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Loss of a loved one

Loss of a loved one
« on: November 25, 2020, 09:11:38 PM »
I've been grieving the death of a loved one (happened a long time ago) but I've been thinking about him a lot and how much I miss him. It kills me that I will never see or talk to him ever again, does anyone have any suggestions for how I should deal with this thought? How do you deal with loss? Thanks

Tank

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Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2020, 09:49:54 PM »
Were you ever in a faith that lead you to expect you would see/meet a lost loved one?

I ask because disappointment is proportional to expectation. 
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
“Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt.” ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

No one

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Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2020, 10:04:06 PM »
As they say, time heals all wounds.

Icarus

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Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #3 on: November 26, 2020, 12:14:16 AM »
The sadness does not last forever.  Loss of a significant other is devastating to be sure. I have first hand knowledge of that crushing blow.  My beloved wife of 30 years died suddenly, unexpectedly, and I was crushed beyond description. No I will never see her again or be so fortunate to have had her at my side.

Life goes on.  I will never ever forget her or stop having love and respect for her.  She was a champion human being and I am certain that she would not even have considered that I should or would resign from a productive and fulfilling life because of her loss.   

You must get a grip on reality and accept that your, and our, fates should not, must not, revolve around an event for which you could have had little or no influence.  In short, gather your senses and move on.  You cannot unring a bell or change what was.  I do hope that you can address this reality and take a lot of deep breaths and get on with your life as surely as your loved one could have wanted for you. Do you not honor his wishes for you?  Then heal thyself as best you can.  Yes you can.

Sandra Craft

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Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #4 on: November 26, 2020, 01:16:02 AM »
I've been grieving the death of a loved one (happened a long time ago) but I've been thinking about him a lot and how much I miss him. It kills me that I will never see or talk to him ever again, does anyone have any suggestions for how I should deal with this thought? How do you deal with loss? Thanks

This question is hard to give an answer to, at least of the sort I think you're looking for.  My Dad died some 10 years ago and as much as I wish I could see him again, it's never occurred to me to feel bad that I can't.  It's just the natural order of things that gone is gone and I've never questioned that, even when I was trying to be religious.  (admittedly religion and I were never a good fit tho I never had a hard time with it so it took me awhile to figure out)

I think some people are just more inclined to dwell on what was than others, and if, as Tank mentioned, you once had an expectation of seeing dead loved ones again that could make it a particularly hard adjustment.  None of which helps with your problem, sorry.
Sandy

  

"Life is short, and it is up to you to make it sweet."  Sarah Louise Delany

Magdalena

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Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #5 on: November 26, 2020, 04:46:34 AM »
I've been grieving the death of a loved one (happened a long time ago) but I've been thinking about him a lot and how much I miss him. It kills me that I will never see or talk to him ever again, does anyone have any suggestions for how I should deal with this thought? How do you deal with loss? Thanks

At the suggestion of my therapist I have joined (for support from other atheists) happy to be here

Hi, TheSadnessWillLastForever
 :computerwave:

Are you here because you have to be here, or because you want to?

As an atheist, what advice would you give another atheist in your position?
 "It kills me that I will never see or talk to him ever again,
..."
That sounds as if you're wishing for an afterlife, yes? :eyebrow:

“I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe.” ~Recusant

Bad Penny II

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Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2020, 12:10:25 PM »
I've been grieving the death of a loved one (happened a long time ago) but I've been thinking about him a lot and how much I miss him. It kills me that I will never see or talk to him ever again, does anyone have any suggestions for how I should deal with this thought? How do you deal with loss? Thanks

It's a sad thing that some of us HAFers react with suspicion to posts like this.
I blame the dishonesty of some Christians.
Was he friend, brother, lover? Your other for fifty years?
I liked Icarus's reply but what if he hadn't found a new love? some don't.
So it is most likely our "TheSadnessWillLastForever" is a drive by Christian, the same words are probably posted wherever the lacking atheist lurks.

Quote
It kills me that I will never see or talk to him ever again, does anyone have any suggestions for how I should deal with this thought?

You remember a happy time, shed a tear and get on with it.

Or you can drink a lot and listen to Joy Division.

« Last Edit: November 26, 2020, 12:27:40 PM by Bad Penny II »
Some people focus on the destination. Some atheists focus on what's for dinner.

So very, very old, rarely bothers to line up lines any more

Bad Penny II

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Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2020, 12:54:26 PM »

Is Gin better for indulging in morbid thoughts?
How about tequila?
All I've got is bear.
Large mammal with long shaggy coat and strong claws?
No, all I have is beer, I have quite a lot of it though.

Some people focus on the destination. Some atheists focus on what's for dinner.

So very, very old, rarely bothers to line up lines any more

Bad Penny II

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« Last Edit: November 26, 2020, 01:19:45 PM by Bad Penny II »
Some people focus on the destination. Some atheists focus on what's for dinner.

So very, very old, rarely bothers to line up lines any more

Bad Penny II

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Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #9 on: November 26, 2020, 01:13:47 PM »
Some people focus on the destination. Some atheists focus on what's for dinner.

So very, very old, rarely bothers to line up lines any more

Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #10 on: November 26, 2020, 02:41:20 PM »
Were you ever in a faith that lead you to expect you would see/meet a lost loved one?

I ask because disappointment is proportional to expectation.

I did used to be a Christian but that was a long time ago. I did used to believe that I would see loved ones in heaven but I don't anymore.

Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #11 on: November 26, 2020, 02:46:44 PM »
I've been grieving the death of a loved one (happened a long time ago) but I've been thinking about him a lot and how much I miss him. It kills me that I will never see or talk to him ever again, does anyone have any suggestions for how I should deal with this thought? How do you deal with loss? Thanks

At the suggestion of my therapist I have joined (for support from other atheists) happy to be here

Hi, TheSadnessWillLastForever
 :computerwave:

Are you here because you have to be here, or because you want to?

As an atheist, what advice would you give another atheist in your position?
 "It kills me that I will never see or talk to him ever again,
..."
That sounds as if you're wishing for an afterlife, yes? :eyebrow:

I am here at the suggestion of my therapist and honestly I just wanted to see if other atheists could help me or give me advice. I do wish I could see my loved one again but I do not want an afterlife, not even a little bit.

Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #12 on: November 26, 2020, 02:50:02 PM »
I've been grieving the death of a loved one (happened a long time ago) but I've been thinking about him a lot and how much I miss him. It kills me that I will never see or talk to him ever again, does anyone have any suggestions for how I should deal with this thought? How do you deal with loss? Thanks

It's a sad thing that some of us HAFers react with suspicion to posts like this.
I blame the dishonesty of some Christians.
Was he friend, brother, lover? Your other for fifty years?
I liked Icarus's reply but what if he hadn't found a new love? some don't.
So it is most likely our "TheSadnessWillLastForever" is a drive by Christian, the same words are probably posted wherever the lacking atheist lurks.

Quote
It kills me that I will never see or talk to him ever again, does anyone have any suggestions for how I should deal with this thought?

You remember a happy time, shed a tear and get on with it.

Or you can drink a lot and listen to Joy Division.


He was my best friend for years then my boyfriend for a little while then he killed himself, but this was years ago as I mentioned. I thought I had moved on but the grief has come back in waves and is overwhelming me. I used to be a Christian but I haven't been for a long time.

Recusant

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Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #13 on: November 26, 2020, 05:45:05 PM »
I've been grieving the death of a loved one (happened a long time ago) but I've been thinking about him a lot and how much I miss him. It kills me that I will never see or talk to him ever again, does anyone have any suggestions for how I should deal with this thought? How do you deal with loss? Thanks

Hello and welcome, TheSadnessWillLastForever. Congratulations on correctly answering the questions three.  :thumbsup2:

Apparently for humans, to live is to grieve. If you manage to cling to the mudball for more than a few happy summers (and you're not a psychopath) you will inevitably experience genuine, deep grief. I think everybody here knows the pain you speak of.

How to deal with loss? Appreciate the memories and respect those absent by living a good life. Easier said than done, but something to strive for. Keeping calm isn't a requirement, but carrying on is. If they were any good, that's what they'd want you to do.

I hope that you enjoy your time reading and posting here.

"Religion is fundamentally opposed to everything I hold in veneration — courage, clear thinking, honesty, fairness, and above all, love of the truth."
— H. L. Mencken


xSilverPhinx

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Re: Loss of a loved one
« Reply #14 on: November 26, 2020, 06:48:32 PM »
Sorry for your loss, TheSadnessWillLastForever. I think there's little I can add besides what others have said here. Be kind to yourself.
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey