don't understand, please explain this to me,
What other gray and lumpy substance could someone possibly confuse you with? At that moment, the only other thing I would confuse you with would be with that beige bumpy stuff on my ceiling that looks like popcorn or cottage cheese. I wouldn't even know what else to call you, "Oh, yes, yes, your infernal beige-ness?" Would this dissapoint you? ;D
Ah, but you see, drunk people have been known to confuse The Asmo with tennis balls, those sack-o-somethingorother chairs, elephant droppings ( >:( ) and bicycle helmets.
Vengeance, however, is and shall be Asmo's. >:(
Wait, you mean your NOT a rugby ball?!!! :o
Lessee, what embarrasing moments could I discuss? Well, there's that time that my girlfriend found my hentai collection. Strangely enough, she seemed more bemused than upset. :-\
Hentai collection? Am I totally off base, or isn't hentai what they use to make those hippy dippy fake tattoos? ???
No. It's fairly raunchy Japanese animated pornography. Proudly watched by perverts everywhere.
You're thinking of henna. Very different from hentai :)
Stories from my childhood: Or, how I'm unlucky around water.
Story 1: I'm about 8 years old, and my parents and I are visiting Michigan. Beautiful little area, very woodsy, lots of trees and a nice little pond. My dad and I wander down to check out the pond. There are two absolutely gorgeous swans swimming around. Dad gets all happy and starts taking pictures of them and watching them. I get all happy, and wander to the edge of the pond to say hello. Then I waded in to say hello up close. ;) Turns out, swans don't especially WANT to be petted or viewed up close and coo'ed over. Mrs Swan starts freaking out, flapping her wings and swimming away. Little me goes deeper into the pond up to my waist. (yes, I was an idiot.) Mr. Swan then opens his wings wide, hisses at me, and charges me at full speed. I'm running out of the pond as fast as I can, screaming "daddy, save me!" and my dad is... well, doing what all good dads do: laughing hysterically and snapping pictures as I flee for my dumb little life.
Story 2: I'm 10 or 11, and with a friend up at her house near a river. My task: jump off her dock into her boat so we can go for a ride. The gap between the dock and the boat is about 2 and a half feet. My friend hops into the boat no problem, and reaches out her hand and tells me to jump in, too. I take a running leap off the dock... and land IN the river, between the dock and the boat. :D At this point, I'm soaking wet, I'm bawling my eyes out because I skinned my knee on the rocks at the river's bottom, I'm scared, and I'm so clumsy I can't get up onto the boat or the dock, so I'm stuck. My aunt comes running down the lawn to the dock. My friend's dad starts snapping pictures, giggling helplessly. (What IS it with men, laughter, and cameras?!? >:( ;) ) The famous photo in my family is of my aunt's behind, raised high in the air as she faces away from the camera, and is trying to drag me out of the river. Which I might add was maybe only thigh deep. Had I stopped panicking, I could have walked to the bank and climbed out. :P
Haha Amicale. I am a clutz too, so I totally relate to your falling in the water story. :D
Quote from: RenegeReversi on June 04, 2012, 03:16:21 AM
No. It's fairly raunchy Japanese animated pornography. Proudly watched by perverts everywhere.
There's a lot of weird tentacle sex. See! It even has it's own meme. (http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/ive-seen-enough-hentai-to-know-where-this-is-going) (may not be SFW)
When I was in grad school in a small town, someone (I'd assume a teenager or drunk college student, heh) wrote "I love tentacle porn" in spraypaint across the side wall of the Salvation Army church. The church didn't bother having it scrubbed off for at least two months... so we started calling it 'The Church of the Tentacle Porn'.
No, you misunderstand, I'm into the really raunchy stuff. ;)