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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Dark Lightning

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4545 on: February 16, 2021, 08:07:47 PM »
Young cowboy walks into a greasy spoon diner and has a seat. He sees an old cowboy sitting very still, staring down at his bowl of chili. After a bit, he asks the older cowboy if he's going to eat that chili or not. Older cowboy says no, and the younger cowboy reaches over and commences to chowing down. He gets close to the bottom of the bowl and finds a dead rat. He promptly vomits all the chili back into the bowl. The older cowboy says, "That's how far I got, too!".

billy rubin

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4546 on: February 17, 2021, 01:40:22 AM »
my grandfather's brother was a cowboy in new mexico. i remember a stoory about how they were eating dinner in some mexican cantina and there was guy stone cold drunk eating a bowl of beans. apparently the flies were large and numerous and the size and shape f the beans and would cover the spoon every time he lifted it to his mouth, and so he kept on shoveling beans, and flies, until both were gone

fun times in the borderlands


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Papasito Bruno

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4547 on: February 19, 2021, 06:30:23 PM »
How do fish get high?

Spoiler: ShowHide
SeaWeed man! 8)
...inhabitants are, as the man once said, 'whores, pimps, gamblers, and sons of bitches,' by which he meant everybody. Had the man looked through another peephole he might have said, 'saints and angels and martyrs and holy men,' and he would have meant the same thing.”

Dark Lightning

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4548 on: February 22, 2021, 11:32:24 PM »
A police officer was patrolling late at night off the main highway.


At nearly midnight, he saw a couple in a car in Lovers’ Lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approached the car to get a closer look. Then he saw a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He noticed a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the officer walked to the car and gently rapped on the driver’s window. The young man lowered his window. “Uh, yes, officer?”
The cop asked, “What are you doing?” The young man said, “Well, officer, I’m reading a magazine.”
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the officer asked, “And, her, what is she doing?”
The young man shrugged, “Sir, I believe she’s filing her fingernails.”
Now, the cop was totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in Lover’s Lane and nothing obscene is happening!
He asked, “What’s your age, young man?”
The young man said, “I’m 22, sir.”
The cop asked, “And her, what’s her age?”
The young man looked at his watch and replied, “She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.”

Randy

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4549 on: February 23, 2021, 02:09:11 AM »
A police officer was patrolling late at night off the main highway.


At nearly midnight, he saw a couple in a car in Lovers’ Lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approached the car to get a closer look. Then he saw a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He noticed a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the officer walked to the car and gently rapped on the driver’s window. The young man lowered his window. “Uh, yes, officer?”
The cop asked, “What are you doing?” The young man said, “Well, officer, I’m reading a magazine.”
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the officer asked, “And, her, what is she doing?”
The young man shrugged, “Sir, I believe she’s filing her fingernails.”
Now, the cop was totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in Lover’s Lane and nothing obscene is happening!
He asked, “What’s your age, young man?”
The young man said, “I’m 22, sir.”
The cop asked, “And her, what’s her age?”
The young man looked at his watch and replied, “She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.”
:lol: Good one!
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Randy

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4550 on: February 23, 2021, 01:06:09 PM »
A guy breaks his arm and goes to the doctor, the doctor says ok, I need a urine sample before I can fix your arm, so he goes home and tells his wife, she says that’s crazy, she says I’ll pee in the bottle that’ll teach your stupid doctor, he says hey, I could put some engine oil in it, she says great why don’t you jerk off in it too.

He goes back to the doctor with his messed up sample.

The doctor looks at, smells it, then even takes a small sip.

The guys looking pretty smug knowing this quack hadn’t got a clue what he’s doing.

The doctor says well your cars fucked, your wife’s pregnant and if you don’t stop jerking off, your arm will never get better.
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

xSilverPhinx

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4551 on: February 26, 2021, 01:58:59 AM »
Got this from FB:

A priest, a Baptist minister and an rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood. The nurse asks, "What's your blood type?"
The rabbit replied, "I'm probably a Type O."
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Icarus

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4552 on: February 26, 2021, 02:06:27 AM »
::)

xSilverPhinx

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Dark Lightning

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4554 on: February 26, 2021, 03:01:24 AM »
Cute! I loves me some puns!

Bad Penny II

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4555 on: February 26, 2021, 10:14:12 AM »
Got this from FB:

A priest, a Baptist minister and an rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood. The nurse asks, "What's your blood type?"
The rabbit replied, "I'm probably a Type O."

I feel sorry for that rabbit.
A human with such an existential situation would make whinging and moaning about it their life's work.
Sorry rabbit, you don't need my pity, I understand that now, you're a frood who knows where his towel is.


Randy

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4556 on: February 28, 2021, 01:46:58 PM »
Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" he cries. "I want a MEATIER shower!"
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

xSilverPhinx

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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4557 on: February 28, 2021, 01:54:31 PM »
Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" he cries. "I want a MEATIER shower!"

:lol:

Here are the three:

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


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Re: Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )
« Reply #4558 on: February 28, 2021, 02:06:29 PM »

xSilverPhinx

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