Happy Atheist Forum

Getting To Know You => Laid Back Lounge => Topic started by: The Magic Pudding. on March 22, 2023, 07:54:12 AM

Title: God Says
Post by: The Magic Pudding. on March 22, 2023, 07:54:12 AM
In the tradition of humans telling other humans what god's opinion is on issues, we have the "God Says" thread.

God says chocolate hot cross buns are an abomination.
Apple and cinnamon are OK.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Tank on March 22, 2023, 08:54:56 AM
God says apple and cinnamon hot cross buns are an abomination.
Chocolate are OK.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: The Magic Pudding. on March 22, 2023, 09:34:22 AM
God says your are an evil blasphemer and I have to kill you.
God also says we can put our bun differences aside for now, join forces and go after the LGBT--- folk.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: No one on March 22, 2023, 11:44:56 AM
Jimi Hendrix says When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Tank on March 22, 2023, 12:15:43 PM
God is bored so needs more wars.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Bluenose on March 23, 2023, 08:32:58 AM
Actually, god is bored with all our wars and really wants to spend some time by a nice river with a fishing rod in his hand
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Tank on March 23, 2023, 08:57:02 AM
God is bored of fishing. He wants more wars.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Asmodean on March 23, 2023, 09:26:28 AM
The Asmo says that anything that The Asmo does not like is blasphemous, heretical and all manners of wrong.

Being a proper God, however, He insists that His followers not try and SMITE shit on His behalf. The Asmo, you see, He enjoys smiting, and wants to do it His own gray self. :smilenod:
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: The Magic Pudding. on March 23, 2023, 10:34:20 AM
Asmo has spoken unto me!
He insists his followers SMITE! shit on his behalf!!
You see, he enjoys seeing us smiting, he wants us to do it, HIS OWN GREY SELF said so.
Go forth
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Asmodean on March 23, 2023, 12:45:16 PM
(https://th.bing.com/th/id/R.f0baca047a09af4fbd4419c52af05871?rik=HOhUExm58dNbOQ&pid=ImgRaw&r=0)

...Hmm? No... No, The Asmo is sure that you did not, in fact, hear Him laughing maniacally over some well-laid plans. :smileshake:
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Icarus on March 24, 2023, 12:01:18 AM
I am so tired of the masses who claim,and many who really believe, that God will kindly attend to their needs no matter the hardships.

Why did their God thrust those hardships on them in the first place?????  Did God decide to kill all those thousands of Turkish and Syrian people when their earth became angry? All right already...those thousands of humans were heretics who believed in the wrong God..

A local neighborhood forum that I peruse, has a disappointing number of people who are  certain that God is looking out for them every minute of their lives. Some of those people are dying of cancer, Diabetes, kidney failure, heart attacks, and other damned serious health issues. Will they never ever face the reality that their God is a cruel human invention?

Forgive me, I am a mean old bastard on a temporary rant. 
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Dark Lightning on March 24, 2023, 01:26:46 AM
"Oh, but the trials I'm facing are just God testing me, it'll be all great in the end". Saccharine sprinkled on shit. And saccharine turns out to be carcinogenic.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Asmodean on March 24, 2023, 07:17:20 AM
Quote from: Icarus on March 24, 2023, 12:01:18 AMI am so tired of the masses who claim,and many who really believe, that God will kindly attend to their needs no matter the hardships.

Why did their God thrust those hardships on them in the first place?????  Did God decide to kill all those thousands of Turkish and Syrian people when their earth became angry? All right already...those thousands of humans were heretics who believed in the wrong God..
Indeed, and The Asmo can suggest a solution; a better God - one up front about His motivations. Like... The Asmo, for example. He is evil and smitey and life's a bitch and then you die. :smilenod:
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Tank on March 24, 2023, 10:58:27 AM
My dog would be a better god than God!
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: No one on March 24, 2023, 12:29:59 PM
god just told me,all this animosity and mocking, has hurt her wittle fewwings, and requests you cease and desist immediately.


Also, god says i need a swimming pool in my swimming pool.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Old Seer on March 24, 2023, 12:46:53 PM
Quote from: Tank on March 24, 2023, 10:58:27 AMMy dog would be a better god than God!
That's quite true. Almost anyone I know would be a better God than ---- God.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Anne D. on March 26, 2023, 02:10:36 AM
God says you're all to send me money so that I can spread his word. Be generous, dig deep, fellow HAFers.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Asmodean on March 26, 2023, 08:06:23 AM
Yes! The LORD needs money!

Omnipotence is bloody expensive. :smilenod:
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: The Magic Pudding. on March 29, 2023, 10:52:25 AM
God, I have an issue with these cheap biscuits, they break easy, I think I should be able to eat more if they're are broken.

(https://productimages.coles.com.au/productimages/2/2471540.jpg)

Thanks god.
God says broken biscuits only have half the fat/sugar 'n stuff by weight that whole biscuits do.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on May 19, 2023, 02:47:09 AM
God says, Go forth and multiply, therefore it's an orgy that he wants.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Bluenose on May 19, 2023, 03:42:42 AM
Well, to be brutally honest and serious for a moment:  god doesn't actually say anything.  Nonexistent beings don't talk.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Icarus on May 19, 2023, 04:08:08 AM
God actually meant to have his subjects learn the multiplication tables up to twelve. 

Surely he was not encouraging us to become Swingers.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on May 20, 2023, 05:29:19 AM
God says, Kill and die. I say, Fuck you.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: billy rubin on May 20, 2023, 12:39:37 PM
god says

pineapple pizza is okay. artichoke pizza is not okay.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on May 20, 2023, 04:46:27 PM
Quote from: billy rubin on May 20, 2023, 12:39:37 PMgod says

pineapple pizza is okay. artichoke pizza is not okay.

Personally, I like pineapple on a pizza, so that's okay of God.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on May 21, 2023, 12:37:24 AM
God says nothing to Santa and the elves.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Dark Lightning on May 21, 2023, 02:07:03 AM
Quote from: Icarus on May 19, 2023, 04:08:08 AMGod actually meant to have his subjects learn the multiplication tables up to twelve. 

Surely he was not encouraging us to become Swingers.

I'm sure that the Babylonians disagree, since they used hexadecimal. :P
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on May 22, 2023, 07:12:52 AM
God says, Invent the clock, so the Greeks pinched the idea from the Babylonians.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on May 22, 2023, 11:54:59 PM
God says, Enjoy hell. I say, Old man, you are long gone.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on May 26, 2023, 03:42:03 AM
God says, You are God. I say, I am a man.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: Recusant on May 26, 2023, 06:21:44 AM
Quote from: Icarus on May 19, 2023, 04:08:08 AMGod actually meant to have his subjects learn the multiplication tables up to twelve. 

Surely he was not encouraging us to become Swingers.

 :lol:  :rimshot:
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on May 27, 2023, 05:09:02 AM
God says, Who do you think I am? I say at a safe distance, Not God.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on July 14, 2023, 09:48:02 PM
God says nothing anymore.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on August 02, 2023, 08:51:56 AM
God says, Let the Devil have him. And I say, Thank you, God, I never believed in him neither.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on August 02, 2023, 11:34:10 PM
God says that it's all or nothing. I say, Fuck all that!
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on August 08, 2023, 05:30:14 AM
God says sorry when you are on the toilet battling to shit.
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on August 10, 2023, 04:50:10 AM
God says jump, and you say, how high?
Title: Re: God Says
Post by: MarcusA on August 10, 2023, 07:14:37 PM
God says that he is the Spirit of the World. I say that he is a stink about nothing.