Redneck Medical Terminology

[Ecurb Noselrub]

To aid in understanding complex medical issues:

Anally.........................Occuring Annualy
Antibody....................Against Everyone.
Artery.........................The study of paintings.
Bacteria......................Back door to cafeteria.
Bandages...................The Rolling Stones
Barium.......................What doctors do when patients die.
Benign........................What you be after you be eight.
Botulism....................Tendency to make mistakes.
Bowel.........................Letters like A, E, I, O, or U.
Cesarean Section........A district in Rome.
Catscan.......................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize.....................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.............................A sheep dog.
Coma...........................A punctuation mark.
Congenital...................Friendly.
Cortizone.....................The local courthouse.
D&C.............................Where Washington is.
Dilate............................To live long.
Diaphram....................A drawing in Geometry.
Enema..........................Not a friend.
Enteritis........................A penchant for burglary.
ER.................................The things on your head that you hear with.
Fester............................Quicker than someone else.
Fetus.............................A character in Gunsmoke.
Fibula............................A small lie.
Fibrillate........................To tell lies
Genital..........................Non-Jewish person.
Genes.............................Blue denim slacks.
G.I. Series......................World Series of military baseball.
Grippe...........................What you do to a suitcase.
Hangnail.......................What you hang your coat on.
Hemorrhoid..................A male from outer space.
Herpes...........................What women do in the ladies room.
Hormones.....................What a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid.
ICU...............................Peek-a-boo
Impotent......................Distinguished, well known.
Inpatient......................Tired of waiting.
Labor Pain....................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.................A Doctor's cane.
Menopause...................Button on a VHS remote control.
Morbid..........................A higher offer.
Minor Operation..........Somebody else's.
Nitrates.........................Cheaper than day rates.
Node..............................Was aware of.
Outpatient.....................A person who has fainted.
Organ Transplant........What you do with your piano when you move.
Organic........................Church music.
Pap Smear.....................A fatherhood test.
Paralyze.........................Two far-fetched stories.
Pathological..................A reasonable way to go.
Pelvis.............................Second cousin to Elvis.
Pharmacist...................Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture.
Plaster Cast...................The drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert.
Platelet...........................A small plate or platter.
Post Operative...............A letter carrier.
Protein...........................In favor of young people.
Recovery Room.............Place to do upholstery.
Rectum..........................Damn near killed him.
Rheumatic.....................Amorous.
Saline.............................Where you go on your boyfriend's boat.
Scar................................Rolled tobacco leaf.
Scrotum.........................Small planet near Uranus.
Secretion........................Hiding something.
Serology.........................Study of English Knighthood
Seizure...........................Roman emperor.
Surgery..........................A reason to get an uninterruptible power supply.
Tablet............................A small table.
Terminal Illness...........Getting sick at the airport.
Testicles........................Found on an octopus.
Tibia.............................A small country in North Africa.
Triple Bypass...............Better than a quarterback sneak.
Tumor..........................An extra pair.
Urine............................Opposite of you're out.
Vagina.........................Heart trouble.
Varicose.......................Real Close / Near by.
Vein.............................Conceited.
Vulva..........................Automobile from Sweden.

[Biggus Dickus]

 

"Oh my god,..this here is so funny ay done laughed so awful hard at these ay almost wet myself"!

I think this is my favorite-

Fetus.............................A character in Gunsmoke.

[hermes2015]

Artery.........................The study of paintings.

[Magdalena]

Funny!

"Terminal Illness...........Getting sick at the airport."

"Impotent......................Distinguished, well known."

"Inpatient......................Tired of waiting."

"Labor Pain....................Getting hurt at work."

[Magdalena]

I heard, one of those, say to someone, on national TV:
"He failed the DNA test."
Asked: "How can one fail a DNA test?"
"He was given a D(drug) -N- A(alcohol) Test, and he was high and drunk."
😄