So i've been playing the game Catherine for the xbox lately. It's a great puzzle game about a man named Vincent who accidentally cheats on his girlfriend Katherine. She's a dull, workaholic who pretty much organizes his life for him.
Then he gets drunk and meets a cute blonde named Catherine. She's fun, free, and lives life how she pleases with no chains of marriage or children to tie her down.
This game is not only fun and challenging. But i really do love the story.
I think it brings us all down to "Is it normal to want to sleep with more than one person even in a relationship?"
I mean, we all want companion, and that person to come home to. But surely one person cannot furfill all of our needs, in bed or other wise.
I mean, is society forcing us to feel like we have to be monogamous in order to cause less 'chaos' or what?
In my opinion, i think we all desire more than one mate. I don't mean marrying more than one person, but i mean, being with your companion, and then doing things with other people who furfil your other desires. No one is perfect and no one person is perfect for you.
Are we simply denying these urges just to 'fit in' ?
I don't know. What are your opinions? ^^;
I really love this game. Check it out sometime if you can.
Congratulation on opening the biggest possible can of worms :D
Quote from: Tank on August 08, 2012, 10:37:47 PM
Congratulation on opening the biggest possible can of worms :D
I know, but you guys are quite an interesting bunch. :P
I guess "we" need to be upfront in our relationships on what exactly we want in a relationship(s).
If we promise to be monogamous, we should keep true to our word no matter how much we feel we are being forced to be opposite of our desires. We are fickle and so our desires might change. If so, be honest with the other person in the relationship. It's simply self-control and respect for the ones we love in a relationship unless both are willing parties to seek out others and remain in a relationship or part.
Have *you ever tried juggling more than one relationship? I think chaos is a natural by-product of multiple relationships and not necessarily something society forces.
How do you accidentally cheat on someone? :D
As for monogamy, I think I read somewhere that serial monogamy (like different people throughout your life, but more or less one person at a time) seems to be the most "natural" state for human beings.
Husband and I talk about it sometimes, and it's true that with a long time relationship, you just don't get the same sort of "first time" excitement that you had when everything was new. Also, having a sneaky forbidden relationship (like one you might be in if you cheat) is FUN. Sneaking around, holding hands under the table when you hope no one will notice, that's heady stuff (that's actually how our relationship started, oh so many moons ago.) But, ultimately, the question every couple has to answer is, is the superficial fun stuff worth giving up the kind of intimacy and partnership that you get with a long term relationship? Personally, I (usually) come down on the side of wanting the long term stuff more. I dig my husband, even if no one cares whether or not I'm holding hands with him under the table. He's my best friend in the whole world, and that's not something that I would easily lose or give up on. But I don't really care what other couples decide on, if no one is getting hurt.
As to "Can one person fulfill every need?" God no. Of course not. But to me, that doesn't mean that you have to cheat on your one person, it just means you have to have outside interests and other friends and stuff.
My impression is that most open relationships end in tears. Of course, so do a lot of non- open ones. I think it's tough enough sustaining a long- term relationship without diverting your emotional and sexual energies elsewhere, not to speak of the logistical strains, the likelihood of jealousy and resentment arising etc etc. it would be agreeable in theory to be able to have one's cake and eat it as well as some additional cakes thrown in for good measure. However, hedonism and the pursuit of self- gratification are not generally productive of long- term contentment.
I totally agree that sneaky forbidden stuff isn't cool. I would love to just keep having a good companionship with one person and then still be able to party, do as you want, as long as the other person knows what's happening.
I think for a lot of people, until you're in your 40's or 50's, you really do want to party and have fun. Youth is so short! I really do want to enjoy my remaining 20's.
(haha, Ali, i agree. you never 'accidentally ' cheat XP )
Maybe i'm very strange because i don't get jealous and never gotten jealous of relationship stuff. Only if someone knows how to sew better than me. I want to learn to sew better! LOL
Jealousy, scorn, all those feelings are a waste of time.
I just have a hard time feeling , "ok, i'm not 30, but some people i know are already married with a kid or two"
it's just not for me. Marriage and children.
I want to have fun and enjoy my life.
Do what ever you want to do with your life, SD. You only get the one, so I don't see the point wasting it trying to pretend you want things you don't.
It would be interesting to ask someone from a culture where monogamy is not the norm about how they see these things. :D
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 09, 2012, 12:36:24 AM
Maybe i'm very strange because i don't get jealous and never gotten jealous of relationship stuff. Only if someone knows how to sew better than me. I want to learn to sew better! LOL
Jealousy, scorn, all those feelings are a waste of time.
I just have a hard time feeling , "ok, i'm not 30, but some people i know are already married with a kid or two"
it's just not for me. Marriage and children.
I want to have fun and enjoy my life.
Well I certainly would not worry about how other people have decided to live their lives.
Quote from: Ali on August 09, 2012, 12:39:27 AM
Do what ever you want to do with your life, SD. You only get the one, so I don't see the point wasting it trying to pretend you want things you don't.
This. :)
I subscribe to Dan Savage's "monogamish" principle - in a committed relationship, non-monogamy is best when it's discussed honestly and practiced infrequently (though not necessarily
never). Because, honestly, if my husband wanted to have sex with another person, the sex -- in of itself-- wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me. And I've told him as such. Generally, I think, it's the emotional dishonesty that gets more couples who cheat in the end. So, we've talked and set some "ground-rules" for if either of us ever did want to pursue an extra-marital "romp" and I feel better for having done that.
Nothing's set in stone: if our feelings change, the rules can change, and neither of us have ever actively pursued another person (as far as I'm concerned, one of the biggest perks of being married is not having to deal with the dating scene anymore. Who wants to go through all THAT again), but having an honest discussion about it really seems to have removed the "forbidden fruit" allure.
I should also add that I've participated in the awful side of non-monogamy. Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship that dabbled with being "open" and it was a total disaster. Looking back at it now, I can see that we pursued the open label because we were both miserable and wanted escape and validation from other people. I'm sure that happens a lot, too.
So, in conclusion, I don't think there's any one way that works for everyone.
Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on August 09, 2012, 01:05:11 AM
Quote from: Ali on August 09, 2012, 12:39:27 AM
Do what ever you want to do with your life, SD. You only get the one, so I don't see the point wasting it trying to pretend you want things you don't.
This. :)
I subscribe to Dan Savage's "monogamish" principle - in a committed relationship, non-monogamy is best when it's discussed honestly and practiced infrequently (though not necessarily never). Because, honestly, if my husband wanted to have sex with another person, the sex -- in of itself-- wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me. And I've told him as such. Generally, I think, it's the emotional dishonesty that gets more couples who cheat in the end. So, we've talked and set some "ground-rules" for if either of us ever did want to pursue an extra-marital "romp" and I feel better for having done that.
Nothing's set in stone: if our feelings change, the rules can change, and neither of us have ever actively pursued another person (as far as I'm concerned, one of the biggest perks of being married is not having to deal with the dating scene anymore. Who wants to go through all THAT again), but having an honest discussion about it really seems to have removed the "forbidden fruit" allure.
I should also add that I've participated in the awful side of non-monogamy. Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship that dabbled with being "open" and it was a total disaster. Looking back at it now, I can see that we pursued the open label because we were both miserable and wanted escape and validation from other people. I'm sure that happens a lot, too.
So, in conclusion, I don't think there's any one way that works for everyone.
The theory sounds liberal and enlightened; the practice is in my opinion likely to prove messier.
Yeah, what Ali said.
I made a promise to my wife. If I hadn't intended to keep that promise I would never have made it. Honesty, as AD so vehemently supports, lays the path of least resistance in relationships. Even when promiscuity was the order of play in my life I never hid my intentions. That certainly eliminated complications. And when I felt ready to make a commitment it really wasn't a tough decision. I chose willingly to forego the excitement of sex with different women in favour of a loving, stable, monogamous relationship. It was the best aggregate outcome, and I still feel that way despite the occasional craving for a minxy little Eastern-European scrumpet. I'm only human!
Quote from: Ali on August 09, 2012, 12:39:27 AM
Do what ever you want to do with your life, SD. You only get the one, so I don't see the point wasting it trying to pretend you want things you don't.
Thanks, Ali :)
The idea of serial monogamy has some merit. Our life spans used to be 30-40 years - long enough to have kids and maybe get them to adulthood. Now we live to our 80's. It's just hard to stay with one person that long - thus the about 50% divorce rate around here. People living that long go through a lot of changes, and it's almost unreasonable to expect anyone to stay fully satisfied with one person for 5-6 decades. On the other hand, a commitment is a commitment, and I don't think cheating is cool under any circumstances. As for an open marriage, it's hard for me to imagine. In practice it would just get too messy. It's very hard to separate sex from emotional attachment for me, so I don't think it would work in my case.
From a evolutionary psychology viewpoint (If I sound sexist, forgive me. I'm only reporting the general consensus.):
Human beings seem to have both short-term and long-term mating strategies. This applies to both genders, although the 'reasons' (more like impulses) to do so differ.
Females tend to look for males with ability and willingness to share resources for long-term mating. This is because females tend to be the one stuck with the child-bearing and their own resource-gathering ability suffers as a result. This is also why females detest emotional infidelity (resources can diverted to some other female). For short-term mating, females go for attractive males rather than resourceful males (check out the sexy son hypothesis). This long-term and short-term pattern often leads to cuckoldry.
Males, not surprisingly, do what they can to avoid being cuckolded. Their long-term strategy is to invest resources in females in exchange for sexual access and fidelity. Therefore, where females detest emotional infidelity by their mates, males detest sexual infidelity (relatively speaking). However, because males are not burdened by child-raising, short-term mating for them is easier. Attractiveness seems to be less important for male short-term mating than for females. For men, it's quantity over quality. This is to the extent that being in the presence of a new viable female will replenish a male's libido instantly, even when the male could have had sex with the normal sexual partner (see the Coolidge effect). And as you may see the interconnection by now, the attractive males are the ones more successful at this.
Main point is, in an evolutionary sense, being in a long-term relationship does not stop people (from either sex) from fornicating around. So, yes, it is basic instinct.
If you are interested:
Sexy sons - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexy_son_hypothesis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexy_son_hypothesis)
Infidelity - http://www.livescience.com/8065-men-women-jealous-reasons.html (http://www.livescience.com/8065-men-women-jealous-reasons.html)
Coolidge effect - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect)
This is pretty interesting.
Do i think like a male then? I can associate and sympathize with how they feel about being chained down to one person and just wanting to do as I please.
Quote from: SweetdeathI think it brings us all down to "Is it normal to want to sleep with more than one person even in a relationship?"
As others have said, I'm sure it's a common human experience to have desires for someone other than your partner. Particularly in a long-term relationship, one that goes on for years if not decades, probably a lot of people wonder what it would be like to be with someone else, either sexually or emotionally. As Ali stated, one person can't fulfill all of our needs; we need outside hobbies, interests, friends, etc. However, on a personal level - when I'm in a relationship, I'm in that relationship with that one person because I've made a choice to be, and to stay. I've made a commitment to them.
Personally, emotional fidelity is much more important to me than anything else. I'm also OK with the Dan Savage 'monogamish' idea in principle and I understand it works well for some folks, although I suspect it wouldn't work for me. I value stability too much, and working at growing closer with the one person I'm with at the time. I do think that serial monogamy is probably a natural tendency for a lot of people - being with one partner at a time, over the course of your life. If you're (generic you) in your 20s now, there's no guarantee the person you're with will be with you in your 70s or 80s. Maybe I'm an optimist, though, because when I enter into a relationship, I do everything I can to make it work and make it last as long as it can... and I do hope to get married and settle down and be with the same person for as long as we both can be. It may not be what happens, but I hope for it. :)
Quote from: En_Route on August 09, 2012, 01:14:41 AM
The theory sounds liberal and enlightened; the practice is in my opinion likely to prove messier.
I suppose it's lucky that you aren't married to me, then. ;)
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 08, 2012, 10:24:52 PM
So i've been playing the game Catherine for the xbox lately. It's a great puzzle game about a man named Vincent who accidentally cheats on his girlfriend Katherine. She's a dull, workaholic who pretty much organizes his life for him.
Then he gets drunk and meets a cute blonde named Catherine. She's fun, free, and lives life how she pleases with no chains of marriage or children to tie her down.
This game is not only fun and challenging. But i really do love the story.
I think it brings us all down to "Is it normal to want to sleep with more than one person even in a relationship?"
I mean, we all want companion, and that person to come home to. But surely one person cannot furfill all of our needs, in bed or other wise.
I mean, is society forcing us to feel like we have to be monogamous in order to cause less 'chaos' or what?
In my opinion, i think we all desire more than one mate. I don't mean marrying more than one person, but i mean, being with your companion, and then doing things with other people who furfil your other desires. No one is perfect and no one person is perfect for you.
Are we simply denying these urges just to 'fit in' ?
I don't know. What are your opinions? ^^;
I really love this game. Check it out sometime if you can.
Blah, Blah Blah....I've seen this before, and I've seen who plays it. It always ends in heartbreak and humiliation.
I had a friend in college who told me that women think the same as you've described, so he "played the game" so to speak. My friend played your game. He was good looking, a weightlifter and a very promising engineering student: he had brains, muscle and the ability to make big bucks - he was a heartthrob and he knew it. And he played on his attributes for all they were worth.
As a rule (for the four years I knew him), he always dated women like yourself - and he always broke their hearts. I mean, he didn't care what they felt....he just "wanted some leg" so-to-speak. To the women, He was exciting, he was a reliable bread winner, he was everything a coed could want: except he was a heart breaker. This guy used to seek out women like yourself and target them unmercifully for he had no respect for them and told us guys likewise when we asked. We guys never said a thing.
It was a crazy thing to see when he would dump some gal after he got tired with her - the pain, remorse and anger were epic, and there was nothing she could do, and no one would sympathize with her. Hey...she was a "Player" that got "Played" was all we though - and everyone else, too.
Later, this guy actually married a nice young woman and settled down, and after 20+ years of marriage they are still together. And...I can guarantee their fidelity is absolute, or this guy would have driven his wife to suicide long ago. But...I here she is quite happy.
Moral of the story is this...play with fire and think it's fun. and you'll eventually meet the devil himself. (I say this even though I am an atheist).
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 08, 2012, 10:24:52 PM
I think it brings us all down to "Is it normal to want to sleep with more than one person even in a relationship?"
Threesome? ;)
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 08, 2012, 10:24:52 PM
I mean, we all want companion, and that person to come home to. But surely one person cannot furfill all of our needs, in bed or other wise.
I mean, is society forcing us to feel like we have to be monogamous in order to cause less 'chaos' or what?
In my opinion, i think we all desire more than one mate. I don't mean marrying more than one person, but i mean, being with your companion, and then doing things with other people who furfil your other desires. No one is perfect and no one person is perfect for you.
Are we simply denying these urges just to 'fit in' ?
I think it is normal to
want to have an affair, but in a relationship, regardless of desires, in my opinion, your partner's feelings should come first. So, if you've broached the subject and he/she is cool with it, game on. If you haven't or if he/she is not, then you must stay true. If you can't do that, it probably speaks to something wrong with the relationship and it's time to get out.
To your point about one person fulfilling our needs- I think that is what friends are for. Essentially, I have affairs on my wife all the time with friends, co workers, doctors, etc, just not sexual affairs. I don't share everything with her, but she gets the vast majority of it. But sexually, she is the only one. Period. (except in my head...)
Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on August 09, 2012, 05:20:51 AM
Quote from: En_Route on August 09, 2012, 01:14:41 AM
The theory sounds liberal and enlightened; the practice is in my opinion likely to prove messier.
I suppose it's lucky that you aren't married to me, then. ;)
Lucky for you, certainly.
Quote from: En_Route on August 09, 2012, 10:50:49 AM
Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on August 09, 2012, 05:20:51 AM
Quote from: En_Route on August 09, 2012, 01:14:41 AM
The theory sounds liberal and enlightened; the practice is in my opinion likely to prove messier.
I suppose it's lucky that you aren't married to me, then. ;)
Lucky for you, certainly.
:D
Quote from: Happy_Is_Good on August 09, 2012, 07:50:17 AM
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 08, 2012, 10:24:52 PM
So i've been playing the game Catherine for the xbox lately. It's a great puzzle game about a man named Vincent who accidentally cheats on his girlfriend Katherine. She's a dull, workaholic who pretty much organizes his life for him.
Then he gets drunk and meets a cute blonde named Catherine. She's fun, free, and lives life how she pleases with no chains of marriage or children to tie her down.
This game is not only fun and challenging. But i really do love the story.
I think it brings us all down to "Is it normal to want to sleep with more than one person even in a relationship?"
I mean, we all want companion, and that person to come home to. But surely one person cannot furfill all of our needs, in bed or other wise.
I mean, is society forcing us to feel like we have to be monogamous in order to cause less 'chaos' or what?
In my opinion, i think we all desire more than one mate. I don't mean marrying more than one person, but i mean, being with your companion, and then doing things with other people who furfil your other desires. No one is perfect and no one person is perfect for you.
Are we simply denying these urges just to 'fit in' ?
I don't know. What are your opinions? ^^;
I really love this game. Check it out sometime if you can.
Blah, Blah Blah....I've seen this before, and I've seen who plays it. It always ends in heartbreak and humiliation.
I had a friend in college who told me that women think the same as you've described, so he "played the game" so to speak. My friend played your game. He was good looking, a weightlifter and a very promising engineering student: he had brains, muscle and the ability to make big bucks - he was a heartthrob and he knew it. And he played on his attributes for all they were worth.
As a rule (for the four years I knew him), he always dated women like yourself - and he always broke their hearts. I mean, he didn't care what they felt....he just "wanted some leg" so-to-speak. To the women, He was exciting, he was a reliable bread winner, he was everything a coed could want: except he was a heart breaker. This guy used to seek out women like yourself and target them unmercifully for he had no respect for them and told us guys likewise when we asked. We guys never said a thing.
It was a crazy thing to see when he would dump some gal after he got tired with her - the pain, remorse and anger were epic, and there was nothing she could do, and no one would sympathize with her. Hey...she was a "Player" that got "Played" was all we though - and everyone else, too.
Later, this guy actually married a nice young woman and settled down, and after 20+ years of marriage they are still together. And...I can guarantee their fidelity is absolute, or this guy would have driven his wife to suicide long ago. But...I here she is quite happy.
Moral of the story is this...play with fire and think it's fun. and you'll eventually meet the devil himself. (I say this even though I am an atheist).
Am I the only one that was giggling at the idea that some big wrestler Mr Man type could break SD's heart? ;D
^^ Nope... I was thinking somebody hasn't really read all of Sweetdeath's posts. :D
^^^ This :D
Quote from: hismikeness on August 09, 2012, 08:52:05 AM
But sexually, she is the only one. Period. (except in my head...)
So true...
Quote from: AnimatedDirt on August 09, 2012, 05:01:23 PM
Quote from: hismikeness on August 09, 2012, 08:52:05 AM
But sexually, she is the only one. Period. (except in my head...)
So true...
I do tell her about the ones that stay in my head... Mostly famous brunettes (Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Alba, Mila Kunis, Anne Hathaway) and my wife is a natural blonde. So she accuses me of not liking blondes. I just tell her JJ from
Criminal Minds, Kate Upton and Nicole Kidman. ;D
Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.
In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.
My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.
Quote from: hismikeness on August 09, 2012, 02:40:13 PM
^^ Nope... I was thinking somebody hasn't really read all of Sweetdeath's posts. :D
;D ;D
Quote from: Asmodean on August 09, 2012, 08:41:42 PM
Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.
In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.
My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.
yeah, maybe i'm just dull, but i don't believe in romance. first time experiences can only happen so few times. In 10, 20 years, i'll probably still love her but want more than just her. it's not an insult to her, just that i feel like warm and fuzzy feelings can only go for so long. XD
Well, at least according to me, there is nothing wrong with new love and/or new sex.
Quote from: Asmodean on August 09, 2012, 11:56:39 PM
Well, at least according to me, there is nothing wrong with new love and/or new sex.
Same.
I suppose there aren't many people who think like us. they think one mate for life is enough. i don't get that...
Oh, it can be enough, but me, I prefer commitment-free sex.
Quote from: Asmodean on August 10, 2012, 12:46:13 AM
Oh, it can be enough, but me, I prefer commitment-free sex.
Good times. *sips tea*
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 09, 2012, 11:54:28 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on August 09, 2012, 08:41:42 PM
Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.
In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.
My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.
yeah, maybe i'm just dull, but i don't believe in romance. first time experiences can only happen so few times. In 10, 20 years, i'll probably still love her but want more than just her. it's not an insult to her, just that i feel like warm and fuzzy feelings can only go for so long. XD
SD, this isn't a dig at you at all, but just a comment on the idea that 'warm and fuzzy feelings' equals love and romance. I believe that's a part of it, the warm, fuzzy high you get at the beginning of a relationship... but in the long run, it goes way deeper than that, I think. It's being completely comfortable with someone, trusting them, laughing with them, wanting to look after them and wanting the best for them, being there for the ins and outs, ups and downs, etc. When the warm fuzzies go away, so many people seem to assume that means the romance and love are over. In reality, it's just in the next stage - the longterm, day to day love.
Yes, you see, I find that long term thing no different to a close friendship with benefits. And sleeping with a friend does not mean you can not/should not sleep with other people too.
Quote from: Amicale on August 10, 2012, 01:11:56 AM
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 09, 2012, 11:54:28 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on August 09, 2012, 08:41:42 PM
Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.
In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.
My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.
yeah, maybe i'm just dull, but i don't believe in romance. first time experiences can only happen so few times. In 10, 20 years, i'll probably still love her but want more than just her. it's not an insult to her, just that i feel like warm and fuzzy feelings can only go for so long. XD
SD, this isn't a dig at you at all, but just a comment on the idea that 'warm and fuzzy feelings' equals love and romance. I believe that's a part of it, the warm, fuzzy high you get at the beginning of a relationship... but in the long run, it goes way deeper than that, I think. It's being completely comfortable with someone, trusting them, laughing with them, wanting to look after them and wanting the best for them, being there for the ins and outs, ups and downs, etc. When the warm fuzzies go away, so many people seem to assume that means the romance and love are over. In reality, it's just in the next stage - the longterm, day to day love.
That's my experience too, but plainly it's not for everyone.
Quote from: En_Route on August 10, 2012, 01:50:03 AM
Quote from: Amicale on August 10, 2012, 01:11:56 AM
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 09, 2012, 11:54:28 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on August 09, 2012, 08:41:42 PM
Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.
In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.
My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.
yeah, maybe i'm just dull, but i don't believe in romance. first time experiences can only happen so few times. In 10, 20 years, i'll probably still love her but want more than just her. it's not an insult to her, just that i feel like warm and fuzzy feelings can only go for so long. XD
SD, this isn't a dig at you at all, but just a comment on the idea that 'warm and fuzzy feelings' equals love and romance. I believe that's a part of it, the warm, fuzzy high you get at the beginning of a relationship... but in the long run, it goes way deeper than that, I think. It's being completely comfortable with someone, trusting them, laughing with them, wanting to look after them and wanting the best for them, being there for the ins and outs, ups and downs, etc. When the warm fuzzies go away, so many people seem to assume that means the romance and love are over. In reality, it's just in the next stage - the longterm, day to day love.
That's my experience too, but plainly it's not for everyone.
nope, it's not. and i dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting to deal with other people's bullshit and family affairs. ;)
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 10, 2012, 01:54:59 AM
Quote from: En_Route on August 10, 2012, 01:50:03 AM
Quote from: Amicale on August 10, 2012, 01:11:56 AM
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 09, 2012, 11:54:28 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on August 09, 2012, 08:41:42 PM
Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.
In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.
My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.
yeah, maybe i'm just dull, but i don't believe in romance. first time experiences can only happen so few times. In 10, 20 years, i'll probably still love her but want more than just her. it's not an insult to her, just that i feel like warm and fuzzy feelings can only go for so long. XD
SD, this isn't a dig at you at all, but just a comment on the idea that 'warm and fuzzy feelings' equals love and romance. I believe that's a part of it, the warm, fuzzy high you get at the beginning of a relationship... but in the long run, it goes way deeper than that, I think. It's being completely comfortable with someone, trusting them, laughing with them, wanting to look after them and wanting the best for them, being there for the ins and outs, ups and downs, etc. When the warm fuzzies go away, so many people seem to assume that means the romance and love are over. In reality, it's just in the next stage - the longterm, day to day love.
That's my experience too, but plainly it's not for everyone.
nope, it's not. and i dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting to deal with other people's bullshit and family affairs. ;)
Well you know me , I don't think there's anything wrong with anything. We've all got to plough our own furrow.
Quote from: En_Route on August 10, 2012, 02:03:27 AM
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 10, 2012, 01:54:59 AM
Quote from: En_Route on August 10, 2012, 01:50:03 AM
Quote from: Amicale on August 10, 2012, 01:11:56 AM
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 09, 2012, 11:54:28 PM
Quote from: Asmodean on August 09, 2012, 08:41:42 PM
Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.
In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.
My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.
yeah, maybe i'm just dull, but i don't believe in romance. first time experiences can only happen so few times. In 10, 20 years, i'll probably still love her but want more than just her. it's not an insult to her, just that i feel like warm and fuzzy feelings can only go for so long. XD
SD, this isn't a dig at you at all, but just a comment on the idea that 'warm and fuzzy feelings' equals love and romance. I believe that's a part of it, the warm, fuzzy high you get at the beginning of a relationship... but in the long run, it goes way deeper than that, I think. It's being completely comfortable with someone, trusting them, laughing with them, wanting to look after them and wanting the best for them, being there for the ins and outs, ups and downs, etc. When the warm fuzzies go away, so many people seem to assume that means the romance and love are over. In reality, it's just in the next stage - the longterm, day to day love.
That's my experience too, but plainly it's not for everyone.
nope, it's not. and i dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting to deal with other people's bullshit and family affairs. ;)
Well you know me , I don't think there's anything wrong with anything. We've all got to plough our own furrow.
In Game of Thrones, plowing is a metaphor for sex. So what you said was appropriate in more ways than one. ;D
Anyway, I also wanted to comment about the warm fuzzies leaving after a while....I think that this is and isn't true. I think relationships have a sort of cyclical shape if you stick with them. They sort of ebb and flow, so while sometimes I feel less warm and fuzzy towards my Husband, other times I'm all about him, and we've been together for over 9 years. I think that it's a natural part of life that you go through ups and downs together. The things that you get from a long term committed relationship are different that the things you get from a shiny new one, but IMO the long term benefits are better. I love being able to communicate with my partner with the merest flicker of my eyes. I love seeing many of the things I love about my husband (and some of the things that drive me nuts) reflected in our little boy. I love this house that I could never afford just on my own salary. LMAO! There are so many things I love about being in a sort of forever friends with benefits relationship. It's fine if it's not for you, but don't discount it just because it's not your personal preference.
I think your relationship is pretty awesome , Ali. I would never discredit it. I am only stating that there is more than just one type of relationship preference. :)
I enjoy discussing the different experiences of relationships. I suppose i've seen so many long term relationships either fall apart or grow distant and stale.
i know that isn't everyone though. i would try to not generalize.
Quote from: Ali on August 10, 2012, 02:33:34 AM
Anyway, I also wanted to comment about the warm fuzzies leaving after a while....I think that this is and isn't true. I think relationships have a sort of cyclical shape if you stick with them. They sort of ebb and flow, so while sometimes I feel less warm and fuzzy towards my Husband, other times I'm all about him, and we've been together for over 9 years. I think that it's a natural part of life that you go through ups and downs together.
I agree with this. Hubby and I have been together for 7 years now and he still gives me the warm fuzzies. We're pretty comfortable, too, of course. But I have days when I "crush" on him just as hard as when I first met him.
Edit: Also, don't worry SD, I don't take anything that anyone says about my relationship personally. People can think whatever they like, but they don't have to live it, so any negative opinions are pretty irrelevant to me (I mean that in the nicest way possible).
Quote from: En_Route on August 10, 2012, 02:03:27 AM
Well you know me , I don't think there's anything wrong with anything. We've all got to plough our own furrow.
So you and Stevil are on the same page in that you don't think that "morality" exists, correct?
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on August 10, 2012, 03:38:11 AM
Quote from: En_Route on August 10, 2012, 02:03:27 AM
Well you know me , I don't think there's anything wrong with anything. We've all got to plough our own furrow.
So you and Stevil are on the same page in that you don't think that "morality" exists, correct?
What does morality have to do with this thread? ::)
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on August 10, 2012, 03:38:11 AM
Quote from: En_Route on August 10, 2012, 02:03:27 AM
Well you know me , I don't think there's anything wrong with anything. We've all got to plough our own furrow.
So you and Stevil are on the same page in that you don't think that "morality" exists, correct?
Yes, in the sense that that there any universal or objective moral principles. A number of other members also seem to accept that any moral code is necessarily subjective.
.
...The Asmo among them, with the definition of subjectivism extended to encompass individual societies
Quote from: Asmodean on August 10, 2012, 12:03:42 PM
...The Asmo among them, with the definition of subjectivism extended to encompass individual societies
I trust your endorsement will quash the last stirrings of dissent.