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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Magdalena


"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant

billy rubin

a horse walks into a bar

horze: gimme a beer

bartender: why the long face?


"I cannot understand the popularity of that kind of music, which is based on repetition. In a civilized society, things don't need to be said more than three times."

No one


joeactor

A sandwich walks into a bar, and the bartender says "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."


A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the front of his pants.
Bartender: "You know you've got a steering wheel in your pants?"
Pirate: "Yar! It's drivin' me nuts!"

Dark Lightning

A guy is talking to his friend about the news, who asks, "Did you see the President's last speech?" He says, "I certainly hope so!"

xSilverPhinx

Quote from: Dark Lightning on May 19, 2020, 09:47:01 PM
A guy is talking to his friend about the news, who asks, "Did you see the President's last speech?" He says, "I certainly hope so!"

;D  Took me a minute.
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Randy

A priest, a boy scout, and the smartest man in the world were in a private plane when the engine cut out. The pilot says, "There are only three chutes and I'm taking one." He jumps out of the plane.

The smartest man in the world grabs a pack and says, "I'm too important. The world needs me!" and he jumps out of the plane.

The priest tells the boy scout, "Son, I've lived a long time and you've got your whole life ahead of you. You take the last parachute."

The boy scout replies, "We both can go. We have two parachutes left."

The priest smiles and says, "Lad, there were only three chutes. The pilot took one and the smartest man in the world took the second one. That leaves only one parachute."

The boy scout exclaimed, "We still have two! The smartest man in the world took my back pack!"
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Magdalena

Quote from: Randy on May 27, 2020, 10:26:38 PM
A priest, a boy scout, and the smartest man in the world were in a private plane when the engine cut out. The pilot says, "There are only three chutes and I'm taking one." He jumps out of the plane.

The smartest man in the world grabs a pack and says, "I'm too important. The world needs me!" and he jumps out of the plane.

The priest tells the boy scout, "Son, I've lived a long time and you've got your whole life ahead of you. You take the last parachute."

The boy scout replies, "We both can go. We have two parachutes left."

The priest smiles and says, "Lad, there were only three chutes. The pilot took one and the smartest man in the world took the second one. That leaves only one parachute."

The boy scout exclaimed, "We still have two! The smartest man in the world took my back pack!"
Ha!
Good one!
:lol:

"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant

Icarus

^^ Sounds like a trump joke to me. "Stable genius" types make a  mistake mow and then.

Dark Lightning

Quote from: Icarus on May 28, 2020, 05:07:46 AM
^^ Sounds like a trump joke to me. "Stable genius" types make a  mistake mow and then.

I see what you did there. Is it wrong of me that I was fantasizing the chump as the "world's smartest man" while reading that joke?  :D

Randy

Is it wrong? I think a political cartoon like one sees in the newspaper be made.
"Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happens." -- Homer Simpson
"Some people focus on the destination. Atheists focus on the journey." -- Barry Goldberg

Dark Lightning

Don't seem to be able to find the other thread.


joeactor


xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Dark Lightning