Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Mocha Chief]

‎"I've got some good news and some bad news" the doctor says. "What's the bad news?" asks the patient. "The bad news is that unfortunately you've only got 3 months to live". The patient is taken back, "What's the good news then Doctor?". The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk, "You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up to heaven?", the patient shakes his head and the doctor replies, "I'm fucking her."

[Asmodean]

The staff will likely merge them. No harm done in any case - it's just easier to follow the forums if there only exists one instance of each living thread.

[Tank]

I so loved that! Teen Asmo getting corrected by Daddy Asmo!!!

[Guardian85]

I so loved that! Teen Asmo getting corrected by Daddy Asmo!!!

That's funny right there!

So is this (Not fo little ones!):

A guy walks into an electronics store.
He approaches the clerk
Clerk: "Can I help you?"
Guy: "Yes. I'm looking into buying a home security system for my bedroom including at least four cameras. My wife is having an affair, you see.."
C: "Man, that's got to be tough. Who is it? Mail man, best friend, an old ex...?"
G: "Eighteen year old high school girl."
C: ...... In that case I should tell you about our special on bulk quantities of high grade DVDs."
G: "I love a store that understands it's customers."

[Ali]

I so loved that! Teen Asmo getting corrected by Daddy Asmo!!!

*snerk*

[Asmodean]

I so loved that! Teen Asmo getting corrected by Daddy Asmo!!!

*snerk*

Well, if The Asmo didn't do it, someone else might have. Then The Asmo would have to eat that person alive on an altar for the honor of His lineage and Tanks, for starters, taste like metal 

[Siz]

A magician worked on a cruise ship.

The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, It�s not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" Or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... With the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.

This went on for a day... And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said....



"OK, I give up. Where's the fuckin' ship?"

[Tank]

^^^ LOL 

[Guardian85]

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies

"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"

[The Magic Pudding]

The Asmo, he wears boxers with pwetty wittle fwowers on them.

Not a joke, but ridiculous enough for one.  

Asmo doesn't wear boxers with pwetty wittle fwowers, boxers with pwetty wittle fwowers wear him!  (That's how the Chuck Norris joke would go. )

I've been reading the Chuck Norris jokes, such a rich new experience.
Although I'm new to the scene I have to disagree, Chuck/Asmo don't wear boxer shorts, they wear the skin of a once illustrious victim, any remnant cloth isn't of their concern.

[Guardian85]

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

[Ali]

I've been reading the Chuck Norris jokes, such a rich new experience.
Although I'm new to the scene I have to disagree, Chuck/Asmo don't wear boxer shorts, they wear the skin of a once illustrious victim, any remnant cloth isn't of their concern.

There is something extremely disturbing about the idea of Asmo wearing someone's skin over his naughty bits.   

[Anti-antidisestablishmentarianism]

Chuck Norris can't even find his naughty bits, because they are afraid to come out of hiding.

[Guardian85]

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

[Siz]