Is it good or bad to forgive somebody?
Why forgive somebody?
Are all things forgivable and if not why not?
If you are forgiven how should you react?
Can you forgive somebody who has not done you wrong, for example a murderer, rapist or burglar?
This isn't about Christian/Muslim/Jewish/theistic forgiveness, this is about day-to-day human to human forgiveness.
I have tailored my response from the Christian forgiveness thread. Apologies for those that have read both threads.
Forgiveness in many ways is for the benefit of the person holding the anger or resentment, not for the person who has performed the offensive act.
If a person feels offended or hurt by my behaviour and allows that to escalate into anger or resentment then that is more of a personal issue of that person, not myself. I couldn't care less if the person has these feelings towards me and is struggling to forgive me. I wouldn't even know unless this manifests into bad behaviour from that person towards myself.
I would offer advice for anyone holding onto anger or resentment that it is certainly best to forgive and move on with your life. Life is way too short to waste it on petty things, spend your time with people you like, spend your time thinking about things or people you like rather than mulling over the things people have done that you find offensive, degrading or personally hurtful. There are simply better things to do than to hold onto grudges, it only eats yourself up, and odds are the person you are focusing the hate on probably doesn't even realise your issue, and probably didn't think anything of the alleged incident.
From a purely practical, non-religious point of view, forgiveness is good because it closes the books on a matter and allows you to move on. It cleans the slate, and prevents you from getting too hung up about and obsessed over the past. Not forgiving is like keeping a wound open - eventually, it's going to get infected.
This doesn't mean that you forget or fail to learn, but as a matter of personal well-being, forgiveness is the wise choice. Not always easy, but usually wise. Maybe there are exceptions, but this seems to be the general rule.
The things someone did to me have all happened, I do not get upset over them because nothing can be done about it, so I don't think I need to forgive anyone.
My take: Forgiveness is an illusion. It is an act of saying something to make someone else feel better, but does it ever really change anything? It is just a formality, maybe even etiquette, but it solves nothing in the real world.
I love Jacques Derrida, my favorite philosopher.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuL6HlLSzyc (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuL6HlLSzyc)
Quote from: Xjeepguy on November 18, 2011, 02:02:33 AM
My take: Forgiveness is an illusion. It is an act of saying something to make someone else feel better, but does it ever really change anything? It is just a formality, maybe even etiquette, but it solves nothing in the real world.
Hmmm I'm not sure about that. Have you ever tried to forgive somebody? I was stitched up by a person on another forum once, I think I know why they did it and made a positive effort to forgive them, because I understood why they did what they did. That helped me get past the issue. They actually don't know that I forgave them. But for me it did make a difference in that I could revisit the feelings I had with much less anger.
Quote from: Tank on November 18, 2011, 01:18:26 PM
Quote from: Xjeepguy on November 18, 2011, 02:02:33 AM
My take: Forgiveness is an illusion. It is an act of saying something to make someone else feel better, but does it ever really change anything? It is just a formality, maybe even etiquette, but it solves nothing in the real world.
Hmmm I'm not sure about that. Have you ever tried to forgive somebody? I was stitched up by a person on another forum once, I think I know why they did it and made a positive effort to forgive them, because I understood why they did what they did. That helped me get past the issue. They actually don't know that I forgave them. But for me it did make a difference in that I could revisit the feelings I had with much less anger.
I believe that forgiveness can happen with reason and logic, I just have trouble wording things sometimes. I was referring to the brand of forgiveness that most xtians push, where they just half heartedly tell anyone who has wronged them that they forgive them.