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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Tank

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4590 on: May 22, 2021, 09:49:54 AM »
Why did police arrest the turkey?

Spoiler: ShowHide
Because they suspected him of fowl play!
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
“Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt.” ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Tank

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4591 on: May 22, 2021, 09:54:53 AM »
Knock, knock!
Spoiler: ShowHide
Who's there?

Spoiler: ShowHide
Isabelle.

Spoiler: ShowHide
Isabelle who?

Spoiler: ShowHide
Isabelle working, or should I keep knocking?
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
“Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt.” ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Papasito Bruno

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4592 on: June 15, 2021, 11:38:37 PM »
Knock, knock!
Spoiler: ShowHide
Who's there?

Spoiler: ShowHide
Isabelle.

Spoiler: ShowHide
Isabelle who?

Spoiler: ShowHide
Isabelle working, or should I keep knocking?


Shouldn't you be banned for that?? ::)


The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

...inhabitants are, as the man once said, 'whores, pimps, gamblers, and sons of bitches,' by which he meant everybody. Had the man looked through another peephole he might have said, 'saints and angels and martyrs and holy men,' and he would have

Papasito Bruno

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4593 on: July 30, 2021, 04:05:14 PM »
What is greater than enchiladas?

n+1chiladas :rimshot:
The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

...inhabitants are, as the man once said, 'whores, pimps, gamblers, and sons of bitches,' by which he meant everybody. Had the man looked through another peephole he might have said, 'saints and angels and martyrs and holy men,' and he would have

jumbojak

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4594 on: August 01, 2021, 02:45:30 AM »
Knock, knock!
Spoiler: ShowHide
Who's there?

Spoiler: ShowHide
Isabelle.

Spoiler: ShowHide
Isabelle who?

Spoiler: ShowHide
Isabelle working, or should I keep knocking?


Shouldn't you be banned for that?? ::)




That would suck so fuckin bad.
 

"Amazing what chimney sweeping can teach us, no? Keep your fire hot and
your flue clean."  - Ecurb Noselrub

"I'd be incensed by your impudence were I not so impressed by your memory." - Siz

Bluenose

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4595 on: August 18, 2021, 01:24:06 AM »
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American
archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story
published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of
250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an
advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the
British".

One week later, Australia's Northern Territory Times, reported the
following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern
Territory, aboriginal Billi Bunji, a self-taught archaeologist, reported
that he found absolutely fuck-all.
Billi has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already
gone wireless..."

Makes me feel bloody proud to be Australian!
+++ Divide by cucumber error: please reinstall universe and reboot.  +++

GNU Terry Pratchett


Dark Lightning

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4596 on: August 18, 2021, 03:11:07 AM »
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American
archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story
published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of
250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an
advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the
British".

One week later, Australia's Northern Territory Times, reported the
following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern
Territory, aboriginal Billi Bunji, a self-taught archaeologist, reported
that he found absolutely fuck-all.
Billi has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already
gone wireless..."

Makes me feel bloody proud to be Australian!
:lol:

Icarus

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4597 on: August 18, 2021, 03:59:42 AM »
Thanks a plenty Bluenose.,. I have not had that good a laugh in a long time.

Papasito Bruno

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4598 on: August 18, 2021, 11:33:11 PM »
Today I went and got my 8th vaccine shot!!


The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

...inhabitants are, as the man once said, 'whores, pimps, gamblers, and sons of bitches,' by which he meant everybody. Had the man looked through another peephole he might have said, 'saints and angels and martyrs and holy men,' and he would have

Magdalena

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4599 on: August 19, 2021, 12:24:14 AM »
Today I went and got my 8th vaccine shot!!



PB, you have "girl arms."
--Just saying.  :reading:

“I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe.” ~Recusant

Dark Lightning

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4600 on: August 19, 2021, 12:51:36 AM »
:lol:

hermes2015

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4601 on: August 19, 2021, 04:10:36 AM »
She wouldn't be able to find my vein.
“Who is to say that pleasure is useless?”
― Charles Eames

Bad Penny II

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4602 on: August 19, 2021, 10:10:58 AM »
She wouldn't be able to find my vein.

I don't think you're supposed to poke it in a vein.
Though, I suppose people have their own preferences re poking.
Take my advice, don't listen to me.

hermes2015

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4603 on: August 19, 2021, 11:28:14 AM »
She wouldn't be able to find my vein.

I don't think you're supposed to poke it in a vein.
Though, I suppose people have their own preferences re poking.

 :)
“Who is to say that pleasure is useless?”
― Charles Eames

Papasito Bruno

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4604 on: August 19, 2021, 06:09:53 PM »
Today I went and got my 8th vaccine shot!!



PB, you have "girl arms."
--Just saying.  :reading:

Thanks Mags, that's quite a nice compliment....I agree by the way, my arms are just like Simone's!!

The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

...inhabitants are, as the man once said, 'whores, pimps, gamblers, and sons of bitches,' by which he meant everybody. Had the man looked through another peephole he might have said, 'saints and angels and martyrs and holy men,' and he would have