Happy Atheist Forum

QuoteHandy Homo Prevention Tips For Concerned Parents With Suspect Toddlers  
1. A boy must not sit on a toilet unless he is having a bowel movement.
2. A boy must eat everything on his plate.
3. A boy must always wear socks, except while swimming.
4. A boy must not be allowed to watch cartoons of any kind.
5. A boy must not play with dolls.
6. A boy must not refer to his parents as "Mommy" or "Daddy."
7. A boy must always wear thick, white underwear.
8. A boy must never cry or pout.
9. A boy must not use brightly colored crayons or any crayons from any colors of a rainbow.
10. A boy must not skip or prance

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0704/homoprevention.html

QuoteA parent can never act too soon in taking precautionary measures to ensure that their child will never become intoxicated with mommy's perfume and choose to devote his life to being a prancing homo. By being both proactive and willing to inflict welts for Jesus, you can beat Satan at his own sick game and prevent him from turning your impressionable child into an ugly, rotting twig in the family tree crying out for brutal pruning.

Christian Doctors at Landover Baptist Hospital's Homosexual Reparative Extreme-Psycho-Stabilization Ward have put together a handy list of preventative tips for concerned parents with newborns or toddlers. Please print out these Godly reminders and pop them in your purse the moment your water breaks for handy reference.

Fire those "doctors", take them out back and shoot them. Then shoot that website.

As far as scientific research says, you can not artificially alter sexual orientation. Not through god, not through drugs, not through group therapy.

You can possibly bully a bisexual person into settling on a heterosexual path, but they'd still remain bisexuals.

As for "inflicting welts for Jesus",

QuoteStanislaus County sheriff's investigators spent Father's Day trying to determine what led a 27-year-old Turlock man to pull over on a darkened country road, yank a toddler from a child seat in his truck and repeatedly kick and stomp the boy to death before the man was shot and killed by police.

Witnesses began calling 911 about 10:15 p.m. Saturday, reporting a man assaulting a baby on Bradbury Road near Blaker Road in a rural area several miles west of Turlock filled with cow pastures and dairy farms, a sheriff's news release said.

Horrified passers-by tried to intervene by yelling and pushing the infant's attacker, but the man pushed them away as he repeatedly kicked, punched and stomped the child against the pavement.

"In the shadows and light it looked like he had hit an animal," said Dan Robinson, the chief of Crows Landing Volunteer Fire Department, who came upon the chaos driving home from a late dinner in Turlock. "As we backed up again, I could see that he had blood on his arms. I could see that it was a small child."

Robinson jumped from his vehicle and confronted the man, who lunged at him. Robinson said the man wasn't screaming and wasn't loud, but was forceful, saying "demons" were in the boy.

(Full story at source: http://www.mercurynews.com/crime/ci_9596223 (http://www.mercurynews.com/crime/ci_9596223) )

Guess that kid will never turn gay, eh?  

Oh, and just so it is said, I've rarely even seen my mother for the first ten years of my life. And never called her "mommy" either. And I can't remember her ever even wearing perfume. So what, dear fundies, possessed me into being into both sexes?

One of the best piss-takes I've seen for ages.  Poor little feller, having to pee higher than his diddle head!

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/index.php (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/index.php) <<Check out their forum! Almost makes me wanna go do some honest trolling... Although I hold myself too good for such lowly acts  

Quote from: "afreethinker30"

QuoteHandy Homo Prevention Tips For Concerned Parents With Suspect Toddlers  
1. A boy must not sit on a toilet unless he is having a bowel movement.
2. A boy must eat everything on his plate.
3. A boy must always wear socks, except while swimming.
4. A boy must not be allowed to watch cartoons of any kind.
5. A boy must not play with dolls.
6. A boy must not refer to his parents as "Mommy" or "Daddy."
7. A boy must always wear thick, white underwear.
8. A boy must never cry or pout.
9. A boy must not use brightly colored crayons or any crayons from any colors of a rainbow.
10. A boy must not skip or prance

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0704/homoprevention.html

Damn good rules! Damn good.

They forgot about teaching them to drown kittens and to kick the elderly down stairs.

Very funny site. Comparible to www.objectiveministries.org (http://www.objectiveministries.org). Lots of goot heathen swag. I'm dying to get some atheist stuff. My wife won't like it though.

Sad thing is that isn't the worst that I've seen.I think Fred Phelps has by far been the worst.But if he wasn't on this earth then we wouldn't get a good laugh at this. [youtube:fi0xlvka]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLnQbgskLnA[/youtube:fi0xlvka]

There is yet another video that is out by this  .It's not safe for work so I will just post a link to it instead. Oh I suggest you watch out for the end. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikvdk-GJANQ&feature=related

Wow, god forbid you actually have a homosexual child.  It's just never enough for them is it?

Quote from: "Salladin"Wow, god forbid you actually have a homosexual child.

*Fundiesih tone* God, in his glorious omni-phobia, DO forbid you from actually having a homosexual child.

Quote from: "Asmodean"*Fundiesih tone* God, in his glorious omni-phobia, DO forbid you from actually having a homosexual child.

I just can't see how these people can believe that.  People are people.

Quote from: "Salladin"

Quote from: "Asmodean"*Fundiesih tone* God, in his glorious omni-phobia, DO forbid you from actually having a homosexual child.

I just can't see how these people can believe that.  People are people.

It's breed into the Christians when they are wee ones.Christians are a bloody people I'm afraid and anything or anyone who doesn't agree with them will burn in the eternal fires of hell.

One cannot prevent homosexuality. One friend of mine, whom I've known since KINDERGARDEN, discovered he was gay a few years ago. And I can tell you, crayons, crying, and cartoons have NOTHING to do with it ;)

I just want to make sure you are aware that landover baptist is a parody site. The authors are atheist...

Quote from: "leftyguitarjoe"Just a note, I have no quarrel with homosexuality, "gay" is just alot faster to type :cool:

Quote from: "Asmodean"

Quote from: "leftyguitarjoe"Just a note, I have no quarrel with homosexuality, "gay" is just alot faster to type :cool:

point taken :D

Quote from: "leftyguitarjoe"and what song is your signature from? I've heard it on the radio. I'm a die hard Metallica fan..... well, the first 4 albums anyway :cool:

Quote from: "MikeyV"I just want to make sure you are aware that landover baptist is a parody site. The authors are atheist...

Yeah I know found it off disbeliefnet.com but I wish I could say that the "tools" weren't real.Alot of crap I've read on church sites offers info and tips on how to prevent your child from becoming homosexual.A few even offer treatment in forms of brainwashing camps and such.

I'm a little confused about the nature of Happy Atheist Forum. How new are you guys to atheism that you've never heard of Landover Baptist?

Quote from: "Loffler"I'm a little confused about the nature of Happy Atheist Forum. How new are you guys to atheism that you've never heard of Landover Baptist?

Painting with a broad brush there, Loffler. Don't assume too much. Many of us know Landover very well. What makes you think otherwise that you'd make such a blanket statement?

Quote from: "McQ"

Quote from: "Loffler"I'm a little confused about the nature of Happy Atheist Forum. How new are you guys to atheism that you've never heard of Landover Baptist?

Painting with a broad brush there, Loffler. Don't assume too much. Many of us know Landover very well. What makes you think otherwise that you'd make such a blanket statement?

The fact that it took a week and 11 posts before someone pointed out that the site isn't serious, despite angry reactions on the thread almost immediately. Were the other posters just waiting for the confused posters to figure it out on their own?

Quote from: "Loffler"

Quote from: "McQ"

Quote from: "Loffler"I'm a little confused about the nature of Happy Atheist Forum. How new are you guys to atheism that you've never heard of Landover Baptist?

Painting with a broad brush there, Loffler. Don't assume too much. Many of us know Landover very well. What makes you think otherwise that you'd make such a blanket statement?

The fact that it took a week and 11 posts before someone pointed out that the site isn't serious, despite angry reactions on the thread almost immediately. Were the other posters just waiting for the confused posters to figure it out on their own?

The initial poster knows it's a joke. Perhaps two posters did not, or did not treat it as such. Everyone else was well aware. And threads often veer off in many directions once started. So no need to paint the forum with a broad brush. We're actually quite intelligent.  

Quote from: "McQ"

Quote from: "Loffler"

Quote from: "McQ"Painting with a broad brush there, Loffler. Don't assume too much. Many of us know Landover very well. What makes you think otherwise that you'd make such a blanket statement?

The fact that it took a week and 11 posts before someone pointed out that the site isn't serious, despite angry reactions on the thread almost immediately. Were the other posters just waiting for the confused posters to figure it out on their own?

The initial poster knows it's a joke. Perhaps two posters did not, or did not treat it as such. Everyone else was well aware. And threads often veer off in many directions once started. So no need to paint the forum with a broad brush. We're actually quite intelligent.  

The forum title alone earns you the benefit of the doubt.

Quote from: "Loffler"I'm a little confused about the nature of Happy Atheist Forum. How new are you guys to atheism that you've never heard of Landover Baptist?

It's my fault I should have put that on there.I figured with the title of the post,crap sorry everyone.But I have seen alot of the same rules to prevent homosexual children.Ankle thing was on a couple.

Quote from: "Loffler"The forum title alone earns you the benefit of the doubt.

That's strange. I replied to this and checked the reply for accuracy, and it was ok. Then I come back in hours later and the whole post is gone. Weird. Anyway, what I said in response is, "Stick around and get to know us. It's a good bunch here."

Quote from: "McQ"

Quote from: "Loffler"The forum title alone earns you the benefit of the doubt.

That's strange. I replied to this and checked the reply for accuracy, and it was ok. Then I come back in hours later and the whole post is gone. Weird. Anyway, what I said in response is, "Stick around and get to know us. It's a good bunch here."

I had that problem on something I posted to.Yes everyone here is a good group.Alot of nice,fun and intelligent people.