Happy Atheist Forum

Community => Life As An Atheist => Topic started by: YoungAtheist on July 31, 2011, 02:34:21 PM

Title: Coming out
Post by: YoungAtheist on July 31, 2011, 02:34:21 PM
How can I come out to my parents about my Atheism? I want it to be calm and controlled but I know that my Mom will attempt to make me a theist with stories from the Torah and such, but I need facts to disprove them as simply Myths. And she will also try and guilt me but at that point I will simply just leave. Unless it is a car ride in which I will try to ignore her. I am one to fall for guilt to tell the truth. I try to be a good moraled boy and people tend to use it against me sadly.

But anyways, plz help. If you could say some stories about how you did it then that'd be great. Thx in advance!
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: OldGit on July 31, 2011, 02:39:09 PM
I can only advise you to pick your moment and keep it cool.  I think anyone would need to know you and your mother well in order to give any more detailed advice.
Good luck, that's all.
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Tank on July 31, 2011, 03:11:41 PM
Have you read this thread How to tell your family you are an atheist. (http://www.happyatheistforum.com/forum/index.php?topic=5111.0)? If not have a read and tell me what you think. Just refresh my memory, how old are you, how is your family structured regards brothers and sisters?
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Crow on July 31, 2011, 08:01:59 PM
How about rather than trying to dispute her beliefs which will most likely turn into a confrontation use the argument "I cant believe something that I don't believe".

Rather than just dropping it on her get a conversation to go in the direction and slip it in if she seems to be in a positive mood, however if she seems aggressive towards the subject area leave it alone until another day.

However I have never had to come out as it has never been an issue but through conversation the majority of my family are now atheist.
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Sweetdeath on August 01, 2011, 12:00:47 AM
Quote from: Crow on July 31, 2011, 08:01:59 PM
However I have never had to come out as it has never been an issue but through conversation the majority of my family are now atheist.

Wow, i'm envious. I really wish my dad was atheist. It's like really the one thing stopping us from having a great bond.
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Whitney on August 01, 2011, 02:13:36 AM
Why do you feel the need to "come out"...I think being open about your views should just come about naturally as conversation brings up your view on religious topics; not as a result of you deciding upon a random day/time to inform everyone that you are an atheist.

Frankly, it's a lot easier to express your concerns about religion as a myth if the other person is still assuming you are a believer.
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Sweetdeath on August 02, 2011, 07:23:55 AM
^  This is very true. I've discovered theists won't shun you if thry think you are one of them. They usually even take your words into consideration.

If anyone's ever heard the expression "kill them with kindness."--  It's how I feel in general about being an open athiest. Don't announce you are atheist. Just be kind in general. Knowledge is true power indeed. :)
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Awolf26 on August 03, 2011, 05:45:44 PM
Quote from: Whitney on August 01, 2011, 02:13:36 AM
Why do you feel the need to "come out"...I think being open about your views should just come about naturally as conversation brings up your view on religious topics; not as a result of you deciding upon a random day/time to inform everyone that you are an atheist.

Frankly, it's a lot easier to express your concerns about religion as a myth if the other person is still assuming you are a believer.

Actually, I tend to agree with this. While I am "out" to my family about it, I never sat them down to tell them. I was just open. I never really brought it up or bring it up. If they bring religion to the conversation I'll say my opinion on the subject and not draw attention to my atheism.

I am not trying to say there is no difference from being "out" or "in" the closet. There most certainly is. Before, I just pretty much kept my mouth shut or acted like a believer. Now, I just say what I say and people seem to adapt to it. Of course, my mother still thinks I'm miserable and can't lead a good life, but she doesn't make the mistake of telling me that anymore. She pretty much ignores that whole part of my life.

The only "fact" you need to prove they are myths is to say god does not exist. I really don't think you should approach this subject with her, but if it comes up, arguing from the assumption that a god is real is arguing from a false premise and thus fruitless.
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Tank on August 04, 2011, 09:20:41 AM
I would be torn if I had to hide my world viw from those aroound me. Maybe I am fortunate in living in a culture where atheism is not an issue. I would hate to have to hide something that was so important to me from those around me. It would really stress me out.
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Whitney on August 04, 2011, 03:49:25 PM
^In case that was related to my comment...I'm not suggesting that he hide I'm suggesting that he just not rush to tell everyone else what to label him.  There is so much baggage still around the word atheist here in America (and some 'atheist activists' aren't helping to make it any better) that they won't understand what he means unless his views are established before providing the label.
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Tank on August 04, 2011, 04:07:57 PM
Thanks for the clarification. My comment was stimulated by yours. I understand what you were getting at now.
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Awolf26 on August 04, 2011, 05:11:03 PM
Quote from: Whitney on August 04, 2011, 03:49:25 PM
There is so much baggage still around the word atheist here in America (and some 'atheist activists' aren't helping to make it any better) that they won't understand what he means unless his views are established before providing the label.

I hope that I am not misreading your position. I am new here and don't know you. However, the "atheist activists" (e.g., PZ Myers) are quite helpful for those in the closet. When one is afraid to be open, it is the vocal ones that allow them to not be afraid anymore. Take for instance the billboards around Christmas time. For those that felt alone in their beliefs, those signs showed them that they have an accepting community waiting for them. This is similar to how I became comfortable being "out" (I really hate that term. It equates our situation to a much less privileged group. LGBT). There is some scientific evidence that this is works, but I can't come up with the citation right now.   
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Whitney on August 04, 2011, 06:47:57 PM
I'm actually part of a group that has helped put up some of those billboards...so I'm not talking about that. Things like the out campaign, FFRF billboards, COR billboards and other positive messages are good...unfortunately negativity is more memorable to the masses who want reasons to hate us.

My problem is with the people who perpetuate negative stereotypes by taking actions which needlessly draw negative attention to atheists.  Like the recent American Atheists case against the inclusion of a cross artifact in the 9/11 museum (there is a thread related to that)...it's not even close to a clear violation of church and state so all it does it make atheists look like complainers who are out to strip all of religion from society.  That's not the kind of PR atheists need to become more accepted and it doesn't help protect separation of church and state either since every lost lawsuit sets precedent to throw out other cases. 
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Awolf26 on August 04, 2011, 07:50:39 PM
Quote from: Whitney on August 04, 2011, 06:47:57 PM
I'm actually part of a group that has helped put up some of those billboards...so I'm not talking about that. Things like the out campaign, FFRF billboards, COR billboards and other positive messages are good...unfortunately negativity is more memorable to the masses who want reasons to hate us.

My problem is with the people who perpetuate negative stereotypes by taking actions which needlessly draw negative attention to atheists.  Like the recent American Atheists case against the inclusion of a cross artifact in the 9/11 museum (there is a thread related to that)...it's not even close to a clear violation of church and state so all it does it make atheists look like complainers who are out to strip all of religion from society.  That's not the kind of PR atheists need to become more accepted and it doesn't help protect separation of church and state either since every lost lawsuit sets precedent to throw out other cases. 


Gotcha. Can't say that I agree on the 9/11 cross issue, but I see where you are coming from.
Title: Re: Coming out
Post by: Stevil on August 04, 2011, 08:34:21 PM
Quote from: Whitney on August 01, 2011, 02:13:36 AM
Why do you feel the need to "come out"...I think being open about your views should just come about naturally as conversation brings up your view on religious topics; not as a result of you deciding upon a random day/time to inform everyone that you are an atheist.

Frankly, it's a lot easier to express your concerns about religion as a myth if the other person is still assuming you are a believer.
I don't think you need to take the Big Bang approach. Just drop hints, but sooner or later its gotta come out as you won't be motivated to put effort into some religous based activities, if your family is into that sort of thing.