time in America
atheists rose up
In the beginning...
The Asmo said:
"Let there be...."
HAF and smokes...
And there was
HAF and then
it suddenly crashed
But The Asmo
resurrected it and
demanded tribute from
all HAFfers which
Is getting overdue >:(
Tribute herewith conferred
Sorry, no more
markedly orange phalanges
For poor The Asmo :(
(The Asmo is one word. ONE, you hear! >:( )
said Mike Huckabee,
"I jokingly lamented
The Asmo (one word, that)'s lack of tribute >:(
will soon be...
tested for autotributenitis
. Meanwhile, the aliens
bashed cute ducklings
which became ugly
yet tasted delicious.
Duckling with baby-meat
pureed with love
, hint of basil
and wolfbane jelly
washed down with
contaminated zombie blood.
That caused a
steep price-rise
for steel condoms
for the androids
. Meanwhile, the psychotic pig
snuffled hungrily through
the magic mushrooms
enjoying the sensation
and smoking
(I accidentally put in 4 words last time, so I'll balance it here.)
human offcuts forlater
with slithy toves.
and the frumious bandersnatch.......aww shux that's four words
two next time
Then along came
a blackbird and
a cherry-carrying
sadomasochist fetishist, who
refused to flog
his own flesh
without an audience
>>> this 4 this time 2 later business is blasphemous and the perpetrators will surely be struck down!!!!!!!
of Bestimanian voluptuaries
. Voluptuaries were found
in the soup
what a treat
said the delighted
bishop, in his cell
to his companion
the little choirboy
who had big
, succulent, alluring, rose-pink
Quote from: OldGit on November 05, 2015, 09:34:20 AM
, succulent, alluring, rose-pink
*...did someone mention SD??!...*
(Going back to Old Gits post)
Duroc pig, which
is actually really
a dwarf who
got inflated by
Conceit, vanity and
TinkerBell magic dust
snorted through straws
and dollar bills.
Then Ben Carson
swore an oath,
to grope many
, many, many bodacious
middle-aged lawyers
, but couldn't find
anyone without objections
, but mere hearsay
and conjecture lead
to unpleasant diseases
that spread quickly
like malignant tumors
. Dooming all who
dared trespass on
the accursed grounds
of Ghoolingbury Castle
. Meanwhile, in Kyrgyzstan,
Alexander's Ragtime Band
was gruesomely executed
, but Dr. Frankenstein
's lesser known monster
, Frankenpebble, started crying
uncontrollably because Mary,
quite contrarily, allowed
Mother Goose to
lay a silver
Phoenix off, because
high background radiation
emitted from the
spontaneously combustible feathers
caused sun spots
. Frankenpebble then turned
on a large
collider, build by
drunk drivers for
Bill Gates, who
ate a macintosh
apple fresh from
Silicon valley and
then began to
wish he hadn't.
when he started to shit little cubes of silicon
(so I took 3 goes at once shoot me!)
Bang! You're welcome!
Then Tonga declared
Dolomite definitively defined
as its national
flatulence dispersal unit
ultimately utilized unknown
crabalocker fishwife walrus
. "You nasty!" Said
eats,shoots, leaves.
[borrowed from jokes ]
The Martian ambassador
disguised as a
Legendary Barnabus Stinson
in Lincoln Green
, ate three politicians
in one gulp
with Tabasco sauce
, got food poisoning
and vomited Vegemite
over the Autarch's
finest and most
expensive prophylactics, causing
his wife to
admit her lesbian
rabbit Delilah was
happily gnawing at
Frank Baum's door
. Then the Wizard
laid an egg
with much effort
, from which hatched
a beautiful lizard
which immediately ate
the Wizard, but
spit out his
mind, which the
newt took and
ate with relish.
When the enchantress
saw her eerie
ex-husband at the
drag races, wearing
Frank N. Furter's
suspender belt and
waterproof Kevlar undies
, she felt tingling
coursing through her
scalp as she
shampooed in acid
with Timothy Leary,
who dropped out
and tuned in
and dropped out.
Not turned on
by this event
but secretly wanted
to be delicately
bathed in blue
slime from a
politician, he closed his
eyes and dreamed
sipping a margarita
of top notch
wormwood and lime,
sage and thyme,
and Psilocybin mushrooms.
The Drug Squad
Fred, Ginger and
a bunch of
Republican presidential candidates
feasted on anchovies
laced with narcotic
romance novels, which
rotted men's souls
but their shoes
were well heeled.
Yesterday all my
gerbils ran away
Now it looks
more like treachery
Oh, I believe
Santa's elves stole
the little girl's
AK47 and grenades
, but not her
Barbie doll and
her nose goblin
, which blew green
and blue confetti
out of its
gaping backside cavity
. The resulting explosion
could be heard
on Pluto, where
no one lives
but the amazing
Gonzo the Magnificent!
Gonzo's eardrums emitted
a blood curlding
chocolate yogurt zombie
with severe halitosis
, which no mouthwash
could ever cure
. Four out of
five baby elephants
listen to Tusk
but the other
enjoys Syd Barrett's
music much more.
Then Lemmy rose
from the Orgasmatron
and cried out
hallelujah fuck Jesus!
Displeased, The Asmo
targeted a small
kindergarten with His
lumby grumpy grayness
. No one went
unpunished for their
untidy nostril hair
with a plunger.
Replied Mrs. Unger
"where is Felix?"
"Who is John..."?
"What is Asmo"?
Asmo is all
Asmo is The
originator of all
cupcakes and cookies
in another realm
of swirly twirly
dark gray gumdrops
of unimaginable evil.
Poo and Piglet
minions of Asmo
decided it was
time to do
His Divine Bidding
, so they infiltrated
the Vatican to
kidnap the Pope,
-'s Swiss Guard
for indoctrination purpose.
Asmo's pink outfit
routinely worn on
His Divine Eyebrows
glittered so brilliantly
that Luxembourg imploded
as He laughed
from being tickled
under his scrotum.
His testicles exploded
spraying Luxembourg with
spicy rat semen
and there was
a second coming
...And a third.
Twenty-six hours later
news had reached
Luxembourg's semen-soaked
...Is this hyphenated sort of thing one word, or two, by the way..? :o
Pearl necklace emporium
that spitefully unmerciful
fiddlers started playing
some mountain music
from Scottish Highlands.
Born in Warsaw
Indented to reflect new paragraph
, raised a Catholic
, Aleksy cherished turtles,
especially galápago europeo
and the elusive
butterfly of flatulence
bespeckles Holden's windscreen
as it deserves. >:(
(...for being a fake Australian Vauxhall, which in itself is a fake British Opel >:( )
Speaking of deserving,
Donald Trump vaporized
all his opponents.
with a flamethrower.
and Catcher 'npocket
Then, without hesitation
Godzilla began to
Shake, rattle and
roll Trump downhill
towards the banshee
who screamed ecstatically
with rigid, orgasmic
thrusts of lust
"ASMO IS GOD!"
Was once believed
that edible frogs
tasted better with
inedible rock sauce.
Partnered with a
nice Chianti and
liver, fava beans,
the Emperor Testicula
proudly presented his
walnuts and almonds
to the NutCracker.
No one is
entirely sure why... :o
It was the
fragile ego of
a useless wannabe
and diehard conservative
that caused 1,000,000,000
mosquitos to bite
upon the assholes
of naked sunbathing
French tourists and
their little dogs
wearing tiny hats. >:(
This caused great
consternation, much to
the delight of
the Omnimalevolent Asmo
and his girlfriend
runaround Sue Eula
, whose chocolate panties
were cherry filled
. Then, in Bangladesh
a Microsoft support
operator, named Bob,
was eaten by
a saltwater crocodile
coincidentally named Robert
Asmosdottir, a villainous
custard thief, caught
fire in her
fire catching gloves
also, there were
flames shooting from
The Asmo's eyes
and glowing toes
and Divine Eyebrows.
Which often looked
like Abe Vigoda's
Detective Phil Fish
. Meanwhile, in Mogadishu,
several small species
of knibbling rodont
gathered together in
Subway and ordered
a secret menu
. Each Miami lawyer
vowed to overturn
Ponce de León's
unfortunate maternity suit
equipped with several
subpoenas and motions
, but the Cubans
like Luis Tiant
dropped cigars on
the day his
girlfriend walked away
after seeing what
was in Castro's
casket.
THE END
Or was it?
Mercifully, it was.
Slowly, deliberately she
smoke some sausage
using sweet hickory
secret family recipe
passed down from
generation to generation
in a coffin
finely constructed of
bunnies and flowers
. At first light
I opened the
can of beans
that had been
laced with dung
and some lavender.
My hobo companion
Mr. Smiley Jones
chose the dung
for it's texture
, viscosity and flammability.
"FOOLS! YOU HAVE
CRAPPED YOUR LAST
EXPLODING TURD BOMB!!"
Verbal diarrhea ran
down verbal legs
with a sound like
three fat Christians
It WAS three
years in the
French oak casks
that gave it
that rich hypocritical
rhetorical, hypothetical barnacle
flavour and boquet
that wafted through
the halls of
Montezuma. To the
shores of mozzarella
via the pepperoni
path that ran
down his leg
filling his boots
with a glumptious
brown sludge, which
made a sumptuous
Squushing sound as
he leapt acrobatically
, ever so gracefully
yet, somehow, erratically
into the waiting
family from Nebraska
Hell. The demons
are eating my
gazpacho soup. Interestingly
demons are allergic
to cucumber and
B-52s. North Korea
, where Hawkeye Pierce
once delivered a
Chocolate covered fetus.
The Asmo's wrath
which was not
stolen or anything
, was nominated for
a participation award
for digging a
hole to China
with a herring!
Which was red,
and covered in
glory earned by
his ancient grandfather
clock, which ticked
in waltz time
but tocked in
Daylight Savings Time. (Just to keep things moving).
in Outer Mongolia.
Inside the inner
sanctum was a
disgustingly filthy old
rotting wash rag
that he recognised
as his grandmother's
polka dot hankie
from his sticky
green goo, oozing
from what he
tried to tutor
while simultaneously juggling
naughty nurse's baby,
who was only
afraid of purple
dinosaurs named Barney
. As the looming
loom wove its
seventeenth tartan bagpipe
made from dragon
bladder and pigwood,
its mesmerizing sound
attracted diseased elves
with ginormous leather
Handbags. Eventually they
all succumbed to
the blandishments of
American presidential candidates
with unnatural skin
and forked tongue
, but nobody voted
for free beer
only red wine
, which was rich
man, poor man's
Richmond, Washington where
apples and oranges
and El Asmojito
(Complete with a sombrero and one of them traditional (?) mustaches)
farted a fruity
,tootie, beauty, Artie
Hearty, tarty, orange.
Nothing, but purple
rain and 1999
were great songs
but now out
of gas, so
must eat beans
and other legumes
. The chemist exclaimed
"Where are my
whatchamacallit...that... thingamajig...
that dissolves stuff?"
Three divorce lawyers
divorced each other
with joint custody
of the frozen
chemist's solution stuff
(It was sperm.)
It was implanted
. It was forgotten.
But it grew
so fast that
they bought shares
and takes in
the chemist's company
, which merged with
OCP, creators of
GLOOP! Favourite balm
of Asmos everywhere
and anywhere. The
Asmo, however, was
bathing in treacle
when they arrived.
The setting sun
melted the treacle
which in turn
flowed inside his
Divine Butt Crack. >:(
The rats licked
their Asmo-given
I am broke
he cried from
his indecent exposure >:(
. Meanwhile, back at
some random casino,
Hiawatha was celebrating
Trump's amazing victory
over Putin in
a clown-off.
But the real
Putin had fallen
and couldn't get
back on his
bear. But he
thanked the Asmo
for the shishkebab
and the babushkas
passed down through
mamushkas to their
little Kiev kindred
malyutka. Ya znayu
что ты хочешь
Sie Spielzeug wollen
i skrivende stund
I am Spartacus
the muscle fisher
who seeks mussels
and has measels.
A new disease
that struck fear
in the missus
and motivated Moses
to collect strange
parted red C's
and drink T's
. I've grown
fond of weasels
wearing little yellow
raincoats and galoshes
whilst dancing the
forbidden tango. A
A gang of
flying wombats gathered
all their savings
to invest in
vests and such
similar basic cullinary
artifacts. Flying over
yonder, Alex soon
perpetrated a misnomer
, a disjunctive mood
that perplexed all
especially the grayish
pusher robot who
was so surprised
that he ejaculated
prematurely, causing him
to lose oil
at an alarming
rate that overcame
His Divine Expectations.
No one expected
or even suspected
that someone inspected
and even dissected
but finally rejected
that "thing" erected
but was dejected
and also neglected
never being selected
, but she interjected, "
How I reflected,
and also intercepted
the pass deflected
with something connected
but never perfected
and never collected
all the wretched
things I've fetched
painted and sketched
, calling Trump a
silly old fart
who did start
an elephant cart
competition at the
Trump Hotel in
Tierra del Fuego.
Speaking of Gomorrah...
did you hear
the one about
the little orange
orangutan with tiny
earrings who hopped
all the way
to Cheltenham carrying
tiny bags of
Catholic porn flics
featuring nuns and
convent paraphernalia, like:
rosary anal beads,
holy water bottles
left upon the
naked body of
the Archbishop's nephew,
whom he molested.
Meanwhile, at the
ruins of Ninevah
Tenvah had completely
run out of
his black speedo
and into a
sheet of glass
almost severing his
relationship with Mrs.
Merkel who divested
herself of all
manner of strange
salamanders and cockroaches
. Rentokil was called
to Trump's campaign
"Vote November twenty-eight!" :grin:
unless you're not
aware that today
we have toasted
to Donald's loss
. Suddenly, without warning,
a purple light
startled the children
Who farted communally
while singing Kumbayah
In the jungle
but tsetse flies
carried them all
a nice breakfast
of chocolate coated
Vietnamese spring rolls
. But they spat
at each other
until their ribs
poked holes in
the bin liners
which often were
but sometimes not
looked upon with
gobs of grease
from greasy geese
that obese police
attempted to fleece
and release pleased
nudes from Nice
Of Bernice Patrice
who said, "Peace
will surely cease
the geese release
with malicious intent
the energy spent
to use violins
and gratuitous sax
. Sparks flew in
from Denver today
with sweet smoke
wafting its way
filling the day
and asphyxiating hordes
of redundant lords
with demon swords
playing some chords
on old harpsichords
of Henry Ford's
atop lovely fjords
on creaky boards
amid the turds
shat by birds
onto the herds
of mutant Kurds
and vengeful nerds
. In other words,
Donald Trump is
triumphantly trumpeting Trumpisms
to the delight
of the right
. Out of sight
,in my pants
several angry ants
and crazed sycophants
shouting their rants
at their sycophants
munching toxic plants
for toothless goats
on little boats
escaping feinting fate
http://animals.howstuffworks.com/mammals/fainting-goat2.htm
by working late
opossum playing dead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA7ebU-C_lI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA7ebU-C_lI)
caught vulture's eye
way up high