Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[En_Route]

Two Irishmen are looking through a mail order catalogue.
Paddy says " Bejasus, would you look at these gorgeous women! And the prices are reasonable too."
Mick agrees "I'm ordering one of them right now"
Three weeks later, Paddy meets Mick and asks him "Has your woman turned up yet?"
"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday."

[OldGit]

A man walked out onto the street and caught a taxi just going by.He got into the taxi and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian, every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Brian. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out. But Brian, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No-one could ever measure up to Brian."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his bloody widow."

[joeactor]

^^^ Good one!

[Tank]

[OldGit]

^ Excellent!

[Claireliontamer]

Brilliant!

[Asmodean]

Sorry, friends. That one is a very Norwegian registration number. ZH 46505 is a Tromsø plate, it is. Apparently, the vehicle it belonged to has been scrapped or unregistered.

On a spearate note, I had one of those and that there is easier than replacing the heater radiator, which is prone to clogging up, leaking and doing all sorts of nastiness in some of those cars.

[Davin]

[Asmodean]

I don't get it... Well, except for the suicide bomber who apparently decided his car was far too nice to die with him.

[Amicale]

This one reminded me of DeterminedJuliet. 

[Davin]

[Sweetdeath]

HAHAHA The wine joke killed me.

I didn't get the islam one... ???

[Davin]

I dunno, the Islam one I find funny because of the polarity of the different meanings of the term "radical." In my youths, radical was like doing something extreme and cool, but when attached to Islam, it tends to mean "terrorists", but I still have a lingering image hanging around from using "radical" as a kid, so sometimes the images get mixed into Muslims doing the "radical" things that I used to call "radical" when people say "radical Islam."

[Davin]

[Amicale]

A couple goes on a vacation to a fishing resort in Northern Alberta. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't that obvious?") "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day Ma'am," and he left...

MORAL OF THE STORY :
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can think also.