A couple of days ago while at work, I was in conversation with a co-worker, and I discussed in detail the circumstances surrounding the collapse of my marriage. It was helpful to me, to know and realize I could discuss it more openly with casual company. I was bemused, though by his reaction; he found it difficult to get. He kept saying a lot of the "should-haves" I've been wrestling with and trying to set aside or reconcile or let subside in their own time, i.e.: "She should have been more understanding" "She can't blame you for something you have no control over" "She should have given you more time to work at it" and so forth.
My bemusement increased when he said that he was having difficulty with the reality of events as compared to the way things "should have happened" in the context of his spiritual beliefs. If you can see where this is going...well I asked him and of course he's a Christian. I did not act derisively toward his religion, simply commented that obsessing about the way things should be is a sure way to drive oneself crazy, and left it at that.
It reminded me, though a topic I started on a Christian forum under ask a Chaplain, and the Chaplain admitted a problem with Christianity is the "Personal relationship with God" promise. When there's trouble in our lives...blah blah blah.
I'm sure I'm not saying anything new, and it's not like this incident told me anything I didn't know, I'm just perpetually rolling my eyes inside at the naked vulnerability of the faults of Christian doctrine. I felt compelled to share on my own initiative, knowing that the voice inside my head is me, and I get the credit (I'm not trying to be smug about it, but what does God do for any of us, beyond coincidences and our own efforts? Assuming He exists, as the saying goes in these parts; I don't particularly care, except when I do).
Quote from: Tristan Jay on February 07, 2012, 10:00:58 PM
I'm not trying to be smug about it
Neither am I, and yet... I am. :D
After reading your OP, I think you may be reading a little to much in what your co-worker said. If you had the same conversation with me, I might have given similar responses.
You failed to give background, at least in this thread, about why your marriage failed. If she divorced you because you took a client to a strip club to close a deal, I would say, "she should have been more understanding." If a new character quirk popped up, or if it was one she knew about prior to marrying you, I might say, "she should have given you more time to work at it."
Regardless of religion, we all have visons of the way a marriage should work. I'm simply not sure if you are being to hard on you're coworker or simply not providing enough information.
My only point is that, depending on the circumstances, I could give the very same responses. With the info provided in this thread, I'm not sure if your co-worker is a fundamentalist, or if he was correctly identifying your ex-wife as the problem.