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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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joeactor


Amicale

Quote from: joeactor on October 03, 2012, 09:44:54 PM
Quote from: Guardian85 on October 03, 2012, 08:52:07 PM
Rowan Atkinson plays the devil:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woY9Vzp40HQ&feature=fvwrel

didn't know the devil's first name was Toby!

I always crack up at the "will you stop screaming?!?" and the "damnation without relief" lines. ;D


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan

OldGit

Hymie's friend Moshie goes to the doctor, who tells him: "You're going to die."

Moshie says: "I'd like a second opinion."

The doctor says: "You're also very ugly."

Amicale

Quote from: OldGit on October 04, 2012, 03:58:09 PM
Hymie's friend Moshie goes to the doctor, who tells him: "You're going to die."

Moshie says: "I'd like a second opinion."

The doctor says: "You're also very ugly."

:D Good one. Reminds of me one that went something like -

Winston Churchill and Bessie Bradshaw were at a party together,
Bradshaw bellowed "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!"
To which he replied without missing a beat, "And you, Madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober."


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan


Asmodean

Quote from: Nameless on October 05, 2012, 07:26:22 PM

Uh... What? Who's Chester and why does he burn hellfire? And how can one burn a fire? Would that not be like... Oh, I don't know, watering a lake to make it wet?  ???
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

Nameless


Asmodean

I don't get how this is even a joke... It doesn't have anything that can pass for a punchline, now does it?  ???

Eh well... Shall never figure out humans and their sense of hammer... Hurmur... Whatever it is they call that.  >:(
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

Amicale

Quote from: Asmodean on October 05, 2012, 09:09:25 PM
I don't get how this is even a joke... It doesn't have anything that can pass for a punchline, now does it?  ???

Eh well... Shall never figure out humans and their sense of hammer... Hurmur... Whatever it is they call that.  >:(

Jesus is complaining that he went through agony on a cross for one day. The devil is pointing out that Chester there has just celebrated a million years being tortured in hell. I guess the punch line is that despite Christians often talking about Jesus' agony, their doctrine still features a place where people will be tormented forever.

It fell a little flat with me, too. But I do like Chester's party hat.


"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. By every crime and act of kindness we birth our future." - Cloud Atlas

"To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is to never die." -Carl Sagan


Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

OldGit

Quote from: The AsmoUh... What? Who's Chester and why does he burn hellfire? And how can one burn a fire? Would that not be like... Oh, I don't know, watering a lake to make it wet?  ???

Burning here is an adjective describing a quality of Hell Fire.  But it's not immediately clear and I'm afraid the whole thing is not that funny anyway.

Asmodean

Quote from: OldGit on October 06, 2012, 09:51:38 AM
Burning here is an adjective describing a quality of Hell Fire.
It's a fire. Using burning as adjective to describe it seems sort of... Pointless.
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

OldGit


OhhDucky

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature nor do the children of man as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." -Helen Keller