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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Dark Lightning

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4560 on: March 01, 2021, 04:02:02 AM »
:lol: You know, I just have to laugh when I see things like this. It reminds me of a TV show in the '60s, called "My Favorite Martian". in one of the episodes, the earthling had gone on a date at a restaurant, and the salad was slopped all over him. Well, the Martian was telepathic, so he knew what had happened. He was laughing while (having read the earthling's mind) that his date "must have tossed his salad". I was a kid at the time, and I don't remember if my parents laughed at the line. Well, just my mother, because my dad worked 2nd shift at a factory, so he wouldn't have been there.
« Last Edit: March 06, 2021, 02:38:46 PM by Dark Lightning »

Randy

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4561 on: March 01, 2021, 05:13:41 AM »
Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" he cries. "I want a MEATIER shower!"

:lol:

Here are the three:


That's funny! :lol:
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Tom62

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4562 on: March 06, 2021, 02:14:41 PM »
The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

Randy

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"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Dark Lightning

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4564 on: March 10, 2021, 02:43:09 PM »
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of kiling it. Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. Turns out he's a web designer.

Oops. "killing", not "killed"

hermes2015

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4565 on: March 10, 2021, 02:45:48 PM »
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killed it. Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. Turns out he's a web designer.

 :boaterhat:
“Who is to say that pleasure is useless?”
― Charles Eames

Ecurb Noselrub

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4566 on: March 10, 2021, 04:53:14 PM »
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of kiling it. Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. Turns out he's a web designer.

Oops. "killing", not "killed"

I used this one.

Magdalena

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4567 on: March 10, 2021, 07:17:20 PM »
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of kiling it. Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. Turns out he's a web designer.

Oops. "killing", not "killed"

Ha!  :lol:
Good one.

“I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe.” ~Recusant

Davin

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4568 on: March 11, 2021, 03:01:03 PM »
What has two butts and kills people?

Spoiler: ShowHide
An assassin.
Always question all authorities because the authority you don't question is the most dangerous... except me, never question me.

No one

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4569 on: March 11, 2021, 03:27:48 PM »
What's at the bottom of the ocean and trembles??


Spoiler: ShowHide
A nervous wreck.

Tank

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4570 on: March 11, 2021, 04:32:37 PM »
What's at the bottom of the ocean and trembles??


Spoiler: ShowHide
A nervous wreck.


I was telling that one at primary school over 55 years ago!
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
“Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt.” ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

No one

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4571 on: March 11, 2021, 04:59:10 PM »
You don't look a day over 21.

Randy

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4572 on: March 13, 2021, 11:43:04 PM »
A mother had three children, two girls and a boy.

One day one of the girls asked her mother how she got her name. She replied, "When you were born a daisy fell on your head so we named you Daisy."

Satisfied with that answer she runs off to play when her second daughter comes up asking the same question. Her mother's reply was, "When you were born a rose fell on your head so we named you Rose."

Satisfied with that answer she also runs off to play when her son approaches. He looks at his mother and says, "Bluh gibble koo." His mother replied, "Shut up Brick!"
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

xSilverPhinx

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4573 on: March 21, 2021, 01:21:42 AM »
If the Earth is round then why is it called Plane-t and not Round-t? Hmm? Checkmate, rounders!
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


billy rubin

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4574 on: March 21, 2021, 02:41:19 AM »



Born without a brain, doctors look inside six years later and are amazed at what they find!