News:

If you have any trouble logging in, please contact admins via email. tankathaf *at* gmail.com or
recusantathaf *at* gmail.com

Main Menu

Being an atheist mom....

Started by Asherah, April 08, 2012, 03:02:27 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Asherah

Hey Everyone,

So, I've been trying to decide lately how to make the switch. I'm going to go from telling my kids Jesus is God to saying that Jesus was just a man. So, I really don't know what to say. Should I not say anything until they ask? then, just answer honestly? Or should I just say what I think flat out? Or should I just get their minds thinking by saying "Not everyone believes Jesus was god and resurrected. Some people think that's just a story, kinda like Santa." And, then just let them think on that....maybe....I don't know. Any suggestions?

Thanks!!

EDIT: My kids are 5 and 3
As a scientist, I am hostile to fundamentalist religion because it actively debauches the scientific enterprise. It teaches us not to change our minds, and not to want to know exciting things that are available to be known. It subverts science and saps the intellect. - Dawkins

Sweetdeath

I mean, that's really young... How religious can a child be?
(gosh, that frightens me.)

Anyway, cant you stop talking about religious crap like jesus myth around them or is it that bad where you seriously have to explain it?

If so, i suppose you can tell them it is a myth/story, much like greek, Norse, cinderella..etc
Don't mean to come off rude, but it is hard to fathom a three year whom is religious.
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

John_5.0

I don't know if an explanation would be completely necessary for kids that young. Especially a 3 year old. I would just discontinue exposing them to it, they are so young I bet they completely forget about it. I do agree with Sweetdeath, perhaps if you are telling them myths and stories like that you can include Jesus in it, so that they categorize it in the same way, a myth.

xSilverPhinx

Expose them to other myths and stories, perhaps? There are plenty of characters that are similar to Jesus in many ways, Christianity also borrowed a lot of elements from long established and older faiths and cults.

When I was growing up I would read a lot of fantastical stories, I never really saw the bible stories as any different from themin terms of categorisation or genre. Greek myths included. ;D
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Sandra Craft

Quote from: xSilverPhinx on April 08, 2012, 06:43:11 AM
When I was growing up I would read a lot of fantastical stories, I never really saw the bible stories as any different from themin terms of categorisation or genre. Greek myths included. ;D

I think this is one of the things that kept me at an intellectual distance from the Xtian myths, all the other myths I read about constantly as a kid.  When push came to shove, there just wasn't that much difference among them.

I agree with the things the others have suggested and would also suggest, when your kids get older and talk or ask about Jesus, that you emphasize the positive aspects of Jesus being "just a man", if he indeed existed at all.  Because, really, if he did exist and did even half of what is claimed, it would be much more impressive coming from a mere human than an all-powerful god (however temporarily dressed in human clothing).
Sandy

  

"Life is short, and it is up to you to make it sweet."  Sarah Louise Delany

Tank

With kids that age, in my opinion, it's a definite a wait till they ask situation. When a kid raises a subject it's at a moment they are primed to be responsive to an answer. You can then make use of the situation by exploring what they already think before adding your critical opinion.

I remember my son asking 'Why elephants?' when he was 5 or 6. I assumed we were going to get the first 'birds and bees' discussion. But I asked him what he meant to make sure and his response 'Why aren't elephants people?'. So the depth of his question was way deeper than I had expected. He was trying to get his head around why there were different creatures! That made the B&B discussion look easy!

Now there's nothing stopping you creating a situation that may draw out a suitable question. In your case there should be plenty of material laying about that could start a conversation about the existence of the supernatural. Get their interest and let them lead the questioning. It is however vital that you establish what your child thinks about the situation before you get into a conversation. Only when you understand what they understand can you move forward. You also need to know what your position on the subject is before the discussion. Young kids expect black and white not grey, you'll lose them if you get too 'deep'. Sometimes I would tell my kids, 'I don't know the answer, let's go look.' then we'd go on a search for the answer. This works well as it involves the kid in the process. But on the whole I'd say be prepared and let them come to you when they are considering the subject.

Something else in your post caught my eye. The part about Jesus being just a man. You're coming at this as an ex-theist which is of course perfectly understandable. But there's nothing wrong with being just a man or woman, that's what we all are. I don't think you need to excuse the position that Jesus was not the Son of God, and I appreciate you're having to deal with the double whammy of your new world view colliding with being a mum of young kids.

As a mum of a 5 year old I doubt I have told you anything you don't know already but I hope it gives some food for thought.
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

OldGit

Whatever you decide, relax and take it gently.  Don't make a big deal of it.  With my own kids, I simply made it clear that religion was not very interesting and that I thought badly of it.

I don't know if you live in a religious area where you might get interference from school or whatever.  In the UK I didn't need to worry about that.

Siz

Father of a 7.5 and 5 y/o here. Sounds like some good advice given above.

Here's how it goes in my house:

J: Is god really for real?
Me: What do you think?
J: Erm... Yes?!
Me: Why do you think that?
J: Because they say so at school
Me: Do you think you should believe everything other grown-ups tell you?
J: Erm... Yes?!
Me: Well, what if your teachers had been told a fib when they were children and they believed it and now they're telling you the same thing...?
J skips off back to looning around...

Now I'm not certain if my point is soaking through, but hopefully by not directly answering his question he is learning to question for himself. If he chooses religion that's up to him.

Now I know I'm going to spark an angry mob (again) on this subject (and I'm not going to debate it here) but...:

My daughter, 5,  loves all the religious singing and celebrating stuff at her school (just as I did). And I am happy to let it ride until she is ready to ask questions of it. So with the death of the Tooth fairy and Santa will come the death of God and Jesus. In our mildly religious school I have nothing to fear any more than from Santa. And Santa's great fun isn't he?!


When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed - Anton LaVey

The universe is a cold, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead!

Sandra Craft

Quote from: Scissorlegs on April 08, 2012, 08:54:37 AM
My daughter, 5,  loves all the religious singing and celebrating stuff at her school (just as I did).

Yeah, I can't get all worked up over kids enjoying the assorted trappings of religion either.  I loved going to church as a kid, and I still enjoy it occasionally now, and I turned out an atheist.
Sandy

  

"Life is short, and it is up to you to make it sweet."  Sarah Louise Delany

Stevil

At that age they are likely to believe whatever you tell them. My three and a half year old believes in monsters.
I don't think they get the power of reasoned thought until teenage years, and even then they are quite confused. (just guessing mind you, my kids are 3.5 and 1.5)
But part of the teenage angst is when they necessarily rebel against authoritative command and start thinking for themselves. It is just a part of growing up, becoming an independent adult.

I would say, don't tell them that Jesus isn't god, if the question comes up be honest, tell them that although some people believe Jesus is god, you don't. Just let it flow from there, maybe they ask more questions, maybe they don't.

But I'd be getting in rid of Christian children's books or Christian movies if you have any. I've seen some of that stuff and it makes me feel sick that parents knowingly brainwash their babies that way.

DeterminedJuliet

#10
I think there are some great responses here. I think I'd try to frame things positively. Instead of emphasizing that there's no God and no heaven, I'd emphasize that humans are here to take care of each other and that there's something special about each person. I think I would definitely take their lead with regards to how in-depth the conversation goes.

But I don't think there's any rush, per say. 3 and 5 is still very young and it's unlikely that they really *got* everything about the Christian faith to begin with.  
"We've thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you're dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

SweetLaura286

I think determined Juliet is spot on. And most likely if you don't talk about Jesus often chances are they'll kind of just forget... lol

Ali

Mom to a 3.5 year old here.  When my son asks "Is God real?" I say something a long the lines of "No one really knows for sure, and some people believe and some people don't.  Either way is fine."  Then he has asked "Do you believe?"  and I answer him truthfully "No, not really."  I don't bring it up unless he asks. 

Sweetdeath

Quote from: Ali on April 08, 2012, 03:49:52 PM
Mom to a 3.5 year old here.  When my son asks "Is God real?" I say something a long the lines of "No one really knows for sure, and some people believe and some people don't.  Either way is fine."  Then he has asked "Do you believe?"  and I answer him truthfully "No, not really."  I don't bring it up unless he asks. 
I knew that DJ and Ali would have some great answers. Listen to them. XD


Also, when your kids get older (like 11/12) you can show them recorded history of wars started because of religion, and how vile it is.   How people kill and die for something that just isn't there.
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Sandra Craft

Quote from: Stevil on April 08, 2012, 11:54:08 AM
But I'd be getting in rid of Christian children's books or Christian movies if you have any. I've seen some of that stuff and it makes me feel sick that parents knowingly brainwash their babies that way.

Plus they're often so bad in quality they should be kept from impressionable minds for that reason alone.
Sandy

  

"Life is short, and it is up to you to make it sweet."  Sarah Louise Delany