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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

billy rubin



"I cannot understand the popularity of that kind of music, which is based on repetition. In a civilized society, things don't need to be said more than three times."

Randy

Billy Rubin, I remember growing up watching Dave Allen. I still laugh at his jokes to this day.
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Dark Lightning

It's a five minute walk from my house to the local pub, but a fifty minute walk back.


The difference is staggering.

Tank

Quote from: Dark Lightning on September 10, 2020, 10:55:10 PM
It's a five minute walk from my house to the local pub, but a fifty minute walk back.


The difference is staggering.

Nicked!
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Dark Lightning

Quote from: Tank on September 11, 2020, 02:23:51 PM
Quote from: Dark Lightning on September 10, 2020, 10:55:10 PM
It's a five minute walk from my house to the local pub, but a fifty minute walk back.


The difference is staggering.

Nicked!

Double nickers!  :thumbsup: I got it from another forum. I :lol: when I saw it.

Randy

Quote from: Dark Lightning on September 11, 2020, 06:21:46 PM
Quote from: Tank on September 11, 2020, 02:23:51 PM
Quote from: Dark Lightning on September 10, 2020, 10:55:10 PM
It's a five minute walk from my house to the local pub, but a fifty minute walk back.


The difference is staggering.

Nicked!

Double nickers!  :thumbsup: I got it from another forum. I :lol: when I saw it.
I groaned and then smiled. :)
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Tank

Quote from: Dark Lightning on September 11, 2020, 06:21:46 PM
Quote from: Tank on September 11, 2020, 02:23:51 PM
Quote from: Dark Lightning on September 10, 2020, 10:55:10 PM
It's a five minute walk from my house to the local pub, but a fifty minute walk back.


The difference is staggering.

Nicked!

Double nickers!  :thumbsup: I got it from another forum. I :lol: when I saw it.

It went down well :D
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

xSilverPhinx

Quote from: Dark Lightning on September 10, 2020, 10:55:10 PM
It's a five minute walk from my house to the local pub, but a fifty minute walk back.


The difference is staggering.

:picard facepalm:  :lol:
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Dark Lightning

When the person who invented USB dies, they'll start to lower him into the ground, lift the coffin, turn it around, and then lower it again.

xSilverPhinx

Quote from: Dark Lightning on September 19, 2020, 09:05:58 PM
When the person who invented USB dies, they'll start to lower him into the ground, lift the coffin, turn it around, and then lower it again.

Just what that person deserves for making countless others suffer. :teadrink:

Though, perhaps more realistically, they will start to lower him into the ground, lift the coffin, turn it around, lower it again, lift it again and turn it around once more before finally lowering the coffin a final time.
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Randy

Quote from: xSilverPhinx on September 28, 2020, 12:48:52 AM
Quote from: Dark Lightning on September 19, 2020, 09:05:58 PM
When the person who invented USB dies, they'll start to lower him into the ground, lift the coffin, turn it around, and then lower it again.

Just what that person deserves for making countless others suffer. :teadrink:

Though, perhaps more realistically, they will start to lower him into the ground, lift the coffin, turn it around, lower it again, lift it again and turn it around once more before finally lowering the coffin a final time.
:lol: So true!
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Dark Lightning

Quote from: Randy on September 28, 2020, 12:59:32 AM
Quote from: xSilverPhinx on September 28, 2020, 12:48:52 AM
Quote from: Dark Lightning on September 19, 2020, 09:05:58 PM
When the person who invented USB dies, they'll start to lower him into the ground, lift the coffin, turn it around, and then lower it again.

Just what that person deserves for making countless others suffer. :teadrink:

Though, perhaps more realistically, they will start to lower him into the ground, lift the coffin, turn it around, lower it again, lift it again and turn it around once more before finally lowering the coffin a final time.
:lol: So true!

:lol: But you both left out the "Dammit, which way does this thing go in!?".

Dark Lightning


No one

A man is headed home home, he gets stuck in traffic. After about 10 minutes, there is a knock on his window. He rolls it down:

Driver: "What's going on?"

Stranger: "A terrorist group has seized the first family. They are demanding 500 million dollars, or they will douse them in gasoline, and set them on fire we are accepting donations."

Driver: "How much is everyone donating? "

Stranger: "About 1/2 a gallon."