So, I work with a regular client who I get along with fairly well. This person seemed, at first, to be very nice, very friendly, very laid back. This person stated in an offhand way that they didn't happen to believe in God, and from the way this person describes their own personal relationships, they certainly aren't conservative, traditional, or uptight about stuff in general.
Then out of nowhere, yesterday, this person starts making fun of gay men, using all sorts of slurs and epithets. Today, they continued with the innuendo and slurs, adding lesbians to their hitlist... and then moved onto their particular racial prejudices, commenting on a few different ethnicities. Which I find odd, considering my client is of a specific ethnic minority, themselves. I'm just grateful I never gave them much personal information about myself.
It's frustrating. This is someone I'll be working with often, in the foreseeable near future (for at least the summer). So far, I've tried to re-direct the conversation back on track, I've tried pointing out that the more people one knows in a particular group, the more one's stereotypes and prejudices are broken down, etc.... but it seems like I'm in a position where I have a choice: keep them as a client and put up with their BS, keep them as a client but politely call them on their BS and ask them to refrain from it, or choose to ditch them as a client.
In the end, I'll probably end up keeping them as a client, but putting my foot down more consistently, insisting conversation stay professional. There's the chance they could ditch me, but it's a chance I'm willing to take. I don't want to hear the gay-bashing jokes, or the racist jokes, again. And really, the whole thing kinda makes me go " ??? ::) " because these types of jokes, I'd think I'd be more likely to hear from fundie Christians, NOT more 'liberal' atheists. Takes all types, I guess?
Have any of you ever experienced this at work, though? Someone really shooting their mouth off, and you not being able to say too much? How'd it all go down?
Quote from: Amicale on May 25, 2012, 05:22:19 AM
Have any of you ever experienced this at work, though? Someone really shooting their mouth off, and you not being able to say too much? How'd it all go down?
I work in a pretty professional corporate environment, discrimination of any type is not tolerated. I don't generally know if people are religious or not as the topic never comes up. With regards to gays, they are everywhere, often you don't even know who is gay, well, I can't tell, not that I look for it, who cares which way people are oriented.
Basically, if you discriminate then you get fired. So people don't, not at work anyways.
But a friend of my wife, her boyfriend is a tradesman, he is not PC at all, discriminates and everything, tries to make jokes, we don't laugh.
I find it quite strange actually, because I guess we tend to mingle with friends and workmates so we get out of touch with people in different circles. But there are many different worlds out there.
How to stop someone discriminating is the hard question.
I would start off subtly, e.g. don't laugh at their jokes, don't join in the conversation or try and change topic.
If they don't get the hint, maybe talk about some friends or relations that you have you are gay or whatever it is this person is discriminating against. Tell them how much you like or respect that "gay" person and how hard it must be for them when people discriminate against them.
If they still carry on then just plain tell them that it bothers you and you would politely request that they refrain from doing it.
If they keep it up, I would then warn them that I would force to make a formal complain to their boss.
You could drop into the conversation that you're a lesbian. He'll either shut up or bugger off.
There was a place I used to work where one customer was making other customers (lesbian couple) uncomfertable using a lot of discriminating slurs and jokes about gays within hearing distance of them. Luckily this was a bar, and I was the big mean bouncer. I asked him politely to shut up. He refused. Called me a faggot.
20 seconds later he was picking himself up off the sidewalk. (https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fserve.mysmiley.net%2Ffighting%2Ffighting0063.gif&hash=e9597892e1b82a9740832e8a4e538fc739672785) (http://www.mysmiley.net)
Quote from: TankYou could drop into the conversation that you're a lesbian. He'll either shut up or bugger off.
I agree, though I have no idea how bad it would be for you financially to lose this client. Do you really need to put up with him? In any case, as Tank says, he might well not leave you, but start to watch his mouth.
Quote from: Guardian85 on May 25, 2012, 09:23:30 AM
There was a place I used to work where one customer was making other customers (lesbian couple) uncomfertable using a lot of discriminating slurs and jokes about gays within hearing distance of them. Luckily this was a bar, and I was the big mean bouncer. I asked him politely to shut up. He refused. Called me a faggot.
20 seconds later he was picking himself up off the sidewalk. (https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fserve.mysmiley.net%2Ffighting%2Ffighting0063.gif&hash=e9597892e1b82a9740832e8a4e538fc739672785) (http://www.mysmiley.net)
Would you have ejected him in similarly unceremonious fashion if he hadn't called you a faggot?
Quote from: Amicale on May 25, 2012, 05:22:19 AM
So, I work with a regular client who I get along with fairly well. This person seemed, at first, to be very nice, very friendly, very laid back. This person stated in an offhand way that they didn't happen to believe in God, and from the way this person describes their own personal relationships, they certainly aren't conservative, traditional, or uptight about stuff in general.
Then out of nowhere, yesterday, this person starts making fun of gay men, using all sorts of slurs and epithets. Today, they continued with the innuendo and slurs, adding lesbians to their hitlist... and then moved onto their particular racial prejudices, commenting on a few different ethnicities. Which I find odd, considering my client is of a specific ethnic minority, themselves. I'm just grateful I never gave them much personal information about myself.
It's frustrating. This is someone I'll be working with often, in the foreseeable near future (for at least the summer). So far, I've tried to re-direct the conversation back on track, I've tried pointing out that the more people one knows in a particular group, the more one's stereotypes and prejudices are broken down, etc.... but it seems like I'm in a position where I have a choice: keep them as a client and put up with their BS, keep them as a client but politely call them on their BS and ask them to refrain from it, or choose to ditch them as a client.
In the end, I'll probably end up keeping them as a client, but putting my foot down more consistently, insisting conversation stay professional. There's the chance they could ditch me, but it's a chance I'm willing to take. I don't want to hear the gay-bashing jokes, or the racist jokes, again. And really, the whole thing kinda makes me go " ??? ::) " because these types of jokes, I'd think I'd be more likely to hear from fundie Christians, NOT more 'liberal' atheists. Takes all types, I guess?
Have any of you ever experienced this at work, though? Someone really shooting their mouth off, and you not being able to say too much? How'd it all go down?
I've had clients with the most appalling opinions. This has never bothered me because I don't care what their worldview is and I focus on the professional relationship. There's plenty of bigots and backwoods men out there and that's life. If the client relationship is going to be short/ term, I'd bite your lip and do nothing to encourage him when he indulges in his bile. Why let his obnoxiousness cause you to forego income?
Quote from: En_Route on May 25, 2012, 10:31:13 AM
Quote from: Guardian85 on May 25, 2012, 09:23:30 AM
There was a place I used to work where one customer was making other customers (lesbian couple) uncomfertable using a lot of discriminating slurs and jokes about gays within hearing distance of them. Luckily this was a bar, and I was the big mean bouncer. I asked him politely to shut up. He refused. Called me a faggot.
20 seconds later he was picking himself up off the sidewalk. (https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fserve.mysmiley.net%2Ffighting%2Ffighting0063.gif&hash=e9597892e1b82a9740832e8a4e538fc739672785) (http://www.mysmiley.net)
Would you have ejected him in similarly unceremonious fashion if he hadn't called you a faggot?
If he didn't stop bothering the other customers he was going out anyway, but we had a policy about displaying such hostile attitudes towards the staff. But I will admit it was quite satisfying.
I haven't really run into this with clients or coworkers. Like Stevil, I work in a very professional field, and jokes/topics of conversation like that are verboten. I have encountered it a few times in casual situations (parties and whatnot) and my typical response is what I call my "You're a jackass" face. Basically it's a head tilt paired with raised eye brows, wide eyes that look off into the far distance, and a very small polite but obviously not heart felt smile. If that doesn't do the trick, interupting whatever they're saying with a quick "excuse me" with the same polite smile and then darting away mid-sentence (which I would feel rude doing in almost any other scenario) is step two.
Quote from: Ali on May 25, 2012, 07:45:44 PM
what I call my "You're a jackass" face. Basically it's a head tilt paired with raised eye brows, wide eyes that look off into the far distance, and a very small polite but obviously not heart felt smile.
Hahaha, I totally do this, too!
After working in reception for a few years, I've also found that a good way to deal with rambly/obnoxious people is to just stop interacting with them. If they're on the phone, just go silent. If they're in person, continue to make eye contact with them, but sit completely still and do not respond to what they're saying (don't say "uh-huh" or "I see"). Inappropriate people are usually looking for positive re-enforcement and are often willing to take ANY response as such. If you stop responding entirely, they start to realize that they're rambling and you aren't agreeing with them. Then they get awkward and stop talking. That's when you can respond by getting back on topic and pretending that you never heard their crazy rant. It's a little rude, but it saves a heck of a lot of time and it usually makes them feel self conscious enough to save their obnoxiousness for someone else next time.
I've been in the situation before... it's not fun
If it is somebody that I know that I have to work with a while, I will try to put up with it. However; if it gets too out of hand I will kindly ask them to keep their opinions of that group of people to themselves.
If you truly don't mind the possibility of losing a client, I'd suggest telling them flat out that you're a lesbian, then tell them this below and ask if they have a preference:
Quote from: Amicale on May 25, 2012, 05:22:19 AM
I'm in a position where I have a choice: keep them as a client and put up with their BS, keep them as a client but politely call them on their BS and ask them to refrain from it, or choose to ditch them as a client.
This reminds me a bit of that old story about Einsenhower asking his secretary in the Army to get rid of the lesbians on his staff, and being told she'd be glad to do that but giving him a long list of all the good soldiers he'd be losing, starting with her.
Quote from: Guardian85 on May 25, 2012, 09:23:30 AM
There was a place I used to work where one customer was making other customers (lesbian couple) uncomfertable using a lot of discriminating slurs and jokes about gays within hearing distance of them. Luckily this was a bar, and I was the big mean bouncer. I asked him politely to shut up. He refused. Called me a faggot.
20 seconds later he was picking himself up off the sidewalk. (https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fserve.mysmiley.net%2Ffighting%2Ffighting0063.gif&hash=e9597892e1b82a9740832e8a4e538fc739672785) (http://www.mysmiley.net)
;D
Quote from: Guardian85 on May 25, 2012, 07:05:59 PM
Quote from: En_Route on May 25, 2012, 10:31:13 AM
Quote from: Guardian85 on May 25, 2012, 09:23:30 AM
There was a place I used to work where one customer was making other customers (lesbian couple) uncomfertable using a lot of discriminating slurs and jokes about gays within hearing distance of them. Luckily this was a bar, and I was the big mean bouncer. I asked him politely to shut up. He refused. Called me a faggot.
20 seconds later he was picking himself up off the sidewalk. (https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fserve.mysmiley.net%2Ffighting%2Ffighting0063.gif&hash=e9597892e1b82a9740832e8a4e538fc739672785) (http://www.mysmiley.net)
Would you have ejected him in similarly unceremonious fashion if he hadn't called you a faggot?
If he didn't stop bothering the other customers he was going out anyway, but we had a policy about displaying such hostile attitudes towards the staff. But I will admit it was quite satisfying.
Anyone stupid enough to call a bouncer a faggot deserves it, I say.
Quote from: Guardian85 on May 25, 2012, 09:23:30 AM
There was a place I used to work where one customer was making other customers (lesbian couple) uncomfertable using a lot of discriminating slurs and jokes about gays within hearing distance of them. Luckily this was a bar, and I was the big mean bouncer. I asked him politely to shut up. He refused. Called me a faggot.
20 seconds later he was picking himself up off the sidewalk. (https://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fserve.mysmiley.net%2Ffighting%2Ffighting0063.gif&hash=e9597892e1b82a9740832e8a4e538fc739672785) (http://www.mysmiley.net)
Nice. I have often fantasized about doing such things to prejudice people I just never had the guts. Sounds like it was a fun job!
It had it's moments.
Not too sure about just displaying prejudice for prejudice's sake. I've had one guy on the bus, he was a retired military officer and seemed to be fairly intelligent. In fact, I think he was a stockholder or something, very well dressed. Anyways, I start up a conversation, and I find that he actually was very intelligent, but for some reason this intelligence was marred by an indiscriminate hatred of Jews. He was a full on holocaust denier, and spoke very vehemently against them.
It was...kind of strange.
I would definitely be blunt about his biggotry. If he continues it just to be an asshole, then you should report or drop him as a client.
Idiot needs to realize that attitude gets you nowhere in life.
Thanks for the responses, guys! I think it maybe resolved itself. He seems to have gotten the hint, he was very quiet and professional when I talked to him, and wants to take a bit of time off until we work together again. Good.