Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Dark Lightning

#4560
:lol: You know, I just have to laugh when I see things like this. It reminds me of a TV show in the '60s, called "My Favorite Martian". in one of the episodes, the earthling had gone on a date at a restaurant, and the salad was slopped all over him. Well, the Martian was telepathic, so he knew what had happened. He was laughing while (having read the earthling's mind) that his date "must have tossed his salad". I was a kid at the time, and I don't remember if my parents laughed at the line. Well, just my mother, because my dad worked 2nd shift at a factory, so he wouldn't have been there.

Randy

Quote from: xSilverPhinx on February 28, 2021, 01:54:31 PM
Quote from: Randy on February 28, 2021, 01:46:58 PM
Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" he cries. "I want a MEATIER shower!"

:lol:

Here are the three:


That's funny! :lol:
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Tom62

The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

Randy

"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Dark Lightning

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of kiling it. Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. Turns out he's a web designer.

Oops. "killing", not "killed"

hermes2015

Quote from: Dark Lightning on March 10, 2021, 02:43:09 PM
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killed it. Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. Turns out he's a web designer.

:boaterhat:
"Eventually everything connects - people, ideas, objects. The quality of the connections is the key to quality per se."
― Charles Eames

Ecurb Noselrub

Quote from: Dark Lightning on March 10, 2021, 02:43:09 PM
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of kiling it. Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. Turns out he's a web designer.

Oops. "killing", not "killed"

I used this one.

Magdalena

Quote from: Dark Lightning on March 10, 2021, 02:43:09 PM
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of kiling it. Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. Turns out he's a web designer.

Oops. "killing", not "killed"

Ha!  :lol:
Good one.

"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant

Davin

What has two butts and kills people?

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.
Always question all authorities because the authority you don't question is the most dangerous... except me, never question me.

No one

What's at the bottom of the ocean and trembles??


Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

Tank

Quote from: No one on March 11, 2021, 03:27:48 PM
What's at the bottom of the ocean and trembles??


Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.


I was telling that one at primary school over 55 years ago!
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

No one


Randy

A mother had three children, two girls and a boy.

One day one of the girls asked her mother how she got her name. She replied, "When you were born a daisy fell on your head so we named you Daisy."

Satisfied with that answer she runs off to play when her second daughter comes up asking the same question. Her mother's reply was, "When you were born a rose fell on your head so we named you Rose."

Satisfied with that answer she also runs off to play when her son approaches. He looks at his mother and says, "Bluh gibble koo." His mother replied, "Shut up Brick!"
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

xSilverPhinx

If the Earth is round then why is it called Plane-t and not Round-t? Hmm? Checkmate, rounders!
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


billy rubin



"I cannot understand the popularity of that kind of music, which is based on repetition. In a civilized society, things don't need to be said more than three times."